Title: Everything You Need

 

Author: Lisa Yaeger

 

E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com

 

Rating: PG-13

 

Category: Mild angst, Romance

 

Pairings: Sam/Jack

 

Content Warnings: mild language

 

Summary: A tragedy hits Sam's family. Guess who she calls?

 

Season/sequel: Set in the present, season 6

 

Spoilers: General knowledge of the show. Everything is fair game.

 

Archive: SJD & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the

property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This

piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary

purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are

copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or

dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

 

Status: Complete

 

Feedback: Welcomed!

 

Date: 19-10-2002

 

*****************************

 

"I need you."

 

Those three words, in a shaky voice that was hers, but not like he was used to hearing her sound, in the middle of the night, moved him faster than a speeding bullet.  Not more than 76 seconds after he had woken to the ringing of his phone and heard her plea, he was half-dressed with keys in one hand and a shirt in the other.  He could put that on along the way.  The ride to her house was easy- not many people on the road at 3 a.m., even on an early Friday morning.  The thoughts racing through his head were like flashbacks of bad dreams: her almost freezing to death, being captured and tortured, her body being taken over by Jolinar first, and then the entity later.  Somehow the thoughts that were creeping into his mind now, of what could happen to her on earth, in her own home, frightened him more.  He knew first hand the kinds of tragedies that could take place...  Shaking his head as if to clear it, he realized he was there.  Lights were on.  That was good.  He could at least see what he was getting into.  He turned off the ignition and his body felt suddenly heavy.  He feared what was inside as much as he wanted to know. 

 

She saved him from wondering for long.  As soon as she heard him pull up, she walked to the door and opened it. 

 

He saw her standing there and got out of the truck.  She was able to stand and walk.  That was also good.  He started walking toward her- not too fast in case he missed something going on outside.  If there was someone else there with her, and god help him if there was, he needed his wits about him.  As he got closer to her, he saw she was shaking.  Sam Carter trembling was a sight he really couldn't handle.  Tears were streaming down her face, and from all evidence available, had been since before she had called him.  She looked so small and cold.  For a moment in time, he stopped being Colonel O'Neill and was just a man looking at a woman he loved who was obviously in a great deal of pain.  He approached her, still cautious, back in military mode.

 

She looked at him with eyes so wide, red from crying, but still blue to the core.  She couldn't say anything.  She could barely breathe.

 

"C'mon."  He took her hand and led her back inside.  His eyes darted around to see if anything was broken.  No evidence of a struggle or forced entry.  Just a box of tissues on the coffee table next to her cordless phone.  Probably the one she had called him on.  He had to know, "Is anyone else here?"

 

More tears welled in her eyes as she shook he head, causing them to fall down either cheek.

 

Now he was terrified.  It didn't appear that she had been hurt in any physical way.  He really didn't know what to do.  But he couldn't just sit there.  Still holding her hand, he tightened his grip, "Sam, you have to tell me what's wrong."

 

She tried to regulate her breathing.  Succeeding for a moment, but then the tears came right back again, and all she could do was reach for another tissue until the wave of grief subsided.

 

He had never seen her like this.  So completely emotional and totally out of control.  The possibilities raced through his mind: Jacob?  No, he would have heard about that.  Same with Teal'c or Jonas.  Janet or Cassie maybe?  Hammond would have called him about that, too.  Who was left in her life that he didn't know.  Oh.  Oh no.  NO.  NO!  Was it some guy?  Some jerk who dumped her, or worse?  Maybe there were injuries he couldn't see.  Okay, this was too much.  He had to know what the hell was going on and now, "Major!"

 

She focused on him with glassy eyes not really seeing, but at attention all the same.

 

"Tell me what's going on here."  His voice was firm, yet caring.

 

She sniffled for a minute, took another tissue and blew her nose, and then tried to form a complete sentence, "Mark called.  It's his daughter."  Just that much information started the tears again, although she stayed a little more in control.  "She's sick."

 

Okay, so he figured 'sick' meant more than the flu or this wouldn't be happening.

