Title: Somewhere Out There (0/12)

 

Author: Lisa Yaeger

 

E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com

 

Rating: PG (so far, if that changes, I'll post a new rating)

 

Category: Angst, Romance

 

Pairings: Sam/Jack

 

Content Warnings: None that I can see yet...

 

Summary: Sam and Jack try the relationship thing, but it's not going to be easy.

 

Season/sequel: Set in season 6 after Paradise Lost

 

Spoilers: 100 Days, D&C (minor ones), The Entity, Abyss, Paradise Lost

 

Archive: SJD, yes & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the

property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This

piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary

purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are

copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or

dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

 

Status: Here's the thing with this fic- I've been thinking about it for months, but I couldn't figure out how to start it until Paradise Lost came out.  Even though I haven't seen it, it gave me the kick in the pants I needed, and now my muse is back.  Turns out she was vacationing in Hawaii with someone else's muse...  Anyway, I think this could end up being pretty long and angsty, so stay with me, and don't be afraid to tell me if you think I'm off track.

 

Author's notes: Thanks for the constant support of some of my favorite authors and fellow shippers- Emry, Jojo, Peter Pan, Moon, Sesa and Suz - for you know what:)  And to my husband who wants to vote for my fic in the SJFA even though he really doesn't have a clue what that means.

 

Feedback: Greatly appreciated.

 

Date: 12-1-2003

 

Part 1

 

"Beautiful night."  His footsteps preceded his words.

 

Her eyes never left the sky, "It's nice to look up and know you're

here and not somewhere out there."

 

His eyes caressed the side of her face closest to him as the stars

twinkled above.  It was their first mission since he had come back,

but it had only taken a few hours for him to figure it out.  At first,

he thought it was him- just readjusting to his routine, to Earth.  But

then he would see her eyes linger on him longer than they used to.

Her hand would fall on his arm more often as if to punctuate the

meaning of whatever words she happened to be speaking.  She had even

suggested they go out.  To dinner.  Just the two of them.  That was

the moment he knew.  Something had happened while he was gone.

Something big.  And she had changed because of it.  "You're

different." 

 

"I am?"  She was delaying the inevitable.  A conversation that she

both wanted and feared.  She knew she was different.  She felt

different.  More alive somehow.  Or maybe just appreciating life in a

new way.  The sensation of being close to him now felt...

extraordinary. The feeling of knowing where he was. That had been the worst.  Not really knowing where he was.  At least the first time she had known he was on Edora- not that that was good. But it was definable.  A place on a map.  A goal to strive for- somewhere to reach out to.  Even with Kanan, they had been able to narrow the search down considerably once given the past mission reports.  The realization that he was with Ba'al even now made her stomach churn, but it had been some*where* they could find.  This had been different. So different.  And things couldn't be the same again.

 

"You know you are."  His voice quieted considerably although there

was no need. No one was in earshot, and neither Jonas nor Teal'c would

care even if they heard. 

 

"Yeah, I guess I am."  She took in a deep breath and braced herself

for the word she knew would follow.

 

"Why?"  He had been missing before. Nothing really new about it.  He

would be the first to admit it was getting old, but hardly worth

mentioning in the scheme of things.

 

"You were gone..."  She paused, searching for the way to tell him

without actually saying it, "again."

 

"And..." 

 

"I broke."  Broke down, broke in two.

 

He came to sit in front of her on the ground.  Facing her, he could

see a calm in her features that he had never really noticed before.

That was different, too.

 

"I couldn't take it this time."  That was an understatement.  She had

been rude, brusque - mean, even - and inconsolable.  "Third's a charm,

maybe, but I know how you hate clichés."

 

It took him a minute to figure out what she meant: Edora, Ba'al and

now this.  The realization dawned in his eyes and she continued.

 

"Things were moving on. Hammond was talking about me maybe taking over SG-1.  People were packing up, giving up, and I just couldn't accept it."  Her eyes moved toward the stars again, searching for the words, "I know how you must have felt."

 

The entity.  Watching the one person you love probably more than

anything, and certainly more than yourself, slipping away. Not knowing

how to reach them.  Seeing the end come closer and not being able to

move away.  Feeling your own death come as surely as theirs.  And, god, the guilt.

 

"I told myself that it was because I felt guilty.  For letting him

take my weapon.  But the truth is, I felt guilty before.  For not

reaching you sooner on Edora, for not figuring out how to get into

Ba'al's fortress."  She focused on his face again, memorizing each new

line in earnest.  "But it was more than that."

 

His stare met hers, willing her to continue.

 

"God, Jack, what are we doing to each other?  To ourselves?"  Her eyes

flickered back and forth into his gaze.  "We keep pretending that we

feel about each other the way we do about Teal'c or Jonas.  And let me

tell you, I sure as hell hope you don't feel the way about me that you

feel about either one of them."

 

The corners of his mouth turned upward at that, but he didn't want her

to lose sight of what they really were doing, "We're saving the earth,

protecting the-"

 

"Planet. I know, I know.  Honor and duty and regulations."

 

"They're important. To both of us."  He wanted to be sure she wasn't

reacting out of some kind of emotional turmoil.  Something she would

surely regret later.  He wanted to see some recognition that the

rational side of her still existed and was in control.

 

"Yes they are.  But it occurred to me while you were gone that maybe

saving *my* world was just as important this time."

 

"What do you mean?"  He wanted to know, but he didn't, too.  He

half-wished an army of Jaffa would emerge through the gate just to

delay this conversation.  But two years was probably more than long

enough.  Longer than it should have been.

 

"I'm not exactly sure what I mean."  Quite an admission from either a

scientist or a soldier.  But from both - from her - it was the

ultimate confession.

 

They looked upwards, searching the sky for something.   A sign, maybe?

A revelation?  Or maybe just to enjoy the quiet.  The last few

moments of the way things used to be before they became something else

entirely.  Until one or both of them decided to change things

irrevocably.

 

He found his voice first and forced his eyes toward hers, "Teal'c told

me."

 

She wasn't expecting that.  Not that Teal'c shouldn't have told, in

fact, she suspected that he had.  But just that Jack would admit

knowing it proved he had changed, too.

 

"I was relieved."

 

Another surprise.  Her eyebrows raised to ask the question that her

lips couldn't say.

 

"I guess I wasn't sure that you still..."

 

Oh.  Still cared.  "I do."  More than she should.  More than ever.

More than she was able to hide.  More than could be contained in one

person, one body, one heart.  One soul was crying to reach out for its

mate, and she was now helpless to stop it.  She didn't want to.  Not

anymore.

 

"Yeah, I got that." A little humor couldn't hurt here, could it?

 

Her turn to smile a little.

 

"So, you want to try this dinner thing?"  A date with Carter.  Now

that was definitely different.

 

"It might be nice."  Hope.  The one thing she had never really lost.

 

"It might mean a court martial." Reality.  He was grounded in the here

and now.

 

"It might be worth it." Faith.  A belief that *this* was more

important.

 

"It might not." Fear.  They could both get hurt, or worse, hurt each

other.

 

"I'm willing to take that risk." Courage. *They* were worth taking the

chance for.

 

He always thought he had been willing, too.  But he was afraid for

her.  For her career.  For what he couldn't offer her.  He was afraid

of the look he might one day see in her eyes when she realized what

she gave up to be with him.  But maybe, just maybe, it was their time.  Their place.  If Hammond would give her SG-1, he could give his old knee a rest... "So, where do you want to go to eat?"

 

Part 2

 

A date.

 

Sam Carter was going on a date.  That in and of itself was noteworthy.

 

But that it was with Jack O'Neill was - well, remarkable.

 

With a towel wrapped around her body, she sat on the edge of the bed staring into her closet.  What in the hell was she going to wear??  Jeans?  Maybe too casual.  A dress?  Too much.   A skirt?  Too cold.  Pants?  He'd seen her in enough of those the past six years.  What was more than jeans but less than a dress that made her look like a woman?  Oh god!  When did this get to be so hard?  Isn't this what girls Cassie's age did?

 

Trading the towel for her bathrobe, she decided to start with picking a top and work her way down.  Blue?  Too obvious.  Black?  He'd seen her in enough of that, too.  Red?  Too, well, red.  Purple?  Wait!  Lilac- there it was.  The perfect shirt- long sleeved, scoop neck (but not too low) and form fitting.  Not tight, but not loose.  Now what to wear with it??  She remembered one of the reasons she liked the military to begin with- you didn't have to worry about what to wear every day. 

 

Back to the bottom half- what about a long skirt?  Dark gray and clingy but not so much that she couldn't walk.  Warm enough, but still feminine.  SHOES!!!  Black boots with a bit of a heel. Did it look like she was trying too hard?  Heaven help her hair dryer if she was having a bad hair day.  Shit!  Was that a pimple on her chin?  No, thank god.  Just a bit of ketchup from the fries she and Janet had shared at lunch.  At the mall.  She couldn't remember the last time she had gone to the mall when it wasn't Christmas Eve.  But she needed new underwear, which had nothing whatsoever to do with her date tonight.  And Janet was happy to go with, not believing for a second that the nice new lacey thong would be put in the drawer without a test run.

 

Five minutes left and she still had her makeup to do.  That shouldn't take long, right?  Foundation here, blush there.  Eyeliner- check.  Lipstick- check.  Mascara- right eye.  Left eye- doorbell!  Damn!  Stupid wand missed the bottom lashes and went right for the white of her eye.  Which was causing her eyes to tear.  Which made her look like she had a black eye.  And he was waiting.  Plucking a tissue out of the box, she dabbed it under each eye trying to catch the black marks before they ran down her cheeks.  The bell rang again.  Dammit!!  She raced to the living room, catching her hose on something and she felt the run go up her leg.  This was SO not good.  Looking like she had been crying and hobbling slightly as the cold floor contacted with the skin underneath the run, she opened the door to see her date staring in confusion at the sight before him.  Her date.  Jack.  Oh god.

 

She waved him in and before he could comment, "Don't ask."

 

"I'm not stupid- I was married, you know."  He sat on the couch as she returned to the bathroom to fix the damage to her eyes.

 

"It's your fault."

 

"How's that?" 

 

"You were early."

 

"By like a *minute*."

 

"I needed that minute."

 

"No you didn't.  You look great."

 

She couldn't help but smile at that in spite of the image reflected in the mirror.  "I have to change."

 

"Why?"

 

"I thought you knew better than to ask."

 

"Right."

 

He waited as patiently as he could- flipping through catalogs and magazines and finally finding a fishing show on TV.  She emerged no less than 15 minutes later in fitted black jeans and an emerald green blouse.  The mascara had run onto the lilac one, and she had been back to square one.  The only thing that still worked were the boots.  And the underwear.  She vowed never to tell Janet.  She was more exhausted than if she had been in battle against all the System Lords put together.  This dating stuff was hard work- and they hadn't even left the house yet. 

 

By the grace of some non-false god, the date got considerably easier as the night progressed.  Dinner was good - the conversation more funny than anything else.  If she hadn't know it was a "date" she could have just as easily thought it was nothing more than two friends, co-workers even, going out to dinner.  Friendly, easy, relaxed.  And then he pulled up into her drive.  What the hell was she supposed to say?  "Do you want to come in?"  Guess that covered it.

 

"Sure.  But only if you let me make the coffee."  Humor.  Thank god.

 

Two-and-a-half pots later, they had covered everything from religion to politics to family relations and were still laughing.  And then she yawned.  He took the cue, "I think I'd better let you get to bed."

 

"How can you be so awake?  It's pretty late, and don't even try to tell me you slept well on that last mission.  The bugs were biting like crazy, and all I wanted to do was scratch-"

 

"Now you sound like Teal'c."  His coat was on and he was half-way to the door.

 

She was only a step behind and was too aware of her increasing heartbeat.  Would he kiss her?  Should she say something about a second date?  God, how long had it been since she had done this?  Did it ever get any easier?

 

"So..."

 

"I'm really glad we did this."

 

"Yeah, me too."  He took his keys out of his pocket, and turned to face her as he reached the doorway.

 

"Maybe we could do it again?"

 

"I don't think we should."

 

"Oh."  No, her heart wasn't breaking.  Oh wait.  Yes, it was.

 

Seeing the crestfallen look on her face, her realized he had only said half of what he was thinking and tried to back peddle, "I meant I don't think we should until we talk to Hammond."

 

"Oh."  Heart mending itself.

 

"I'd like to do this again - really."

 

She smiled at that, her heart repaired.  And then the awkwardness returned.  To kiss or not to kiss?

 

"Well..."

 

Another yawn.  Dammit!

 

A chuckle.  "I won't take that personally."

