One Week

Title: One Week (1&2/13)



Author: Lisa Yaeger



E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com



Rating: PG-13 (I don’t have kids, I don’t know what to rate it!)



Category: Some angst, Romance, maybe a little humor?



Pairings: Sam/Jack



Content Warnings: mild language, hints of sexuality



Summary: Sam is sick, goes to the cabin, feelings are admitted- you get the idea



Season/sequel: S6



Spoilers: Up through the present, although I’ve only seen seasons 3-6.  I’m know this is not 100% accurate, and I’m not a doctor, so…



Archive: SJD & whoever wants to- I’d be flattered!



Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Status: Not sure how many parts this will be, but I couldn’t get this story out of my head.

Author's notes: It’s my first fic- be kind. As you read, each paragraph marks a change from Sam’s thoughts/words to Jack’s. You’ll get the idea, unless this really sucks, in which case you’ll stop reading anyway!

Feedback: Welcomed

Date: 8-9-2002

Part One

A feeling of déjà vu hit her as she rounded the corner of the cabin. She shook it off- how was that possible since she had never even been to Minnesota before, let alone his cabin? Straight ahead, with his back to her, he sat facing the lake, fishing pole in hand. Still not able to shake the feeling that something like this had happened before, that she had done this before, she asked, “So, this is the place you’ve been threatening to bring me?”

He turned around without fully comprehending that the woman who had just spoken was actually standing near him, not in a dream, but actually there. He barely whispered, “Carter.”

She took a step forward, and then another- each feeling suspended in time and oddly familiar, yet completely surreal. “I can see why- it’s beautiful.”

Suddenly aware that this was not a dream, Jack pulled himself back to reality: “I thought you had work to do.” Again, he thought. He stood up and took two steps closer to her.

At that moment, a soft breeze blew the trees and the rustle of the leaves signaled to Sam that the few moments of the “been here done this” feeling she had just experienced were over. A small shiver of – what? something she couldn’t identify-- ran through her, and then a wave of courage finally allowed her to speak, “Something came up that I needed to talk to you about.”

“You found me- shoot.” He sounded defensive to his own ears. What couldn’t wait until their leave was up? Stop that- why couldn’t he just be glad that she was there? Why did it have to be so hard all of the time?

“Do you think we could take a walk or something? I’m tired of sitting- the ride really seemed to take forever.” Her back hurt, her legs ached and her head was pounding, or was that her heart she heard in her ears? It had been hard to tell for the past few years.

“Sure.” She did look tired, and truth be told, he couldn’t remember how long he had been sitting in that chair “fishing” trying to think of anything but her. Nothing new about that, just a different day. Except this was different-she was really here. If this was a dream…

“Sir?”

“Sorry- just thinking about the fish I’ll miss while we’re gone.” He smiled a little to make up for his tone earlier. He didn’t want to chase her off just after she got there.

They started down a well-worn dirt path. The leaves were already beginning to turn on a few trees, the undeniably signal that summer was coming to a close. The blue sky was beginning to fade too early, and she didn’t want to waste any more time before getting it out in the air: “Do you remember after our last mission when we all reported to Janet, before the briefing?” It came out in one breath, almost as one word.

He nodded, not at all sure where this was going and only half-listening- they did that after every mission. Not at all prepared for what was coming next, his mind started to wander.

“Well, Janet found some unusual results in a few of the tests she ran on me, so she asked me to come back the next day so she could run another set.”

Okay, so now he was listening. Is that why she said she hadn’t been able to come when he had asked- for what, the third time?? She had actually looked like she wanted to go, and he thought maybe she had just gotten better at lying. Maybe he really had seen regret in her eyes… Wait, what kind of tests was she talking about?

“So, I went back, and Janet had called another doctor there, Dr. Anderson. He’s an oncologist- the one who looked at Dad, actually.”

Damn those “ologists.” He could never remember which kind was which, and why would Dad need a- what was it again??- when Selmak could heal everything?

She continued, “It hasn’t spread as far as they can tell. It seems to be localized in my thyroid, which is good as cancers go, and it seems that this is not entirely uncommon in women my age. Of course, of all of the things to inherit from Dad, this isn’t the one I would have picked.”

He had stopped listening and walking at “cancer.” What the hell?? Why did he suddenly feel dizzy and why was his stomach so tight? Cancer?? What the hell?? He hoped he looked better than he felt, and tried to start walking again. Not so fast, his body wouldn’t cooperate. He had to sit on a nearby rock for support and called for her to stop, “Sam.”

She turned to find him a few paces behind her, looking a little pale, lowering himself on a rock to the side of the path. She walked over and sat on the path facing him, her back to the falling sun with a glimpse of a lake just ahead. It was probably better to give him the rest of the news sitting down anyway, so she continued, “It was kind of a shock, but it actually explained so much about my physical condition- feeling tired, losing weight, being sick- all symptoms of a hormonal imbalance that should have been regulated by my thyroid. Janet will need to remove the cancerous part, and then she’ll begin trying to find the right balance of hormone replacement drugs. It may take several months, but other than taking a pill a day for the rest of my life, things should go on as normal for me.”

Jack kept studying her face as her words were swimming in his head- hormones, thyroid, pills. What did it all mean? Was she going to be okay? Why did it feel like there was another shoe looming just over his head? She wouldn’t have come all the way up here to just tell him that she would be fine in a few months, save for a daily dose of- oh my god! She wasn’t saying that, she couldn’t be saying that- no, no, no!!! Speaking with a voice that suspiciously sounded like it belonged to someone else, he could only say, “You can’t be on SG-1.” There it was, the other shoe- and the laces were strangling him.