 

"She was diagnosed with leukemia."  Her voice was so quiet.  And now too calm.  She lifted her eyes to his.

 

He saw the desperation.  The grief.  He recognized those emotions, and wondered for the first time why she had called him.  Wouldn't Janet have been the better choice?  She could explain things.  Talk about treatments and cures.  He wasn't going to be much help in this department, feelings - especially grief - were not his 'thing.'  To anyone but her, he would have said as much and been out the door faster than Superman again, but it was her, and she needed him.  He wasn't going anywhere.

 

"She went in for a normal check-up.  Part of that was a blood test.  The results came back, and Mark called me.  They are bringing her to Denver to see a specialist tomorrow.  Well, I guess that's actually today.  He asked if I would meet them at the airport to take Luke so that he and Amy could spend the day with Carrie and the doctors."

 

It was sinking in.  Carter's niece was really sick, and she had called him.  How wrong was it to feel just a little happiness that she needed him now?  He tried to squelch that part of his brain, but it was still there as he scooted closer to her on the couch.

 

That was all it took for her to loose it again.  She was always wound tight when he was around anyway, but his physical proximity to her tonight was what she feared and wanted.  It took something as unfathomable as her little niece possibly dying to allow herself to feel it so deeply.  She moved in closer to him, and without hiding her emotions or her vulnerability, "Please hold me."

 

Who could resist?  If he had been a religious man, he might have compared his situation to Adam's.  He was definitely about to take a step closer to the forbidden fruit.  His arms wrapped around her, bringing her dampened cheek to his shoulder.  His chin meeting her forehead; his lips involuntarily kissing her head.  God it felt good- to be needed, to be close.  Good and right.  And so wrong.  Defying his own thoughts, he tightened his hold.

 

She sighed.  Her breathing was regular and steady.  The tears were still coming down, but more slowly.  Her hands were clutching his shirt which he had only managed to half-button anyway.

 

He could feel her breath on his neck.  She was relaxing.  He really should pull away.  Offer to make some coffee.  Call Janet.  Anything but touch her for another minute before letting go would become an impossibility.  Physically and emotionally.  Too late.

 

She nuzzled in a little closer and sighed again.  In a more comfortable position, and somewhat in control, she managed to speak in a voice that more closely resembled her own, "Thank you for coming."

 

He hadn't spoken since she explained why she had called him.  He realized now he was afraid to.  Afraid to say something that would make her pull away.  Afraid to lose the weight of her body and soul pressing on his.  He couldn't respond.  He didn't know how long he held her before she pulled away.  He only knew it felt worse than acid burning through his skin.

 

She sat up straight and looked at him.  She expected to feel silly or ridiculous for being such a wreck in front of her CO.  Only he didn't much feel like her commanding officer at the moment.  He didn't really feel like a friend either.  If this had happened a year ago, and she had called Daniel, the scene might have played out much the same, but the feelings would have been different.  With Daniel, there would have been a long conversation, and she would have felt supported and cared for.  With Jack she felt safe and understood.  Without words. "I know it's asking a lot-"

 

"No, it isn't."  He didn't need to hear what she was going to ask of him to know that it wasn't more than he would do.  He realized without a doubt anywhere in his mind or body, that they- or at least he- had crossed some line an hour or so ago when the phone had rung and he came over.  It was some kind of moment of truth.  And in it, she needed him.  Whatever else there was- regulations, fear, death- that certainty made all of the difference to him.  He wasn't going anywhere as long as she wanted him to stay.  That had been the one truth he had known, and avoided, all along.

 

"They are coming into the Denver airport at noon.  I don't have any idea how to entertain a 7 year-old boy..."

 

"Well, then we'd better get some sleep.  Take it from me, little boys have a lot of energy."  He smiled, hoping to get something in return.

 

He did- it was small, but it was there.  Taking his hand, she turned off the light and led him to her bedroom.  Still in her pajamas, she crawled into bed, turning off the light on the nightstand.  He took off his jeans and unbuttoned the few buttons on his shirt that were fastened and slid in behind her, wearing boxers and socks.