 

A blush.  "Sorry."

 

A move toward her, "Don't be."

 

Leaning in.

 

Lips parting.

 

Heads titling.

 

Kissing.

 

This reality Sam kissing this reality Jack without the influence of an alien device, or while trapped in a time loop, without stamped memories.  Wow!

 

"Wow."

 

Another chuckle, "That, I'll take personally."

 

He turned toward the door, turned the knob and was outside before she could come up with anything else to say except, "Goodnight."

 

"Goodnight."

 

Part 3

 

0630- not an hour that he was usually at work for unless he happened

to still be there from the night before.  That seemed to happen less

and less as the years went on; maybe it was that he trusted his teams

more, or maybe it was just that he needed more sleep.  He was getting

tired more easily these days, and god knew he had more than earned a

retirement.  But the war raged on, and a pivotal time was upon them.

He couldn't give up now.  Making his way to the commissary for a cup

of coffee, he was more than surprised to see his 2IC walking toward

him.  Now there was a man who rarely made it in this early.  It was

either very good or very bad, and studying the look on his face,

George couldn't actually tell, "Colonel."

 

"General."

 

"Are you on your way to see me?"

 

"Yes, Sir, if you have a minute."

 

"Only if you join me for a cup of coffee."

 

"I think this conversation should happen in private, Sir."

 

Okay, so cross off 'very good' from the list.  Turning back toward his

office, General Hammond sighed- he really should have slept in.

 

Once seated opposite each other, Jack drew a strained breath and

began, "General, I'd like to start off the record, if I may."

 

"All right.  We can start there."

 

"As you may have suspected for awhile, my feelings for... a certain

co-worker may border on less-than-strictly-professional."  He glanced

up briefly through scrunched eyebrows to see the reaction of his CO.

 

He was speechless.  Nothing showed on his face because his body wasn't

quite registering the conversation yet.  USAF training really didn't

cover how to handle this, he thought wryly.

 

"Last night, that certain someone and I may have decided that we would

like to pursue... something, sometime, and I thought it best to talk

to you first, Sir."

 

Oh god.  What the hell was he supposed to do now?  Break-up his best

team?  Court martial one or both of them?  And for what?  Discussing

the future?  Was that actually against the regs?  Where in the hell

was that damn book anyway?  Damn!

 

"In light of the fact that Major Carter would be given command of

SG-1, I would like to retire...again."

 

He sat perfectly still.  Hands still folded.  Breathing still

deliberately measured.  His brain working faster than it had in

awhile. He briefly wondered if this was what it was like to be Carter.

 And then he found it- a loophole in Jack's thinking, "No."

 

"No?"  He straightened up and took a breath, "Sir, with all due

respect, I've done more than my share for the country and the world.

I'm entitled to a little peace and quiet-"

 

"You can retire if you like, Colonel, but Major Carter's not getting

SG-1."

 

That he had not been expecting.  "Sir?"

 

"This is all still off the record, Jack.  Sam was considered for the

command of SG-1 but there are forces that even I can't control, and

several people that frequently visit a white house that we all know

and love feel that she doesn't have enough experience yet.  They would

like to see her promoted once more before assuming command."

 

"So promote her then.  She deserves it, you know that."

 

"It's barely been three years since her last one, and you know if it

happens too quickly, they'll say she's.. well, you know what they'll

say.  Let's face it, things are still unfair for women in the military

just like anywhere else."

 

Sleeping her way to the top.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

 But if he retired and they started seeing each other on top of her

getting promoted, it would be hell for her.  He couldn't do that, and

he couldn't retire and leave the flagship team to anyone else. This

*really* wasn't working out.

 

"Look son, I can pretend that we never had this talk.  It's really

nothing I didn't know anyway.  But if you and... that certain someone

are really planning for the future, then I think we all know the

composition of SG-1 will have to change eventually."

 

Confused, angry, bitter- he couldn't even name all of the emotions he

was currently feeling let alone act on any of them.  So he just sat

there, staring blankly at the wall.

 

"I really am sorry, Jack.  I can't imagine how hard this is on both of

you."

 

"Thank you, Sir.  We'll work it out."  And with that he left just as

quickly as he had come.

 

Hammond stood up to get the cup of coffee he needed even more than

before.  Yep, definitely should have slept in.

 

*****

 

The walk to Sam's lab was quicker than he would have liked.  He

honestly didn't know what to say to her.  He knew she wanted SG-1 some

day, and he really thought he could retire and give it to her.  It

seemed the perfect answer.  But, if he was honest with himself, he

felt more than a little relieved when he realized the plan wasn't

going to work.  There was a big part of him that wasn't ready to give

up command yet.  But god, now what would they do?  He found Sam's lab

empty and was spared the discussion for the moment.

 

*****

 

Returning from the commissary, he was not entirely surprised to find

her sitting in the same seat Jack had occupied only moments before,

"Major."

 

Rising she seemed startled, "General."

 

He made his was around the desk and seated himself, bracing for

whatever bombshell she was going to drop.

 

"I hope you have a few minutes for me, Sir."

 

"Of course."  He took a sip- not nearly strong enough.

 

"Sir, I would like to request a reassignment."

 

This was *so* not funny.

 

"I know it's sudden and may seem unexpected, but the truth is, I've

been thinking about it for quite awhile, and well... recent events

have caused me to rethink my position here at the SGC."

 

She couldn't have already talked to Jack.  There hadn't been enough

time.  She was doing this without him even knowing, and now George

knew that Jack had been doing the same thing without her knowing, too.

 

"I would like to be reassigned to a science team, Sir, and remove

myself from SG-1."

 

"Why is that, Major?"  Maybe there was a good reason, one that he

could actually buy, and more importantly, give to anyone who asked.

 

"Well, it's just that I feel like I'm not as involved with the science

aspect of things as I would like.  I think I could be more valuable to

the SGC if I could devote myself full-time to studying and analyzing

the technology that comes back through the gate."

 

"But you already do that-"

 

"Sometimes I have time and sometimes I don't.  It's a change I really

want to make, Sir.'  She paused, wondering how much she should give

away, and decided to go for broke, "I'm 35, General, and to be honest,

I would like to think about a future- a family.  Having a 'normal'

life.  Going through the gate on combat missions isn't exactly

conducive to that."

 

True enough, but if she suspected that he knew it was more that that,

she wasn't letting on, and so neither would he.  "Are you sure about

this?"

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"Once I make the arrangements, it would be very hard to undo-"

 

"I'm positive, Sir.  I won't change my mind."

 

"Very well."  He pulled a form out of his desk and started writing,

"I'll start the paperwork today."

 

"Thank you, Sir."  She stood to leave.

 

But he wasn't done with her yet, "Oh, and Major?"

 

"Yes, Sir?"

 

"Will you please tell Colonel O'Neill that he needs to find a new

2IC?"

 

"I'll do that General."

 

"Tell him I don't care if it's a scientist or not, but it had better

damn well not be a woman."

 

She turned five shades of crimson before making it out into the

hallway.  He knew all along.  Of course - he hadn't made general for

nothing.

 

Part 4

 

He was plagued by indecision.  Two sides of his brain were at war with

each other as the water from the shower beat hot and hard onto his

chest.  On the one hand, he was thrilled, elated - overjoyed, even -

at the thought of a night out with her.  Their second date.  Nothing

short of a miracle considering all they had been through in the past

few years.  That they were still alive was worth celebrating on a

daily basis.  That their feelings for one another had survived, and

had actually grown stronger, astounded him. 

 

His thoughts raged on as he turned to let the water massage his back.

He couldn't help the sinking feeling that she had given up too much

to be with him.  That he had been willing to give it all up, too,

seemed less important.  He was close to the end of his career; she was

just getting started.  He felt guilt in equal measure with affection

that she thought he was worth it.  Worth the sacrifice, worth the

effort, worth the risk.  Maybe Daniel had been right- maybe, just

maybe, he was a better man than he thought he was.

 

Stepping out onto the bath mat, he caught a glimpse of his reflection

in the slightly fogged mirror. He saw a man with so much darkness in

his eyes that he wondered how her light could have possibly found its

way so deep inside of him.  But it had, and that's when he caught the

sight of a smile on his own face.  The likes of which he hadn't seen

for so many years.  Older now, more gray for sure, a few more

wrinkles, but still a man in love. 

 

If he didn't hurry, he was going to be late, and although he didn't

want to be early- he remembered his entrance on their first date too

clearly still- he certainly didn't want to have to explain that he

couldn't decide what to wear.  Imagine if that excuse ever got

circulated among gossip-central on base.  Colonel Jack O'Neill was

late for his date with *the* Sam Carter because he couldn't decide

between a sweater or a button-up shirt.  He really needed a woman's

opinion which was quite frightening considering the only woman whose

opinion he was interested in was the one person he wouldn't dare call.

Unless, there was one other woman that might help him out.  She'd

never let him forget it, of course, but... 

 

He dialed up the base, "O'Neill for Dr. Fraiser."  She'd understand,

right?  And there was that whole doctor-patient confidentiality thing,

so it's not like she could tell Sam.  Right?

 

"Dr. Fraiser."

 

"Doc."

 

"Colonel?  Aren't you supposed to be..."

 

"Ah, yeah, yeah, but I'm having a bit of a problem, and I thought

maybe you could-"

 

"What are your symptoms?"

 

"No, no, nothing like that, it's just that-"

 

"Colonel, I hate to seem rude, but I've got a lot of patients here.

SG-5 just came back with some kind of-"

 

"Okay, I'll make it quick if you can make it confidential."

 

"Sir, you know all of our conversations are confidential."

 

"Right.  Good." Deep breath, okay, he could do this.

 

"Colonel, please!"

 

"Alright already.  What the hell should I wear?"

 

Thank god for several years of Air Force training and medical school

combined or she surely would have burst out laughing.  As it was she

couldn't help her eyes doubling in size and the corners of her mouth

turning up.  He was asking for advice on what to wear.  My god, he was

completely head over heels, wasn't he?

 

"Doc?"

 

"Sorry.  A nurse needed my signature."  Right.  "Where are you going?"

She could do this.

 

"Dinner and a movie."

 

Why did that sound so sweet coming from him?  The hard-assed 2IC of

the world's most secret facility was going out to dinner and a movie

like he was in high school.  "How about jeans and a shirt?"  She

really wished Sam had been more open about her feelings where her

former CO's body was concerned.  That would make this much easier.  As

it was, she only had the whisperings of her nurses to go on, and her

own opinion of course, which may not be that far from Sam's.

 

"You don't think that's too casual?"

 

"She sees you in BDU's every day.  Anything is better than that."

 

"Uh huh."  He didn't sound convinced.

 

She really had to get back to work, so she decided straight-forward

honesty would be the best approach with him, "If the gossip that goes

around the nurses is any indication, I would stick with something you

feel comfortable in and that's..."  Ok, this was harder to say, but

they were her friends after all, "fitted."

 

"Fitted?"

 

"You know, not too loose."

 

"You mean tight?"

 

"No, not tight.  Just not loose."

 

"Huh?"

 

"Look, Colonel, I've really got to go.  Good luck."

 

He hung up more confused than when he started.  And now he was

officially late.

 

He showed up 7 minutes beyond the arranged time and was slightly

flustered.  He had gone with khaki pants and a navy blue sweater.

Going through his closet made him aware that most of the things he had

bought recently either seemed to be yellow or blue.  Coincidence, he

was sure. 

 

Walking up to her door, he couldn't help but notice that he felt more

nervous than the first time.  Maybe because this was actually for

real.  There weren't any barriers other than the ones they had

created.  The walls could come down, and he started to realize he was

terrified of the depth of his feelings for her.  Resolving himself to

not screw this up, he knocked on the door and waited. 

 

He needn't have worried.  Their second date was more relaxed than the

first.  Dinner was fun, although he found himself much too aware of

the several other men who didn't mind taking notice of his date.  His

*date*.  That still felt weird.  So, in part because he'd wanted to

every time he'd seen a movie since he had met her, and in part because

they were some of the only seats left, he pulled her into the far back

corner of the last row of seats in the theatre.  They had made it just

in time to see a few trailers, and once they were settled with the

popcorn on her lap ("I don't trust you not to eat it all") and the

candy in his ("I know your sweet tooth"), they started to watch the

movie.  Which was a mistake.  So very bad.  It was about 20 minutes in

that she had to lean over to him and ask, "Is this is bad as I think

it is?"

 

"Worse."

 

"The popcorn's gone."

 

"So are the Milk Duds."

 

"So, I guess that only leaves-"

 

Her words were cut off by the invasion of his tongue into her mouth.

Salt and sugar mixed together in an entirely clichéd setting, loud

action music blaring.  Neither one caring. 

