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Title:
Somewhere Out There (0/12)
Author:
Lisa Yaeger
E-mail:
lisayaeger@hotmail.com
Rating:
PG (so far, if that changes, I'll post a new rating)
Category:
Angst, Romance
Pairings:
Sam/Jack
Content
Warnings: None that I can see yet...
Summary:
Sam and Jack try the relationship thing, but it's not going to be easy.
Season/sequel:
Set in season 6 after Paradise Lost
Spoilers:
100 Days, D&C (minor ones), The Entity, Abyss, Paradise Lost
Archive:
SJD, yes & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!
Disclaimer:
All publicly recognizable characters and places are the
property
of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This
piece
of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary
purposes
and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.
Previously
unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are
copyrighted
to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or
dead,
is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Status:
Here's the thing with this fic- I've been thinking about it for months, but I
couldn't figure out how to start it until Paradise Lost came out. Even though I haven't seen it, it gave me
the kick in the pants I needed, and now my muse is back. Turns out she was vacationing in Hawaii with
someone else's muse... Anyway, I think
this could end up being pretty long and angsty, so stay with me, and don't be
afraid to tell me if you think I'm off track.
Author's
notes: Thanks for the constant support of some of my favorite authors and
fellow shippers- Emry, Jojo, Peter Pan, Moon, Sesa and Suz - for you know
what:) And to my husband who wants to
vote for my fic in the SJFA even though he really doesn't have a clue what that
means.
Feedback:
Greatly appreciated.
Date:
12-1-2003
Part 1
"Beautiful
night." His footsteps preceded his
words.
Her
eyes never left the sky, "It's nice to look up and know you're
here
and not somewhere out there."
His
eyes caressed the side of her face closest to him as the stars
twinkled
above. It was their first mission since
he had come back,
but it
had only taken a few hours for him to figure it out. At first,
he
thought it was him- just readjusting to his routine, to Earth. But
then he
would see her eyes linger on him longer than they used to.
Her
hand would fall on his arm more often as if to punctuate the
meaning
of whatever words she happened to be speaking.
She had even
suggested
they go out. To dinner. Just the two of them. That was
the
moment he knew. Something had happened
while he was gone.
Something
big. And she had changed because of
it. "You're
different."
"I
am?" She was delaying the
inevitable. A conversation that she
both
wanted and feared. She knew she was
different. She felt
different. More alive somehow. Or maybe just appreciating life in a
new
way. The sensation of being close to
him now felt...
extraordinary.
The feeling of knowing where he was. That had been the worst. Not really knowing where he was. At least the first time she had known he was
on Edora- not that that was good. But it was definable. A place on a map. A goal to strive for- somewhere to reach out to. Even with Kanan, they had been able to
narrow the search down considerably once given the past mission reports. The realization that he was with Ba'al even
now made her stomach churn, but it had been some*where* they could find. This had been different. So different. And things couldn't be the same again.
"You
know you are." His voice quieted
considerably although there
was no
need. No one was in earshot, and neither Jonas nor Teal'c would
care
even if they heard.
"Yeah,
I guess I am." She took in a deep
breath and braced herself
for the
word she knew would follow.
"Why?" He had been missing before. Nothing really
new about it. He
would
be the first to admit it was getting old, but hardly worth
mentioning
in the scheme of things.
"You
were gone..." She paused,
searching for the way to tell him
without
actually saying it, "again."
"And..."
"I
broke." Broke down, broke in two.
He came
to sit in front of her on the ground.
Facing her, he could
see a
calm in her features that he had never really noticed before.
That
was different, too.
"I
couldn't take it this time." That
was an understatement. She had
been
rude, brusque - mean, even - and inconsolable.
"Third's a charm,
maybe,
but I know how you hate clichés."
It took
him a minute to figure out what she meant: Edora, Ba'al and
now
this. The realization dawned in his
eyes and she continued.
