Title: Somewhere Out There (0/12)

 

Author: Lisa Yaeger

 

E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com

 

Rating: PG (so far, if that changes, I'll post a new rating)

 

Category: Angst, Romance

 

Pairings: Sam/Jack

 

Content Warnings: None that I can see yet...

 

Summary: Sam and Jack try the relationship thing, but it's not going to be easy.

 

Season/sequel: Set in season 6 after Paradise Lost

 

Spoilers: 100 Days, D&C (minor ones), The Entity, Abyss, Paradise Lost

 

Archive: SJD, yes & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the

property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This

piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary

purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are

copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or

dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

 

Status: Here's the thing with this fic- I've been thinking about it for months, but I couldn't figure out how to start it until Paradise Lost came out.  Even though I haven't seen it, it gave me the kick in the pants I needed, and now my muse is back.  Turns out she was vacationing in Hawaii with someone else's muse...  Anyway, I think this could end up being pretty long and angsty, so stay with me, and don't be afraid to tell me if you think I'm off track.

 

Author's notes: Thanks for the constant support of some of my favorite authors and fellow shippers- Emry, Jojo, Peter Pan, Moon, Sesa and Suz - for you know what:)  And to my husband who wants to vote for my fic in the SJFA even though he really doesn't have a clue what that means.

 

Feedback: Greatly appreciated.

 

Date: 12-1-2003

 

Part 1

 

"Beautiful night."  His footsteps preceded his words.

 

Her eyes never left the sky, "It's nice to look up and know you're

here and not somewhere out there."

 

His eyes caressed the side of her face closest to him as the stars

twinkled above.  It was their first mission since he had come back,

but it had only taken a few hours for him to figure it out.  At first,

he thought it was him- just readjusting to his routine, to Earth.  But

then he would see her eyes linger on him longer than they used to.

Her hand would fall on his arm more often as if to punctuate the

meaning of whatever words she happened to be speaking.  She had even

suggested they go out.  To dinner.  Just the two of them.  That was

the moment he knew.  Something had happened while he was gone.

Something big.  And she had changed because of it.  "You're

different." 

 

"I am?"  She was delaying the inevitable.  A conversation that she

both wanted and feared.  She knew she was different.  She felt

different.  More alive somehow.  Or maybe just appreciating life in a

new way.  The sensation of being close to him now felt...

extraordinary. The feeling of knowing where he was. That had been the worst.  Not really knowing where he was.  At least the first time she had known he was on Edora- not that that was good. But it was definable.  A place on a map.  A goal to strive for- somewhere to reach out to.  Even with Kanan, they had been able to narrow the search down considerably once given the past mission reports.  The realization that he was with Ba'al even now made her stomach churn, but it had been some*where* they could find.  This had been different. So different.  And things couldn't be the same again.

 

"You know you are."  His voice quieted considerably although there

was no need. No one was in earshot, and neither Jonas nor Teal'c would

care even if they heard. 

 

"Yeah, I guess I am."  She took in a deep breath and braced herself

for the word she knew would follow.

 

"Why?"  He had been missing before. Nothing really new about it.  He

would be the first to admit it was getting old, but hardly worth

mentioning in the scheme of things.

 

"You were gone..."  She paused, searching for the way to tell him

without actually saying it, "again."

 

"And..." 

 

"I broke."  Broke down, broke in two.

 

He came to sit in front of her on the ground.  Facing her, he could

see a calm in her features that he had never really noticed before.

That was different, too.

 

"I couldn't take it this time."  That was an understatement.  She had

been rude, brusque - mean, even - and inconsolable.  "Third's a charm,

maybe, but I know how you hate clichés."

 

It took him a minute to figure out what she meant: Edora, Ba'al and

now this.  The realization dawned in his eyes and she continued.

 

"Things were moving on. Hammond was talking about me maybe taking over SG-1.  People were packing up, giving up, and I just couldn't accept it."  Her eyes moved toward the stars again, searching for the words, "I know how you must have felt."