 

The drive back to her house was a combination of fast spurts to the

next red light where they would make out for a few seconds.  Thank god

he had a truck with bench seating.  He was never buying a car again. 

 

Once he pulled into the driveway, the reality hit him fast and hard.

He was either going in and they were going to - well, do *that* - or he

was going home and taking a very cold shower.  Very, very cold.  And

long.

 

Apparently she wasn't stopping to think. Her door swung open as soon

as he turned off the ignition.  She was half-way to the door when she

realized he hadn't moved.  She turned around and slowly walked back to

her side and got in, "What is it?" 

 

"I don't know."  He could barely look at her, his fingers playing with

the keys in his hands.

 

She reached over and put her hand on his thigh, "If you don't want-"

 

"Oh, no.  I want, I want.  It's just that..."

 

"Six years isn't enough foreplay for you?"

 

He could hear the smile even if he didn't dare turn his head to see

it, "Suppose it's not what we think it's going to be.  I mean, maybe I

won't be what you-"

 

"Maybe I won't be what you-"

 

"That's impossible."

 

She chuckled, "How do you know that?"

 

"I just know."

 

"So do I."

 

His gaze met hers.  Understanding, longing, and fear all tangled in

their web of trust and need.  And now love. Or at least the imminent

physical expression of it, even if the word hadn't been spoken yet.

He took her hand in his and pulled her to him for a last kiss

before they made their way out of the truck and into her house. 

 

Less frenzied than the hours before, the night passed in slow

movements, each more meaningful and confident than the last.  Nervous

giggles turned into throaty chuckles.  Tightly closed eyes began

peering open for glimpses of their new lovers.  Smells both new and

familiar filled the air.  Moans and cries and whimpers broke the

rhythm of heavy breathing.  Until, at last, the room was filled with

nothing but soft kisses and caresses that lingered into the morning

light. 

 

Part 5

 

Title: Somewhere Out There (5/?)

 

Author: Lisa Yaeger

 

E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com

 

Rating: PG-13

 

Category: Angst, Romance

 

Pairings: Sam/Jack, Sara/Jack

 

Content Warnings: Minor language, implied sexual situations

 

Summary: Sam and Jack try the relationship thing, but it's not going

to be easy.

 

Season/sequel: Set in season 6 after Paradise Lost

 

Spoilers: 100 Days, D&C (minor ones), The Entity, Abyss, Paradise Lost

 

Archive: SJD, yes & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the

property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This

piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary

purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are

copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or

dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

 

Status: Here's the thing with this fic- I've been thinking about it

for months, but I couldn't figure out how to start it until Paradise

Lost came out.  Even though I haven't seen it, it gave me the kick in

the pants I needed, and now my muse is back.  Turns out she was

vacationing in Hawaii with someone else's muse...  Anyway, I think

this could end up being pretty long and angsty, so stay with me, and

don't be afraid to tell me if you think I'm off track.

 

Author's notes: I decided to post this part with a new set of

spoilers, ratings, etc... as the fic is changing a bit.  This will seem a bit soap-operaish, but I'm going somewhere with it.  Trust me.

 

Feedback: Greatly appreciated.

 

Date: 26-1-2003

 

*****

 

She couldn't have imagined how she would feel the first time SG-1

stepped through the Stargate without her.  She hadn't been able to

talk to him for three days after the first mission she wasn't on.  She

didn't blame him exactly, but she wasn't quite sure how to reconcile

her feelings of joy - at being with him when he was on Earth, and

emptiness - at staying behind while he, and Teal'c and Jonas and

Captain Williams, her replacement, went off-world.   The consolation

being, of course, that when he came back after the second mission and

the next and the next, she was there, waiting, and then they went home

together. 

 

As the weeks went by, she was able to trick her mind while he was

gone; she played games with herself while she waited for his return.

How many pieces of technology could she figure out before he came

back? How many devices could she backwards engineer before he left

again?  How many articles could she draft?  That she had chosen this

new path made it easier to swallow in some respects and harder in

others.  But for better or for worse, she was sticking with it.  And

as weeks turned into months, she was actually the happier for it.  She

was never *not* going to miss gate travel, but she was also not willing

to give up the life she had found with Jack.  As compromises went,

this was apparently as good as it was going to get for Sam Carter.

 

They were more or less living together at her place when he was on

Earth.  Even though his place was bigger, she reasoned that since she

was actually at home more often than he was, it didn't make sense for

her to move her stuff around.  He felt like she had given up enough

already, and it didn't really matter to him.  Although, as an escape,

some nights he went back to his house to look up at the stars through

his telescope.  Escaping what, exactly, he wasn't sure.  He only knew

that although he was happier than he had been in a long time, happier

than he had ever been in so many ways, that it had come at a cost.  To

her, certainly, but to him as well, and that's what he hadn't

expected.  He knew finding a new 2IC would be hard, and Capt. Williams

fit the bill as well as the next guy ever would, but it was her

presence and not her skills that he missed the most.  The kinds of

things that never made it into the mission reports.  The kinds of

things that were indescribably and absolutely unique to her.  He

missed her at work, that much was certain, and if the flip-side to

that was that she was with him at home, then it was a trade worth

making.  He knew she felt the same way, but as with all things, he

knew there was a price for every gain.

 

Deciding he had ruminated long enough on their situation, he started

the climb down from the viewing platform.  Reaching the bottom, he

heard a familiar voice call, "Jack?"

 

Half in disbelief and half in astonishment, he turned to see his

surprise guest, "Sara?"

 

"Of course it's me.  Have a lot of women calling your name in the

middle of the night, do you?"

 

"No, no.  It's just that, uh..."

 

"I was the last person you were expecting?"

 

"Something like that, yeah."

 

"Can we go inside?  It's getting kind of cold out here."

 

"Sure."  He led the way around to the front door, realizing that he

hadn't even been inside yet.  He had just driven over from Sam's and

gone straight for the telescope.  He opened the door and flipped on a

few lights as she followed behind.  His nose was immediately drawn to

a foul-smelling odor coming from the kitchen, "Sorry for the mess.

I've been out of town for awhile."  It was true - he had been out of

town last week, but he had been at Sam's for a few days and hadn't

even bothered to take out the trash, which he guessed was the reason

for the offensive smell.

 

"I guess so.  God, take that out before I get sick would you?"

 

A hundred different memories must have hit them both at the same

moment.  Their eyes locked.  How many times in their twelve-year

marriage had she told him to take out the trash?  He just nodded and

completed the task quickly.  Returning to the living room, he had to

ask the obvious,  "What are you doing here?  Not that it isn't nice to

see you, it's just that..."

 

"Save the pleasantries, Jack.  I'll get right to the point."

 

She was wringing her hands.  She seemed nervous and distracted, and it

unnerved him to see her like that, in his house, after they hadn't

even been in the same room for over five years.

 

"I got some rather odd news last week, and I thought I should come and

tell you in person rather than letting you hear it from your lawyer."

 

Lawyer?  Hell, he hadn't checked his mail or his messages at home for

nearly ten days.  What was going on??

 

"Do you remember when I filed for divorce?"

 

"Vaguely."  Sarcasm was still his best defense.

 

"Apparently, there were some papers that got misfiled and were never

signed by the right people."

 

His confused look said it all, "Huh?"

 

"As strange as this is, Jack, I'm telling you that we are still

officially married."

 

Again, "Huh?"

 

"I know, I know."  She got up from the chair and started pacing.

"It's so odd to think that we're still - you know - but maybe it's

some kind of sign.  I know you don't believe in fate.  Truth be told,

I'm not sure I do anymore either, but this...  This makes me think

that maybe there's a chance that we... well, that we could still be

-us."  She stopped walking and stared straight into his eyes.

 

"Sara-"

 

"It's strange and weird, and I don't expect an answer now.  I just

want you to think about it, that's all."  She stepped over to where

he still sat and kneeled in front of him.  "I never really have gotten

over you, Jack.  That must seem pathetic and ridiculous after all of

these years that we haven't even called each other.  But I never

stopped feeling like your wife.  I never stopped wanting you to be my

husband.  I just wanted the pain to stop.  And somewhere along the

line it did.  All I'm asking is that you give us this chance."  She

stopped talking long enough to take his face into her hands.  "Charlie

would want us to be happy."  She leaned forward just slightly to kiss

his lips.

 

Without even thinking, he responded to her touch.  It was an automatic

reaction to the woman he had loved for so many years- both before and

after their marriage.  Or what he thought was the end of the marriage.

 He pulled back as the reality of her words hit him.  "Sara, so much

has happened.  We're both different people.  We've had different

experiences."

 

"We'll have a lot of catching up to do, I know.  But we'll be in it

together.  Again."

 

She pulled him into her arms as he sat numbly complying with her

touch.  So completely enveloped by her embrace, he never heard Sam's

footsteps walking away from his open door or her car pull away down

the street.

 

*****

 

Five minutes, or maybe five hours, passed when the phone rang.  He was

sitting in the same chair as where Sara had held him - willing him to

understand what she was trying to say to him.  She had left after he

said he needed time to think.  That was an understatement.  The

ringing of the phone didn't stop, and he guessed the answering machine

must have been full since it didn't pick up after the fifth ring.

Grabbing the receiver he could barely speak, "O'Neill."

 

"Hi."

 

Shit.  He was supposed to have called her about when he was coming

back.  "Hey."

 

"It's kind of late, and I'm already in bed, so I thought maybe we

could just see each other later."

 

Thank god.  He really needed to clear his head before he could see her

and explain.  "Sure."

 

"Jack?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I think we need to talk tomorrow."

 

"Okay."  How in the hell could this day get any worse?

 

*****

 

She put the phone back in the cradle.  Nothing on this earth or any

other had prepared her for the sight she walked in on at his house.

She was so very grateful that she had worn tennis shoes, and they

hadn't heard her footsteps.  She wasn't trying to sneak up on him- she

was just being cautious because the door was open.  Something she

couldn't imagine him doing.  And then she saw them, and it hit her

that he hadn't left the door open.  Sara had.  Sara.  His wife.  His

ex-wife.  No, still his wife.  Sara O'Neill.   Well, that about

covered it, didn't it?  Her words kept echoing in her ears, 'Charlie

would want us to be happy.'  How could she deny him a chance at

happiness with the woman he was still married to?  The mother of his

child.  The woman whose name he called when he was certain he was

going to freeze to death.  The woman whose love carried him through

one of the most horrible times in his life.  His wife.  Sara.

 

*****

 

He wasn't under any illusion that he was actually going to be able to

sleep, but the right thing to do was at least lie in bed and rest his

body.  How in the world was it actually possible?  He was still

married.  Had never been divorced.  That he had 'cheated' on Sara

seemed ridiculous- they hadn't spoken since the incident with the

'other' him and Charlie.  Charlie.  She had said that he would want

this for them.  Would he?  And what about Sam?  Things hadn't been

easy in the beginning, and it hadn't even been that long since they

had started seeing each other.  It was so new and fragile. How in the

world would he tell her this news?  That he was still someone's

husband?  That he had a wife.  His wife.  Sara.

 

 

Part 6

 

Fight or flight.  That's what it really came down to.  She was either willing to stand up and fight for a future that she couldn't know or run away.  And if she ran from him, she knew he would most likely go to Sara.  Of course, that could happen anyway.  Her heart and her brain were at war- nothing new there- but this time it was different.  There was someone else involved.  Someone who had already suffered so much, lost so much. How in the world could she take Jack away from his wife?  The woman who had given him a son, with whom he had shared so many years of his life. 

 

Was she a coward?  Maybe.  But she couldn't, no *wouldn't*, try to hold him to her because they had shared a few weeks of sex.  She wouldn't tell him what she saw at his house.  She would just let him go.  Back to his wife.  To start again.  It was obviously what Sara wanted, and however painful it was to admit, Jack hadn't pulled away from her touch.  Hadn't even mentioned that there was someone else.  That had hurt.  A lot.  But that pain made her decision a little easier in the cold light of day.

 

She picked up the phone, asked him to come over, and waited. 

 

*****

 

The ride over to her house seemed like an eternity.  What do you say to someone that you've loved to varying degrees over the past few years that your ex-wife is really still your wife?  He knew that Sam was logical enough to see the reality that a piece of paper just hadn't been signed, had been misfiled.  But he wasn't blind enough not to have noticed the feelings rushing back to him when Sara kissed him.  Held him.  It had felt like going home- bittersweet for sure, but comfortable and warm.  She had always been so loving and understanding.  Not that Sam wasn't.  In fact, she understood so much more of his life, of what made him the man that he was, but....  She kept a part of herself closed off from him.  Probably from everyone, he guessed.  She was even more private and guarded than him, and that he was less so was probably due in part to the love Sara had given him over the years.  He owed her so much.  But a second chance at their marriage?  At the expense of this *thing* he and Sam had just been given a chance at?  He knew she would read him at least well enough to see that he had feelings for Sara still.  God, he didn't want to hurt either one of them, but the truth was, he didn't know how not to do that.  And he didn't even know what he wanted.  Yeah, he did.  He wanted them both.