He had been listening, and he understood what she hadn’t said. Probably better than what she had said, if she knew him at all. And she did, that’s why she had come. Finally. “You know the rules- If I need a daily dose of anything, I would be putting myself, and everyone else on the team, at risk. Neither Janet nor Dr. Anderson would ever authorize my return to a Stargate team, and that, as they say, is that.”

Finding some sort of equilibrium, he managed to sit a little straighter, the knots in his stomach loosening just a bit. Not being one to say much anyway, he really didn’t know what to say at a time like this- not to her, not about this, not yet. So, he just looked at her, but in a way that said it all, just as it had once before, when a different kind of wall separated them.

Recognizing it, a smile passed her face and she quietly said, “The odds are much better this time.”

She looked at him with a calmness he couldn’t understand. The sun continued to set behind her. Had they been here 5 minutes or an hour- he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything right now other than that he was angry. What false god had decided to do this to her?? Why not him?? He wasn’t the one the world needed to survive- her brain was still worth way more than his, hell, than anyone’s! Before blurting something out that he knew he would regret later, he stopped himself and took another look at her. She was waiting for him to realize something- he knew that look. She didn’t just come here to tell him bad news; in fact, she wouldn’t come here to do that. She would have waited until their leave was over, and they were all back on base. She came here, finally, because she could. Because there weren’t anymore reasons not to come. Not on SG-1; not under his command; no more regs; no more excuses. Anger turned to fear in a heartbeat: “What are you going to do?” Please don’t say going back to the Pentagon.

“I’m not sure. I’m not sure how long it will be before I feel like ‘me’ again, and I don’t want to impose an arbitrary timeframe for recovery. The last thing I need is that kind of pressure. That’s why I turned in my resignation to General Hammond before I came. It wouldn’t be fair for me to keep everyone waiting around while Janet tries to get the dosages right. I think, for the first time, I’m going to take some time off, and then when I’m ready, go back to doing something I really love and am pretty good at- being a scientist.”

So, she didn’t say Pentagon, but she didn’t say “staying on base to study doohickeys” either. “The Stargate Program needs you, Sam, whether or not you are in the Air Force.”

She laughed- a small, but real laugh. “You and General Hammond must get your lines from the same book. He said pretty much the exact same thing before I left.”

Way to go, George! “What did you say to him?” He could almost feel his legs again and was that hunger he felt in his stomach? But panic lurked not far beneath.

“I told him that I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. He looked really relieved- I think he thought I was considering going back to the Pentagon or something. Can you imagine going back to that after everything we’ve seen? It would be so… dull.”

“Even for a scientist?” She smiled a lot at that. She started to get up, sensing his inability to not do something for much longer. They turned around to walk back to the cabin. The sun was almost below the horizon.

Part Two

He spoke first once the cabin was in sight, “Are you hungry?”

“Definitely. In fact, the only orders I had from Janet were- rest and eat, a lot.”

Now for the part he was dreading from the moment he saw her standing on the dock, “How long can you stay? “ He knew it was selfish given that her health had to come first, but a few days couldn’t make that much of a difference, could it?

“The surgery is scheduled for the 16^th, and Janet wants me back the weekend before.”

Today was the 7^th, so about a week. He could handle a week. He would have preferred two or three, especially given her… condition… but he wasn’t really given a choice, and neither was she. So, that meant they had to make the most of this time, but he didn’t really know what that meant. He refused to consider the possibility that this would be the last week that she would… NO! He wouldn’t think like that, and he wouldn’t act like that. Some part of his brain switched into military mode, and he stuffed the nagging doubts and questions away. There was work to do; it might only be dinner, but it would get him through a couple of hours until he could sort things out in his head.

She could actually feel him turn off his emotions- that must have come in handy for black ops stuff. Or maybe he could do it because of that. Which came first, she wondered? At any rate, she could see he was determined to keep busy doing any thing, and so she wandered out to her bike to get her stuff. The next few hours were taken up by eating, cleaning and unpacking. All in all, not a bad way to spend an evening when the past few days had been doctors, and tests and more tests that only led to bad news. By the time darkness came, she was literally exhausted and welcomed the peace and quiet of being in the middle of nowhere.

At some point during cleaning up from dinner, Jack realized they hadn’t spoken about “it” since Sam told him she had to be back before the 16^th. That had been over two hours ago. He still didn’t know what to say, but he couldn’t stand the silence- odd, he thought, since it was always silent when he was here alone. He needed to hear her voice, he then realized, to make sure she was OK. Nice try, he thought again, he needed to hear her to make sure he was OK. The most frightening thought in the world occurred to him in that split second: if the only person who could make him feel like everything would be alright, wasn’t alright herself, then what in the hell was he going to do. Not just for right now, not just today, not just here, but what about tomorrow, and next week, and after that. Not for the first time today, he felt like he was swallowing his heart and forced himself to act “normal.” What the hell was that anyway? Well, whatever it was, it sure wasn’t this. “Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I think I might just be tired enough to sleep really well, and I don’t want to chance it by having something with caffeine. I think I’ll take a shower, if you don’t mind.”

