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A Place Called Home
by Sharim
****************************
Disclaimer
**********************
TITLE: A place called home
AUTHOR: Sharim
EMAIL: MissSharim@yahoo.com
STATUS: Completed
CATEGORY: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance
PAIRINGS: S/J, others.
SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Season 3
SEASON: Well... everything and up to including Season 3
SEQUEL/CHAPTERS: There are 7 parts to this, not including the disclaimer. Each
part has five sub parts... so yeah. It's LONG. You have been warned.
RATING: PG - 13... just to be safe.
CONTENT WARNINGS: Heavy duty angst... Um... dunno really.
SUMMARY: It's long. He. No... A few members of SG-1 get stuck on the planet
where they discovered Ernest, an alternate reality story. This deals with their
survival and what happens.
YEAR COMPLETED: Started on 30/10/2001. Finished on 11/01/2002 (happy new year!!)
SIZE: 70KB
ARCHIVE: S/J yes please! Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER: The usual. I don't own any of the stargate sg-1 characters. I do,
however, own the story line - well, most of it anyway -, the original and very
groovy characters that *I* invented. Unfortunately the only thing I get out of
this story is self satisfaction. No money, no nothing. sigh. The usual
disclaimer thingos.. I mean, we all know the drill anyway.
AUTHORS NOTE: Long story = Long Authors note. You have been warned.
Uh... a novel we were forced to read in english C called Remembering Babylon
actually inspired me, sort of, to write this. The novel itself isn't so great
plot wise (I'm hoping this fic has a good plot!!) and the only thing that really
got me to absolutely love (yes suds, *love*) the book was the way in which it
was written. I've tried to make this realistic and me, being me, hates corny/clichéd
parts so if there are any corny/clichéd bits in there *please* let me know and
next time I'll endeavour to do better. He.
Now I'm off to start work on another long fic that's been bugging me for a while
but I promised suds I wouldn't start *another* fic until I finished this one.
So... 'tot siens' as we say in Afrikaans and enjoy!!
DEDICATIONS: Firstly... big thanks to... (sorry if I miss anyone) Suds, Jo,
Joanna, Joey, Arnise, Tigermoth, Uly for all being such wonderfully patient,
encouraging and very *useful/knowledgable* beta's!!
Also to Lena for being such a lovely person. Hope M-I-L is doing okay!!
And this one is going to be for... gee damn, *ME*. I worked so hard and so long
on this... i'm just getting teary! *sniff*
*
A place called Home
by Sharim
~One~
~*~
Cold. Wet. So, so cold. Ribs, painful. Arm. Fire shooting up arm. Cold.
Oh...want to moan, want to scream...so cold. So sore. Arm. On fire. Wet. Cold.
Help.
Voices. Soft. So soft. So far away. Help me. Please. Help me. Cold. So cold. So
wet. Nose. Itchy nose. Want to scratch nose. Can't. Cold. Jagged stone digging
into cheek. Fire burning up arm. Cold fire. Drowning. Cold. Help. Please help.
It hurts. Why aren't you listening? It hurts. Help me. Please, help me. So cold.
~*~
"TEAL'C!"
"I am here, O'Neill." I see his lips move, the words lost to me as the
noise resonates around the room again. Noise. So much noise, I'm scared my head
is going to split open. My body pulses with the movement, I've long since been
able to tell where the rocking floor begins and my shaking legs end. All that
seems to exist is the noise.
No. That's not true. My team. My team is here.
"TEAL'C!" I scream again, he lurches towards me, his normally graceful
bulk stumbling towards me drunkenly. The debris showers down on us, a grimy
coating of scratching dirt and rocks sticking to our rain slicked bodies.
He reaches me, and we clutch at each other for balance. His tree-trunk-like
fingers dig into my arm, nearly cutting off the blood circulation. I don't
complain as my cold, numb fingers wrap themselves in the tatters that were once
the jacket he wore so proudly.
"The others." He shouts in my ear, his voice blending in with that
horrific noise, the creaking and cracking as the world around us sways and moans
its complaint.
The others. Where are they? The world is darkening so rapidly...the noise is
suffocating everything else; I'm drowning in it. Daniel, where's Daniel? Oh!
Daniel went home!
"Daniel's okay!" I yell back, relief bringing a momentary release from
the noise. But the elation at Daniel's safety is short lived. Daniel made it
back. No one else did. Not unless Carter...
"Dr. Langford!" Teal'c announces, darting forwards and staggering
drunkenly towards a battered figure stumbling towards us. Catherine. Her eyes
are wild with fear, panicking. She's screaming something, I can see her lips
move but the only sound that I can hear is the noise around me. The thunder
claps again and the world shakes mightily in protest. A war. A war between the
heavens and the earth. I sure as hell hope the earth wins this one.
"Ernest!" I can hear her now, as I hold her close to me, steadying her
and offering comfort. Ernest. A pang runs through me. Please. No. Please let him
be okay, don't do this to her. She's only just found him for crying out loud!
The rain is still falling, hitting us like small stones being hurled by spiteful
children. My cheeks are stinging and my vision is blurred. My eyes are tearing
because of the burning droplets of water, but it's not over yet.
Another clap of thunder rocks around the room, the lightning illuminating it so
that I just have time to catch a sight of something that causes my heart to stop
beating for a second. Catherine must feel the shock coursing through me, I jerk
as though I just touched a live wire. The Stargate. It's lying flat on the
earth.
She pulls out of my hold, but I don't let go. The building shakes again and a
rough push from Teal'c throws us out of harm's way as another wall and section
of roofing crashes to the ground. Oh. Could this night get any worse?
Of course it can. Dumb question. Remind me never, *never* to ask another
question like that because the answer to them is always yes.
"Teal'c!" I yank on his arm. My team isn't safe yet. I don't know
where Carter is. Or Ernest. He's not stupid, he knows what I'm about to do, and
he doesn't insult my judgement or authority by arguing. Instead, he takes hold
of Catherine and leads her out of the room as quickly as possible.