 

*****

 

She answered the door with determination and fear.  Fear that he would see through her and somehow know that she was letting him go to Sara.  But, as always, stubborn pride in Sam Carter was stronger than anything, and if she sensed his nervousness as he walked into her home, she brushed it aside.  Nothing would stop her from doing what was best for all of them, "We need to talk."

 

"Yeah, we do.  Look, something strange happened to me last night, and I-"

 

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."  Her eyes looked straight into his. She could do this.

 

His tired eyes, looked back into hers and saw nothing.  No sadness, no regret, no emotion whatsoever.  She could have just told him what the lunch specials were in the commissary.  He was speechless.

 

Her voice filled in the void, "I guess after all of the years we spent wondering what it would be like, now we know."  She was going to give him an easy out.  A way to keep his pride and run back to his wife, and no one would ever know the truth.  Except the one person telling the lie.

 

"I don't understand."  He really didn't.  He had come over with a very different conversation playing in his mind.

 

"I think it's obvious to both of us that I'm still having issues with having given up my position on SG-1, and well, to be honest, this just isn't what I had hoped it would be."

 

"I thought you were enjoying your new position-"

 

"I think we both know it isn't what I really love." That much was true, and the reality of the words made her realize just how much she had given up to be with the man she loved.  The man she thought loved her back.  The man who still loved someone else.

 

"I'm sorry you feel that way, if I would have known..."

 

"There weren't a whole lot of ways for this to end, Jack.  I'm glad we had the chance to try, and now, it's over."  She could feel the back of her throat start to tighten.

 

"I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting this."  His mind was racing with the implications of her words.  No more Sam.  It had been hard enough to give up Major Carter, but to give up Sam, too?  It was unbelievable that the woman who had occupied most of his thoughts for the past six years was no longer a part of his life.  Any part of his life.  The loss was comparable only to a day he didn't let himself think about.  But he couldn't deny the growing feeling of loss that reminded him so much of how he had felt as they rushed to the hospital that day.

 

"I'm sorry if I surprised you.  I just think it's best to end it sooner rather than later." When it would be impossible to continue living without him.  It might even have already been too late, but it was the best she could do.

 

"So, what now?"

 

"Now, I try to fix what I've done to my career, and you do whatever you need to do."

 

"Sam, I care about you.  I hope you know that I never meant to damage-"

 

"Don't worry, Colonel, I would never hold you responsible for this."

 

She hadn't called him Colonel off base in a month.  The effect was immediate.  She was dismissing him.  From the room.  From her life.  It was unreal.  All of the things he had been afraid of in the beginning- all of the reasons he had given for not wanting to change the way things used to be - they had all come true.  She had given up too much to be with someone like him.  And now she wanted a chance to get it back.   He couldn't, no *wouldn't*, stand in her way.  Maybe this was all meant to happen.  Sara coming back, Sam breaking it off.  Maybe this was right.  Then why did it feel so very, very wrong?

 

Part 7

 

It had been so easy.  He had walked up the front steps, through the door, into the house, and up to her bedroom.  Making love to his wife had been everything he remembered, and yet nothing was the same.  She had been so warm and willing.  As if the past 7 years hadn't actually happened.  As if their son hadn't died, their marriage hadn't dissolved.  As if he hadn't seen and heard things she couldn't begin to imagine.  Including loving someone else.  At that thought, he tightened his arms around the only woman he was going to let himself love from that day forward.  He was going to give her, and their marriage, the chance they deserved.  Resolve swept through him as he began to kiss her neck and then her shoulder, determined to show her, and himself, the love he knew he could feel again for his wife.

 

Sara woke first the next morning, an event she could recall happening exactly once during their twelve years of marriage- the morning after Charlie died.  She studied his face as she remembered having done that time, too, and saw some of the same lines of grief and pain etched into his slightly older skin.  She wondered what he saw when he looked at her now- someone a little older for sure.  Maybe someone a little more tired and a little less enthusiastic about things, but more or less, still the same person.  So why did she feel she was looking at a total stranger?

 

He was aware of her eyes studying his face as he focused his gaze in the late morning light, "Hey."  He tried to turn his face away from her study of him, but her hands reached up to hold his eyes to hers.

 

"What is it?"  Her eyes darted back and forth between his and his lips as if willing them to speak a truth she could already feel.  Had felt from the moment he walked into her house and kissed her.  Held her.  Made love to her.  But not really to her.  His body had been there, but his heart was noticeably absent.

 

"What's what?"  Classic Jack O'Neill.  Feign confusion.  Delay the conversation. Pretend emotions aren't there.

 

"Last night was different."

 

"Last night or this morning?"  He brought his hands to circle her wrists which were still holding his head.  He smiled and brought the palm of one of her hands to his lips and made the motions of turning the moment into something more intimate.

 

She pulled her hands away, determination replacing a flickering look of pain and anger, "Not this time."

 

He knew what she meant.  Hell, he should have known she'd see right through him.  After all of these years she could still read him better than anyone. Well, almost anyone.  "I'm sorry."  He sighed and relaxed his body back into the bed.

 

"For what?"

 

"For a lot of things, I guess, but mostly for-"

 

"Using me?"  The pain and anger flashed through again, and this time he didn't miss it.

 

"You're the one that wanted to try again."  His voice matched hers in tone and emotion as he started to get out of bed.

 

"And apparently you didn't mind." 

 

Damn!  He didn't want to do this to her.  She deserved better than a husband that was trying to get over loving someone else.  When he had come to her door last night, he had honestly believed he could do it.  Fool her, fool himself.  Forget Sam.  But the truth of it was, that he was in pain.  And a great deal of it.  He couldn't hide it from Sara, and not from himself.  He had done enough of hiding his feelings where Sam was concerned over the years.  Sara deserved better, "I shouldn't have come."

 

"I'm glad you did."

 

The confusion was real this time, "You are?"

 

"At least I know for sure that it's over.  I would always have wondered if maybe there was a chance-"

 

"It's never going to be over, Sara.  We'll always have something, it's just not-"

 

"Not what it used to be."  She filled in what he was thinking.  At least she could still do that.  "Is there someone else?"  She had to know.

 

"Yeah, there is."  He hung his head and realized the sad truth, "Or at least there was."

 

"Give her a chance, Jack, she just might be able to get past this, and if she can't, then she doesn't-"

 

"You have no idea how much she's had to put up with.  I've asked her to give up too much already.  I won't do it again."

 

She got up off of the bed wondering how long it would take before she could sleep in it without thinking of the night they had just shared, "I'll make some coffee."

 

"Thanks, I'll be down in a minute."  One night to end his marriage.  One night, after almost twenty years of knowing his wife.  And now he was truly alone.

 

*****

 

In the almost six years she had been at the SGC, Sam Carter had never once called in sick.  Except for today.  She thanked whatever god was listening that Janet was away at a medical convention, and that her replacement just took down her "symptoms" which included a headache, upset stomach and chills, just for good measure.  Truth be told, she actually did feel sick but she knew as well as any doctor would that it was psychosomatic and hardly the result of a virus or bacteria.  'Virus'- she chuckled at the memory of her attack of her CO over five years ago.  She remembered feeling things for him even then that were far from being above regulation.  She shook her head at the memory.  She refused to spend the day wallowing in her own self-pity.  She didn't have the luxury of sitting around moping about things that might have been.  She had made her choices just like Jack had.  Now she just had to plan how to get back on an SG team.  Not SG-1, of course, but back in the action. She couldn't spend the rest of her time in the SGC sitting around in a lab.  What had she been thinking?  Well, that was the problem, wasn't it?  She hadn't been thinking.  She had been feeling and letting those emotions rule her head.  A mistake she wouldn't make again. She turned on her computer and started making notes for a presentation to General Hammond.  If her personal life was going to be non-existent, then she would throw herself into her career like never before.  She was going to try harder than hell to forget she had ever met Jack O'Neill. 

 

*****

 

Leaving Sara's house he had hit a traffic jam.  An accident up ahead had slowed traffic so that it was bumper-to-bumper for miles.  It gave him plenty of time to think- too much time.  He saw the flashing lights just far away and strained to look at the cars involved.  It was automatic, subconscious, to make sure that her car wasn't among those in the wreck.  There was a primitive part of his being that still needed to protect her, although his mind knew she was far more capable of taking care of herself and saving his ass at the same time.  Of all the things he had done in his life, the past 24 hours had to rate among the most stupid.  Letting Sam go.  Sleeping with Sara to try and forget Sam.  Losing Sara again.  He was 46 years old with no family, a few friends, and not much to look forward to after his career ended.  A career that became more short-lived each time his body took a little longer to move.  A little longer to react.  His day was coming, sooner than he had wanted to think.  And he would be left with nothing but a cabin near a lake without fish.  Unless... NO!  He wouldn't risk screwing up her life anymore.  He would let Sam Carter go once and for all.

 

Part 8

 

"Major, didn't we have a conversation about this not long ago?"

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"Do you recall in that conversation that I specifically pointed out

to you how difficult it would be for me to reassign you to an SG

team again?"

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"I also seem to recall you being adamant that you wouldn't change

your mind."

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

He tossed his pen onto the pad and sat back against the big leather

chair.  He sighed, not softly, and regarded the woman sitting across

from him.  She was tired, that much was obvious.  And in pain.  That

was less obvious, but you didn't make general by missing the less

obvious things around you.  He was no fool.  He knew, or at least

guessed, what happened in the weeks since Sam left SG-1.  Everyone

on base knew how hard it had been for her to watch her old team go

through the stargate without her.  In fact, he had half-expected her

to come to him after that first mission when Captain Williams had

replaced her.  But, he knew her better than that- she would put on a

brave front, stick to her guns, and make the new situation work out

to the best of her ability.  So, then, why was she here?  Looking

like hell.  And not the least bit happy.

 

"Let's talk off the record, Sam."

 

She looked at him with guarded eyes.  She had known he wouldn't just

approve her request. She was almost surprised he hadn't thrown her

out of the office after all of the forms he had to fill out to get

her into the lab full-time to begin with.  But, he was also one of

the most compassionate and caring men she had ever known.  And he

really wanted what was best for her.  She also knew he would have to

justify his actions to a lot of people who not only didn't care

about her, but didn't care about the SGC much either.  She softened

her posture a bit, let down her guard just a little, and nodded.

 

"What's going on with you?  Really."

 

She took a breath.  She had to tell him the truth, or at least

enough of it so that he would understand why she was doing what she

was doing.  He had to know just enough to let her back into the

action.  "I don't think it's a surprise that I haven't been entirely

happy not being part of a field team anymore, Sir."

 

"You knew what you were asking for at the time, though, didn't you?"

 

"Yes, I did.  But I don't think I fully understood what it would

*feel* like to not be out there. In some respects it was great-

studying pieces of technology in depth, not risking my life everyday-

"

 

"If I'm not mistaken, a big part of the reason you wanted to stop

going off-world was so that you could enjoy a 'normal' life.  Isn't

that so?"

 

"Maybe I've been in the military too long.  I mean, because Mom died

when I was so young, it's really the only kind of home life I've

ever known.  I don't think I'm cut out for having a husband and kids

and a dog, General."  Her eyes couldn't quite meet his.

 

Ah ha.  So, that was it.  Things didn't work out with O'Neill and

now she was regretting the way things turned out for her

professionally.  Damn!  He really was pulling for those two.  But,

he'd seen it happen before.  Two people who worked closely together

for so long could either make it work at home or found they had

nothing in common after hours.  He had thought Sam and Jack would

fall into the former category, but if she was sitting across from

him now, then things had obviously taken a wrong turn.  "Sam?"

 

"Yes, Sir?"  She looked up at him with hope and fear.

 

"If I find a spot for you on an SG team, I want you to know that

this is the last time I'm going to be able to move you around on

base, Major."

 

"I understand, Sir.  And thank you.  For everything."

 

"Report to me first thing tomorrow morning, and I'll have your

assignment waiting."

 

She left his office with her heart a little lighter.  She may not be

a member of SG-1, but she was going to prove herself as invaluable

to her next CO and make the best of it.  She considered herself damn

lucky that the past weeks had been just long enough for her to see

that she couldn't spend the rest of her life in a lab.  Or with Jack

O'Neill.  Things were going to get back to some kind of normal.  At

least normal for her.