“Help yourself- there are towels in the linen closet in the hall.” Good, he thought. Then he could finally sort out all of the stuff going on in his head and figure out what to think. Then that voice contradicted him again, saying something about trying to figure out what was going on in his heart and figuring out what to feel! Whatever!

A shower hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Not only was she washing away the hours of dirt and dust from the trip, but she had managed to clear her head a little. So far so good, she thought. He hadn’t reacted badly to her news. In fact, he had barely reacted at all. That was better than the alternative, which she considered a real possibility on the way up. She had thought he would hit the roof- why couldn’t Janet do more? Why wouldn’t the Tok’ra healing device work? How could she just give up on SG-1? The Air Force? All good and legitimate questions, and the only answer that he might understand was that she didn’t want any alien thing “healing” or invading her anymore. She just wanted to be human for once- relying on her friend and doctor to make the best choices for her health. It was a small price to pay for what she hoped would be the most important gain of her life. Funny, she never would have considered herself to be one of those people that believed in fate or destiny. But, could the alternate universes really be wrong? When a mind stamp capable of deceiving hundreds of people couldn’t make them forget each other; when they didn’t even know they were lying, but somehow their bodies and minds gave it away during that damn Za’tarc testing… Even Samantha Carter, Ph.D. could only be blind for so long (almost 6 years to be exact, and that didn’t even include the time she spent studying him, uh… the Stargate, before she was part of SG-1). Turning off the water, she felt dizzy and knew it would take every ounce of strength she had just to get dressed and go to bed.

This can’t be real, he kept repeating over and over. She’s not here, she’s not sick, she’s not not under my command. Things were going so well this morning, weren’t they? Well, not really- where did that voice keep coming from?? He had spent the better part of the drive up here and the majority of the time since arriving on trying to figure out why she hadn’t come. He thought they had made up for some lost ground since, well, the “confession.” He really thought she would come with him this time, and now he knew why she didn’t, and he wished for any other reason than the one he had been given. Suddenly his senses were on fire- the bathroom door had just opened and before he could hear or see her, he smelled the most intoxicating wave of warm, humid air float his way carrying a sweet mixture of soap and shampoo and Sam. Damn, this was going to get hard. Harder than what? Ignoring it for nearly however many years? Or realizing he may only have a week left to do something about it? Again, not great choices, but they were the ones he was left with.

She turned the corner and saw him jump to his feet and come toward her with a look she hadn’t seen in awhile. Was the room spinning before or after he touched her? She wasn’t sure, but damn if it didn’t feel good to have him pick her up and carry her to bed. Was it his bed or hers? She was really confused but too tired to say anything.

My god, she looks pale. He saw her walk unsteadily from the bathroom and got to her just before she fell. Why did he bring her into his room? Not thinking clearly, just acting on instinct. Maybe that answer was actually worse than something believable, like his bed was bigger. At any rate, there she was, lying on his bed, in his room, at the cabin. How many nights had he laid awake wishing for this, fantasizing about this? What the hell was that? How could there be a leak in the ceiling? And when did it start to rain? And, wait, it’s not raining, and there isn’t a leak, except in his heart- where she lives. Only what if she *doesn’t* live? My god, when will it stop raining in here??

How many hours passed before she opened her eyes? It was still dark, but the moon was almost full and the curtains were open so she could make out the room clearly. She was in his bed after all, and there he sat in a chair by the bed just like that time after that thing had left her. She saw his eyes were wide open and staring at her, “Thanks for the ride to bed.”

“Anytime.” He was searching for a witty remark, but they escaped him now. This was much too real and serious even for him to be sarcastic. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better than before I almost fell over.” She managed a smile and found herself wishing more than anything that he was lying next to her. It wasn’t “wrong” anymore, and she couldn’t help but be afraid that this week would slip by without either one of them making the first move. It was hard to undo all those years of repressing every want, every need, every minute of every day. But what if this week was really it? What if Janet was wrong, and the cancer had spread? What if, what if, what if?? She felt hot tears spring out of her eyes and roll down her cheeks before she could even lift a hand to wipe them away. Why did every part of her body feel so heavy?

Please don’t cry, he silently begged her. He had just managed to stop, and wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t completely break down if he started again. He rose from his chair and went to sit on the side of her bed. Those amazing eyes, filled with tears and fear, and something else he hadn’t seen before, were looking up at him through wet lashes. He wiped away the shed tears and rested the palm of his hand on her cheek.

She turned her head into his hand and kissed his palm. She found the strength to lift her hand and clasp his wrist. Were his eyes actually red? From crying? Maybe he had reacted after all. Wouldn’t that be typical Jack O’Neill to wait until no one could see or hear, and then afterward, it would be like it never happened. Except she was pretty sure it had- sure enough to call him on it, and sure enough he wouldn’t run away. Not now. “You’ve been crying.”

“Am I the pot or the kettle in this scenario?” OK, so not all of the sarcasm was gone. That was probably good, given the situation. Did she actually just kiss his hand? He couldn’t remember the last time her lips touched any part of his body. Was it as long as that time loop? Did that even count? Hell, yes, it counted. It meant for the first time he was sure she had those kind of feelings- feelings she wouldn’t ignore if the circumstances were different. But that had been two years ago. She couldn’t still have those feelings for him, could she? Why not? Didn’t he for her? Weren’t they even stronger, if that was possible?

She smiled, but was still unwilling to let the moment pass without something else happening. What else, she wasn’t sure- of course, she knew what she wanted to have happen, but she was too tired, and emotions were too raw on both sides for that right now. “Why?”