"CARTER!" My voice bounces around the room. I realise with surprise
that the noise is fading, the rumbling isn't so loud anymore and I can actually
tell where my feet start and where the floor ends.
Now that the noise is going, my other senses start to function again. I can
smell the air, dusty despite the gallons of water bucketing down over me every
second. I taste the coating of dust and grime in my mouth, feel it clogging my
nostrils and chafing against me where it has gotten under my uniform, rubbing my
skin raw. Water rivulets down my face, gushing into my eyes and matting my hair
to my face.
"CARTER!" Another flash of lightning. A glint of something pale,
something gold. Her hair maybe? Another rumble and the floor bucks. OH...Oh no.
Things can definitely get worse. Oh damn. This is not good. This is *so* not
good. Where's Teal'c when I need him? Oh, oh right. I sent him out with
Catherine...damn.
Movement. I jump as another part of the roof comes crashing to the ground,
missing me by centimetres. Small chips break off and fly away, stinging my
cheeks and neck nearly as badly as the rain. I look up as I struggle to my feet,
tearing what remains of my jacket as I yank it out from beneath the large
boulder.
Something touches me on the back, a tentative touch. Carter! I spin around as
quickly as possible, losing my footing on the unstable ground and crashing to
the ground again, sharp rocks and jagged edges digging into my back. I look up
at the shape of Ernest as he bends over me, his innocently naive silhouette
peering down at me. Not Carter. Damn it, where is she?
"Ernest..." The words stick in my throat as my tongue discovers
resistance against the dirt-clogged roof of my mouth. It feels disgusting, big
and coarse in my strangely dry mouth.
Another jagged burst of lightning, and then I see it.
"CARTER!" I ignore Ernest, he's okay as far as I can tell. Carter
isn't. Oh, SHIT!
"O'NEILL!" Never have I been so glad to hear Teal'c's voice speaking
in my ear.
"Ernest!" I grab hold of him, studying his dim form in the darkness.
Why does it have to be so dark? "Go to Catherine, okay? Go to
Catherine!" He's a like a dog. A quick, affirmative nod of the head much
like an eager wag of the tail, and he disappears over the rubble, swallowed by
the darkness.
"Captain Carter?" Teal'c asks me.
"Here." I trip over another rock and half land on top of her. She's
conscious, barely. "Help me get it off her!" I panic. Why am I so
panicked? Because, Jack you doofus, this place is going to go any second!
"We will not succeed, O'Neill." Ever the optimist.
"Quit being so damn excited and help me lift!" My hands, arms, legs,
back; my everything strains against the weight, my numb, lifeless fingers
scrabbling and straining with every bit of strength in their possession to hold
onto the gate and lift it. With an uncontrolled, desperate scratching they slip
off the cool metal of the Stargate. I try again, ripping my nails off against
the smooth surface, vehemently searching for a hold. Once again they slip,
leaving her arm pinned beneath the large metal ring.
"You are not succeeding." Teal'c *helpfully* points out, and I realise
with sudden relief that just as quickly as the storm came, it's leaving. The
world is now eerily silent and dark, but the darkness is also fading, leaving a
drab, murky grey light starting to filter in through the now gaping hole where
the roof once was.
Another shift beneath our feet, and I clutch fearfully at Carter. I will *NOT*
lose a member of my team. Come hell or highwater, Carter will *NOT* be pulled
out of my grip. Which, come to think of it, might have just arrived. Okay...so
right there. Focus Jack, that's right, *focus*.
"O'Neill, we do not have much time." Teal'c states urgently, his eyes
focused unwaveringly on mine.
"So you noticed too, huh?" I grunt, pulling myself to a sitting
position next to Carter. How do we do this? How do we get her unpinned without
chopping her arm off?
Another rumble and again the world seems to tilt awkwardly. It does tilt and the
gate shifts as well, ever so slightly. "It's sliding!" I realise, hope
fighting within me. "Quick! Push it this way!" I trip over the gate,
walking inside it's diametre as I scramble to the correct side.
Teal'c realises what I want to do, and makes his way over to me as well.
"Will this not damage her arm further?" He asks quietly before placing
his hands over the gate. The world is rapidly lightening, the greyness turning
to opaqueness. It looks eerie, with large boulders barely visible in the dusty
clouds of mist gathered over us.
"It's either damage her arm or lose her entirely!" I point out,
leaning heavily onto my hands. "I'm sure she'll understand." Catching
my breath I ready myself. "One, two, three!" I push forwards, throwing
my weight against the gate. Teal'c follows suit, but nothing happens.
"O'Neill, I do believe..."
The world rocks again, a sickening groan and a sound not unlike a stone being
dropped from a height and cracking in half splits the air. Not good. Really not
good.
I fall forwards suddenly as the gate takes off, sliding slowly at first but
gathering speed as the world tips even more to one side.
"COLONEL!" Her scream cuts through the air, agony lacing the frantic
cry. Her eyes are wide saucers as they meet mine, her good arm scrabbling for a
hold in the rubble as she too, like the gate, begins to roll away from us.
The gate disappears through a hole where the wall used to be, Carter rapidly
following suit. Her eyes never leave mine as her body bumps and grates against
the small stones and not so small boulders travelling with her.
Teal'c is there, I realise suddenly, tripping and falling but rapidly closing
the distance between himself and Carter. Just when I think it's too late he
grabs a hold of the upper part of her broken arm and yanks her to a stop.
Then his feet give way.
I watch with a feeling of dread as the giant man crashes to the ground and
Carter's eyes lose contact with mine. I close my eyes. Too late. I've lost them.
I prise my eyes open. I can't watch. I can't not watch though. In a last ditch
effort Carter reaches out and snags hold of a large rock. She slows their
descent just enough for Teal'c to grab a hold of another boulder, and they crash
to a stop. I can see her already colourless cheeks change to a sickening grey
colour as she looks back up at me, her eyes glazed with pain...and then they
close.