 

*****

 

Jack walked into the commissary and heard her rather than saw her. 

Her laugh.  Perhaps the thing he missed the most.  Well, he might

have missed a few other things more.  But, the sound of her being

happy was up there on the list of things that he cherished most. 

His eyes followed the sound to a table not far away where she sat

with Teal'c and Jonas.  His old team.  Resolving himself to facing

the situation head on, he walked over to where the three of them

sat, "Mind if I join you?"

 

All three pairs of eyes looked into Sam's.  They were all waiting to

see how she would react.  She knew it.  "Of course not, Colonel."

 

He took the seat diagonal from hers, next to Jonas, across from

Teal'c.  "So, what was so funny?"

 

"I was just telling Teal'c and Jonas about this supposed piece of

technology that SG-8 brought back yesterday.  They were sure it was

something important."  She took a sip of her coffee before

continuing, trying to calm herself with each measured breath.

 

"And?"  He was faking interest in his eggs and bacon, wondering how

in the world she could handle this so well.

 

"And, as far as I can tell, it's nothing more than a fancy

paperweight."

 

His fork dangled from his fingers, "Really?"  He couldn't care

less.  But if she could do it, so could he.

 

"Yeah.  I just don't know how to tell them without hurting their

feelings.  They were really excited."

 

"Don't worry, Carter, if anyone can let someone down easily, it's

you." 

 

Their eyes locked.  Neither one made a move, and if Jonas and Teal'c

were still there, they sure as hell didn't notice.  They were

vaguely aware of two chairs sliding along the floor and two trays

being removed from the table with murmured excuses and "see you

laters.'

 

She broke contact first, "Actually, Sir, I'm glad that we saw each

other this morning.  I-"

 

"Really, Carter?  Because I remember getting the distinct impression

that you didn't care if you ever saw me again."  Like a wounded

animal, he was snapping at everything in sight.  Trying to nurse his

wound, and keeping would-be-attackers at bay. 

 

"Sir, if we could keep this professional, I think it would be easier

on everyone."

 

"Or just easier on you?"

 

"Either way, Sir, we are going to have to work together-"

 

"I thought that was the point of you working in the lab, Major?  So

that we wouldn't have to work together at all."

 

"*Sir.*  General Hammond has assigned me as the temporary CO of SG-9

until Major Sharpe is able to return to active duty."

 

Shit!  He hadn't been expecting that.  He had just gotten used to

the idea that he wouldn't have to see her much at all.  He could

come into base, do his job, and never stop by her lab.  He could

schedule his use of the gym, his meals even, around her.  He thought

he could just pretend she wasn't there at all.  But not now.  Now,

he would be in regular meetings with her, maybe even out on the

field together again.  When had this all gotten so complicated?  He

sighed and relaxed into his chair. 

 

Her gaze was fixed on the cup in front of her- the brown liquid

growing colder.

 

His eyes stole a look at her.  She had been happy.  For a brief

second, before he sat down at the breakfast table, she had been

happy.  He didn't want to be the cause of her pain.  Not now.  Not

ever.  She deserved more than that.  And so did he.  If this was

really what she wanted, then he was going to have to find a way to

live with it.  "Congratulations."

 

Her head shot up- her eyes meeting his.  She found nothing but

sincerity.  "Thank you, Sir."

 

"You deserve it, Major."  She really did.  If he had been honest

with himself when they had first started dating, he would have

admitted seeing the fire in her eyes grow a little dimmer each day

she spent in the lab.  He was a fool to think he was enough to make

up for what she had lost by giving up her spot on SG-1.  "Did

Hammond give you your first mission yet?"

 

"Yes, Sir.  Earlier this morning."

 

He resumed eating, his stomach only protesting a little. "A good

one?"

 

"More routine, but not a bad place to start.  After all, I'm

probably a bit rusty."

 

"I doubt that, Carter."  He wondered if the affection in his voice

was as obvious to her as it was to him.

 

"Well, I had better get my team together.  We ship out in 20."  'My

team'- that had a nice ring to it.  She pushed her chair back and

stood ready to take her tray.

 

"Good luck, Major."

 

"Thank you, Sir."  They nodded and she turned around to leave.  If

she had eyes in the back of her head, she would have seen that his

followed her out of the commissary. 

 

*****

 

He couldn't help himself.  Eighteen and one-half minutes later, he

watched from the control room as SG-9 stepped onto the ramp.  They

were obviously laughing about something, and Jack remembered with a

tinge of sadness the first time she had walked through the gate. 

With him.  Well, he had pushed her through, really, but that wasn't

the point.  The point was, they had been together, and it wasn't

that either of them hadn't gone on missions before without the

other, but this was different.  They were never going to be on the

same team again.  She was moving up and on.  Away from him.  And he

didn't have a clue as to how to do the same.  He turned his back

before she stepped through the gate; he couldn't watch anymore.  He

just missed her turning around and looking up only to see his

retreating figure through the glass.  But, she didn't allow herself

the luxury of dealing with the emotions stirring inside her. 

Rather, she strode forcefully through the puddle, concentrating on

her fist mission as CO of SG-9.

 

*****

 

Very few things made General Hammond nervous.  He had seen it all,

and more, before.  Certainly he'd seen more than his share of death

and destruction.  Of pain and suffering.  But also of joy and

beauty.  He was a lucky man, indeed, and one day, when he did

retire, he was going to leave an awful lot of friends behind in the

mountain.  He just prayed that all of the ones he knew and loved

would still be around when that day came. 

 

Which was why, when his newest CO didn't report back as scheduled,

and then missed her second check-in as well, he became very, very

nervous.  Even worse, most of his teams were off world.  That meant

if the MALP he was about to send through to the planet where he

hoped SG-9 still was showed hostiles or any situation calling for

back-up, he didn't have a lot of manpower to spare.  His thoughts

were interrupted by his 2IC walking up behind him.

 

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

 

"Yes, Colonel, I did.  Major Carter hasn't reported back so far, and

it's well past her appointed check-in times."

 

Jack knew logically that there could be a number of reasons for that-

 most of them bad- but some innocuous- the weather, rough territory,

losing track of time.  But, hell!  This was *Carter*.  On her first

mission as CO.  There wouldn't be much that could keep her from

following procedure.  And he really didn't want to think about what

those things could be.

 

The two men watched together as the MALP sent back video from the

other side of the gate.  Everything seemed the way it had when SG-9

went through just a few hours ago.  Your average planet, nothing out

of the ordinary.  Certainly nothing that would prevent-

 

"Wait."

 

"What is it, Colonel?"

 

"Sergeant- scan a little higher- over to the left."

 

There it was- black, billowing smoke rising from the ground not more

than a mile or so from the gate.

 

"Can you make it any clearer, son?"

 

"I'm afraid not, Sir.  That's the best we can do."

 

"Colonel-"

 

"SG-1 will be ready to go in 5, Sir."

 

Damn!  He wasn't sure which made him more nervous- that SG-9 was

probably in the middle of whatever was going on out there or that SG-

1 was about to go in, too. 

 

 

Part 9

 

In the few minutes it had taken SG-1 to gear up and travel through the

wormhole, the black smoke they had barely seen from the MALP telemetry

had already made the atmosphere hard to breathe, and limited

visibility to less than a quarter mile.  Oxygen masks firmly in place,

Jack signaled to the rest of his team to head toward the center of the

fire, or whatever was causing the smoky conditions.  The plan was to

go as far as they could on foot, and then when it became too difficult

to see a safe distance ahead, drop to the ground and crawl until

reaching *something*.  Okay, so it wasn't really a brilliant plan.  Or

even a very good one.  But they hadn't heard from SG-9 since they had

left the gate room nearly 5 hours ago.  They didn't have a clue where

they were or what had caused the current conditions on the planet.

 

Jonas was in charge of trying to reach SG-9 by radio every few

minutes, but he guessed that whatever had caused the explosion- or

whatever was at the center of the flames that became visible as they

drew near- was also interfering with the radio signal.  Teal'c had

taken point, but was unable to see much beyond a few feet in front of

his face as they approached the epicenter of the flames.  Jack quickly

assessed the situation:  not only could they not see or make contact

with SG-9, they were rapidly losing the ability to even see where they

were going.  Whatever had caused this wasn't anywhere around either.

They needed to regroup away from the smoke and try to find someone or

something to indicate what had happened since Carter and her team had

stepped through the gate.

 

Signaling to Williams who was just a few feet to his right, Jack

motioned that they should fall back to the gate and see if they could

find any indication of what was going on.  Not ten minutes later, SG-1

was back where they started.  Jonas, ever the observant weather-

watcher, was the first to notice that the wind had quickly changed

direction- blowing the smoke away from the gate.  Finally able to

remove the masks, Jack asked the question he was afraid he already

knew the answer to, "Anybody see anything?" 

 

No response.  Teal'c ventured up a slight incline that was just west

of the gate as Jonas continued to try the radio.  Williams was trying

to analyze the air composition, hoping to gather some data that would

tell them what was producing the smoke filled clouds. 

 

"O'Neill."

 

Jack jogged to catch up to Teal'c, "What've you got?"

 

Teal'c pointed toward the foothills of a small mountain range

southwest of their position.  Jack could barely make out a line of

people traveling toward the area.  It was their best shot.  "Jonas,

Williams- get up here."

 

Following as quickly as they could, Captain Williams spoke first,

"Sir, from the data I've been analyzing, it appears as though the

smoke is being caused by the burning of some kind of fossil fuel."

 

"Like oil?"

 

"It's possible, Colonel."

 

Okay, so that could be a plausible scenario: a fire or explosion of

some sort occurs, maybe the energy supply of a village or town,

SG-9 stumbles upon the evacuation of the natives and helps move

supplies.  Feeling slightly better that they at least had something to

go on, Jack gave the order to move out toward the only life forms they

had seen since arriving on P2X-485.  He just hoped to hell SG-9 was

among them.  And that they were all alive.

 

*****

 

What seemed like an hour later, but was actually closer to 25 minutes,

SG-1 closed in on the position of the villagers.  Even from a

distance, he could tell at least part of his theory was right: these

people were moving as fast as they could and taking everything they

could carry with them.  Children were carrying toys; women were

leading farm animals that had blankets and food baskets strapped to

them; men were carrying jugs of water and small tools.  Then he saw

it, like a beacon of hope.  An SGC jacket.  Over the shoulders of an

elderly woman.  Jack broke out into a sprint to catch up to her.

Taking the bundle of things she was struggling with as soon as he

reached her, he gave her a smile and a nod.  "Ma'am."

 

"You didn't come with the other ones... before the lightening."

 

"No, Ma'am.  The 'other ones'- were they wearing clothes like mine?"

 

"Yes.  The pretty woman gave me her coat just before she went back for

the rest of the villagers."

 

"How long ago was that?"

 

"I'm not sure. It feels like we've been walking for hours."

 

As the rest of his team caught up, Jack gave Jonas the bundle of

clothes he had taken from the woman, "Listen up.  It looks like SG-9

got here before some kind of lightening struck and started this fire.

 They've been helping these people evacuate their homes and get to the

mountains.  Carter went for some of the remaining villagers awhile ago

and hasn't come back." 

 

"Sir, I've been able to make radio contact with Lieutenants Scott and

Wolf and Captain Bailey.  They're in the foothills helping the

villagers settle in until the smoke passes."

 

Knowing that the other members of SG-9 were safe, Jack gave the order

for Jonas and Williams to assist them with the relocation of the

people while he and Teal'c went after any remaining villagers.  And

Carter.  He just hoped the noxious fumes being emitted from the

burning fuel were blowing away from her position.  Wherever that was.

 

*****

 

Not taking any chances, Jack and Teal'c repositioned their oxygen

masks as they drew near the village.  Coming at it from this

direction, and now that the wind was blowing away from them, they could

see the deserted homes and buildings before them.  The light of the

flames from the fire cast an eerie glow.  Like a ghost town, really,

only too many signs of it being recently inhabited still existed.  A

half-eaten lunch on a table, a swing still moving in the wind, wet

laundry in a basket waiting to be hung on a line.  All evidence of a

hasty retreat.  And no sign of Carter. 

 

Just then, he heard a crackle on the radio, "Colonel, Teal'c- come

in."

 

Jack signaled to Teal'c to continue looking in some of the homes, "We

read you, Jonas."

 

"Sir, all of the villagers are accounted for."

 

"Carter?"

 

"No sign of her.  One of the last men to walk in said that he saw her

go into... at the end of the..."

 

"Jonas!  You're breaking up.  Repeat."