“Why what?” He grew tense at her probing into his emotional state and feigned innocence as a defense mechanism.

“Are you that upset about having to find a replacement for me on SG-1?” Easy does it…

“Yeah, that’s it. I hate the idea of searching through all of those personnel files. What if I end up with a scientist again?” Replace her? Now that was impossible in every way.

“I figured.” She loosened her grip on his wrist, and his fingers slid down the side of her cheek to hold her hand. She couldn’t let him leave- it would be too easy to pack the emotions they both had away again. It was now or never.

He knew he had to get out of there before he couldn’t, “I’d better let you get back to sleep. If I’m gone when you wake up, I just went to the store. I need to stock up if you’re going to follow doctor’s orders.” He started to rise.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. All’s fair in love and war (which was this again?). Whatever cliché worked, insert it here, because he wasn’t going anywhere if she could help it. “Don’t go.” Simple and straight to the point-he would understand that.

What could he say? That he had to go before he ended up… what? Touching her, kissing her, making love to her? All of those things were options to him now, save for the one thing he never thought he would say to a woman again, but he couldn’t do that either, could he? So, a close approximation would have to do, “Sam, I just can’t lose someone else that I…”

“Care a lot about?” She finished the thought for him. “So does that mean that you can’t care about me anymore or that you can’t lose me? The problem with that, Jack, is that you don’t get to decide whether I get ‘lost’ this time. I don’t get to decide either. It’s up to someone or something else to determine when and if I recover. So, if, knowing that, you want to stop caring about me because it’s the only thing you can control, then you should leave. But, there’s a problem with that, too, and I think you know it.”

Damn, did she know every thought in his head? Yeah, probably. But, darned if he wasn’t going to put up a good fight, “And that would be?”

“That you can’t stop caring- I can’t either for that matter. If we could have done that, then I’m guessing we both would have years ago and saved ourselves the pain. At least I know I’ve been hurt, on more than one occasion, and if it were at all possible for me not to care about you- and believe me I tried really hard several times- then I probably wouldn’t have joined SG-1 to begin with.” Oops- did she really just say she had feelings for him before she met him? Maybe he wouldn’t hear that part. Please don’t let him hear that part…

“What did you just say?” That she cared about him before coming to Colorado? How was that possible?

“Which part?” Maybe she could throw him off. Why couldn’t she cry now? Damn it!

“You know which part. The part about you caring for me before joining the team. What did you mean by that?” He was demanding an answer and turning the tables at the same time. Not fair, but all’s fair in love and war, right? Well, he was always better at war.

Nice try, Jack. “Alright, I’ll answer that question, but I’m not letting you off the hook that easily. I’ve come this far- literally and figuratively- and we either end up together tonight or not at all.” Where the courage came from, she never did know, but divine intervention was not out of the question as she sat up in bed, stared him straight in the eyes, and laid her heart out for him to have, or for him to walk away from, but she was betting on the former, “You already know that I spent two years studying this project and that first mission before I got here. Well, ‘studying’ is an understatement. I read, re-read and committed to memory every detail about the project and that mission until I felt like I could have been there. That included practically memorizing the personnel files of everyone involved- yours in particular. I really can’t say why I felt drawn to you then, but I did. When I finally looked up the personal part of your file and found out you were married- well, the truth is- it was the reason I broke off my engagement.” Nothing like the truth, right?

He couldn’t have been more shocked- first the ‘end up together tonight or not at all’ bit- thank god he didn’t faint. And now somehow he’s responsible for breaking up her engagement before he met her, “What the hell?” Oops- was that out loud?

“I just figured if I could feel the way I felt about you then without even having met you and knowing you were married, then I should at least feel that much for the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Only I didn’t feel that way about him. I felt that way about you, a complete stranger for all intents and purposes, and I spent the better part of the next few years trying to make it go away. All it did was get stronger. So, I guess the truth is, I’ve loved you for almost eight years now, and if I’ve only got one week left…” That was it; she had said it all. His turn.

So, that was it. His turn to speak, and his voice wouldn’t work. He just sat there for what felt like an eternity waiting for something to come out. Where was his buddy Thor now? Surprising her, but himself more, he laughed- not a little, not quietly, but a genuine laugh that was most definitely out loud. He just couldn’t believe it, “Not more than 24 hours ago, laying in this bed, the only thoughts occupying my brain were what you would have looked like in a black bikini if you had come up with me, and hoping that it would somehow reveal, finally, where that freakin’ mole is! Now, I have to tell you how I’ve felt about you since I first saw you or risk losing you all together. Of course, the sick irony is that I may lose you anyway.” The laughter had stopped. His eyes were serious and pointed right at hers. He wasn’t sure up until that moment if he had it in him to say it, but in that instant, he knew he didn’t have a choice. She was right, of course, the choice was never really his to make- not in this universe or any other- whether they were infected by a virus or their minds was stamped, whether they knew it or not, the choice had rested in some higher power (since when did he believe in that?), “I love you, too.”

She looked down at the blanket covering her body, and whispered, “I guess it doesn’t matter now anyway.”

The panic that had settled just below since he heard the word ‘cancer’, finally surfaced- had she not told him the truth about the extent of it? What more could there be?? For cryin’ out loud- “What?!?!” He held his breath.

“My bikini is actually blue, and you still couldn’t see my mole.” She smiled.