Teal'c somehow manages to pull himself to his feet, and all I can do is stand
and watch as he awkwardly picks her up, struggling to maintain his balance on
the uneven, rickety ground.
He moves towards me so slowly he nearly doesn't make it. He stumbles often over
the stones, and as he comes closer I suspect his leg must be broken because he
can barely walk on it. The ground lurches again, and he throws Carter forwards.
She lands near me, and I grab a hold of the remains of her vest. Dragging her
towards me I catch a sight of Teal'c still clutching hold of a boulder. The
world is slowly tilting, he can't hold on much longer.
Snagging Carter's limp form against a jutting boulder, I lean over the edge and
reach out a hand towards Teal'c. He reaches up slowly and grasps my hand, his
fingers ice cold against mine. Slowly we struggle backwards, his feet searching
for and finding the bare minimum of contact needed to push him upwards and over
the edge to relative safety.
"Let's go!" I grunt, not giving him time to recuperate as he flops
over the edge of the jutting land. Grabbing Carter and throwing her gracelessly
over my shoulder, I take off, only sparing a quick glance to see Teal'c
following me, a hobbling, uneven gait as he stumbles over the ground that's once
again bucking and twisting in some demented rhythm that only it can hear. But we
made. By the skins of our teeth, by the bone in Teal'c's shin and by the cotton
shreds of Carter's vest, we made it.
~Two~
~*~
All I can do is sit here and whimper, watching as Jack efficiently takes control
and puts a sense of purpose into our being here.
"Ernest, we need to find somewhere to shelter." I watch him silently
as he talks to this strange, eccentric man that I knew so long ago. Ernest. What
has happened to you, my dearest Ernest? I barely recognise you from the young,
adventurous man I fell in love with.
"Caves." Ernest looks up, and I see the spark in his eyes as he looks
up at Jack. There's admiration in the depths of those watery pupils that have
aged over time. Jack is the man that Ernest never had the chance to be, and I
feel envious for Ernest's sake.
"Where are they?" Jack is remarkably patient. I think it must be why
he's so good with children. Oh, the man can be impatient, arrogant and
domineering as hell, but the kids aren't fooled for one minute by that tough
exterior. And Ernest is responding just like the children that Jack loves so
much.
"On the beach." Ernest frowns slightly. "Catherine and I explored
them. We found a lovely one that would have made a beautiful house..." He
trails off, blinking in confusion but bearing a half contented smile.
"But?" Jack picks up on the pause.
"Catherine thought it would be better for us to stay in the castle. She
liked pretending she was a princess and that one day someone would come and
rescue us. You came to rescue me, didn't you Jack?" My eyes sting with
tears as I watch the emotions and theories run across Ernest's face. He loves
me. After all this time, he still loves me. To him, I have remained an unchanged
constant. He doesn't seem to accept or believe that I was never really here with
him. What's going to happen to us now?
"Ernest, I need you to show me where those caves are, okay?" Jack
settles back on his haunches, his eyes never leaving Ernest's. The more I see
and get to know Jack O'Neill, the more I like the man. I disliked him at first,
just another military colonel who thought he controlled the world and that he
was right all the time. He's changed, and I've gotten to see him more clearly
over time. His team's helped with that, I think. Dr. Jackson, Captain Carter and
Teal'c. Who would have guessed Jack O'Neill would be serving with such a bunch
of misfits?
"I'll show you the beach. And I'll show you the caves." Ernest nods,
appearing surprisingly lucid and calm considering the statements he'd been
making a few minutes earlier.
"Okay. Catherine, I'm going to have to ask you and Ernest to help Teal'c."
"What about Captain Carter?" My voice is still wobbly and it's been at
least an hour since it happened. Since we became trapped on this world. I now
have the slightest comprehension of how Ernest felt when he realised he had no
way to get home. No one knew where he was; no one even acknowledged what had
happened to him. At least some people knew where we are, even if we don't stand
a chance of being rescued.
"Carter'll be fine, Catherine. I'll carry her down myself." Jack is
back in control again. No worry, no anxiety, no hopelessness shows in his eyes.
Instead I only see the grim determination that we will survive this, that he
won't let one of us die on this world unless he can help it. The facts about
Captain Carter's rescue that I managed to wrangle out of Teal'c just point that
out to me. Jack, Captain Carter, Teal'c and Daniel. They're all each other have
and they won't let anything happen to their team-mates. The fact that she is
lying on the ground next to me, her head resting in my lap is testimony to this
fact.
"What about her arm?" I ask, my eyes darting involuntarily towards the
mangled limb. It's broken, though smashed or crushed would probably be a better
word for it. The skin has been torn off in places, grazed in others, and the
small patches where it's still intact have been stained the deep red colour of
her blood. Even if we do somehow manage to save her arm, she probably won't be
able to use it much. Thank goodness it's her left arm and not her right arm.
I see the fear and concern for Captain Carter slip across his face for an
instant before his resolve wins the argument again.
"We'll have to do the best we can. All our medical supplies were in our
packs which..."
"Are in the castle." Teal'c inserts as Jack fades away, realisation
dawning on his face.
"Has there been any movement?" He asks, studying me intently.
Movement? Captain Carter or...? "The castle, Catherine. Has anything else
given way in the last five or so minutes?" He repeats the question more
clearly.
"Uh...no...I don't think so. Jack, you are *not* going to go..."
"I'm in command of this mission, Catherine." Jack states it quietly,
his eyes daring me to challenge. I open my mouth, ready to respond to his
challenge, but he cuts me off smoothly. "It's my responsibility to do
everything in my power to ensure my team is well looked after and safe."
"That doesn't mean risking your own life!" I point out, knowing with a
sinking feeling in my gut that it is exactly what his responsibility and his
course of action is.
"If something goes wrong I want you to go to the caves and find shelter.
