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Title: I'm not as think as you drunk I am
Author: GMB loves Angel
Authors notes: I don't know where it's set, I think season 2, with a few changes. I just simply thought it would be fun to have a drunk Buffy loose on town... You though you'd never feel sorry for Spike...
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Spike went out to get a midnight snack. He hadn't been eating for a while, so it was expected that he'd be a little hungry. 'Better check that my sire and his little blonde girlfriend isn't near' Spike thought as he went down the street, but his luck wasn't showing 'cause the first thing he saw was Buffy. Normally he would have turned the other way, but he noticed that something wasn't right.
- Hey Spike-buddy. Where're you going.
'Buddy?' Spike thought 'She never calls me that.' He looked surprised at her, then he noticed that she was drunk. As he took an other step, he discovered that she wasn't just drunk, she was wasted. 'This will be fun' he thought.
- Buffy, are you drunk?
- Maybe, ok a little... ok a lot, Buffy laughed it out. - Hey where's Xander-buddy, Willow-buddy or evry-buddy... I'm lost.
- Buffy, you're three blocks from the Bronze. You're not lost.
- Am too. You can't tell me what I am, she said, folding her arms like a little, stubborn kid.
'Right now you're too drunk to know what you are' Spike thought.
- Better get you home, he started.
- Don't wanna, she said.
She looked at his car which was parked near where they were standing.
- I wanna drive, she said, walking towards it.
- No, Buffy. Drunk people aren't allowed, he said, running after her. - And besides you don't have your license yet.
- Neither have you and I WANNA DRIVE!!!
- Buffy calm down, he said. 'Man, she's dangerous, when she's drunk. She's crazy.'
- No, I wanna drive and you can't stop me.
He tried his best to keep her away from the car, but she was way too strong. She tripped him and walked towards the car. He knew that if he let her go alone his car would go bye-bye and when Angel found out what had happened to his girlfriend, Spike could expect a stake through the heart. These were two things he didn't want to happen. He also knew that she wouldn't stop until he let her drive. The choice was between giving the drunk girl driving lessons or being staked...
- Brum, brum, bruuuuuum, Buffy said, making driving sounds. - Oooh, key!
Buffy turned the key around, and the car made real sounds. She laughed at the sound. Then she put her hand on the gear stick and twisted it in different directions.
- Be careful, Spike said, but it was too late.
Buffy had put the car in reverse and crashed into the pole behind...
- Ooops, did I do that, she asked, making the same sounds as Steve Urcle.
- Yeah, you did. Please don't...
He was too late again, as Buffy switched gear again, to the fourth and the car started making a lot of strange noises. Then they heard a bang.
- Um, Buffy whispered, as she leaned over towards Spike. - The car exploded, please don't tell Spike when you see him, 'cause it's his car and all...
'Oh, no! Now she's forgotten who I am...' Spike thought as he looked at the wasted slayer, that was acting just like a mix between Steve Urcle and a five-year-old.., but he just played along.
- Ok, I won't, he said back.
- Shh, he can hear you, Buffy whispered to him. - By the way, do I know you? You look familiar...
- Oh, bloody hell, he mumbled.
- The dummy is watching you... along with the kitten...
- What the hell are you talking about? What kitten?
- The kitten in the graveyard, that I have to feed...
'Oh, no! Now she's delirious and what she says has no meaning anymore...'
- The kitten is blue and yellow, and listens to the name Evita, can you feed her? She's all alone, like me... I have to protect her from the dummy...
- Like I said before, what dummy?
- The dummy on the ground... it follows me, even when I run...
- Dummy on the... what, your shadow?
- 'Shadow' the dummy, she mumbled. - It gets bigger, then smaller... then it disappears and I get happy, but then it comes back.
- Buffy, the shadow is... oh never mind, you're too drunk to know anyway. Come on, lets get you home...
- No, I gotta... I gotta, what was I gonna say? I don't remember.
- You were just saying how much you wanted me to take you home.
- Really? Then lets...
She didn't get to finish that sentence, before all of her drinks were on Spikes pants.
- Oh, bloody hell...
- Oops, wrong way... it was gonna...
- Lets get you home...
- Home, Buffy phone home...
- No, go home.
- Maybe that was it...
Spike grabbed her arm and halfway guided and halfway dragged her towards Angels place. Angel opened and was surprised to find Spike there with his girlfriend hanging from his shoulder.
- Here, Buffy. You're home...
- Spike, what is this, Angel asked.
Spike Leaned Buffy over at Angel.
- Please keep your girlfriend inside, when she's drunk, she's ruined my car and my favourite pants...
Buffy tried to stand up and made a big 'shh'-gesture.
- Watch out for the dummy. The dummy's here.
- Dummy, Angel asked.
- Long story, she thinks that her shadow is a dummy. And there was something about a cat, well she's your responsibility now. Bye...
Angel walked inside, helping Buffy in. He lifted her up, carried her to bed and tucked her in.
- What on earth did you do today, Angel asked, mostly to himself.
- Brum, brum, bruuuum, Buffy said. - Me drove a car...
- I'm sure you did, he answered, smiling and watched her fall to sleep.