 

The entity.  Watching the one person you love probably more than

anything, and certainly more than yourself, slipping away. Not knowing

how to reach them.  Seeing the end come closer and not being able to

move away.  Feeling your own death come as surely as theirs.  And, god, the guilt.

 

"I told myself that it was because I felt guilty.  For letting him

take my weapon.  But the truth is, I felt guilty before.  For not

reaching you sooner on Edora, for not figuring out how to get into

Ba'al's fortress."  She focused on his face again, memorizing each new

line in earnest.  "But it was more than that."

 

His stare met hers, willing her to continue.

 

"God, Jack, what are we doing to each other?  To ourselves?"  Her eyes

flickered back and forth into his gaze.  "We keep pretending that we

feel about each other the way we do about Teal'c or Jonas.  And let me

tell you, I sure as hell hope you don't feel the way about me that you

feel about either one of them."

 

The corners of his mouth turned upward at that, but he didn't want her

to lose sight of what they really were doing, "We're saving the earth,

protecting the-"

 

"Planet. I know, I know.  Honor and duty and regulations."

 

"They're important. To both of us."  He wanted to be sure she wasn't

reacting out of some kind of emotional turmoil.  Something she would

surely regret later.  He wanted to see some recognition that the

rational side of her still existed and was in control.

 

"Yes they are.  But it occurred to me while you were gone that maybe

saving *my* world was just as important this time."

 

"What do you mean?"  He wanted to know, but he didn't, too.  He

half-wished an army of Jaffa would emerge through the gate just to

delay this conversation.  But two years was probably more than long

enough.  Longer than it should have been.

 

"I'm not exactly sure what I mean."  Quite an admission from either a

scientist or a soldier.  But from both - from her - it was the

ultimate confession.

 

They looked upwards, searching the sky for something.   A sign, maybe?

A revelation?  Or maybe just to enjoy the quiet.  The last few

moments of the way things used to be before they became something else

entirely.  Until one or both of them decided to change things

irrevocably.

 

He found his voice first and forced his eyes toward hers, "Teal'c told

me."

 

She wasn't expecting that.  Not that Teal'c shouldn't have told, in

fact, she suspected that he had.  But just that Jack would admit

knowing it proved he had changed, too.

 

"I was relieved."

 

Another surprise.  Her eyebrows raised to ask the question that her

lips couldn't say.

 

"I guess I wasn't sure that you still..."

 

Oh.  Still cared.  "I do."  More than she should.  More than ever.

More than she was able to hide.  More than could be contained in one

person, one body, one heart.  One soul was crying to reach out for its

mate, and she was now helpless to stop it.  She didn't want to.  Not

anymore.

 

"Yeah, I got that." A little humor couldn't hurt here, could it?

 

Her turn to smile a little.

 

"So, you want to try this dinner thing?"  A date with Carter.  Now

that was definitely different.

 

"It might be nice."  Hope.  The one thing she had never really lost.

 

"It might mean a court martial." Reality.  He was grounded in the here

and now.

 

"It might be worth it." Faith.  A belief that *this* was more

important.

 

"It might not." Fear.  They could both get hurt, or worse, hurt each

other.

 

"I'm willing to take that risk." Courage. *They* were worth taking the

chance for.

 

He always thought he had been willing, too.  But he was afraid for

her.  For her career.  For what he couldn't offer her.  He was afraid

of the look he might one day see in her eyes when she realized what

she gave up to be with him.  But maybe, just maybe, it was their time.  Their place.  If Hammond would give her SG-1, he could give his old knee a rest... "So, where do you want to go to eat?"

 

Part 2

 

A date.

 

Sam Carter was going on a date.  That in and of itself was noteworthy.

 

But that it was with Jack O'Neill was - well, remarkable.

