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Barbie Polaroid, Adopted Furbies, English Love Poems and a Teenage Witch Or I Didn't Do the Dishes Again Tonight
Disclaimer: The Buffy and Angel characters are property of Joss Whedon, Sabrina is Hartbreak Productions, Pacey is property of Kevin Williamson and Tom Jones is owned by himself. Furby and Barbie Polaroid are owned by toy companies Mattel, I think.
Authoress's Note: I'm wacky. A challenge by Merry. Please understand that I hate Riley and Tom Jones. The title is basically that I got out of drying up again to write this.
Feedback: I need more challenges like this, because I'm making this a series challenges welcome.
Distribution: Anyone who wants it. Just let me know.
Challenge Must contain characters
Spike Angel Buffy Anya Cordy and Willow
Cordelia has a mid life crisis early and is seen with no make up. Also seen wearing a brown cardigan. Buffy wearing a cardboard box during the fic. Willow must buy a baby talking Furby. Angel must be seen cuddling a teddy with it's eye fallen out. Anya proposes to Spike Spike must be seen eating a strawberry lolly pop and crying while reading love poems.
Must include 7 of the following items
Banana Boat sun cream FA Deodorant Polaroid Camera Fluffy duckling Broken teacup Barrel of Monkeys Moisturizer Fluffy pink purse- Happiness cushion Magic mushroom. Mood toe ring
It was Sunday in Sunnydale. Ahh. Wesley, Cordelia and Angel had driven down for a weekend with the gang. And to cheer Cordelia up.
Poor Cordy had been suffering a mid life crisis early. It had come on after Doyle's death. She refused top wear make up or coloured clothes. She was curled up in Angel's car, wrapped in an old, brown, woolen cardigan, It had gold buttons and would have looked nice on a seventy year old woman. But on Cordy..
They walked into Giles's condo, to find an absolute disaster. Buffy was standing on the coffee table, wearing an old cardboard box with the words 'Krispy Kreme Donuts' printed on the side.
Anya was snapping pictures of Buffy with her new Barbie Polaroid camera. Xander was eating jellybeans and playing with 'Monkeys in a Barrel'. Giles and Willow were absent.
"Exactly what is going on?" Wesley asked, shocked.
Anya grinned. "I entered a contest for no apparent reason, except I knew the answer, and won Barbie merchandise this camera and that pink fluffy purse and one hundred dollars. I'm paying Buffy twenty dollars to pose for a snap in this box my prize came in. Giles took Willow shopping cause she's depressed with Oz's departure."
"O kay," Angel said, as Cordy slumped on the lounge. All eyes focused on Cordelia. Anya silently snapped a few pictures.
"What?" Cordelia burst into tears.
"You aren't wearing any make up and you're wearing a cardigan that resembles my Nana's," Xander said.
"Doyle died! I have no life!" Cordelia howled. Everyone shrugged and went back to their chosen activities, when Spike walked in.
"Has anyone seen *sniff* my copy of *sniff* Romantic Poems for the English Heart?" he asked.
"Spike, are you crying?" Buffy pulled off the cardboard box and sat down. Anya noticed a rip in the box and burst into tears.
"*Sniff* No!"
"Right," Buffy picked up her moisturizer and rubbed it on her face.
"Here's your book," Xander tossed him a pink book with gold writing. Spike caught it and opened it to page 99 and curled up on the couch.
Willow bounced in with Giles Willow clutching two bags and Giles holding a wooden crate.
"Hi everyone Cordy without make up," Willow sat in the loveseat. "Guess what I got !"
Willow drew a pink, grey and orange atrocity from the bag going " Me sleepy."
"YOU BOUGHT A FURBY?" bellowed Buffy. "No way is that THING coming in our dorm room."
"Ohh, Buffy, it's a baby," Willow bit her lip, whimpering.
"No. No. No," Buffy shook her head.
"I'll take the poor thing in, Red," Spike said, his eyes red and puffy, tears pouring down his cheeks.
"MARRY ME Spike," Anya bellowed, flinging herself into his lap.
Angel, Buffy and Wesley exchanged looks. "What's her damage?" Cordelia asked crossly.
"Whose strawberry lolly pop am I eating?" Spike shoved Anya off his lap. "They're quite good."
"They're mine. Alcoholic lolly pops, actually. Did Anya have one?" Giles asked tiredly.
Giles dumped the wooden crate on top of Anya's cardboard box, causing Anya to scream as if she'd been shot. Giles handed Wesley a cup of tea and ripped open the crate. " Some old artifacts from Ireland, mid 1700s," Giles pulled an old bear from the packing peanuts. The bear had one eye, worn brown fur and a collar saying 'Katherine.'
Angel took the bear from Giles. "It was my little sister's," he whispered, hugging the bear to his chest.
Wesley dropped the cup, smashing it. "Damnit," Giles growled. "That set was my mother's. That broken tea cup was an heirloom."
Buffy sat down at the bar. "Everyone has gone mad," she said. "Completely mad."
Well, things just got worse Riley burst in. "Buffy, Barney the Movie is showing downtown and Ma said I could go you wanna come with me?"
Buffy grabbed Anya's FA deodorant and squirted him right in the eyes. Riley screamed and ran from the room. Buffy tossed the can aside and sat next to Cordelia.
Suddenly Tom Jones began singing in the middle of the room. Buffy screamed loudly and jumped to her feet. "I'm going insane. Oh God. Oh God."
Riley raced in. Buffy did the only thing she possibly could she grabbed the shards of the broken tea cup and stabbed both of them - Riley and Tom Jones dead.
Buffy flopped backwards when Sabrina, Salem and Pacey walked in. Buffy glared at them.
"Wow. Never eat frozen Mars Bars at midnight again," she muttered. Pacey sidled up to her. Angel placed his bear out of harm and grabbed Buffy. She slammed into him.
"Don't even talk to my girlfriend," Angel growled at Pacey. Pacey nodded and walked over to Spike and they both began to read Romantic Poems for an English Heart.
Sabrina looked around and laughed. "You guys seem to have fun," she said. "Do you like what I did? How about Hawaii?"
They appeared on a beach, wearing bathers and sarongs. "Or Antarctica."
"No. Back home," Buffy said. Sabrina looked at Salem and shrugged.
"Some people are so boring," Salem purred.
Buffy stood in front of the pandemonium. "Quiet!" she screamed. Silence reigned.
"Sabrina? Can you do this: Get rid of Riley and Tom Jones, make Angel human with a vampire strength and a fluffy duckling," Buffy nodded.
"Done," Sabrina pointed her finger.
"Oh, and bring Oz and Doyle back," Buffy nodded.
Suddenly they were in a ball room, dancing. Happiness radiated everywhere.
"This is perfect," Buffy murmured, curling up on Angel's chest.
"You are," Angel kissed her.
Suddenly they were back in the condo. Spike wiped tears from his face. "Those were good poems," he sniffed.
Cordy and Doyle made out on the couch. Oz and Willow made out on the coffee table. Giles and Wesley were discussing books, Xander and Anya playing with Buffy's fluffy duckling (called Chia). Spike was talking to Willow's Furby.
Buffy sighed and pulled Angel down and began to make out with him.
They all stayed in bed the next Sunday.