"Things
were moving on. Hammond was talking about me maybe taking over SG-1. People were packing up, giving up, and I
just couldn't accept it." Her eyes
moved toward the stars again, searching for the words, "I know how you
must have felt."
The
entity. Watching the one person you
love probably more than
anything,
and certainly more than yourself, slipping away. Not knowing
how to
reach them. Seeing the end come closer
and not being able to
move
away. Feeling your own death come as
surely as theirs. And, god, the guilt.
"I
told myself that it was because I felt guilty.
For letting him
take my
weapon. But the truth is, I felt guilty
before. For not
reaching
you sooner on Edora, for not figuring out how to get into
Ba'al's
fortress." She focused on his face
again, memorizing each new
line in
earnest. "But it was more than
that."
His
stare met hers, willing her to continue.
"God,
Jack, what are we doing to each other?
To ourselves?" Her eyes
flickered
back and forth into his gaze. "We
keep pretending that we
feel
about each other the way we do about Teal'c or Jonas. And let me
tell
you, I sure as hell hope you don't feel the way about me that you
feel
about either one of them."
The corners
of his mouth turned upward at that, but he didn't want her
to lose
sight of what they really were doing, "We're saving the earth,
protecting
the-"
"Planet.
I know, I know. Honor and duty and
regulations."
"They're
important. To both of us." He wanted
to be sure she wasn't
reacting
out of some kind of emotional turmoil.
Something she would
surely
regret later. He wanted to see some
recognition that the
rational
side of her still existed and was in control.
"Yes
they are. But it occurred to me while
you were gone that maybe
saving
*my* world was just as important this time."
"What
do you mean?" He wanted to know,
but he didn't, too. He
half-wished
an army of Jaffa would emerge through the gate just to
delay
this conversation. But two years was
probably more than long
enough. Longer than it should have been.
"I'm
not exactly sure what I mean."
Quite an admission from either a
scientist
or a soldier. But from both - from her
- it was the
ultimate
confession.
They
looked upwards, searching the sky for something. A sign, maybe?
A
revelation? Or maybe just to enjoy the
quiet. The last few
moments
of the way things used to be before they became something else
entirely. Until one or both of them decided to change
things
irrevocably.
He found
his voice first and forced his eyes toward hers, "Teal'c told
me."
She
wasn't expecting that. Not that Teal'c
shouldn't have told, in
fact,
she suspected that he had. But just
that Jack would admit
knowing
it proved he had changed, too.
"I
was relieved."
Another
surprise. Her eyebrows raised to ask
the question that her
lips
couldn't say.
"I
guess I wasn't sure that you still..."
Oh. Still cared. "I do." More
than she should. More than ever.
More
than she was able to hide. More than
could be contained in one
person,
one body, one heart. One soul was
crying to reach out for its
mate,
and she was now helpless to stop it.
She didn't want to. Not
anymore.
"Yeah,
I got that." A little humor couldn't hurt here, could it?
Her
turn to smile a little.
"So,
you want to try this dinner thing?"
A date with Carter. Now
that
was definitely different.
"It
might be nice." Hope. The one thing she had never really lost.
"It
might mean a court martial." Reality.
He was grounded in the here
and now.
"It
might be worth it." Faith. A belief that *this* was more
important.
"It
might not." Fear. They could both
get hurt, or worse, hurt each
other.
"I'm
willing to take that risk." Courage. *They* were worth taking the
chance
for.
He
always thought he had been willing, too.
But he was afraid for
her. For her career. For what he couldn't offer her.
He was afraid
of the
look he might one day see in her eyes when she realized what
she
gave up to be with him. But maybe, just
maybe, it was their time. Their
place. If Hammond would give her SG-1,
he could give his old knee a rest... "So, where do you want to go to
eat?"
Part 2
A date.
Sam
Carter was going on a date. That in and
of itself was noteworthy.
But
that it was with Jack O'Neill was - well, remarkable.