 

With a towel wrapped around her body, she sat on the edge of the bed staring into her closet.  What in the hell was she going to wear??  Jeans?  Maybe too casual.  A dress?  Too much.   A skirt?  Too cold.  Pants?  He'd seen her in enough of those the past six years.  What was more than jeans but less than a dress that made her look like a woman?  Oh god!  When did this get to be so hard?  Isn't this what girls Cassie's age did?

 

Trading the towel for her bathrobe, she decided to start with picking a top and work her way down.  Blue?  Too obvious.  Black?  He'd seen her in enough of that, too.  Red?  Too, well, red.  Purple?  Wait!  Lilac- there it was.  The perfect shirt- long sleeved, scoop neck (but not too low) and form fitting.  Not tight, but not loose.  Now what to wear with it??  She remembered one of the reasons she liked the military to begin with- you didn't have to worry about what to wear every day. 

 

Back to the bottom half- what about a long skirt?  Dark gray and clingy but not so much that she couldn't walk.  Warm enough, but still feminine.  SHOES!!!  Black boots with a bit of a heel. Did it look like she was trying too hard?  Heaven help her hair dryer if she was having a bad hair day.  Shit!  Was that a pimple on her chin?  No, thank god.  Just a bit of ketchup from the fries she and Janet had shared at lunch.  At the mall.  She couldn't remember the last time she had gone to the mall when it wasn't Christmas Eve.  But she needed new underwear, which had nothing whatsoever to do with her date tonight.  And Janet was happy to go with, not believing for a second that the nice new lacey thong would be put in the drawer without a test run.

 

Five minutes left and she still had her makeup to do.  That shouldn't take long, right?  Foundation here, blush there.  Eyeliner- check.  Lipstick- check.  Mascara- right eye.  Left eye- doorbell!  Damn!  Stupid wand missed the bottom lashes and went right for the white of her eye.  Which was causing her eyes to tear.  Which made her look like she had a black eye.  And he was waiting.  Plucking a tissue out of the box, she dabbed it under each eye trying to catch the black marks before they ran down her cheeks.  The bell rang again.  Dammit!!  She raced to the living room, catching her hose on something and she felt the run go up her leg.  This was SO not good.  Looking like she had been crying and hobbling slightly as the cold floor contacted with the skin underneath the run, she opened the door to see her date staring in confusion at the sight before him.  Her date.  Jack.  Oh god.

 

She waved him in and before he could comment, "Don't ask."

 

"I'm not stupid- I was married, you know."  He sat on the couch as she returned to the bathroom to fix the damage to her eyes.

 

"It's your fault."

 

"How's that?" 

 

"You were early."

 

"By like a *minute*."

 

"I needed that minute."

 

"No you didn't.  You look great."

 

She couldn't help but smile at that in spite of the image reflected in the mirror.  "I have to change."

 

"Why?"

 

"I thought you knew better than to ask."

 

"Right."

 

He waited as patiently as he could- flipping through catalogs and magazines and finally finding a fishing show on TV.  She emerged no less than 15 minutes later in fitted black jeans and an emerald green blouse.  The mascara had run onto the lilac one, and she had been back to square one.  The only thing that still worked were the boots.  And the underwear.  She vowed never to tell Janet.  She was more exhausted than if she had been in battle against all the System Lords put together.  This dating stuff was hard work- and they hadn't even left the house yet. 

 

By the grace of some non-false god, the date got considerably easier as the night progressed.  Dinner was good - the conversation more funny than anything else.  If she hadn't know it was a "date" she could have just as easily thought it was nothing more than two friends, co-workers even, going out to dinner.  Friendly, easy, relaxed.  And then he pulled up into her drive.  What the hell was she supposed to say?  "Do you want to come in?"  Guess that covered it.

 

"Sure.  But only if you let me make the coffee."  Humor.  Thank god.

 

Two-and-a-half pots later, they had covered everything from religion to politics to family relations and were still laughing.  And then she yawned.  He took the cue, "I think I'd better let you get to bed."

