Doggie Dictionary

I think there is a lack of communication between us sometimes. You say one thing...we do another...the next thing we know, you're upset! I thought I'd fill you humans in on what certain words mean to us so there will be no misunderstanding in the future.

Leash: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.

Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered sofa in the living room.

Drool: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

Garbage can: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with beef bones.

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get the maxium aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

Deafness: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. symptoms include staring blankly at the person then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

Thunder: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of sanger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

Wastebasket: This is a dogtoy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

Love: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.