With a
towel wrapped around her body, she sat on the edge of the bed staring into her
closet. What in the hell was she going
to wear?? Jeans? Maybe too casual. A dress? Too much. A skirt?
Too cold. Pants? He'd seen her in enough of those the past
six years. What was more than jeans but
less than a dress that made her look like a woman? Oh god! When did this get
to be so hard? Isn't this what girls
Cassie's age did?
Trading
the towel for her bathrobe, she decided to start with picking a top and work
her way down. Blue? Too obvious. Black? He'd seen her in
enough of that, too. Red? Too, well, red. Purple? Wait! Lilac- there it was. The perfect shirt- long sleeved, scoop neck
(but not too low) and form fitting. Not
tight, but not loose. Now what to wear
with it?? She remembered one of the
reasons she liked the military to begin with- you didn't have to worry about
what to wear every day.
Back to
the bottom half- what about a long skirt?
Dark gray and clingy but not so much that she couldn't walk. Warm enough, but still feminine. SHOES!!!
Black boots with a bit of a heel. Did it look like she was trying too
hard? Heaven help her hair dryer if she
was having a bad hair day. Shit! Was that a pimple on her chin? No, thank god. Just a bit of ketchup from the fries she and Janet had shared at
lunch. At the mall. She couldn't remember the last time she had
gone to the mall when it wasn't Christmas Eve.
But she needed new underwear, which had nothing whatsoever to do with
her date tonight. And Janet was happy
to go with, not believing for a second that the nice new lacey thong would be
put in the drawer without a test run.
Five
minutes left and she still had her makeup to do. That shouldn't take long, right?
Foundation here, blush there.
Eyeliner- check. Lipstick-
check. Mascara- right eye. Left eye- doorbell! Damn!
Stupid wand missed the bottom lashes and went right for the white of her
eye. Which was causing her eyes to
tear. Which made her look like she had
a black eye. And he was waiting. Plucking a tissue out of the box, she dabbed
it under each eye trying to catch the black marks before they ran down her
cheeks. The bell rang again. Dammit!!
She raced to the living room, catching her hose on something and she
felt the run go up her leg. This was SO
not good. Looking like she had been
crying and hobbling slightly as the cold floor contacted with the skin
underneath the run, she opened the door to see her date staring in confusion at
the sight before him. Her date. Jack.
Oh god.
She
waved him in and before he could comment, "Don't ask."
"I'm
not stupid- I was married, you know."
He sat on the couch as she returned to the bathroom to fix the damage to
her eyes.
"It's
your fault."
"How's
that?"
"You
were early."
"By
like a *minute*."
"I
needed that minute."
"No
you didn't. You look great."
She
couldn't help but smile at that in spite of the image reflected in the
mirror. "I have to change."
"Why?"
"I
thought you knew better than to ask."
"Right."
He
waited as patiently as he could- flipping through catalogs and magazines and
finally finding a fishing show on TV.
She emerged no less than 15 minutes later in fitted black jeans and an
emerald green blouse. The mascara had
run onto the lilac one, and she had been back to square one. The only thing that still worked were the
boots. And the underwear. She vowed never to tell Janet. She was more exhausted than if she had been
in battle against all the System Lords put together. This dating stuff was hard work- and they hadn't even left the
house yet.
By the
grace of some non-false god, the date got considerably easier as the night
progressed. Dinner was good - the
conversation more funny than anything else.
If she hadn't know it was a "date" she could have just as
easily thought it was nothing more than two friends, co-workers even, going out
to dinner. Friendly, easy,
relaxed. And then he pulled up into her
drive. What the hell was she supposed
to say? "Do you want to come
in?" Guess that covered it.
"Sure. But only if you let me make the
coffee." Humor. Thank god.
Two-and-a-half
pots later, they had covered everything from religion to politics to family
relations and were still laughing. And
then she yawned. He took the cue,
"I think I'd better let you get to bed."