Set up a way to get food and supplies...who knows how long we'll be stuck here
for." Jack stands up, stretching out the kinks in his stiff legs and back.
Ernest also stands up and half follows Jack along the overgrown, narrow track
leading back to the castle.
"Ernest." Jack sighs, stopping and watching him.
"I can find food." Ernest offers. "Catherine and I know where the
best things are..." He offers, frowning slightly in confusion. He turns and
looks at me properly. "Don't we, Catherine?" He asks hesitantly.
"I'm sure you do, Ernest." I can't help smiling slightly and watching
as his own grubby face lights up in response.
"Yes. I do." Ernest nods and turns back to Jack. "Do you want me
to find some food, Jack?"
"Don't stray too far." Jack grants Ernest his request. I don't say
anything as Jack offers a halfhearted wave before turning and striding back
along the path.
I'm not stupid Jack. Do you think I don't notice the tatters your clothes are
in? The amount of blood that is staining your skin and clothes? The way you can
barely bend your back?
I sigh and glance over at Teal'c who is busy watching me blankly, though his
eyes betray the deep concern he also feels for Jack. "How's your leg?"
I ask him, pointing at the injured limb which Jack insisted he rest on a rock.
"It is healing." He replies, not really answering the question. Jack
was right, it must have been broken. Seeing my look, Teal'c continues. "It
should be healed within a few days."
"That's lucky, isn't it." I sigh and look back down at Captain
Carter's arm. How on earth are we going to make it?
~*~
She has seen his determination, and she believes in his determination. She
simply does not believe his determination will succeed. I, however, do believe
that O'Neill's determination will be enough for everyone to survive.
I am concerned for my friend. He was also severely injured, yet his pride and
sense of duty will not let him be taken care of until the remainder of his team
has been seen too.
Captain Carter is severely injured. Dr. Langford does not believe in O'Neill's
determination the way he needs her too. Ernest is...Ernest has remained by
himself on this planet in isolation for too many years. I am afraid that his
mind has been affected. It would appear that so is Dr. Langford.
A rumbling in the distance and the slight movement of the earth beneath us
brings to light my fears. O'Neill is in very grave danger, and there is nothing
I can do for him. I can only hope that he is successful in his attempt to locate
our packs, yet I do not believe he will find anything of value.
A movement in the bushes alerts me. Subtly I ready the side arm O'Neill and
General Hammond insist I carry with me all times. Dr. Langford watches me, fear
in her eyes as I raise the weapon. Ernest. It is Ernest returning from his
foraging exercise. In his hands he bears a great many fruits and berries. It
seems we have visited this planet during the fertile time of the seasons.
"Medicine." Ernest tells me, offering large leaf-like plants towards
me.
"I have no need for medicine. I am a Jaffa. I carry a Symbiote that heals
me and prevents illness from affecting me. Medicine is of no use for a broken
limb."
"Captain Carter does." He insists, stepping closer towards me. I can
read the fear in his eyes, he is ready to flee because he is scared of me. He is
scared of most people, I realise, especially of Dr. Langford.
"How can that leaf help the Captain?" Dr. Langford asks, her voice
gentle as though speaking to a child. I can not help but wonder what it must be
like to suddenly find the one you have loved all your life and his mind has been
affected as Ernest's has.
"It helps." Ernest narrows his eyes, searching the ground around the
small fire O'Neill had managed to build with the wet kindling before he left.
Spying a large stone, Ernest pushes it towards the fire. He carefully places the
leaves on the stone and then uses another stone to grind the leaves to a stringy
paste. He scratches the paste onto one remaining leaf with his bent, twisted
fingers and offers it out warily to Dr. Langford.
"What do I do with it?"
"I believe it is a poultice, Dr. Langford." I inform her, the strong
scent of the crushed leaves working it's way through my body. "It is a very
powerful drug." The scent warms me, much like a salve that Captain Carter
once gave to Daniel Jackson for a bad cough he had.
"It's like Vicks." Dr. Langford gasps, pulling the leaf away from her
nose after inhaling the scent.
"It makes the wounds better." Ernest says, pointing towards Captain
Carter's arm.
"Thank you, Ernest." Dr. Langford smiles at him again, but I can see
the sorrow in her eyes as she looks upon the misshapen and knobbly man that she
knew as a youth.
"It's okay, Catherine. You showed it to me first." Hearing Ernest
speak things like that is disconcerting for both Dr. Langford and I. I hope
O'Neill returns soon, he is the only one that Ernest now seems to feel
comfortable around.
~*~
Catherine. I love you Catherine, and you know that. You told me when we were
walking along the beach and we found that shell that matched your eyes. I love
you Catherine.
Looking across the small flames at the old woman applying the leaf poultice to
the younger woman, I feel fear and horror bubble up inside me. A stately woman,
I would describe her as. Never Catherine. Catherine is young and vibrant and so
excitable one finds it hard to concentrate when she is near, spurting her
imaginative, if not slightly far-fetched, ideas. How can this woman with the
same expressive brown eyes be the young girl that's kept me company for so long?
It seems so real, the memories, the jokes, the stories, the confessions...but I
*know* they're not real. They are confusing.
Catherine. Are we going home, Catherine?
No, Ernest, sweetheart. Not yet. We have to wait a bit longer. But look, we've
got company now. Make sure you show them the best spot for drinking water. It
wouldn't be polite for our guests to not have the best our garden has to offer.
"Of course, Catherine."
The old woman looks up at me, startled, concern lining her brown eyes.
Catherine's eyes. This can't be Catherine. Catherine is young, she is laughing.
This woman is old and there is sadness in her eyes.
~*~
Hurts. Still so cold. Hurts so badly. Colonel. Where's the Colonel? It hurts.
I'm sorry, Colonel. Teal'c...Daniel? Someone help me, it hurts. Janet? I'm cold.
It hurts. Buzzing noise in my head. Hurts. Agony. Fire starts again, gathering
warmth as the ice drips over me. Cold. Hot. Noises. People. Cold. Hurt. Darkness
coming. Daddy.