 

"... into the school house ... of the road."

 

"What does it look like?"

 

"Brown, with a bell outside.  It was one ... hit by the lightening,

Sir, the man I was talking to thinks that...  roof... cave-in."

 

Jack spotted Teal'c just ahead running toward something.  Knowing that

he had been listening to the conversation, he hoped that they were

headed in the direction of the schoolhouse.  Jonas's suspicions were

confirmed as they reached the steps- the building was barely being

supported by the roof.  If Carter was inside, there was little hope that she wasn't buried underneath shingles or brick or beams, and even if she wasn't, there was no telling how thick the smoke and fumes had

been inside. 

 

Tired of contemplating options they didn't like, Jack and Teal'c worked

together to pry the door out of the badly warped frame.  The sight

inside did nothing to quell their fears, the air was dense- from smoke

or dust, they couldn't tell.  They couldn't see as well as they could

hear, so taking off his mask, Jack started to yell, "Carter!"  Teal'c

followed suit calling out for his missing comrade.  Not getting a

response, they started to carefully explore the remains of the

building.  Desks were piled high with roofing shingles, chairs lay

broken on the floor, books and papers were strewn everywhere.  Jack

took off his pack and fished around for his flashlight.  If she was in

here, then he was going to have to do some exploring-

 

"O'Neill!"

 

The urgency of Teal'c's call turned Jack's body toward the sound of

his voice.

 

"There is a staircase that leads to a sublevel."

 

Pushing aside his concern of going below ground in an unstable

building, Jack followed Teal'c down the stairs and started calling for

Sam again.  He heard a rustle behind him, but was disappointed to see

only a small cat tread across the floor toward his legs.  He pointed

his flashlight in the direction that the cat came from. 

 

Oh my god.

 

Was it?  It couldn't be. 

 

His legs felt heavy.  His gut was slowly rising up his throat.  He couldn't move.

 

Teal'c saw it, too. 

 

A leg. 

 

He took Jack's flashlight from his hand and walked closer.  Another leg.  A body.  Propped up against a brick wall.  Arms limp at its side.  Head hung- chin touching her chest.

 

Her. 

 

Carter. 

 

A wood plank lay across her lap, but there was no obvious sign of injury.  He regained his senses and ability to act in the fraction of an instant.  He pushed past Teal'c, and tried to move the beam off of her.  It was too heavy for just him; Teal'c was by his side.  Lifting it as much as they could, Teal'c held it in place long enough for Jack to pull her out by her legs.  He hoped he wasn't doing any more damage.  He actually just hoped she was still breathing.

 

Once she was clear, Teal'c released the beam, but as it hit the

ground, they heard the walls around them shaking.  Teal'c picked Sam

up and headed for the stairs, the furry cat following close behind.

Taking one last look around, Jack picked up the rear and could see the

light from the doorway.  He saw Teal'c clear the frame and prematurely

breathed a sigh of relief as his left foot came into contact with the

ground outside the door.  He couldn't help the scream that escaped his

lips as several roof shingles crashed onto his right leg, causing him to fall to the ground.  Hearing Jack's cries, Teal'c laid Sam down

outside of the immediate area of the building, and went back for Jack.

 He lifted the shingles of off the back of his calf and helped Jack

stumble away from the rapidly collapsing structure. 

 

Once at Sam's position, Jack fell to the ground and felt for a pulse.

 Thank god.  He also noticed a big, bloody gash on her forehead that

he hadn't seen before.  The beam that had been on her lap must have

hit her in the head causing her to black out.  They had to get back to

the gate, but he could hardly walk that far on one leg and Teal'c had to carry Carter. Shit!   He had to call for back-up.  "Jonas, Williams?"

 

"Here, Sir."

 

"Williams, contact Hammond and tell him that we need a medical team

standing by. Carter's unconscious, and it's a good 30 minutes back."

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"Tell Jonas to bring Bailey and rendezvous at my current position."

 

"Yes, Sir."

 

"Teal'c, take Carter as fast as you can.  I'll make it back with Jonas

and Bailey."

 

Teal'c nodded and started to jog as best he could carrying Sam back to

the gate.

 

Jack could only watch and wait. 

 

Part 10

 

The past hour was among the longest in his life- only a few others

stood out in his mind as seeming this endless: waiting to hear from

the doctors that Charlie was dead, walking into an empty house after

returning from Abydos only to realize that Sara wasn't coming back,

waiting for his next 'session' with Ba'al, realizing the gate was

buried on Edora.  It was ironic, really, that in all of the odd alien

things they had come across in the past six years, the instances where

time stood still, so to speak, were the clearest in his mind.  The

moments when his heart seemed to stop beating, when movement was

suspended, and where thoughts and emotions intensified to the point of

feeling surreal.  As Jonas and Williams helped him through the gate

and into the infirmary, only one thought consumed his brain, "Was

Carter alive?"  The emotions that raged through his heart and into

every nerve ending throughout his body were more complex.   Anger and

frustration easily rose to the surface as nurses scurried about him,

refusing to answer his questions.  The last thing he would remember

about that day was being strapped to the bed as someone injected him

with something to make him sleep.

 

*****

 

Headache didn't really begin to describe it.  The pounding Sam felt in

her head, behind her eyes, in her jaw and throughout her neck and

shoulders was far more pain than she could remember feeling in a very

long time.  Even before she opened her eyes, she recognized the

unmistakable signs of the SGC infirmary, and never had she been so

glad to be there.  Content to lay quiet for a few more seconds, her lungs had other ideas.  She began a forceful coughing fit that drew the attention of the nurse on duty who promptly called Dr. Fraiser from her office.  As she approached the bed, the hacking subsided and Sam gratefully accepted a sip of water before relaxing into the pillows.

 

"Welcome back.  How are you feeling?"  Janet scrutinized Sam's

appearance as an art dealer would a valuable painting- looking for

cracks on the surface, for signs of forgery underneath.

 

"I'm not sure."  Her voice sounded raspy and strained.  No doubt a

result of the smoke she had inhaled on the planet.  Her brain quickly

jumped into command mode, "Did everyone make it out okay?  My team?

 The villagers?"

 

"Everyone made it out fine, Sam, except you."  Janet turned to inspect

the drip and added quietly, "And Colonel O'Neill."

 

Sam heard the comment but was overcome with another fit of coughing

and couldn't respond.  Janet called to the nurse to bring something-

Sam couldn't quite make out the name- and then her last memory was of

worrying about the Colonel and trying to tell Janet that she had to

call Sara. 

 

*****

 

As his eyes peeled open he was vaguely aware of Teal'c standing on his

right, blocking part of the bright, white overhead light from his

view.  His lips were dry and rough, and he pointed to the water cup on

the table as an indication that he wanted a sip.  Having wetted his

lips a little, he asked the only question he could remember, "Is

Carter-"

 

"She is recovering O'Neill.  DoctorFraiser said that had we reached her

any later, she may not have made it."  Teal'c's slightly softer tone

of voice was the only indication that he was relieved.  That he knew

how close they had come to losing her.

 

'Recovering.'  That was really the only word Jack heard.  The only one

that mattered.  They had reached her in time.  All of them had had so

many close calls over the years, they were barely worth mentioning.

The only one that counted today was this one.  That she had made it.

That they had found her before it was too late.  Lost in his own

thoughts, he was vaguely aware that Teal'c had left his side, no doubt

to inform the Doc that he was awake and responsive.

 

As if on cue, Janet walked toward him, a smile on her lips, "Good

morning, Colonel."

 

"Is it?"  He went about the motions of sitting up only to realize that

his leg was mobilized.  Shit!  He had forgotten that part.

 

"I count any morning where all SG teams are accounted for and alive a

good one, Sir."

 

"What's up with my leg?"  He resisted the urge to make a 'What's up,

Doc?' joke as the pain emanating from his right knee found it's way up

to his brain.

 

"I'm afraid you're going to be in a bit of pain for awhile, Colonel.

As you left the building, some debris fell on your right..."

 

He ears were listening to the medical terms as his brain disengaged.

His mind's eye was reliving the moment again.  Finding Sam.  Seeing her

limp form against the wall.  Hearing the sounds of the crumbling walls

all around them.  The smoke filling the room.  Trying to get up the

stairs, out into the street.  Away from danger.

 

"Sir?"

 

Realizing he hadn't really been paying attention, but not really

wanting to hear it all again either, "I got it, Doc.  PT for a few

months." That much had registered at least.

 

"I'm afraid it's more than just that, Colonel."  Her eyes held his,

preparing him for a blow that was sure to follow.

 

He nodded, "Give it to me straight.  Please."

 

"I'm afraid that even in the best scenario, even if the PT is

successful, that you won't regain 100% movement in your knee again.

Physical activity will have to be restricted to minimize the impact on

the joints for some time."  She inhaled, realizing from the set of his

jaw that he understood what she hadn't said.  He was effectively

retiring.  Today.  "I'm sorry, Sir."

 

And so was he.  All he had to look forward to was months of PT and

then spending the rest of his life alone.  Maybe at his cabin.  Maybe

with a dog.  But decidedly alone. 

 

"Sir, I hate to intrude on your personal life, but Major Carter has

been saying something in her sleep that I thought I should tell you

about."

 

Well that got his attention.  What in the hell could Carter say that

he should know about now? "What is it?"

 

"After she found out that you were injured, she wanted me to call your

wife and let her know."

 

"Sara?"  How in the hell had she known they were back together??  Not

that they were anymore, but apparently Sam didn't know that part.  His

brain was swimming with information, trying to remember the timing of

Sara showing up, Sam breaking up with him.  Damn the drugs Fraiser had

given him.  He couldn't think clearly!

 

"Yes, Sir.  I called to let her know that you had been injured, but

would recover and that you would be in touch as soon as you woke up."

 

"Thank you."  Now he had to call her and explain.  At least the parts

he could tell her about. 

 

"Sir, I'm sorry to pry again, but she seemed confused that I called.

She said that you weren't together anymore-"

 

"She's right.  We haven't been together for a very long time."

 

"I know that, Sir, and I hesitated to call, but Major Carter seemed

very insistent that she was still your wife.  I wanted to err on the

side of caution and let her know, just in case."

 

"You did the right thing.  Really.  I appreciate it."

 

"You're welcome.  As soon as you feel up to calling her, I'll have one

of the nurses bring a phone in to you."  And with that, she turned and

walked out.  Leaving him alone in the room.  He guessed he was going

to have to get used to that.

 

*****

 

Having just eaten her first real meal in days, Sam was feeling better

than she had in a long time.  She hadn't really rested since she and

Ja- the Colonel- had decided to call it off.  Well, since she had

called it off.  And now, she had her own team, even if it was only

temporary, and her first mission had been a success.  Not in terms of

getting technology, but in terms of helping the villagers safely

evacuate their homes.  Now they could start to rebuild, with the help

of the SGC, as other teams went in search of naquada in the mountains.

 There could be some valuable minerals there as well, if her

preliminary scans had been correct. 

 

Drinking the last of her juice, she was surprised to see General

Hammond walking toward her.  She put her cup down, and smiled,

"General."

 

"Major.  Nice to see that you're recovering so well."  His eyes gave

her a once over as if to assure himself that she really was as good as

Dr. Fraiser kept insisting.

 

"Yes, Sir.  I feel much better and am looking forward to getting out

of here."

 

"I'm sure you are."  He pulled over a chair from across the room and

sat next to her bed.  "Sam, I need to talk to you about something."

 

Okaaaay.  This was completely out of character for him.  First of all

to come to the infirmary, unless it really had been life or death, and

as best she could tell it wasn't that bad, and secondly, to call her

by her first name, and then, to sit??? 

 

"Dr. Fraiser tells me that you know SG-1 was the unit that came to

P2X-485 when you didn't report back as scheduled."

 

She nodded.  What in the hell was he getting at?

 

"She also mentioned to you that Colonel O'Neill injured himself when

he and Teal'c rescued you from the schoolhouse?"

 

Oh God!  Janet had said he was fine.  A little PT for an injury to his

leg, but nothing serious...

 

"The injury that he sustained will require intense physical therapy,

and even at that-"  He steadied himself.  No matter how long he had

been at this, it was never easy to lose a good man.  Possibly the best

he'd ever served with.  "He won't be returning to active duty."

 

A blow to the chest couldn't have taken her breath away more

forcefully.  No more Colonel O'Neill at the SGC?  Someone else leading

SG-1?  This was insane.  Was this her reality?  Maybe she had touched

a quantum mirror on P2X-485- maybe *her* Colonel was fine.  Anything but this.  Anything but that he wasn't going back out there.