"How
can you be so awake? It's pretty late,
and don't even try to tell me you slept well on that last mission. The bugs were biting like crazy, and all I
wanted to do was scratch-"
"Now
you sound like Teal'c." His coat
was on and he was half-way to the door.
She was
only a step behind and was too aware of her increasing heartbeat. Would he kiss her? Should she say something about a second date? God, how long had it been since she had done
this? Did it ever get any easier?
"So..."
"I'm
really glad we did this."
"Yeah,
me too." He took his keys out of
his pocket, and turned to face her as he reached the doorway.
"Maybe
we could do it again?"
"I
don't think we should."
"Oh." No, her heart wasn't breaking. Oh wait.
Yes, it was.
Seeing
the crestfallen look on her face, her realized he had only said half of what he
was thinking and tried to back peddle, "I meant I don't think we should
until we talk to Hammond."
"Oh." Heart mending itself.
"I'd
like to do this again - really."
She
smiled at that, her heart repaired. And
then the awkwardness returned. To kiss
or not to kiss?
"Well..."
Another
yawn. Dammit!
A
chuckle. "I won't take that
personally."
A
blush. "Sorry."
A move
toward her, "Don't be."
Leaning
in.
Lips
parting.
Heads
titling.
Kissing.
This
reality Sam kissing this reality Jack without the influence of an alien device,
or while trapped in a time loop, without stamped memories. Wow!
"Wow."
Another
chuckle, "That, I'll take personally."
He
turned toward the door, turned the knob and was outside before she could come
up with anything else to say except, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Part 3
0630-
not an hour that he was usually at work for unless he happened
to
still be there from the night before.
That seemed to happen less
and
less as the years went on; maybe it was that he trusted his teams
more,
or maybe it was just that he needed more sleep. He was getting
tired
more easily these days, and god knew he had more than earned a
retirement. But the war raged on, and a pivotal time was
upon them.
He
couldn't give up now. Making his way to
the commissary for a cup
of
coffee, he was more than surprised to see his 2IC walking toward
him. Now there was a man who rarely made it in
this early. It was
either
very good or very bad, and studying the look on his face,
George
couldn't actually tell, "Colonel."
"General."
"Are
you on your way to see me?"
"Yes,
Sir, if you have a minute."
"Only
if you join me for a cup of coffee."
"I
think this conversation should happen in private, Sir."
Okay,
so cross off 'very good' from the list.
Turning back toward his
office,
General Hammond sighed- he really should have slept in.
Once
seated opposite each other, Jack drew a strained breath and
began,
"General, I'd like to start off the record, if I may."
"All
right. We can start there."
"As
you may have suspected for awhile, my feelings for... a certain
co-worker
may border on less-than-strictly-professional." He glanced
up
briefly through scrunched eyebrows to see the reaction of his CO.
He was
speechless. Nothing showed on his face
because his body wasn't
quite
registering the conversation yet. USAF
training really didn't
cover
how to handle this, he thought wryly.
"Last
night, that certain someone and I may have decided that we would
like to
pursue... something, sometime, and I thought it best to talk
to you
first, Sir."
Oh
god. What the hell was he supposed to
do now? Break-up his best
team? Court martial one or both of them? And for what? Discussing
the
future? Was that actually against the
regs? Where in the hell
was
that damn book anyway? Damn!
"In
light of the fact that Major Carter would be given command of
SG-1, I
would like to retire...again."
He sat
perfectly still. Hands still
folded. Breathing still
deliberately
measured. His brain working faster than
it had in
awhile.
He briefly wondered if this was what it was like to be Carter.
And then he found it- a loophole in Jack's
thinking, "No."
"No?" He straightened up and took a breath,
"Sir, with all due
respect,
I've done more than my share for the country and the world.
I'm
entitled to a little peace and quiet-"
"You
can retire if you like, Colonel, but Major Carter's not getting
SG-1."
That he
had not been expecting.
"Sir?"