Part 3

The tension was broken as she continued to smile at him. The

emotional anxiety that they had both felt since he turned around on

the dock and saw her standing there had been completely overwhelming.

Every fantasy and every fear he had were rolled into one night:

having her in his bed and knowing he was in her heart, but the

possibility of losing her just as quickly was creeping up behind him.

Forever the realist, "So, what do we do now?"

She yawned her answer and sunk a little more under the covers.

He chuckled, "Janet would kill me if she knew I kept you up this late.

And frankly, I'm not sure if I'm more scared of you or her. Those

needles can be awfully long..." He started to get up for the second

time that night, and this time she was too tired to stop him.

As her eyelids grew heavier, she tried to figure out what he had meant

by that. Why would he be afraid of her? Must be that arm wrestle

challenge, she thought. She drifted off to a peaceful sleep with a

smile still on her lips.

He got up to close the window- it was getting cold at night now. A

shiver ran up his spine as he realized the seasons were changing, and

he couldn't help but wonder how this new- relationship?!- fit into the

scheme of nature. God, Jack, you must be tired to be thinking like

that. He started to head for the door, but he caught a glimpse of her

out of the corner of his eye as he turned around. The part of his

mind that could actually process the thought of her- well, not being

here forever- wouldn't let him waste a moment. She was right, 'if

I've only got one week left,' then every second counted. He settled

back into the chair where he had watched her sleep earlier. At least

it had stopped raining inside.

True to his word, when she woke up the next morning he was already at

the store, which was good considering she couldn't live off of Fruit

Loops for a week even if he could. She got out of bed, relieved that

she was steady on her feet this time, and started to get dressed. One

large denim shirt and a pair of black leggings later, she stepped

outside onto the deck with a couple of journals and some coffee. The

morning was still cool, but quite refreshing. The irony that she felt

more alive at that moment than she had in years was not lost on her.

She quickly became engrossed in the latest techno-babble and didn't

even hear him pull up.

He had never spent more than $50 at the grocery store in his life. He

was most decidedly the kind of guy who gets in the express lane and

pays cash for beer and a steak. Maybe a potato, too, if he was really

hungry. He had realized while going through the aisles that he knew

certain things that she liked- diet soda, lemon chicken (why was that

anyhow?)- but it was hard to shop for someone you didn't know really

well. Wondering how Sara managed when they probably knew each other

half as well, especially in the beginning, he was amazed that a food

bill could be over $200 for 2 people for a week. He couldn't have

cared less about the money, it was just a new experience. It was all

new territory, and while that was fine on a mission, it was more than

a little unnerving in "real" life. He carried two of the ten bags of

groceries inside and watched her through the sliding glass doors as

she was reading something. Probably not a comic book, he mused, and

brought the rest of the bags in as she scribbled notes in the margins

of the journals.

She heard kitchen cabinet doors closing and went inside to find him

putting away what looked like the contents of a mini-mart on the

shelves. "Is there anything left *inside* the grocery store?"

"I couldn't let my guest starve, now could I?" He was glad to see

that color had returned to her face and that she seemed to have shaken

the exhaustion from last night.

"Well, I hope you have invited Teal'c back so he can eat some of

this!" She started sorting through the piles for something resembling

breakfast.

He waved her away explaining that he was going to make breakfast and

she should just go back to whatever fascinating thing it was that she

had been reading. Of course, he said fascinating in a way that made

her know he was sure that it was really boring.

She shrugged her shoulders and went back outside. If he wanted to

cook for her, why in the world would she interfere? Besides that

article she was reading had actually been fascinating...

Another meal completed and cleared away, he asked, "So, what do you

want to do today? And just so you know, working or reading about

work-related things is not an option."

"I thought fishing was the only activity available to your guests.

That and getting eaten alive by bugs, if Teal'c is right." She

laughed a little at the thought of Teal'c fishing.

"He really has developed a sense of humor over the years, hasn't he?"

As of late, Jack was sure he had caught a lot of smiles passing the

Jaffa's lips.

"Yeah, that's one of the things I think I'm going to miss the most."

The mood in the room changed as instantly as the words were out of her

mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that

because we won't be working together, I won't see him as much."

"You know what the good thing about that is, don't you?" He didn't

want things to start off that seriously so early in the day. There

would be time for that later. Right now he just wanted her to have

fun and feel good. Very, very good.

"What's that?" She was relieved he didn't want to talk about "it"

right now. Maybe later, but not now.

"Since you won't be working with Teal'c, that means you won't be

working with me either. And that means that you can see me more

off-duty. Or is that more of me?"

He gave her that look- the one with the eyebrows, and she couldn't

help but giggle. "Is that a promise or a threat?" She could play at

this game for a while. After sitting out for the last few years, she

was definitely ready for - well, anything!!

"It's both." He was loving this, "I won't subject you to fishing your

first day here, but I do believe someone promised me a look at a

certain blue bikini and a guess at where a certain mole is."

"I don't recall that at all." Oh yeah, this was fun, "In fact, I

distinctly remember telling you that you couldn't see my mole."

"No, no! You said I couldn't see your mole with your bikini on. You

didn't say anything about not seeing it at all." A minor

technicality, but it just might work.

"Since when did you pay such close attention to what I say?" All

right, so maybe he usually paid attention, he just didn't understand

it all. Or did he? He deserved a bone, at least, for being a good

sport, "But since you made me breakfast, I will demonstrate for you

that my mole can not been seen with a bikini on." There, that should

do him in.