 

There was little light coming in through the window.  It was getting light so much later in the morning now.  She turned to face him.

 

His face was just inches from hers.  In her house.  In her bedroom.  In her bed.  God help him.

 

She stretched her neck and pressed her lips against his. 

 

He saw it coming and couldn't move.  It was like watching life in slow motion.  He didn't respond.  Paralyzed with fear.

 

"Are you okay?"  She thought he would have reacted a little.

 

"Yeah."  NO!  "I just..."  Should run away as fast as I can? "Don't want to take advantage of the situation."  That was true, too.  He wanted it to be right for both of them.  He knew it would probably always be right for him, but he needed her to be sure, and not in the middle of an emotional crisis.  'Not like this.'  Again.

 

She laid her head back down on the pillow and smiled at him.  "Goodnight Jack."

 

He couldn't remember the last time she had called him that.  It was more intimate and profound than any kiss or caress could be right now. Yeah, way too late.

 

They woke up about five hours later to the sound of a neighbor mowing the lawn.  She opened her eyes and realized her nose was all stuffed up.  Then she remembered why.  She turned over to see one Jack O'Neill staring at her.  He was smiling- not too much, not with a hint of sarcasm, but just a smile that started in his eyes.  "Good morning."  She felt more than a little disappointed that he hadn't been holding her.  That's how it always was in her dreams.  But if the past 24 hours were a dream, then it definitely fell into the nightmare category.

 

"Morning." He couldn't take his eyes off of her.  Not sure how long he had stared at her back before she woke, he could still see the rise and fall of her body against the sunlight streaming in from the window.  He had wanted so badly to reach out and touch her, but he didn't want to wake her.  Okay.  Okay.  The truth was he didn't think he could just hold her.  He wasn't a saint, and he didn't think she would be strong enough to resist given the current situation.

 

"Did you want to take a shower?"

 

"Yeah, if you don't mind."  He had to fight every temptation to say 'Only if you're taking it with me.'

 

"I'll get you a towel."  She started to climb out of bed, but she felt his hand on her hip, and it stopped her cold.

 

"I want you to know that I'm glad you called...  That I'm here."

 

Turning her head to look at him, "Really?"  She wasn't so sure since he hadn't returned her kiss last night.  She thought he probably just felt obligated.

 

He sat up and extended his arm around her waist.  Vowing internally that it would be just one kiss, he drew her to him and leaned forward to meet her lips. 

 

Now it was her turn to be stunned and scared.  It was one thing to call him in the middle of the night and lay next to him in darkness.  It was quite another to kiss him in the light of day, in her bed, no less. 

 

Needing to prove to her that he meant it, he didn't give up when she failed to move her lips under his immediately.  He withdrew just slightly, letting his lips linger over hers, feeling her breath.  Then, just barely, he moved forward again to apply pressure.

 

She couldn't take it.  The moment he tried again, she was lost.  So many emotions, so much pent up desire.  She met his lips and kissed back.  Hard.  And then soft.

 

And then he stopped.  He kept his promise to stop at a kiss and pulled away.  Breathless.  "Really."

 

Looking into his eyes for confirmation, she found it and got up to get his towel.

 

 

 

 

They arrived at the airport ahead of schedule and were waiting outside the gate for the Carters.  Weird.  He was going to meet the rest of her family.  He wondered briefly if she had ever mentioned him to them.  It was too obvious to ask, so instead, "So, did you ever talk about me to your brother?"  Nice and subtle.

 

She grinned.  Setting her diet soda down, "Maybe once or twice, but..."  She had more to say, but it was more fun to keep him waiting.

 

"But?"  He was curious.  Very curious.  What had his Carter said to that Carter?

 

"It's just that I think Mark knows more about you than the things I've said."

 

Huh?  Was he some kind of private detective or something?  OH!  "Dad?"