~*~
I feel like I'm a cadet going for my first run carrying my first pack. At least
I've got them. Two packs. Daniel's and Carter's. Why I have Daniel's pack I can
only imagine, he probably mistook Teal'c's for his own. Again. I'm surprised
Teal'c doesn't get annoyed at him for doing it so often.
Daniel's pack is digging into my back. It's heavier than Carter's, so I figured
it would be easier to carry hers in my arms. Another painful dig into my aching
back as I dodge a fallen log, and I begin to wonder just *what* exactly Danny
boy has in his pack.
Deciding that I've been feeling sorry enough for myself, I force my attention to
study my surroundings. A good officer always knows his position and all the
possible tactical advantages. As my surroundings now stand, one falling down
castle behind me, one delapidated little camp ahead. On the left would you
please note the *wonderful* leafy green foliage. Yes, we call those trees. Oh,
hey, look, there's some more on the right! Wonderful. I was beginning to think
that trees were something unique in the universe, a rarity. Thank goodness I'm
wrong.
The whiff of woodsmoke catches my attention, and I allow my attention to drift
from the current muddy, slippery track beneath my feet to the small makeshift
camp and it's contents up ahead. Water continues to drip off the large, waxy
leaves and finds a way down the back of my neck, not really worsening my already
saturated condition, just annoying me even further.
"Jack!" Catherine sounds so grateful, I haven't heard many people
sound that happy to see me in a long time.
"It's me." I smile at her as I step into the small clearing. A
poultice of some sort has been applied to Carter's arm. Sweet. "I got two
packs."
"That's wonderful!" Catherine's hand is stroking Carter's hair. I can
see her weathered hands shaking slightly, and her eyes continually dart
nervously towards where Ernest is poking with a stick in the fire. I'm guessing
things aren't happy families between the two of them.
"I strongly suggest you use the medical kits contained within the packs to
tend your wounds, O'Neill." Teal'c says softly from his position. The pain
on the Jaffa's face seems to be lessening, but then again it's always hard to
tell with the big guy. He has this habit of not revealing things until they
hurt. *Really* hurt.
"Will do, Teal'c. Catherine, if I could get you to give me a hand..."
This isn't going to be pretty, and I'm pretty sure Carter's not going to be too
impressed when she realises that I had to help clean and patch her up. She does,
despite her denials and statements, have a very feministic pride and I know
she's a very modest, shy sort of person when it comes to revealing aspects of
her anatomy. But it has to be done. I want Carter to survive, pretty much
intact, and I know she won't be *too* upset, just a little embarrassed maybe. At
least, I *hope* so.
I swear, getting stranded on alien planets light years away from home and having
to undress your female 2IC to keep her alive was *NEVER* in the job description.
~Three~
~*~
The weather has, over the last three days we have been on this planet, remained
very pleasing. The warmth of the sun and the lack of wind has encouraged my
symbiote greatly to heal my fractured limb.
Captain Carter, however, still remains in a state of unconsciousness. Dr.
Langford, O'Neill and I have all taken it in turns to watch over her, dress her
wounds and give her water to drink when she requires it. I am gravely concerned
about my friend's condition. She weakens daily, and the fever ravages her body.
Due to Ernest's medicine, however, Captain Carter's arm wounds seem to remain
uninfected and are healing remarkably quickly. O'Neill and Dr. Langford have
both applied the poultice to their own abrasions and both are healing very well.
O'Neill believes there is still a chance that Captain Carter will retain the use
of her arm.
My leg now feels strong and does not ache as much as it once did. I am currently
venturing along the sands of the beach. In the distance the castle remains, a
broken skeleton still desperately clutching at the sky. The castle has seen
many, many seasons. Its walls have, however, failed the test of time. I believe
that the Goa'uld will also, like the walls of the castle, fail the tests of time
because of these with me, the Tau'ri, grow strong and challenge them. While we
are alive and living on this planet I will continue to hope and wait for
deliverance from this planet so that I may continue my quest for the freedom of
my people.
~*~
It's my turn to sit with Captain Carter. I've sent Jack to get some sleep.
Teal'c disappeared a few hours ago on a walk along the beach, with Ernest
discreetly tagging along behind him.
I found a shell today, wrapped in a bit of cloth. Ernest saw me find it, and he
asked me if I remembered the night we found that on the beach. I wish I could
say yes to him. So much has changed since the last time I saw him.
I was so excited when Daniel told me they knew where Ernest was. After all this
time I should have known he'd have changed. I should have known that he wouldn't
be the same Ernest I remembered and that we wouldn't just pick up where we left
off and live happily ever after. It's stupid, but that's how I wished...
"Catherine?" Captain Carter's voice is hoarse, grating in her throat
and barely audible.
"Shh. It's okay, Captain." I whisper, taking a hold of the drinking
canteen that Jack always left near her. "Here, have something to
drink."
"My arm." She moans, scrunching her pale, gaunt face up in pain. I
touch her forehead hesitantly, and relief floods over me as I realise her skin
is cool to touch.
"It's broken. Try not to move it. Jack splinted it for you but..."
"We're not on earth, are we?" She wheezes, battling to keep her eyes
open as she tries to lift her lips for a sip of water.
"No, we're not." I can't lie to her. She deserves to know the truth.
"Only Daniel made it back. Everyone else is still here and fine."
"Everyone?" She double checks as water dribbles down her chin and
leaves a damp patch on the pathetic excuse for clothes.
"Everyone. Teal'c had a broken leg but his symbiote fixed that up for
us..."
"Your face." She frowns slightly in concern, but the effort is too
much for her and her eyes slip closed again in slumber.
Yes. My face. A jagged gash down the whole of my right cheek. A pang shoots
through me. Not only a gash down my cheek, but several other scars too. A small
mark from chicken pox, a tiny scar under my chin from a fall...all marks that
have changed and moulded my face to the person I have become after all this
time. I'm not vain; I know I'm not beautiful. But Ernest remembered me as young
and pretty. I've changed so much now, and so has he.