It did. He watched speechlessly as she went to change. Sweet!

Part 4

Sam entered the guest room where she had unpacked all of her stuff last evening. She hadn't really looked around then; she had barely had the energy to walk. This time, though, she took note that this must have been Charlie's room. There really wasn't anything sitting out that would indicate a little boy used to sleep here, and she had to resist the urge to snoop to find a picture or a toy or some indication of his life. She mentally chastised herself, 'It's none of your business Sam. Just get dressed!' So, after rummaging around, she found the subject of much debate- a sea blue, classic bra-style top in a soft fabric that conformed to her extremely well. She was not as oblivious as people thought to the looks she got from men, on and off the base. Just because she didn't respond or talk about it didn't mean she wasn't aware. Taking a look in the mirror on top of the dresser, she appraised herself favorably. Deciding to be just a little evil, she put a sarong around her waist and slid a tank top over her head just to make him wonder for a little longer... Packing a journal and some sunscreen in a bag, she headed back out to the living room.

What the hell could be taking so long? This was Carter who could shower, change and be in a briefing room in 8 minutes flat. Was it that he was impatient at the thought of what was going on behind that door, or was she really taking forever? His mind didn't have long to decide as she emerged from the guest room. "What's this? Trying to get out of it, are you?"

"Not at all- just thought I'd make you suffer until we get to the beach. Are you ready?" She said it with a feigned innocence that he recognized immediately.

Not only had he changed, but he had managed to pack a picnic lunch while she was getting dressed, "I've been ready! Let's go already!" He really was getting hot and bothered the more he looked at her and thought about that damn mole...

The walk to the sandiest beach around the lake took about 20 minutes. Neither one of them said much, but Jack did mention a few "landmarks" like which tree was Charlie's favorite to climb and where the best views of the lake were. She was surprised that he didn't seem to mind talking about the past when he was here while usually on base or on a mission he would clam up when asked about it. Of course, she wasn't much better- how long had it been before she had told the team she had been engaged? Neither one of them were going to get an award for being talkative when it came to their personal lives.

He had forgotten how much he loved it here. Each time he came up, it got harder and harder to leave. Even though he knew the importance of what he did, and especially given the past few years of wanting to get back to see her, it was still difficult to leave the serenity of the woods and the lake. While he was here, he could almost fool himself that the world was safe. "We're here."

They both dropped their stuff, and he spread out the blanket for them to sit on. While he was concentrating on unpacking the water and sunscreen, she removed her tank top and sarong to reveal the much-discussed bikini. She heard him gasp and turned around.

"Wow." He really couldn't hold back his appreciate gaze, and given their discussion the previous night, he didn't see the need to.

"Let me know if you find it," she smirked, referring to the mole, and settled on the blanket and began to read.

"Wow." His mind was jello, and his legs weren't much sturdier, so he sat down and began applying sunscreen. One eye was glued to her, while the other tried to pay enough attention to put lotion on at least most of his body.

"Turn around, and I'll do your back." She was starting to realize just how much he must really have thought about her in that way up until now- especially now. Not that she hadn't done her fair share of thinking, too, but she was certainly doing a better job of acting like normal, right? Then why couldn't she actually look at him?

He did as he was ordered- coherent thought still escaping him, but aware enough of the situation to realize this was not a dream and hoping to god the water was at least a little cool. Some shrinkage might actually be good right now! "I don't suppose I can return the favor?"

"I had the forethought to put some on before we left, thanks. You know you are supposed to put it on at least 20 minutes before you get in the water?" God, were her hands actually shaking from touching him? Like they hadn't touched before, but this was different. Or rather, their circumstances were different. And my god, his body was, well, wow.

His skin was tingling all over, "Then I guess you're stuck with me reading over your shoulder for the next 20 minutes." His smile couldn't be bigger as he laid down on his stomach next to her.

She put down her journal and matched his smile. She truly had never seen him look so relaxed, and happy. Actually happy, without the pressure of command or the shadows that always seemed to line his eyes. Something about this place seemed almost magical, and she decided to just be honest with him, "I've never seen you like this- you look so happy and carefree. There's something about being here that really agrees with you."

"I've been here hundreds of times, but this is the first time I've felt really happy in a long while- here or anywhere else." He was sincere and serious.

His words sent her heart racing. She had always suspected that beneath his sarcasm and avoidance techniques that he did feel things very deeply. Hadn't Teal'c said something like that once? It was true, at any rate, and she didn't want to give up on his sudden burst of emotional outpouring, "It's been a long time for me, too." As he gazed at her face with those eyes, she felt very shy.

"How long?" He wasn't just talking about her feeling happy anymore. He meant the question in more than one way, and he knew she knew it.

She carefully considered her answer. The truth was that she had *never* felt like this, and the relationships that she remembered were cheap imitations of whatever this was. Certainly none of the men (or aliens) she had encountered since being in SG-1 held a place in her soul like him. Not even Martouf, whom she guessed was really at the heart of his question, "Longer than you think."

A few minutes passed as they both stared out over the water considering what had just transpired. He spoke first with more than a little hesitation, "You're not going to ask me the same question back?"