"This
is all still off the record, Jack. Sam
was considered for the
command
of SG-1 but there are forces that even I can't control, and
several
people that frequently visit a white house that we all know
and
love feel that she doesn't have enough experience yet. They would
like to
see her promoted once more before assuming command."
"So
promote her then. She deserves it, you
know that."
"It's
barely been three years since her last one, and you know if it
happens
too quickly, they'll say she's.. well, you know what they'll
say. Let's face it, things are still unfair for
women in the military
just
like anywhere else."
Sleeping
her way to the top. Nothing could be further
from the truth.
But if he retired and they started seeing
each other on top of her
getting
promoted, it would be hell for her. He
couldn't do that, and
he
couldn't retire and leave the flagship team to anyone else. This
*really*
wasn't working out.
"Look
son, I can pretend that we never had this talk. It's really
nothing
I didn't know anyway. But if you and...
that certain someone
are
really planning for the future, then I think we all know the
composition
of SG-1 will have to change eventually."
Confused,
angry, bitter- he couldn't even name all of the emotions he
was
currently feeling let alone act on any of them. So he just sat
there,
staring blankly at the wall.
"I
really am sorry, Jack. I can't imagine
how hard this is on both of
you."
"Thank
you, Sir. We'll work it out." And with that he left just as
quickly
as he had come.
Hammond
stood up to get the cup of coffee he needed even more than
before. Yep, definitely should have slept in.
*****
The
walk to Sam's lab was quicker than he would have liked. He
honestly
didn't know what to say to her. He knew
she wanted SG-1 some
day,
and he really thought he could retire and give it to her. It
seemed
the perfect answer. But, if he was
honest with himself, he
felt more
than a little relieved when he realized the plan wasn't
going
to work. There was a big part of him
that wasn't ready to give
up
command yet. But god, now what would
they do? He found Sam's lab
empty
and was spared the discussion for the moment.
*****
Returning
from the commissary, he was not entirely surprised to find
her
sitting in the same seat Jack had occupied only moments before,
"Major."
Rising
she seemed startled, "General."
He made
his was around the desk and seated himself, bracing for
whatever
bombshell she was going to drop.
"I
hope you have a few minutes for me, Sir."
"Of
course." He took a sip- not nearly
strong enough.
"Sir,
I would like to request a reassignment."
This
was *so* not funny.
"I
know it's sudden and may seem unexpected, but the truth is, I've
been
thinking about it for quite awhile, and well... recent events
have
caused me to rethink my position here at the SGC."
She
couldn't have already talked to Jack.
There hadn't been enough
time. She was doing this without him even knowing,
and now George
knew
that Jack had been doing the same thing without her knowing, too.
"I
would like to be reassigned to a science team, Sir, and remove
myself
from SG-1."
"Why
is that, Major?" Maybe there was a
good reason, one that he
could
actually buy, and more importantly, give to anyone who asked.
"Well,
it's just that I feel like I'm not as involved with the science
aspect
of things as I would like. I think I
could be more valuable to
the SGC
if I could devote myself full-time to studying and analyzing
the
technology that comes back through the gate."
"But
you already do that-"
"Sometimes
I have time and sometimes I don't. It's
a change I really
want to
make, Sir.' She paused, wondering how
much she should give
away,
and decided to go for broke, "I'm 35, General, and to be honest,
I would
like to think about a future- a family.
Having a 'normal'
life. Going through the gate on combat missions
isn't exactly
conducive
to that."
True
enough, but if she suspected that he knew it was more that that,
she
wasn't letting on, and so neither would he.
"Are you sure about
this?"
"Yes,
Sir."
"Once
I make the arrangements, it would be very hard to undo-"
"I'm
positive, Sir. I won't change my
mind."
"Very
well." He pulled a form out of his
desk and started writing,
"I'll
start the paperwork today."
"Thank
you, Sir." She stood to leave.
But he
wasn't done with her yet, "Oh, and Major?"
"Yes,
Sir?"
"Will
you please tell Colonel O'Neill that he needs to find a new
2IC?"
"I'll
do that General."