We're not the same people that we used to be.
~*~
"How is she?" I nod towards the young woman sleeping fitfully next to
the fire.
"She's getting there." The older woman tells me, a longing look on her
face. Catherine. She reminds me so much of the Catherine I know.
I can't find Catherine. She won't talk to me anymore. I think she's unhappy with
me because I've been neglecting her. These strangers, the people that nearly
rescued me are occupying my thoughts now. The older woman in particular.
Catherine. She's Catherine, isn't she?
NO. The Catherine I know walks along the beach with me and talks of everything.
She talks of other worlds, of families, of her dreams...this Catherine is so
old. Her eyes are old and tired. She was looking for something, but she's given
up now.
Where's my Catherine?
"I brought food." I tell the woman, stealing a cautious look at her.
She's watching me now, open sorrow on her face as she studies me in the
firelight.
"You can't, can you?" She asks softly. She's angry with me, but
sorrowed at the same time. What can't I do? Why is she angry with me? I don't
know her. Do I?
~*~
"What's going on?" I roll to my feet, watching Catherine and Ernest
studying each other. Something's wrong between the two of them, even *I* can see
that. Catherine isn't eating right and she looks so unhappy. Ernest is just
confused as hell, which is okay considering that he's been on his own for the
last half a century or so.
"I brought food." Ernest announces, holding up a small animal of some
sort.
"Great." I smile at him. The old boy is rather capable. Had to be to
survive fifty years on his own.
"Captain Carter woke up." Carter woke up? Who cares about food.
"How was she?" I demand, pushing Catherine out of the way and
inspecting Carter for myself. I hate to admit it, but I *do* feel a certain
amount of affection for my captain. Hell, who wouldn't, she's a bright kid. Even
brighter than me!!
"Coherent. She was worried about the team and she said her arm hurt."
Catherine fills me in as I gently pull the poultice off of her arm.
Truth is, Carter, you've had me worried. This poultice of Ernest's will
definitely be useful back home, but we all have to get home first. Her arm
doesn't look great. The wounds are all red, but they don't look so angry
anymore. The thing that worries me though, is the completely pulpy look of her
arm. It's just so...flat. Squished. Jellyish. Unhealthy. I'm pretty sure her arm
was very well smashed, not just broken. If only we could get some of that
poultice on the bone and...
"Catherine..." An idea pops to mind. A Jack O'Neill special.
"What is it?" She knows I'm thinking of something because the
thoughtful tone of my voice has to be a rarity.
"What if we mixed this stuff with water and gave it to her to drink?"
"What?" Catherine doesn't look too happy.
"Well...it might help with the fever and everything...and maybe it can do
miracles for her bone too."
"I don't think it would help her bones heal any faster, Jack. They have to
knit themselves back together, and that takes time." Catherine reminds me
logically.
Damn. And I wonder why I never made it as a doctor.
~Four~
~*~
"How are you feeling?" I open my eyes and look up into the Colonel's
concerned face.
"Better, thanks." I tell him. Okay. So that's only a *little* lie. My
arm still hurts like hell, and they won't let me look at it. Catherine had a fit
last night when I thought she was sleeping and tried to prise the bandages off.
I *know* I shouldn't touch the splint, that I should just leave the arm to heal,
but it *hurts* and I would at least like to see *why* it hurts.
"If you try another stunt like last night..." He warns me, no humour
in his eyes as he looks down at me.
"Sorry Sir, it won't happen again." Okay, so that sounded very false,
even to my own ears.
"Carter, I'm serious. That arm is in bad shape, and I mean *bad*
shape." No, he is serious. He's not joking. I *know* my arm is in bad
shape...but still.
"Yes Sir."
"Good." He settles back, his eyes never leaving me.
"So how are things going?" I ask, letting my eyes travel around the
room again, trying desperately to ignore my arm. But it's so sore. Sore doesn't
even begin to describe it. If Daniel were here I'm sure he could lend me a
useful word in one of the 23 languages he speaks. Then again maybe there isn't
one that describes this kind of agony and then we'll just have to make one up...
"Not bad. Teal'c and Ernest have a rapport going now, they go hunting.
That's where our lovely collection of animal pelts is coming from." He
grins slightly, pulling a face. "Catherine is gathering berries and
stuff...I've been fishing. The usual."
"How long have we been here, Sir?" I have to ask the question some
time. Now seems as good a time as any.
"Nearly three weeks."
"Three weeks?" I gape.
"You were out of it for the first couple of days." I point out.
"More than the first couple." I snort; wincing slightly as my arm
voices it's complaint. Loudly.
"Carter, I won't lie to you. It's bad." He sighs, leaning back against
the wall. I feel privileged for some strange reason, that he's dropping the
facade of optimism with me. I've seen him in front of the others, determined
that we'll survive, and I believed him. But I know my Colonel. It wasn't *him*
speaking. This is *him* speaking, because he's being honest with me.
"The gate?" It's a dumb question, but Catherine won't answer things.
She doesn't know what she should and shouldn't tell me. The Colonel doesn't have
qualms like that though.
"It's gone." He says simply.
"Gone?" I frown. I remember it falling towards me, jumping to get out
of the way, a burning sensation as my arm got crushed...the haziness, the cold,
the pain, the wetness and that cold fire that haunted me for so long.
"Yeah. It just fell over the edge. Took a large chunk of the wall with it.
I think it's pretty much buried." He sighs, rubbing his hands with his
face.
"So what are we going to do, Sir?" I ask softly, watching him
hopefully.
"Survive, Carter, and wait." He looks at me, real determination in his
eyes. "I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some God forsaken lump of rock
in the middle of no where. I *won't* let it happen. Hell, you haven't even had a
chance to climb the ranks yet!" He grins suddenly, and the moment is over.