 

"How can you be so awake?  It's pretty late, and don't even try to tell me you slept well on that last mission.  The bugs were biting like crazy, and all I wanted to do was scratch-"

 

"Now you sound like Teal'c."  His coat was on and he was half-way to the door.

 

She was only a step behind and was too aware of her increasing heartbeat.  Would he kiss her?  Should she say something about a second date?  God, how long had it been since she had done this?  Did it ever get any easier?

 

"So..."

 

"I'm really glad we did this."

 

"Yeah, me too."  He took his keys out of his pocket, and turned to face her as he reached the doorway.

 

"Maybe we could do it again?"

 

"I don't think we should."

 

"Oh."  No, her heart wasn't breaking.  Oh wait.  Yes, it was.

 

Seeing the crestfallen look on her face, her realized he had only said half of what he was thinking and tried to back peddle, "I meant I don't think we should until we talk to Hammond."

 

"Oh."  Heart mending itself.

 

"I'd like to do this again - really."

 

She smiled at that, her heart repaired.  And then the awkwardness returned.  To kiss or not to kiss?

 

"Well..."

 

Another yawn.  Dammit!

 

A chuckle.  "I won't take that personally."

 

A blush.  "Sorry."

 

A move toward her, "Don't be."

 

Leaning in.

 

Lips parting.

 

Heads titling.

 

Kissing.

 

This reality Sam kissing this reality Jack without the influence of an alien device, or while trapped in a time loop, without stamped memories.  Wow!

 

"Wow."

 

Another chuckle, "That, I'll take personally."

 

He turned toward the door, turned the knob and was outside before she could come up with anything else to say except, "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight."

 

Part 3

 

0630- not an hour that he was usually at work for unless he happened

to still be there from the night before.  That seemed to happen less

and less as the years went on; maybe it was that he trusted his teams

more, or maybe it was just that he needed more sleep.  He was getting

tired more easily these days, and god knew he had more than earned a

retirement.  But the war raged on, and a pivotal time was upon them.

He couldn't give up now.  Making his way to the commissary for a cup

of coffee, he was more than surprised to see his 2IC walking toward

him.  Now there was a man who rarely made it in this early.  It was

either very good or very bad, and studying the look on his face,

George couldn't actually tell, "Colonel."

 

"General."

 

"Are you on your way to see me?"

 

"Yes, Sir, if you have a minute."

 

"Only if you join me for a cup of coffee."

 

"I think this conversation should happen in private, Sir."

 

Okay, so cross off 'very good' from the list.  Turning back toward his

office, General Hammond sighed- he really should have slept in.

 

Once seated opposite each other, Jack drew a strained breath and

began, "General, I'd like to start off the record, if I may."

 

"All right.  We can start there."

 

"As you may have suspected for awhile, my feelings for... a certain

co-worker may border on less-than-strictly-professional."  He glanced

up briefly through scrunched eyebrows to see the reaction of his CO.

 

He was speechless.  Nothing showed on his face because his body wasn't

quite registering the conversation yet.  USAF training really didn't

cover how to handle this, he thought wryly.

 

"Last night, that certain someone and I may have decided that we would

like to pursue... something, sometime, and I thought it best to talk

to you first, Sir."

 

Oh god.  What the hell was he supposed to do now?  Break-up his best

team?  Court martial one or both of them?  And for what?  Discussing

the future?  Was that actually against the regs?  Where in the hell

was that damn book anyway?  Damn!

 

"In light of the fact that Major Carter would be given command of

SG-1, I would like to retire...again."

 

He sat perfectly still.  Hands still folded.  Breathing still

deliberately measured.  His brain working faster than it had in

awhile. He briefly wondered if this was what it was like to be Carter.

 And then he found it- a loophole in Jack's thinking, "No."

 

"No?"  He straightened up and took a breath, "Sir, with all due

respect, I've done more than my share for the country and the world.

I'm entitled to a little peace and quiet-"

 

"You can retire if you like, Colonel, but Major Carter's not getting

SG-1."

 

That he had not been expecting.  "Sir?"

