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LADIES & KNIGHTS OF THE SAHARA


FOLLIES WITHOUT HONOR



I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the >poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because >she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that >the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her >daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the >conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant >poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better >bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away. > >********************* >Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to >steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting >it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the >river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming >towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the >emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are >no longer employed there. > >************* >Walmart Shopper > >I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an >employee of Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make storewide >pages, e.g., "I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at the >paint counter." > >One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with >the (I kid you not) following message: > >"I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance." > >********************* > >A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank >of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all >your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his >note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write >the >note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So >he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. >After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells >Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that >he >was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not >accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America >deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo >deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, >the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the >police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in >line back at Bank of America. > >********************* >A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a >car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and >told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and >wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was >arrested. > >********************* >Drug Possession Defendant > >Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had >been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't >need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been >a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same >jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it >The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so >hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself. > >********************* >Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all >the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, >the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on >the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he >refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber >said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he >didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license >out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, >and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the >bag. > The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly >called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he >got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. > >********************* >A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving >revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner >moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Subject: IDIOTS
>>
>> ANN ARBOR IDIOT
>> The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
>> King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
>> The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>> register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the
>> clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
>> The man, frustrated, walked away.
>>
>> KENTUCKY IDIOTS
>> Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
>> from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling
>> the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
>> their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
>> ...with the chain still attached to the machine.
>> ...with their bumper still attached to the chain.
>> ...with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
>>
>> LOUISIANA IDIOT
>> A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
>> for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun
>> and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
>> provided.The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
>> bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
>> $15.00. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money,  was a crime
>> committed?
>>
>> ARKANSAS IDIOT
>> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd  just
>> throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
>> run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
>> window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
>> head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
>> Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.
>>
>> NEW YORK IDIOT
>> As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
>> and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give
>> them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police
>> had apprehended the snatcher.  They put him in the car and drove back to
>> the store.  The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand
>> there for a positive ID. To which he replied "Yes, Officer..... that's
>> her.  That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>>
>> SEATTLE IDIOT
>> When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
>> Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
>> at the scene to find an ill man, curled up next to a motor home near
>> spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
>> to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank
>> by mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
>> that  it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
>>

M. (lU