Now it's Colonel and Captain once again. A superficial, but comforting
relationship none-the-less. "You should get some sleep." He stands up,
reaching over and ruffling my decidedly greasy hair.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." I warn him, thinking about the
safety of his own hands in that horrifying mop of grease. I can nearly feel it
crawling down my neck. I'm sure at least a dozen different insects have made
their homes in my hair, I can feel them crawling around there, sending cold
shivers down my spine. I can't wait till they let me get up and have a bath. I
can't wait until I *can* get up.
~*~
Things are strained. Strained would be an understatement actually. More like
Catherine and Ernest can't be near each other without the temperature dropping a
few degrees and the tension being tightened a notch. I just wish I knew *what*
to do about it. Maybe when Carter's better...
"O'Neill." Teal'c motions me over to him.
"What is it?" I ask, jogging over to him.
"I have found something." He states calmly, not slowing his steady
walk towards me.
"What?" I ask, turning around and falling back into step with him.
"An abandoned city." He glances out over the water. It's strange; on
earth the water tends to have a slightly green tint to the blue. Here it's more
of a golden colour, like a permanent sunset or something.
"An abandoned city?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes. I believe that Daniel Jackson would be most enthralled by this
discovery." He converses.
"You going to show me this city some time soon?"
"Yes, but it is a distance away." He nods his head.
"I'm up to it." I point out, ready to go.
"As am I, however I do not believe it would be wise to leave Dr. Langford
and Ernest alone with only Captain Carter." He points out.
Good point. Looks like the field trip will have to wait.
~*~
O'Neill is growing restless. He is a warrior. Unlike me, however, he has never
been taught patience or methods with which to remain in control when left for
long periods of time without battle.
Whereas I spend my time meditating and learning of the land, O'Neill launches
himself from one project to another. One day he attempts to build a house out of
wood, the next day he attempts to devise a better way for catching fish.
We do, however, have one ritual that is always followed. As the sun sets over
the crimson waters we all gather in the cave. Dr. Langford and Ernest both
remain silent during this time, as do O'Neill and I. Captain Carter is now also
joining the ritual. Each night O'Neill places more logs onto the fire and waits
until they are burning brightly. He then puts the meal on to cook. While the
meal is cooking he takes his knife and carefully carves a notch in the wall,
representing another day on this planet. Already the total notches reach 22. We
have been here for nearly a month, and we still have no way to return home.
~Five~
~*~
"You can't do that!" How could he even suggest something like that? It
hasn't even been a month yet and he wants to put them down as MIA.
"I was supposed to have done it a long time ago, Dr. Jackson." General
Hammond says sorrowfully. I shouldn't be yelling at him because it's not his
fault. It's not his fault that Sam and Jack and Teal'c and Ernest and Catherine
are all stuck back on that planet. It's not his fault that we don't know whether
they're alive or not, and it's not his fault that he has to put them MIA. But
I'm still angry at him, simply because he's the closest one to target.
"So what now?" I sigh, deciding that I *am* being unfair to him. And
to myself. And to Sam and Jack and everyone else. When did life get so
complicated?
"Well, I'm going to have to assign a new SG-1 team, and it's your choice
whether you'd like to stay on it or not." General Hammond said carefully.
No. No I don't want to be on SG-1 without the others. But I *do* want to find
Sha're. And I want to find SG-1.
"I'd like to stay on SG-1, General." I can't believe I just betrayed
my friends like that. But I will find them. I *will* find SG-1 and I will find
Sha're.
~*~
"Damn it, I *don't* CARE!" One very testy female officer announces.
Well, more like screams.
"Carter, you're being insubordinate..."
"It bears repeating, *Sir*, I DON'T CARE!"
"Jack, maybe it wouldn't be too bad if..."
"NO!" I glare at Catherine, and like a good little girl she pipes
down. I wish.
"Jack, it's not going to kill her for goodness sake."
"You don't know that!" I point out, standing up and turning my
attention back to Carter. "If you move your arm, Carter, and damage it even
more then you can pretty well kiss your military career goodbye." I snap,
and then freeze.
"I think I've already done that, Colonel." She says quietly, and I
feel really guilty all of a sudden. I should have gotten them home sooner, I
should have insisted that they go home and ignore that stupid display of high
school chemistry.
"Carter, it's not that *I* don't want you to go and have a bath - hell,
that would be very nice for everyone concerned, but I don't want you to damage
your arm even more. I'm no doctor, Captain, but basic first aid tells me that
thanks to Ernest's herbs and spices, you do stand a chance of getting your arm
back. Sort of." Okay. That was one very technical and know- how speech that
just came out of my mouth. I'm impressed. Why couldn't someone *important* have
been here to hear me make such an impressive speech about a subject I know
hardly anything about? Okay, so I do know quite a bit about *having* broken
bones but...
"Colonel?"
"Yes?" I blink. Oops. I did it again. Now they all think I'm crazy.
Even Ernest is giving me a wary look. Isn't a guy allowed to have a few
fantasies every now and then? Okay, so maybe waving my arms around and
pretending to bow *was* a freaky thing...but I can dream. Can't I?
~*~
"How are you doing?" Catherine asks me, settling herself next to me
carefully, her eyes not meeting mine.
"About as well as can be expected." I smile slightly, reminding myself
not to move. Actually, my arm has been better lately, but that's probably
because we've been here for a few weeks now. According to the notches on the
wall, which number 32, over a month. I think that's why my arm is starting to
feel better. It still hurts though.
"Jack agreed to let you get up." She tells me, smiling slightly.
"Really? That's wonderful!" I can't help my smile. 32 days I've been
on this planet, and I don't know what it looks like other than the inside of
this cave and the inside of a castle that apparently doesn't exist anymore.
About time they let me out.
"Not yet!" She warns me, putting her hand on my shoulder to keep my
anxious body seated on the ground.
"What?" So that's really not fair.