 

"This is all still off the record, Jack.  Sam was considered for the

command of SG-1 but there are forces that even I can't control, and

several people that frequently visit a white house that we all know

and love feel that she doesn't have enough experience yet.  They would

like to see her promoted once more before assuming command."

 

"So promote her then.  She deserves it, you know that."

 

"It's barely been three years since her last one, and you know if it

happens too quickly, they'll say she's.. well, you know what they'll

say.  Let's face it, things are still unfair for women in the military

just like anywhere else."

 

Sleeping her way to the top.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

 But if he retired and they started seeing each other on top of her

getting promoted, it would be hell for her.  He couldn't do that, and

he couldn't retire and leave the flagship team to anyone else. This

*really* wasn't working out.

 

"Look son, I can pretend that we never had this talk.  It's really

nothing I didn't know anyway.  But if you and... that certain someone

are really planning for the future, then I think we all know the

composition of SG-1 will have to change eventually."

 

Confused, angry, bitter- he couldn't even name all of the emotions he

was currently feeling let alone act on any of them.  So he just sat

there, staring blankly at the wall.

 

"I really am sorry, Jack.  I can't imagine how hard this is on both of

you."

 

"Thank you, Sir.  We'll work it out."  And with that he left just as

quickly as he had come.

 

Hammond stood up to get the cup of coffee he needed even more than

before.  Yep, definitely should have slept in.

 

*****

 

The walk to Sam's lab was quicker than he would have liked.  He

honestly didn't know what to say to her.  He knew she wanted SG-1 some

day, and he really thought he could retire and give it to her.  It

seemed the perfect answer.  But, if he was honest with himself, he

felt more than a little relieved when he realized the plan wasn't

going to work.  There was a big part of him that wasn't ready to give

up command yet.  But god, now what would they do?  He found Sam's lab

empty and was spared the discussion for the moment.

 

*****

 

Returning from the commissary, he was not entirely surprised to find

her sitting in the same seat Jack had occupied only moments before,

"Major."

 

Rising she seemed startled, "General."

 

He made his was around the desk and seated himself, bracing for

whatever bombshell she was going to drop.

 

"I hope you have a few minutes for me, Sir."

 

"Of course."  He took a sip- not nearly strong enough.

 

"Sir, I would like to request a reassignment."

 

This was *so* not funny.

 

"I know it's sudden and may seem unexpected, but the truth is, I've

been thinking about it for quite awhile, and well... recent events

have caused me to rethink my position here at the SGC."

 

She couldn't have already talked to Jack.  There hadn't been enough

time.  She was doing this without him even knowing, and now George

knew that Jack had been doing the same thing without her knowing, too.

 

"I would like to be reassigned to a science team, Sir, and remove

myself from SG-1."

 

"Why is that, Major?"  Maybe there was a good reason, one that he

could actually buy, and more importantly, give to anyone who asked.

 

"Well, it's just that I feel like I'm not as involved with the science

aspect of things as I would like.  I think I could be more valuable to

the SGC if I could devote myself full-time to studying and analyzing

the technology that comes back through the gate."

 

"But you already do that-"

 

"Sometimes I have time and sometimes I don't.  It's a change I really

want to make, Sir.'  She paused, wondering how much she should give

away, and decided to go for broke, "I'm 35, General, and to be honest,

I would like to think about a future- a family.  Having a 'normal'

life.  Going through the gate on combat missions isn't exactly

conducive to that."

 

True enough, but if she suspected that he knew it was more that that,

she wasn't letting on, and so neither would he.  "Are you sure about

this?"

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"Once I make the arrangements, it would be very hard to undo-"

 

"I'm positive, Sir.  I won't change my mind."

 

"Very well."  He pulled a form out of his desk and started writing,

"I'll start the paperwork today."

 

"Thank you, Sir."  She stood to leave.

 

But he wasn't done with her yet, "Oh, and Major?"

 

"Yes, Sir?"

 

"Will you please tell Colonel O'Neill that he needs to find a new

2IC?"