 

"I know this is a shock, Major.  I've already told Teal'c and Jonas,

and well, you can imagine how they reacted.'

 

Could she ever.  She could see Teal'c's eyebrow raising ever the more

slightly. His jaw clenching almost imperceptibly.  The way Jonas would

exhale and sit further back in his chair.  Shaking his head with a

look of disbelief.  She knew them by heart. 

 

"Major, when you came back to me asking for a re-assignment to another

SG team, I was skeptical, to say the least."

 

She opened her mouth, but he held up his hand in protest and continued

to speak, "But after hearing from SG-9 about the way you handled the

situation- saving not only the villagers, but keeping the rest of your

team safe, I knew there was only was solution."

 

Solution to what?  Her heart was pounding furiously- what was he

trying to say???

 

"SG-1 has been through a lot in the last year, Sam.  First losing Dr.

Jackson, and then integrating Jonas into the team.  Then you being

replaced by Captain Williams, and now Jack.  It's a lot for one team

to adjust to- especially one as close as you all are."

 

'Were.  As close as we all were.'  It was a sad, but true, thought

that she refused to voice.

 

"What I'm trying to say, is that I think it's time I did what I should

have done when Colonel O'Neill came to me months ago and tried to

retire."

 

HUH??  When did he do that????

 

"He wanted you to have command of SG-1, but I didn't think you were

ready."

 

"And now?"  Could he be saying what she thought he was saying??

 

"Now, I can't think of anyone that I would rather have as CO of SG-1.

 If you want it, Sam, it's yours."

 

If she wanted it?   Did Jonas like fruit?  Had Teal'c practically

memorized the script to 'Star Wars'?  Did Anise have fake boobs?

Hell, yes, she wanted it!!!

 

"It would be an honor, Sir.  And it means more to me than you know

that you think I'm ready."

 

"I'm glad you feel that way, Major.  I think you should have the honor

of telling Colonel O'Neill.  He'll be pleased."

 

"Yes, Sir."  Could her smile get any bigger?  "And thank you."

 

*****

 

Not 48 hours later, Major Samantha Carter, CO of SG-1, walked from her

bed in the infirmary to the room just several doors down.  She peered

inside the window to see one very grumpy Jack O'Neill giving his new

physical therapist hell for trying to help him.  She couldn't help the

smile that grew on her face.  She still loved that man.  Even if his

heart belonged to someone else, hers belonged to him.  She guessed

that a part of it always would.  Deciding it was time to give him the

news, she knocked on the door before entering.

 

Two pairs of eyes were on her: one showed relief at the intrusion, the

other displayed caution.  "I'm sorry to interrupt, Sir, but I thought

you could use a break."

 

The therapist was quick to answer, and her haste wasn't lost on either

officer, "Great idea!  Colonel, I'll be back tomorrow.  Make sure to

practice the exercises I showed you."  She hurriedly packed her things

together and brushed past Sam in an effort to leave the room as

quickly as she could.  He may be great to look at, but he was one of

the most inpatient patients she had ever come across!

 

"Looks like you've made quite an impression, Sir."  Her lips itched to

smile.

 

He groaned as he eased his body into a chair and began taking off the

ankle weights.  He was so happy to see her.  Alive and joking.  He

could do joking.   "I think she likes me."

 

"I'm sure she does." Her playfully mocking tone wasn't lost on him and

he stopped what he was doing to look at her.  She seemed happy and

healthy.  Better than she had in months. 

 

As if guessing what he was thinking, she decided to plunge in head

first, "I think taking a forced recovery, even if only for a few days,

did wonders for me."

 

"Yeah, I guess it did."  He busied himself with putting the weights

away and gathering his exercise list.

 

"General Hammond asked me to tell you-"  No, that wasn't right.  She

*wanted* to tell him.  "I wanted to tell you that General Hammond asked

me to take over SG-1 for you."

 

His smile said it all.  The kind she seldom saw.  Even when they had

been together.  He was rarely this unguarded.  Pride.  Happiness.

Satisfaction.  And a lot of other things that she used to think

belonged to her.  But now belonged to Sara again.  "That's great news,

Major.  I'm really happy for you."

 

"Thank you, Sir.  General Hammond mentioned to me that you had

approached him before, about me taking over SG-1, and I wanted to

tell you that it means a lot to me that you think I'm the right person

for the job."

 

"You're the *only* person for the job now, Carter.  I'm just sorry it had to happen this way."

 

"I'm sorry, too."

 

Their eyes locked as they both realized they were talking about so

much more than the command of SG-1.  It was about missed opportunities

and bad timing.  About repressed feelings and misguided loyalties.  It

was about them.

 

He struggled to stand using his crutches, and she resisted the urge to

rush over and help him.  He would hate that, and she would understand

why.  So, she just stood at the door, ready to open it for him when he

made it across the room.  "So, you're going home today?"

 

"Yep.  I still have some reports to finish, and I'll be coming in for

my PT for a while.  Hammond is talking about some desk job, but I'm

not sure I want to do that."

 

She nodded.  She could understand his reluctance.  He wasn't a paper

pusher, and being at the SGC but not being part of the action might be

harder than not being there at all. 

 

"Are you heading home, too?"

 

"As soon as I pick-up my laptop.  I have some work to do before Janet

clears me for off-world travel again."  He had almost reached her

position, and she turned to open the door when she heard his voice.

 

"Carter, I'm not sure how you heard.  About me and Sara."  Oh boy was

this hard.  But she had to know the truth.  If he could hope to

rebuild the friendship they had before, she had to know. "We were

together again, briefly, but it's over now.  For good.  It has been

for a long time.  I guess we both just needed to be sure."

 

"Oh."  A flicker of hope passed through her chest.  "I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be.  It's for the best.  For both of us."  His eyes held hers

for a brief moment before she turned the knob and pulled the door open

for him.

 

He hobbled past her, but stopped just short of the threshold. "Since

we're both going to be out of commission for awhile, I thought that

maybe we could..."  He struggled for the right words- the ones that

would say he wasn't pushing, but he wanted her in his life, even if

she didn't feel the same way anymore.  That he wanted to be friends or

whatever part of him she would have.

 

She could do this.  She could be his friend.  And in fact, there were

some things she wanted to go over with him before going out with SG-1

again.  "Get coffee?  Or something?"

 

He smiled, the second of the day.  Hell, maybe the month.  "Yeah.  I'd

like that."  He continued out into the corridor.

 

She was behind him- not too close, he didn't need a babysitter.  But

not too far, just in case.  "Besides, someone will have to make sure

you do those exercises."

 

She could hear his groan before it even left his mouth.  She knew him

by heart, too.

 

Part 11

 

 

He'd known this day was coming.  Known it since he started really. 

Although he never thought he would make it this far. One way or

another, he had expected to be long gone before today ever came. 

Jack O'Neill was officially retired.  For good.

 

It was ironic, really, that they were having a party for *him* (a

surprise, of course, which they all knew he hated- save Jonas, whom

he was certain was behind the whole thing) when the person they

really should be having the party for was Carter.  She was the one

who had something worth celebrating.  He was just glad to have

played a part in it.

 

He looked at his watch and realized the afternoon had gone by

without him really noticing.  Another problem with getting old, he

mused, and decided to head home.  She and the rest of SG-1, along

with a few other familiar faces from the base, were probably waiting

for him.  The thought of balloons and streamers didn't seem so bad

when held against the backdrop of his former second in command

smiling as he walked through the door.  Their new, quiet friendship

had blossomed quite nicely over the past weeks. 

 

It had started simply- he would be on base finishing up reports,

going to his PT, and he would bump into her on the way to the mess

hall or to the lab.  Accidentally, of course.  And then he would

join her for lunch or a snack or follow her back to the lab so he

could ask a few questions in order to finish up his report.  Their

ease with each other reminded him of the early days.  Before he

realized how careful he had to be around her.  Before she realized

why it had to be that way. 

 

They had crossed the line of being just co-workers so long ago, and

then headed straight into being lovers, that somewhere along the

line they had forgotten how to be friends.  It was easy to see now,

looking back, how they had made that mistake.  Hindsight was still

20/20 after all.  They were so familiar with each other's habits and

thought patterns, that they had mistaken it for a different kind of

intimacy.  Not the kind where you know what the other person is

going to order at their favorite restaurant, but the kind where you

know how the person found the restaurant to begin with and who

they've eaten here with, and why, to this very day, they can't order

the calamari without laughing hysterically. 

 

Walking up the steps to the door, he knew she would be able to tell

that the surprised look on his face wasn't real.  That he was

putting on a show so that Jonas wouldn't be crushed.  In fact, if he

hadn't been looking, he might have missed the cars of his friends

and co-workers parked along the neighboring streets of his house. 

He might have even missed the fact that his screen door was slightly

ajar.  And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have heard the muffled

shushing sounds as he turned his key in the lock and carefully

opened the heavy wood door.

 

"SURPRISE!"

 

He actually was.  Not because he wasn't expecting it.  Not because

there weren't clues all around.  But because of who was there. 

Actually, he wanted to know who *wasn't* there.  How in the heck had

they smuggled Bray'tac to earth without him noticing? And Janet had

actually let Cassie bring Dominic?  He wondered how in the world

*that* happened.  Of course, the one person he wanted to see the

most was conspicuously absent.  Making his way to the kitchen where

he guessed she might be- not really one for crowds herself- he made

the excuse of needing a beer to calm down his old heart from all of

the excitement.  And there she was, her back to him, standing over

the sink, intently doing something as he waited, patiently observing

her actions, his own presence going unnoticed.

 

"Damn!"

 

If he hadn't been completely sure she was oblivious to him, he would

have chuckled, but he desperately wanted to know what she was

working on that obviously wasn't going the way she wanted.  The

smile on his face unashamedly grew as he heard her muttering to

herself.

 

"How is it that you can defeat System Lords, out maneuver armies of

Jaffa, and yet the simple act of peeling a radish as decoration for

a cheese platter is beyond your capabilities?"

 

That did him in.  The laugh escaped his mouth before he had a chance

to stop it.

 

She spun around, knife in one hand, badly deformed radish in the

other, "Sir!"

 

"Sorry, Carter.  Didn't mean to cause you to butcher an unsuspecting

vegetable."  He motioned his head to her left hand that held the

mangled object of her attention.

 

"It wasn't you, Sir.  Trust me.  This-"  She held up the red and

white mush just before tossing it down the disposal, "didn't stand a

chance."  She ran the water over her hands and the knife and spoke

above the flow of water, "Why Jonas ever thought letting me do this

was a good idea, I'll never know." 

 

"Why Jonas thought any of this was a good idea, I'll never know."

 

She turned off the water and spoke with resignation, "You *did*

know."

 

"Hard to miss, Carter.  It's sort of my job to notice things that

aren't exactly normal."  Or rather, *was* his job.

 

"And this doesn't qualify as normal?  It's not like we haven't had 

parties before."

 

"Yes, but a house half-filled with aliens- *my* house- with balloons

and confetti everywhere."  He shook his head as he twisted off the

cap to the beer that he had retrieved from the frig.

 

"Please don't say anything to Jonas, it would kill him if he knew."

 

"I won't say a word."  He took a drink of beer and took in the site

of his former 2IC.  She was strikingly beautiful even with a

dishtowel flung over her shoulder and an apron tied around her

waist.  She was wearing a pink dress, and he wondered if he had ever

seen her in pink before.  It looked good with her complexion, he

decided, and was about to tell her so when the spell was broken as

Jonas wandered in to see how the guest of honor was doing.

 

"There you are, Colonel, I've been looking everywhere for you."

 

"House isn't that big, Jonas."  He drank from the bottle again,

hoping Jonas would catch on that he wasn't really in the mood for

conversation just now, but he really should have known better.

 

"So, what do you think?  Great decorations, huh?  Teal'c and I spent

hours at the party store, and Cassie made the sign in art class. 

Her teacher let her use-"

 

"Jonas, this is all really fascinating, but Carter and I have some

very official, very classified... stuff... that we have to discuss

*now*.   So if you don't mind-"

 

Clearly baffled, but obliging just the same, "Sure, Colonel.  I'll

catch you guys later."  He backed out of the kitchen suspiciously

eyeing his two friends.

 

Once out of earshot, she had to ask,  "Sir?"

 

"Not here, Carter.  Meet me in the garage in 10."

 

"Sir?!?!"

 

"Trust me, Carter.  You're going to like it."  He only hoped she

really would.