"Tell
him I don't care if it's a scientist or not, but it had better
damn
well not be a woman."
She
turned five shades of crimson before making it out into the
hallway. He knew all along. Of course - he hadn't made general for
nothing.
Part 4
He was
plagued by indecision. Two sides of his
brain were at war with
each
other as the water from the shower beat hot and hard onto his
chest. On the one hand, he was thrilled, elated -
overjoyed, even -
at the thought
of a night out with her. Their second
date. Nothing
short
of a miracle considering all they had been through in the past
few
years. That they were still alive was
worth celebrating on a
daily
basis. That their feelings for one
another had survived, and
had
actually grown stronger, astounded him.
His
thoughts raged on as he turned to let the water massage his back.
He
couldn't help the sinking feeling that she had given up too much
to be
with him. That he had been willing to
give it all up, too,
seemed
less important. He was close to the end
of his career; she was
just
getting started. He felt guilt in equal
measure with affection
that
she thought he was worth it. Worth the
sacrifice, worth the
effort,
worth the risk. Maybe Daniel had been
right- maybe, just
maybe,
he was a better man than he thought he was.
Stepping
out onto the bath mat, he caught a glimpse of his reflection
in the
slightly fogged mirror. He saw a man with so much darkness in
his
eyes that he wondered how her light could have possibly found its
way so
deep inside of him. But it had, and
that's when he caught the
sight
of a smile on his own face. The likes
of which he hadn't seen
for so
many years. Older now, more gray for
sure, a few more
wrinkles,
but still a man in love.
If he
didn't hurry, he was going to be late, and although he didn't
want to
be early- he remembered his entrance on their first date too
clearly
still- he certainly didn't want to have to explain that he
couldn't
decide what to wear. Imagine if that
excuse ever got
circulated
among gossip-central on base. Colonel
Jack O'Neill was
late
for his date with *the* Sam Carter because he couldn't decide
between
a sweater or a button-up shirt. He
really needed a woman's
opinion
which was quite frightening considering the only woman whose
opinion
he was interested in was the one person he wouldn't dare call.
Unless,
there was one other woman that might help him out. She'd
never
let him forget it, of course, but...
He
dialed up the base, "O'Neill for Dr. Fraiser." She'd understand,
right? And there was that whole doctor-patient
confidentiality thing,
so it's
not like she could tell Sam. Right?
"Dr.
Fraiser."
"Doc."
"Colonel? Aren't you supposed to be..."
"Ah,
yeah, yeah, but I'm having a bit of a problem, and I thought
maybe
you could-"
"What
are your symptoms?"
"No,
no, nothing like that, it's just that-"
"Colonel,
I hate to seem rude, but I've got a lot of patients here.
SG-5
just came back with some kind of-"
"Okay,
I'll make it quick if you can make it confidential."
"Sir,
you know all of our conversations are confidential."
"Right. Good." Deep breath, okay, he could do
this.
"Colonel,
please!"
"Alright
already. What the hell should I
wear?"
Thank
god for several years of Air Force training and medical school
combined
or she surely would have burst out laughing.
As it was she
couldn't
help her eyes doubling in size and the corners of her mouth
turning
up. He was asking for advice on what to
wear. My god, he was
completely
head over heels, wasn't he?
"Doc?"
"Sorry. A nurse needed my signature." Right.
"Where are you going?"
She
could do this.
"Dinner
and a movie."
Why did
that sound so sweet coming from him?
The hard-assed 2IC of
the world's
most secret facility was going out to dinner and a movie
like he
was in high school. "How about
jeans and a shirt?" She
really
wished Sam had been more open about her feelings where her
former
CO's body was concerned. That would
make this much easier. As
it was,
she only had the whisperings of her nurses to go on, and her
own
opinion of course, which may not be that far from Sam's.
"You
don't think that's too casual?"
"She
sees you in BDU's every day. Anything
is better than that."
"Uh
huh." He didn't sound convinced.