Here it was- the one period of time in the past six years that she really didn't want to talk about. The longest three months of her life spent trying to bring him back to a home that he didn't want to be brought back to. It felt like the ultimate betrayal- and not just because of whatever happened between him and that woman- but because he had given up on them coming to rescue him, given up in her finding a way. No matter what the odds, it was the one thing she didn't expect from him. "No. I'm not." She didn't look at him, and she hoped he didn't hear what she desperately wanted to keep out of her voice: anger and pain.

He heard. He reached over and turned her chin toward him so that she would see he meant it, "It's been longer than you think for me, too." He expected some kind of reaction, and was surprised when all he got was a blank stare in return. He took his hand away from her face, and wondered how he had misjudged the situation. He guessed that she knew he had slept with Laira, but he also knew now that that wasn't all she was angry about. So, what...

She knew herself well enough to know that if she couldn't get past this issue, it would come up again later. And it would feel bigger, maybe bigger than they could work out, so she took a breath and said, "If I had known you didn't want to come home, I could have worked on something else for 100 days, and we would have waited for the ship to bring you back in a year." That thought had played in her head thousands of times since they stepped back through the gate from Edora.

Damn. So she had heard what he said to Laira that day. Damn. How in the hell was he supposed to make up for that? The only way he could now, "I'm sorry."

She could see he meant it, but she didn't know if it was enough. Yet somehow it had to be. She couldn't go back and change the past, and neither could he. Deep down, she suspected that if he hadn't been stuck there, she would never have been forced to realize her feelings for him so soon. There had to be a reason it worked out that way. And it wasn't like he had tried to go back there, was it? She needed to make a choice to either accept his apology and move forward or resign herself to the fact that she couldn't forgive him. The problem was, she knew she could forgive him for anything. She had definitely never felt this vulnerable, "It's okay." She could feel her heart begin to accept it.

He wasn't so sure, "Is it? Really?" Why did he feel like he was walking a tightrope? One wrong step, and he would fall into a place without her that no one could reach.

She looked at him without a trace of resentment, "Yes, it is."

That was a close one, but the real test was yet to come. Later. Right now, "Last one in makes dinner!"

Before she could process what he was saying, he was 5 leaps ahead of her. She had almost caught up to him, but he stopped just before reaching the edge of the water, "What is it?"

"I just realized that either way I lose- if I go in first, I have to eat your cooking!"

The words were barely out of his mouth before she pushed him in- just enough for his legs to get wet, but if looks could kill, he would be a goner, "Now we're even!" She was in up to her waist in clear blue water.

"What for!?!" He was following her out- his feet now barely touching the bottom.

"For pushing me through the Stargate the first time. AND you have to eat my cooking!"

The afternoon passed by with jokes and smiles and personal stories about family, friends, co-workers... He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so comfortable with someone or been so open about his life. They danced around the intense topics- Charlie, Daniel, Sara, her mom, cancer. He had almost forgot why she had come, why they could be like this. Almost. Something in his face must have betrayed his thoughts.

"Jack, what is it?" She looked at him with so much concern, so much love.

He looked up at the sound of her voice; they were standing on the beach, drying off from their last swim of the afternoon and getting ready to head back. He was completely caught off-guard by the emotions that registered on her face. Even though he had promised himself that things wouldn't get physical between them until he was sure she was ready, he just couldn't take it anymore. Taking the two steps that separated them seemed like walking a mile- what happened next could change everything.

Part Five

Her head couldn't register what was going on as quickly as it seemed to be happening. One minute they were joking around, the next he looked so serious, and now he was coming toward her. What was that feeling in her stomach- panic? Fear? Longing? Desire? All of those and more, she realized as he stood in front of her. So much more.

He took her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her lips. Just one, soft kiss. Not demanding or eager. Just gentle and warm.

The minute his lips touched hers, the floodgates to her heart opened wide. All of the misgivings she had about coming up, about having the conversation about her cancer, about telling him how long she had loved him- they were all gone. She knew this was it- how it was supposed to feel. Nothing was forced or felt wrong. Just perfect. Completely perfect. Complete. She opened her eyes in shock when he pulled away.

Out of breath and unsure he barely whispered, "I'm sorry." His eyes didn't leave hers.

"For what?" She honestly didn't know.

"I should have waited until-"

She cut him off, "I think we've waited long enough, don't you? Let's go back- I think I owe you a dinner." She flashed him a grin before packing up her things.

"I think you've been holding out on me, Sam." He was drying the dishes while she relaxed on the sofa.

"How so?" She was full enough from dinner to burst and was enjoying the cool, crisp air that was blowing in from an open window. She was already looking forward to a good night's sleep, but she couldn't help but wonder which bed she would be in and if she would be alone.

"You're a pretty good cook. I guess you learned a thing or two cooking for Dad and Mark, huh?" Maybe he shouldn't bring that up...

She didn't seem to mind, "I guess I did." She was kind of tired of talking; it had been a long day full of conversation- some of it pretty loaded.

He finished up the dishes and came to sit beside her on the couch. He could see the fatigue in her eyes, but there were some things that couldn't wait any longer, "Thank you."

"It was only dinner." She couldn't believe it was that good.

"That's not what I meant." Three years later, but there it was. "I didn't say it then, and I should have. But I want you to know that I did feel it, even though it didn't seem like it at the time. I did want to come home. To you."

Even though she didn't want to talk about it anymore, she understood that it must really be eating away at him for him to bring it up again. "What do you want me to say?" She wasn't angry, but she didn't know how to get him to believe that she forgave him.

