Two Indians were walking through a forest when they saw the smoke from a fire at the horizon line.
- What does the message say?
- Nothing important, they're only advertisings.
Santa Claus came to children from Ethiopia. He's walking in all directions, there were not too many children, and the few who existed, were so skinny so they could barely stand.
- What's the matter, kids, why are you so thin?
- Well, Santa, you see, we don't eat much.
- Don't eat? You bad children, then you'll see no gifts!
Two lovers are embracing each other, in a park, on a bench. At one time, a man sits down next to them, and stares at the woman.
Finally, her partner cannot take it any longer and he explodes:
- I've never seen such impudence!
- Sorry, I don't want to disturb you, but I want to ask my wife to give me the key from the house!
Few frontier guards are asked:
- How long do you need to work so you could buy BMW?
The Ukrainian answers:
- 5-6 months
The Belarus man:
- 2-3 months
The Russian:
- A year and a half.
- ???
- It's a very big company.
- Mr. Bush, do you have proofs that Iraq has mass-destroying arms?
- Of course, I've kept the receipts.
During an exam, a student doesn't know the answers. The professor:
- At least, do you know what an exam is?
- Yes, it's when two intelligent people are talking to each other.
- And if one of them is an idiot?
- Then, the other doesn't get the scholarship.
In the surgery room, the surgeon orders to his assistant:
- Anesthesia.
- Of ours or from abroad?
- From abroad.
- That one is finished.
- Of ours, then.
- Night, night..
I wished I had a serious relation-ship with her, but she had only stupid things in her head: marriage.
The president of the country decided to answer the people's questions. As he had been asked more than a million questions, he announced he is forced to take a second (maybe a third) mandate, for answering all questions.
A young man tells a young lady while dating for the first time:
- Won't you like to go to a movie, then something else..
The girl slaps him.
- Sorry, how was I supposed to know you don't like movies?
Penalties:
- For a false phone call to Firemen - 100 $
- For a false phone call to Police Department - 200%
- For a false phone call to Ambulance - 300$
- All three together - 20% discount.
Two blond girls got stuck in the elevator. One of them stood still and watched and the other one kept on screaming: "Help! Help!" The first suggested:
- Let's scream together!
- OK, let's do it!
- Together, together, together!!!!
Auction. A Picasso's painting. The initial price: 300 000$, then 320 000$,
400 000$.
A guy stands up and shouts:
- A million! He takes the painting, gets out and tells to his colleagues:
- I've bought a postcard. Let's go for presents!
A painting of a famous artist - all in black color. A guy asks:
- What does it represent? I don't understand anything.
- You don't understand the art, you stupid! Let me explain it to you: a black man is stealing coals in the night time.
- Let's double our country's economy! - said the President.
- No problem, - said the Prime minister, - if we multiply 0 with 2....
