For all
of you lifeless souls with nothing better to do than stare at the lunacy of a
Team Rocketer, welcome to...
Jesse's (Keenly Intellectual) Rantings!!
Welcome,
welcome, to all who come to this place! The marvelous and glorious Jesse of Team
Rocket here, to explain a few of the minor little things which annoy us poor,
but extremely fashionable, Team Rocketers.
You see, people don't appear
to have much respect for us poor Rocketers. They taunt us, they mimic us, and
they insult us. Of course, we all know this is because of a deep, underlying
urge to be just like us. Everyone just really, really wishes they could be as
fashionable as us! But they can't. Ohhhh... They can't. And only the cheesecake
can say why.
Of course, people also seem to enjoy shocking us, frying us,
drenching us, blowing us up, dumping cement on us, hitting us, twacking us,
'blasting us off', throwing us down waterfalls, dumping us into lakes, throwing
us out windows, 'disableing' us, throwing stretchers at us, threatening to throw
pointy objects at us, ruin our outfits, shred our glorious faces, taunt our
unpeered fashion, ruin our traps, destroy our nets, insult our obvious genius,
steal the pokemon we rightfully stole, steal the pokemon we rightfully stole
than raised, ruin our lunching hours, and deny us the rightful respect and glory
that we deserve!!! But this.... this we can live with. Because we know that
we're good, decent people, no matter what all you meanies think! You're just
trying to make us go away so that you will no longer be inferior in the shadow
of the great talents of Team Rocket. Not that I blame you. I'd be sad too, if I
had to compare myself to someone so obviously more beautiful and fashionable
than myself. Thankfully, I don't have this problem. ::She grins
softly::
Also, it seems that people keep calling the private Team Rocket
phone line in an attempt to sell us assorted things we don't necessarily need.
What's with this?! If I needed some new windows, don't you think we'd call?
Really, and what would we do with them? Drop panes of glass on Ash and his crew
and swipe Pikachu while the team is delicately tip-toeing around shards of razor
sharp glass? While as tempting as it is, with people like James in Team Rocket,
it simply isn't possible. And what else could we do? Just carry around huge
panes of window glass and set them up in random locations for the sheer glee in
watching people continuously walk into the 'unseen walls'? While tempting.... I
somehow... don't think so. Team Rocket has not the time or the money to
participate in such things. I mean, with the cost of fashion boutiques, fast
food chains, malls, assorted clothing shops and the ever-convinient corner
store, we just don't have the time or the means. And what about those who try to
pawn off credit cards on us? We love our credit cards... Love love love!! They
are the most holy pieces of plastic that we own!! But to abuse such a righteous
power would be too bad even for us Rocketers. And the things that work for the
Government are a lot more fearful than any pokemon you could meet in a dark
alleyway on a chill midnight.
Of course, you know what really bothers me?
School. All these projects being due and no one ever told me! I swear! Ten page
reports due on subjects I didn't even resea-..... Oh... wait... I failed out of
Pokemon Tech. I'm not even in school.... Uh... why don't we just ignore that..
::She grants a nervous little grin::
Know what REALLY gets on my nerves?
THE COLOR BROWN!! Its so dull! So dim! So boring! Its the color... of FAILURE!
Its the color of a somewhat torn-up, ground into the floor, burnt, charred, and
discarded plan that had no place in the light of day. Its the color of a lovely
chocolate sundae right before it melts into nothingness and is never seen or
tasted again. Its the color of a big, heavy tree trunk before it bashes you and
knocks you several feet through the ground beneath you. Its a miserable color.
Its the color of my life.
Do you people realize that 'Team Rocketers' are
an official Endangered Species? You're required to give us pokemon and
lots and lots of money! ...Uhh.........You're... not falling for that, are you.
Curses!
Well, it was worth a try, you have to admit.
Actually, it
was. You know how little respect we get around here? Not even the boss gives us
a decent salary anymore, and do you know why? He just doesn't appreciate us. He
envies our youth, beauty, and fashionability. He envies our skills,
coordination, genius, and adaptability. He envies our keen minds and razor sharp
intellects (its the only sharp things they let us have, you know) and our gifted
abilities at quick clothes changing, which holds all our foes in awe! He envies
our unparalleled skills at finding really cheap, high quality costumes in
otherwise unlocateable backwater areas.
Did you know James is actually a
graduate of Harvard?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep those
shining whites and bright colors? Bleach can fade your colors and regular
detergants may leave stains in. But for those really hard to get stains, you
need the cleaner that not only cleans, but keeps colors bright and whites white!
You need new 'Tide with Bleach'!!
You
know, I, the great Jesse, used to be a Girl Scout. Then the...... events
happened. And no one was really ever the same again.
Back to the rant. Do you know what's REALLY obnoxious? Other than the fact that I'm in constant competition with James over who has the better figure? The incredible shortage of convienient items of mass destruction! I've had to resort to paper fans,
tools, and my own delicate fists to get my point through and its really not that
fair! The only item of destruction anyone lets me have is my MALLET! And I find
this quite horrible. Why is it that James almost always gets the guns? I'm just
as capable at shooting Kangaskhan or fireing the occational cannon. But usually,
*I* get stuck with the car while James gets the gun. That's just
unfair!
Its about time that society opened her eyes to the children she
threw from her grasp! We here at Team Rocket are victims too, you know, and we
deserve the love and respect that any civilized person would deserve! We Team
Rocketers have had enough of you people and your attitudes towards us! All I
hear is 'thief', 'thief', 'thief'! Don't you people see that we, too, have
feelings? We've got a lot more on our minds than you'd think! So come on! Give
us a break! Its about time that society stopped turning her back to
us!!
