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5/26/99
Dear Jesse,
A question. My Jolteon is on the fritz. It refuses to wear the extremely
fashionable tuxedo I had custom made for it. (Dresses don't work with it!) It
puzzles me because it's worn it without any trouble before. Also, when I try
out various credit cards, most of them are totally rip offs!! The only one
I've found realible, because it doesn't send bills, is the accurate one I
forged!!! Sure it's cheating but hey, I steal Pokemon don't I? I'm already
wanted. So, what the heck!
~Jolteon Trainer in a Fashion Crisis!
I think I know what's wrong with your Jolteon, Trainer. It is searching for change, for inspiration, for its own identity! It wishes to be free of its previous fashion restraints, and to delve down deep into its own self, its own being, to find the most perfect look for itself. You can not do much to drag it from this mood- only time, lots and lots of money- and a heavy donation to the Team Rocket Fashion Fund- will heal this wound. I would experiment with makeup applications, accessories, (cute little pet booties! Oh! They look so precious on kittens! Awwww!), and an assortment of unique and stunning fashion lines. It seems you already have the 'formal' look down, with the tuxedo and all, but what about casual? What about a trip to the beach? What about its one-of-a-kind, extemely rare, Team Rocket (TM) Brand wristwatch (Only $39.95! Order now! Supplies ARE limited!)
And yes, credit cards are rather annoying. But those scary government people in the black trenchcoats took all mine away and told me that I couldn't play with them anymore. *Sniffle* But I SHALL reap my revenge! You'll see! Someday! Someday.....
Dear Jesse,
I was thinking of getting into the carrer of supervilliany, Do you have any
pointers to get me started?
-Hopeless in Hoboken
As a matter of fact, Hopeless, I *DO* have some pointers.
When getting into the field of supervillainly, you should, like any job, try to find an area best suited to your tastes and abilities. I, for one, being as beautiful and clever as I am, decided that working for Team Rocket would best suit me. "Why?" You may ask, "When Team Rocket is a group of thieves?" Well, of course a thief is not all the best thing to be considered, but I thought, "Gee, Jesse. As a TEAM ROCKET thief, you'll be well known, respected, and all around feared!" And off I went to Team Rocket! There's no telling how things would of gone awry if I hadn't been there to lead my little group to glory and back. Of course, some people dont' seem to agree with that, and appear to think that James and I are losers. But that only shows your ignorance!!! (Actually, well, James might be... But no matter!) We succeed in ways you'll never be able to comprehend! We may fail our direct missions, we may blunder our plans, but in spirit and in heart we soar above all others! No one can tie down our dreams! No failure can destroy our goals!! We'll never be down for the count, as long as we know that we will rise above all odds in the end! We have HOPE!! (( And for 29.95, you can too!))
And always remember- a fashionable villain is a happy villain. No one stands in the way of a well dressed soldier of evil! Or.. eh.. well.. that's how it works in the movies, at least. ::She grants a rather uneasy little grin::
5/13/99
Dear Jesse....
I'm like having a massive problem with split ends! Its like, the world thing I've ever seen! I've tried all the normal stuff like special shampoos, conditioners, and like, green lime jello! I noticed your hair is like, soooooooooo cool! So like, please help a fellow fashion minded soul, who also like, dyes her hair! This has got me, like, totally bummed out here!
--Blonde In Despair
Why, yes. My hair IS cool! Ah, so perfectly angled, such a perfect arc, and so perfectly styled! You have no idea how long I agonized and tormented to find the most unique, striking, and lovely look that could hold the world in such awe of my unparalleled beauty! Ah, so grand are the burdens of being beautiful.... But one thing about your letter disturbs me, Blonde. This is moderately simple, really.....