 

"I'll do that General."

 

"Tell him I don't care if it's a scientist or not, but it had better

damn well not be a woman."

 

She turned five shades of crimson before making it out into the

hallway.  He knew all along.  Of course - he hadn't made general for

nothing.

 

Part 4

 

He was plagued by indecision.  Two sides of his brain were at war with

each other as the water from the shower beat hot and hard onto his

chest.  On the one hand, he was thrilled, elated - overjoyed, even -

at the thought of a night out with her.  Their second date.  Nothing

short of a miracle considering all they had been through in the past

few years.  That they were still alive was worth celebrating on a

daily basis.  That their feelings for one another had survived, and

had actually grown stronger, astounded him. 

 

His thoughts raged on as he turned to let the water massage his back.

He couldn't help the sinking feeling that she had given up too much

to be with him.  That he had been willing to give it all up, too,

seemed less important.  He was close to the end of his career; she was

just getting started.  He felt guilt in equal measure with affection

that she thought he was worth it.  Worth the sacrifice, worth the

effort, worth the risk.  Maybe Daniel had been right- maybe, just

maybe, he was a better man than he thought he was.

 

Stepping out onto the bath mat, he caught a glimpse of his reflection

in the slightly fogged mirror. He saw a man with so much darkness in

his eyes that he wondered how her light could have possibly found its

way so deep inside of him.  But it had, and that's when he caught the

sight of a smile on his own face.  The likes of which he hadn't seen

for so many years.  Older now, more gray for sure, a few more

wrinkles, but still a man in love. 

 

If he didn't hurry, he was going to be late, and although he didn't

want to be early- he remembered his entrance on their first date too

clearly still- he certainly didn't want to have to explain that he

couldn't decide what to wear.  Imagine if that excuse ever got

circulated among gossip-central on base.  Colonel Jack O'Neill was

late for his date with *the* Sam Carter because he couldn't decide

between a sweater or a button-up shirt.  He really needed a woman's

opinion which was quite frightening considering the only woman whose

opinion he was interested in was the one person he wouldn't dare call.

Unless, there was one other woman that might help him out.  She'd

never let him forget it, of course, but... 

 

He dialed up the base, "O'Neill for Dr. Fraiser."  She'd understand,

right?  And there was that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing,

so it's not like she could tell Sam.  Right?

 

"Dr. Fraiser."

 

"Doc."

 

"Colonel?  Aren't you supposed to be..."

 

"Ah, yeah, yeah, but I'm having a bit of a problem, and I thought

maybe you could-"

 

"What are your symptoms?"

 

"No, no, nothing like that, it's just that-"

 

"Colonel, I hate to seem rude, but I've got a lot of patients here.

SG-5 just came back with some kind of-"

 

"Okay, I'll make it quick if you can make it confidential."

 

"Sir, you know all of our conversations are confidential."

 

"Right.  Good." Deep breath, okay, he could do this.

 

"Colonel, please!"

 

"Alright already.  What the hell should I wear?"

 

Thank god for several years of Air Force training and medical school

combined or she surely would have burst out laughing.  As it was she

couldn't help her eyes doubling in size and the corners of her mouth

turning up.  He was asking for advice on what to wear.  My god, he was

completely head over heels, wasn't he?

 

"Doc?"

 

"Sorry.  A nurse needed my signature."  Right.  "Where are you going?"

She could do this.

 

"Dinner and a movie."

 

Why did that sound so sweet coming from him?  The hard-assed 2IC of

the world's most secret facility was going out to dinner and a movie

like he was in high school.  "How about jeans and a shirt?"  She

really wished Sam had been more open about her feelings where her

former CO's body was concerned.  That would make this much easier.  As

it was, she only had the whisperings of her nurses to go on, and her

own opinion of course, which may not be that far from Sam's.

 

"You don't think that's too casual?"

 

"She sees you in BDU's every day.  Anything is better than that."

 

"Uh huh."  He didn't sound convinced.