 

Was it possible for ten minutes to pass more slowly?  If she didn't

know better, she would have sworn they were in the time bubble with

the Replicators.  She was trying very hard to appear interested as

Janet and that nurse Jonas liked- what was her name again?- talked

about the latest in cloning technology.  But her mind kept wandering

to where she was- Jack's house.  The Colonel.  So why didn't he feel

very much like even her former CO earlier?  And what did he have to

tell her that he couldn't tell Jonas?  All of a sudden, she wished

the ten minutes would stop coming so quickly.

 

She glanced at her watch for what much have been the 50th time, when

Janet finally gave up pretending not to notice, "Sam!  What is so

urgent that you have to keep checking you watch?"

 

Just as she was about to make some excuse about the Swedish

meatballs overcooking, Jonas came up behind her and saved the day. 

Did anything get past this guy?  "Excuse me ladies, but Major Carter

and I have some last minute plans to attend to."  And at

that, he ushered her to the back door so she could make a hasty

retreat to the garage.  His eyes met hers and with a quick smile, he

turned and fixed his attention back to the guests.

 

She hurried to the garage door that she had heard him open just

minutes earlier.  She wondered what excuse he had come up with for

needing to be in the garage, but she also knew if he had pretended

to be in one of his moods, no one was going to question him. 

She found him toward the back sorting through old bottles and cans

for the recycling bins.   She waited for a minute for him to turn

around, and as she knew very well that he knew she was there, she

decided to quit playing the game, "What was so important that you

had to leave your own party?"

 

His back straightened a little as he heard her words, but he

continued with his actions until the recycle pile had been sorted

through.  Then, he wiped his hands on his jeans and turned to face

her.  He smiled as he walked toward her, picking up a large wrapped

box along the way.  He handed it to her silently.

 

"This is a party for you.  You shouldn't have gotten me a present."

She eyed the paper and the wrapping job carefully- definitely

something he had done on his own.   

 

"I wanted to.  Besides, you should wait until you see it."  His eyes

danced mischievously at her, piquing her interest.

 

She sat down on a nearby workbench, and started peeling off the

tape, but found it was everywhere on the wrapping paper.  Almost as

if he were afraid to leave any part of it uncovered for fear the

whole thing would come undone.  So, instead she decided to rip it

off.  Much to his amusement.  Sam Carter didn't rip open many

things.  Even presents.

 

Tossing the paper to the floor, she found- much to her frustration,

that the box was also covered in tape- as if the paper on the

outside weren't enough to keep it closed!  Finally cutting through

the sticky pieces on one end, she managed to get enough of a hold on

the box to pry the rest of the tape loose.  Inside, she saw nothing

but tissue paper.  Sifting through the crinkly pieces, her left hand

came into contact with a smooth piece of wood.  Maneuvering it out

of the box, she lifted it up and just smiled.  A rare, unguarded,

full-fledged smile. 

 

It was a carving of a fish.  Hardly done by a professional, but

never had something been made with more care or devotion, she

guessed.  It had been stained a cherry color, and on the back there

was an inscription: "To the new CO of SG-1.  Always come home,

Jack."  The tears were welling up in her eyes as she re-read the

words.  So simple, but with so much meaning behind them.  The gift

symbolized all at once what had never been and what would always be:

they had never really left "Major" and "Colonel" behind.  Their

values and beliefs- more than the regs- had kept them away from each

other. 

 

The back of her throat burned, and the tears began to flow freely as

her hands traced over the carving.  Fingers trembling.  Shoulders

shaking.

 

He had expected her to laugh, or maybe just give him an indulgent

smile.  It was supposed to be a gag, almost, except that she had

caught his meaning.  He should have known she would.  The one place

they could have been just themselves was the one place they had

never gone.  Maybe he should have kidnapped her when she broke up

with him.  Forced her to go up there with him, and made her

understand how he felt.  But then she would have resented him.  For

ruining her career.  For not letting her choose.  As he stood

watching her cry, unable to decide whether or not to comfort her,

the decision was made for him.

 

She wiped her tears away, placed the fish back in the box, and

walked toward him.  Glassy blue eyes met clear brown ones, and she

kissed him.  Sweetly, softly, almost hesitantly.  But it was a

*kiss*.  And then her arms went around his neck and he felt, rather

than heard her whisper into his neck, "Thank you so much.  For

everything."

 

He wasn't sure how long they stood there.  Just swaying slightly in

each other's embrace.  Neither wanting to break contact, both

knowing there was a house full of people that had probably started

to wonder where they had went.  Finally, he spoke, "I'm glad you

like it."

 

She pulled back slightly, tears threatening again, but instead, she

just smiled, "It's perfect."

 

There was more he had to say. "You're going to be great.  Better

than I ever was."

 

"I really doubt that, Sir, but thanks anyway."

 

"I mean it, Carter.  And if you can't kick their asses, I'll bet you

can charm them with your beauty and brains."  He had to break the

tension with some humor.

 

It worked.  She laughed.  "God help us if our fate rests on my

charms."

 

"I don't know, I'd say it worked on a few planets."

 

She smiled again.  "Including Earth?"

 

He smiled back. "Especially Earth."

 

She took a breath, and started to say something when Jonas once

again interrupted-  "*There* you guys are- the food's ready and

General Hammond wants to make a toast first."

 

Whatever she was about to say would have to wait as they followed

Jonas back into the house.  Duty calling them once again.

 

Part 12

 

Much to Jonas's delight, and Jack's dismay, the party lasted long into the afternoon and well into the evening.  Not that Jack actually minded that people were still around- heck, Jacob had even managed to make it about an hour ago.  But he had a sneaking suspicion, and he was rarely wrong about these kinds of things, that Sam had wanted to say something more to him earlier.  That kiss she had given him- where had that come from?  Tender and unsure, but filled with emotion.  He knew her at least that well.  Sam Carter didn't take kissing a man lightly, and for whatever reason, she had wanted to kiss him.  Again.  Tonight. 

 

His pondering was interrupted, not by Jonas thank god, but by the father of the woman who often dominated his thought processes.  He was looking well, as always, and with thanks to Selmak.  "Jacob."  The obligatory head nod was offered and returned.

 

"Jack."  He handed Jack a beer and just stood beside him, staring at the neighbor's kids running through their yard with flashlights playing some game that neither one could figure out.

 

"Glad you could make it."  He really was.  One of the few people whose company he actually enjoyed.

 

"Yeah, me too.  I haven't seen Sam in awhile, and I can't tell you how proud I am of her..."  His voice actually caught in his throat.

 

Jack just listened.  He had been a father, too, once, and recognized the feelings very well.  It really was beyond words, the way your kids could make you feel so much pride in them.  He understood what Jacob couldn't say, and he was more than a little touched that Jacob was that open with him.

 

"Sam told me that the two of you aren't seeing each other anymore."

 

The younger man nodded- suspecting yet again that there was something more the elder Carter had to say to him.

 

"I was sorry to hear that, Jack.  I mean, not that any father really wants his daughter to be dating someone, but if she has to be, then I guess you're not so bad."  He said it with humor in his voice, and Jack couldn't' help but smile.

 

"Thanks, I think."  He took a sip of his beer- how many did that make?- and continued, "I'm sorry, too."

 

"It's not one of the things I miss, you know, about being a Tok'ra.  Dating sucks on Earth.  At least with the Tok'ra, everything is out in the open.  No surprises or hidden feelings."

 

"Yeah, I've heard that."  His encounter with Anise sprang to mind. 

 

"I have to admit that this... thing... between the two of you has me baffled though."

 

"What thing?"  He was confused, and maybe a little drunk, which didn't help.

 

"It's just that you and Sam both seem sad that it's over, and the best that I can tell, neither one of you is with someone else, so... what's the problem?"

 

Well, what in the world was he supposed to say to that?  She had broken up with him!  He just knew he didn't want to stand in the way of her happiness or her career.  Of course, now that she had the job she deserved, and he was retired, and it was really over with Sara, he wondered what was standing between them?  Until Jacob had just told him that Sam wasn't seeing someone, he kind of thought she could have been, but there hadn't been any evidence pointing to that...  But she was so guarded about her personal life, who could tell?

 

"Well, like I said, the Tok'ra really do the dating thing better.  I didn't understand it all before I got married and I sure as heck don't get it now.  I mean, what would anyone see in me?"  Jacob eyed his own body as best he could to accentuate his point.

 

Jack couldn't resist the lead-in, "Your stunning good looks?  Ability to heal most wounds?  Oh, and don't forget the voice thing.  Chicks really go for that."

 

Both men laughed in unison, and the site was enough to crack a huge grin on Sam's face as she rounded the corner.  "What's so funny?"

 

Jacob regained his composure first, "Jack was just pointing out all of my best features."

 

"Starting with your hair, of course."  She had to smile at both of them.  Laughing and drinking.  A casual observer wouldn't have any idea what they all did for a living.  How many times they had saved the world. 

 

Less than subtly, Jacob put his beer bottle down and made some excuse about wanting to eat a decent meal before going back.  He excused himself, but not before giving Jack a look that clearly said "Go for it."

 

Sam didn't miss the exchange, and as soon as her father was out of earshot, she had to ask.  "What was that all about?"

 

Jack shook his head- flattered on the one hand that Jacob felt so highly of him- but still unsure as to what his daughter's feelings were.  So instead, he changed the subject.  "You know...earlier... when Jonas walked in, I thought you were going to say something."  There, that left the door open for her.

 

She took in a breath and gave him the truth, "I just wondered when you were leaving to go fishing."

 

Trying so hard to tell his mind that she was asking as a friend and nothing more, but his heart couldn't seem to let go. "I'm not sure.  Maybe a few weeks.  There are some things I want to do around the house first."  His eyes flickered towards hers. Waiting for a sign.  Anything that might ask him to stay.  Give him a reason to hope.

 

But in typical Sam Carter style, her face didn't register a thing.  And if her voice was a bit unsteady as she spoke, well, that could have been any number of things, right?  One beer too many.  The chill in the air.  Her relief at finally being able to say goodbye to him.  "It's just that..."  She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

 

Unsure.

 

Hesitant.

 

Nervous.

 

Not things he normally associated with Sam Carter, but then the more he knew her, the less he felt like he had ever really known her at all. 

 

"...well, I guess I just mean that..." 

 

She uncrossed her arms and sat down.

 

She took a drink of beer and stood up again.

 

Finally she turned to face him.

 

"There's a break in the mission schedule in about a month."

 

Yeaaaaaaaah?  He knew that.  She knew he knew that.  So why was she still looking at him?  Not saying anything else.  Just staring.

 

Trembling.

 

Waiting.

 

Smiling.

 

"I have enough leave saved up for a few weeks-"

 

"Carter- when have you ever actually used any leave?"  If he didn't crack a joke, he would surely crack open. 

 

"Well, there was that one time when Dad and I visited Mark in San Diego."  She looked embarrassed and rightly so.

 

"That was almost four years ago!"  He was still exasperated by her refusal to leave on leave.

 

She was chewing on her bottom lip.  Deciding whether or not to continue.  To try again.  To give them another chance.  To do the one thing that they had never done before.  The thing that would either bind them together or draw the line in the sand and leave them on opposite sides.  She had ended it before and it was up to her to start it again.  Or not.  GOD!  When did it all get so complicated?  Well, that was a laugh- when had it ever not been complicated?

 

He sensed her vacillating between two places that he couldn't quite find.  Had she really been hinting at going fishing with him?  Maybe his gift had had more of an effect than he had thought.  Maybe, just maybe...

 

"I just thought that if you were going fishing around the same time that SG-1 had a break that-"  She cleared her throat and continued. 

 

Determined.

 

Scared.

 

Hopeful.

 

"-that I could tag along."

 

He was waiting for the disclaimer.  Waiting for her to invite Teal'c or Jonas.  Waiting for the "but" or for the joke.  For anything that would stop the swelling of his heart that was quickly rising to his throat.  But she didn't say anything more.  For once, Sam Carter was perfectly silent. 

 

"Oh."  Nice comeback.  He didn't want to act too excited just in case he was misreading this.  The last time he had let himself get caught up in her, she had dropped him like a hot potato.  He couldn't take it twice. 

 

"Unless you were going to go sooner.  Or just wanted to go alone."

 

She was giving him an out.  An easy excuse so that they both knew it was over.  But Jack O'Neill had never taken the easy way out.  And he would be damned if he was going to give up now.  Just because the first time didn't work out so well was no reason to give up forever.  Not on her or them.  And so he did what he always did.  He joked.

 

"I could use an alibi.  Just in case Kinsey gets himself shot again." 

 

She laughed.

 

He smiled.

 

He reached for her hand.

 

Her fingers met his.

 

And for the first time in years, she couldn't wait to take her leave.

 

Yes, this is the end to Somewhere Out There, but, muse willing, I'm planning a sequel series for later.  Thanks for sticking with it!