"He wants to be here. To make sure you don't hurt yourself anymore."
She faces the opposite wall again, leaning back against the one I'm leaning
against.
"Well, he's certainly not hanging around when I have a bath!" I
declare vehemently. The washes and spongings Catherine's been helping me with
really don't compare to a bath. I can't wait to soak myself in some water, to
feel *clean* for a change.
"I don't expect he will." Catherine smiles slightly.
I take the opportunity to study her. I didn't really know her well before we
came on this mission, but she's lost something. She's lost the glint in her eye
that told me she wasn't just another old lady stuck in the past. Now she is just
another old lady, stuck in the past.
"What's happened to you?" The words slip out before I can stop them,
and I colour slightly. That was incredibly rude; I don't even really know the
woman.
She looks over at me, surprise on her face. "Well, other than getting
stranded on a planet light years from home..." She fades away, and I'm
surprised to see a tear trickling down her cheek. I would have thought that it
wasn't too bad on this planet. Teal'c, the Colonel and Ernest all seem okay.
Then again, Ernest has been here for a very long time. Teal'c is...well, Teal'c,
and the Colonel...we all knew there was a risk of this happening. But Catherine,
I don't think her change has to do with being stuck on this planet.
"Dr. Langford..." I narrow my eyes, hoping I'm not stepping out of
place.
"Call me Catherine. Everyone else does." She smiles slightly.
"Even Teal'c?" I can't believe that. He still calls me Captain Carter,
despite all the times I've tried to convince him to call me Sam.
"Well, okay, not everyone. But Jack and Ernest do..."
There. Ernest. This has to do with Ernest. Why else would her eyes flash with
something for just the second that his name passes over her lips?
"So, Catherine, what's it like?" I ask, deliberately casual.
"What's what like?" She frowns, confused, and I realised I was too
cryptic.
"Ernest." I say softly, and her face becomes unreadable in the dim
light that filters in through the mouth of the cave.
"It's...expected I guess." She sighs, obviously not comfortable
talking about it. But I'm bored, I'm bored out of my brain and this provides me
with some distraction. Cruel and unfair, I know, but circumstances are a lot
different to normal. I ignore my conscience.
"Then why are you so upset?" I ask her, still not quite sure what's
wrong.
"I...We've changed so much." She sighs, shaking her head.
"Of course you've changed. It's been over fifty years..." I point out,
my scientist brain stepping into place.
"I know that. Believe me, Captain, I know that, but I still believed that
it would be different. That we'd just see each other and then everything would
be okay."
"That you'd just pick up right where you left off." I feel a pang of
pain in my own heart. I could relate to that. Isn't that exactly what Dad and I
had done? Not talked for years after Mom's death, and then tried to make up.
Only he still thought of me as 'his little princess' and I still thought of him
as the person who's killed my Mom, though indirectly. I shake my head slightly,
pushing the thoughts away. It doesn't do any good musing over the past and
wishing you'd done things differently. It's not possible to just pick up right
where you left off.
"I was so...shocked when Daniel came to me..." She whispers, but I can
still hear the tremour on her voice. I reach over and squeeze her hand slightly.
I may not know her well, but Catherine was there for me nearly every time I woke
up, comforting me. I owe her something.
"I thought that...It was so long ago, so far away. Like a nightmare from
another lifetime." She bites her lip, her eyes glistening with tears.
"But the hope, the memories...It was incredible." She states, and a
half smile sneaks through her sorrow as she relives the joy of the moment when
she found out Ernest was possibly still alive.
"I was so excited, so eager to just run back into Ernest's arms and be
happy..." I can't say anything, even if I wanted to. Nothing I could say
could comfort her, and I can't think of a response to this kind of emotion.
"When we stepped through that Stargate and I saw him...I didn't recognise
him Sam. My first thought was along the lines of, 'Oh my God, there's a naked
old man running around here!'. And *then* I realised that it was Ernest."
She snorts through her tears, disgusted at her emotions. "I...I didn't even
feel compelled to touch him, Sam. I wanted to stay as far away from him as I
could...it wasn't Ernest I was looking at." She whispers, licking her lips
as the tears run down her face.
I can only look at this woman with amazement and awe. She has been through so
much, suffered so much heartache, and now she's got to go through it all again.
"I'm angry at him, Sam." She says suddenly, cradling herself against
me. "I'm angry that he doesn't talk to me. I'm angry because he doesn't
believe that I'm Catherine, just like I don't believe that he's Ernest."
She whispers brokenly. My arm complains violently as I move and place my good
arm comfortingly around her shoulders. It's the most I can do, but I know that a
comforting hug can help a lot.
"I still love him..." She says eventually as the silence in the cave
wears on. "But I'm in love with his memory, not with him." She shakes
against me. "I'm awful, Sam, an awful person."
"No you're not an awful person." I state it firmly and honestly,
because it's the truth. "You've changed, Catherine, that's all. Both of
you. You've become different people." I try and soothe her hacking sobs.
"But I still *want* to love him. I still *want* to live happily ever after
with him." She moans against me, starting to gather her control again.
"I can't help you with that, Catherine." I admit eventually. "I
can't even offer you advice because I don't have any. I do think that you should
try to get to know him again, find out just *how* he has changed." I
suggest, knowing that my words are empty and not really a solution. You came to
the wrong person, Catherine, I suck with relationships. Ask my Dad. Ask my
brother. Hell, ask Jonas if you can get a temporary pass into hell.
We sit like that for a while, in an awkward silence that's still comforting
because we've created an alliance. There's an unspoken bond between us because
we're the only females and we've taken up the roles of best
friends/sisters/mother-daughter. I squeeze her slightly and wonder what she's
going to do.
I look up gratefully as the Colonel arrives, ready to escort me to my very first
bath on this abandoned planet.
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: Ice cream rocks. If you have a problem with it, you're weird. Oh, and there's no point in suing. Trust me on this. Oh yeah, only the fic idea is mine.