 

She really had to get back to work, so she decided straight-forward

honesty would be the best approach with him, "If the gossip that goes

around the nurses is any indication, I would stick with something you

feel comfortable in and that's..."  Ok, this was harder to say, but

they were her friends after all, "fitted."

 

"Fitted?"

 

"You know, not too loose."

 

"You mean tight?"

 

"No, not tight.  Just not loose."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Look, Colonel, I've really got to go.  Good luck."

 

He hung up more confused than when he started.  And now he was

officially late.

 

He showed up 7 minutes beyond the arranged time and was slightly

flustered.  He had gone with khaki pants and a navy blue sweater.

Going through his closet made him aware that most of the things he had

bought recently either seemed to be yellow or blue.  Coincidence, he

was sure. 

 

Walking up to her door, he couldn't help but notice that he felt more

nervous than the first time.  Maybe because this was actually for

real.  There weren't any barriers other than the ones they had

created.  The walls could come down, and he started to realize he was

terrified of the depth of his feelings for her.  Resolving himself to

not screw this up, he knocked on the door and waited. 

 

He needn't have worried.  Their second date was more relaxed than the

first.  Dinner was fun, although he found himself much too aware of

the several other men who didn't mind taking notice of his date.  His

*date*.  That still felt weird.  So, in part because he'd wanted to

every time he'd seen a movie since he had met her, and in part because

they were some of the only seats left, he pulled her into the far back

corner of the last row of seats in the theatre.  They had made it just

in time to see a few trailers, and once they were settled with the

popcorn on her lap ("I don't trust you not to eat it all") and the

candy in his ("I know your sweet tooth"), they started to watch the

movie.  Which was a mistake.  So very bad.  It was about 20 minutes in

that she had to lean over to him and ask, "Is this is bad as I think

it is?"

 

"Worse."

 

"The popcorn's gone."

 

"So are the Milk Duds."

 

"So, I guess that only leaves-"

 

Her words were cut off by the invasion of his tongue into her mouth.

Salt and sugar mixed together in an entirely clichéd setting, loud

action music blaring.  Neither one caring. 

 

The drive back to her house was a combination of fast spurts to the

next red light where they would make out for a few seconds.  Thank god

he had a truck with bench seating.  He was never buying a car again. 

 

Once he pulled into the driveway, the reality hit him fast and hard.

He was either going in and they were going to - well, do *that* - or he

was going home and taking a very cold shower.  Very, very cold.  And

long.

 

Apparently she wasn't stopping to think. Her door swung open as soon

as he turned off the ignition.  She was half-way to the door when she

realized he hadn't moved.  She turned around and slowly walked back to

her side and got in, "What is it?" 

 

"I don't know."  He could barely look at her, his fingers playing with

the keys in his hands.

 

She reached over and put her hand on his thigh, "If you don't want-"

 

"Oh, no.  I want, I want.  It's just that..."

 

"Six years isn't enough foreplay for you?"

 

He could hear the smile even if he didn't dare turn his head to see

it, "Suppose it's not what we think it's going to be.  I mean, maybe I

won't be what you-"

 

"Maybe I won't be what you-"

 

"That's impossible."

 

She chuckled, "How do you know that?"

 

"I just know."

 

"So do I."

 

His gaze met hers.  Understanding, longing, and fear all tangled in

their web of trust and need.  And now love. Or at least the imminent

physical expression of it, even if the word hadn't been spoken yet.

He took her hand in his and pulled her to him for a last kiss

before they made their way out of the truck and into her house. 

 

Less frenzied than the hours before, the night passed in slow

movements, each more meaningful and confident than the last.  Nervous

giggles turned into throaty chuckles.  Tightly closed eyes began

peering open for glimpses of their new lovers.  Smells both new and

familiar filled the air.  Moans and cries and whimpers broke the

rhythm of heavy breathing.  Until, at last, the room was filled with

nothing but soft kisses and caresses that lingered into the morning

light.