"You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that I will never forget how hard you worked to bring me back or take for granted what you did. I guess that was the first time I knew, really knew, that I loved you. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but there was no other explanation for the emptiness I felt when I thought I would never see you again. I didn't want to hold out hope that I would ever see you because I knew that if I didn't- well, I just couldn't believe there was a chance."

"I couldn't not believe, or I would have gone nuts. I think Janet was ready to lock me up as it was." They both smiled at that. "You're welcome."

There was one more thing. He had put it off this afternoon, but he wanted to spend the night with a clear conscience, preferably with her in his arms, although this would probably cost him that, but at least without any guilt, "The night before Teal'c dug through, she and I..."

Could her heart beat any louder? What was she supposed to feel? Grateful that it had only been once? Angry at herself that she didn't work harder so they could have gotten through one day earlier? No! She took a breath, and said as evenly as possible, "You don't owe me an explanation- you didn't then and you don't now. You've apologized and thanked me. That's all I need. Well, that and a promise that you aren't going back there for some other black ops mission."

"I'll do my best, but you know I can't really promise anything." What more could he do? Why was she smiling?

"I was kidding- about that last part. The rest I meant. Now can we drop it?"

"Yeah, we can. But I do want to tell you one other thing first."

"Go for it." What could be worse than finding out the man you've been in love with for eight years spent the night with some woman?

"Well, we were pretty drunk that night, and I don't remember much, but I do remember waking up and being surprised that it wasn't you laying next to me. It must have showed on my face, because she reminded me that her name wasn't Sam."

"Ouch. You really should stop doing that." NO! She didn't just say that!!

"Stop doing what?" He didn't think her eyes could get any bigger.

"Nothing. I'm just tired. I think I'll get ready for bed now." She got up to go into the bathroom, but he was too quick. He held her arm, and she turned back around to face him. Even the slight pressure of his hand was exciting.

"Stop doing what?!?!" He wanted to know, even though he suspected he wasn't going to like it. God, he had never seen anyone so beautiful.

"Stop calling out the name of a woman that you aren't with."

Why was she smiling again? "When did I do that to you?" Did he sleep with her and not know it? Was she stuck in a time loop, too? No, he would definitely remember that, no matter what universe or timeline!

"In Antarctica. You were pretty delirious at the time, so I pretended I was Sara. It made you feel better, I hope." The smile she wore grew mischievous, "The next time you decide to call out a name, though, first of all, it had better be mine, and second of all, I had better be there."

"Now that's a promise I can make and keep." He couldn't believe how much crap she had put up with for him- he guessed he didn't know the half of it. The only thing he could do now was to make every minute count, no matter how many were left. He swore right then and there that she would never regret loving him again. And he found himself praying for the first time in - well, longer than he could remember- that he got to keep his promise tonight.

Part 6

"Can I get ready for bed now?" She glanced down at where his hand still rested on her arm.

"Oh, yeah." He followed her eyes and lifted his hold. He watched her walk to the bathroom and close the door. He fell back onto the couch. That was intense- the whole day had been. It was like they were trying to make up for six years in six days. With only five more to go. He couldn't understand why she had done all of the things for him that she did- working on that huge doohickey for three months, without eating or sleeping much, he understood from the gossip around base. Not to mention figuring out where Ba'al was keeping him- how had she done that anyhow? And pretending she was Sara? That must have hurt, even if they hadn't known each other very long. He thought he knew how many times she had saved his life, but he was only just beginning to understand what he owed her. His heart; his soul- how could they be enough for this amazing, beautiful, brilliant, young woman. Why did she do it?

She returned with worn, oversized flannel pajamas on and saw him sitting on the couch with his hands running absentmindedly though his hair. It was unfair how men really did look so much better as they got older. Another one of life's many mysteries, she chuckled to herself.

Suddenly aware of her presence, he turned to see her watching him, and had to ask, "Why me- all of those times, all of these years- why me?"

"I guess it's the same thing it's always been." She wasn't going to hold back anymore, "I love you."

He slowly stood to face her, and repeating his actions from earlier in the day, he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Only it wasn't the same at all. Soft and gentle were replaced by powerful and demanding. Warmth was replaced by heat. And this time, he wasn't going to break the contact. His lips were impatient and his tongue was relentless.

Her knees actually felt weak. Finally, she really understood what that saying was all about. Her hands rested in his chest as he pulled her in tightly to him. She had no idea how much time had passed, but she became suddenly aware that she was oxygen deprived and pulled her head back slightly to breathe.

He didn't loosen his hold on her but waited for her breathing to slow to normal and asked, "If you don't want this, please tell me now."

She had never heard that tone of voice from him before, and she was stuck again at how he must have felt about her all along, "I'm sure." She had never been more sure about anything.

Taking her hand, he led her into his bedroom. Clothes were shed slowly and with great care until they both slid under the covers. Muffled cries and declarations of love were voiced into the early hours of the morning. When sleep took them both, it was with a peaceful contentment that neither had known before.

****************************

Waking first, she watched him breathe. He really did look like a big kid, and she noticed the sharp contrast between the calmness in his face and the violent scars that were scattered on his chest. She couldn't begin to imagine the hells he had endured. She shuddered knowing that they may not all be in the past- none of them knew what awaited them anytime they went out on a mission, never mind the tragedies that could happen- hell, had happened- at home.

"Are you going to stare at me all morning, or make me breakfast, woman?" Opening his eyes, he lost the battle not to grin widely at that.