She
really had to get back to work, so she decided straight-forward
honesty
would be the best approach with him, "If the gossip that goes
around
the nurses is any indication, I would stick with something you
feel
comfortable in and that's..." Ok,
this was harder to say, but
they
were her friends after all, "fitted."
"Fitted?"
"You
know, not too loose."
"You
mean tight?"
"No,
not tight. Just not loose."
"Huh?"
"Look,
Colonel, I've really got to go. Good
luck."
He hung
up more confused than when he started.
And now he was
officially
late.
He
showed up 7 minutes beyond the arranged time and was slightly
flustered. He had gone with khaki pants and a navy blue
sweater.
Going
through his closet made him aware that most of the things he had
bought
recently either seemed to be yellow or blue.
Coincidence, he
was
sure.
Walking
up to her door, he couldn't help but notice that he felt more
nervous
than the first time. Maybe because this
was actually for
real. There weren't any barriers other than the
ones they had
created. The walls could come down, and he started to
realize he was
terrified
of the depth of his feelings for her.
Resolving himself to
not
screw this up, he knocked on the door and waited.
He
needn't have worried. Their second date
was more relaxed than the
first. Dinner was fun, although he found himself
much too aware of
the
several other men who didn't mind taking notice of his date. His
*date*. That still felt weird. So, in part because he'd wanted to
every
time he'd seen a movie since he had met her, and in part because
they
were some of the only seats left, he pulled her into the far back
corner
of the last row of seats in the theatre.
They had made it just
in time
to see a few trailers, and once they were settled with the
popcorn
on her lap ("I don't trust you not to eat it all") and the
candy
in his ("I know your sweet tooth"), they started to watch the
movie. Which was a mistake. So very bad. It was about 20 minutes in
that she
had to lean over to him and ask, "Is this is bad as I think
it
is?"
"Worse."
"The
popcorn's gone."
"So
are the Milk Duds."
"So,
I guess that only leaves-"
Her
words were cut off by the invasion of his tongue into her mouth.
Salt
and sugar mixed together in an entirely clichéd setting, loud
action
music blaring. Neither one caring.
The
drive back to her house was a combination of fast spurts to the
next
red light where they would make out for a few seconds. Thank god
he had
a truck with bench seating. He was
never buying a car again.
Once he
pulled into the driveway, the reality hit him fast and hard.
He was
either going in and they were going to - well, do *that* - or he
was
going home and taking a very cold shower.
Very, very cold. And
long.
Apparently
she wasn't stopping to think. Her door swung open as soon
as he
turned off the ignition. She was
half-way to the door when she
realized
he hadn't moved. She turned around and
slowly walked back to
her
side and got in, "What is it?"
"I
don't know." He could barely look
at her, his fingers playing with
the
keys in his hands.
She
reached over and put her hand on his thigh, "If you don't want-"
"Oh,
no. I want, I want. It's just that..."
"Six
years isn't enough foreplay for you?"
He
could hear the smile even if he didn't dare turn his head to see
it,
"Suppose it's not what we think it's going to be. I mean, maybe I
won't
be what you-"
"Maybe
I won't be what you-"
"That's
impossible."
She
chuckled, "How do you know that?"
"I
just know."
"So
do I."
His
gaze met hers. Understanding, longing,
and fear all tangled in
their
web of trust and need. And now love. Or
at least the imminent
physical
expression of it, even if the word hadn't been spoken yet.
He took
her hand in his and pulled her to him for a last kiss
before
they made their way out of the truck and into her house.
Less
frenzied than the hours before, the night passed in slow
movements,
each more meaningful and confident than the last. Nervous
giggles
turned into throaty chuckles. Tightly
closed eyes began
peering
open for glimpses of their new lovers.
Smells both new and
familiar
filled the air. Moans and cries and
whimpers broke the
rhythm
of heavy breathing. Until, at last, the
room was filled with
nothing
but soft kisses and caresses that lingered into the morning
light.