 

"Uh huh."  Another sip of soda.  She really hoped that caffeine would kick in soon.  "He talks about you a lot."

 

"He does?"  He was never really sure where he stood with Jacob.  They got along, but they didn't always see eye to eye.  But then, they didn't either, and he was in lo-

 

"Yeah.  He really likes you.  Can't figure out for the life of me what he sees..."  She was really smiling for the first time since he saw her last night.

 

Why did it matter that Jacob 'really liked' him?  God knows, but it did. He smiled and shook his head a little sadly.

 

"What?"  She put her hand on his arm.  God, were those really his muscles?

 

"It just occurred to me that I get along better with your dad than I ever did my own."

 

Oh.  "You can borrow him anytime, you know.  Mark and I would be more than willing to share."

 

He lifted his eyes to hers and was thinking about leaning in for another kiss when he heard-

 

"Sam!!"

 

The next few minutes were a whirlwind of introductions, hugs and kisses, and kids screaming 'Aunt Sam!'  Luggage for Luke was exchanged from Mark to Jack, while Amy took Carrie to the bathroom.  Luke clung tightly to Sam's hand.  The two of them obviously had a bond.  Mark handed Sam some paper with doctors' names and the phone number of the hotel where they were staying in Denver.

 

"Aunt Sam?"  Luke was tugging on her arm.

 

She bent down and smiled, "What?" 

 

"Can I have a drink?"  His smile was just like hers.

 

"Sure- let's go."  Standing up, "We'll be right back."  They walked down the terminal to find the nearest drinking fountain.

 

Mark turned to Jack; he looked so much like Jacob, "So, you're Jack?" 

 

"Yep."  Hopefully someone had told Mark that he didn't talk much.

 

"It's good to finally meet you.  I have to say that I feel like I know you from what I've heard from Sam and Dad."

 

"It's definitely not all true."  He also hoped Mark knew about his sarcastic tendencies.

 

"Well, I hope it is."  Mark drew a breath and started again.  "Look, I don't know how much Sam has told you about my relationship with Jacob, but we don't usually see eye to eye on anything, the military especially."  Another breath.  "So, I was less than thrilled to hear that you- being a military guy with a job that I'm sure I can't know about, and her CO to top it off- have a 'thing' for her.  But, even though Dad and I don't agree on much, he thinks you're good enough for Sam, and god knows he never thinks anything is good enough for her, so, I guess I just wanted to say that I hope we can get to know each other."

 

Can't say much to that.  Especially when in shock.  Jacob thinks he has a 'thing' for Sam?  That he did was beside the point.  And Jacob thinks he's good enough for her?  He wasn't so sure about that one.  Oh no, wait.  He was sure.  He wasn't good enough.

 

"One more thing though."

 

Jack met his eyes in question.  Speech still eluded him.

 

"Sam doesn't have a great history in picking out men.  So, no matter what Dad thinks, I swear to god if you hurt her like-"

 

"Mark, I'm not sure about all of that other stuff you said, but one thing I do know is that I would rather-" 'die myself than lose Carter'- "Well, let's just say I could never hurt her."  Kill her with a zat, sure, but that was different.

 

As if on cue, Sam and Luke walked up to them, "What did I miss?"

 

"Nothing, sis.  Just getting to know your friend."  He turned to Amy and Carrie, "We don't have much time before our appointment.  We'd better go."

 

Minutes later, Sam, Jack and Luke were walking toward the parking lot while the rest of the Carters headed to the rental car counter.  Luke clung to Sam's hand while looking warily at the man carrying his luggage.

 

Jack noticed the boy's apprehension and tried to ease the situation, "So, Luke, I hear you like soccer."

 

"Yeah."  He looked up at him with eyes big as saucers- not blue like his aunt's- but innocent and sweet just the same.

 

"Maybe we can play later."

 

"Okay."  He gripped onto Sam's arm as if his life depended on it.

 

They spent the ride back to the Springs in relative silence.  Sam was exhausted; Jack was still replaying his 'conversation' with Mark over in his head.  Luke was taking everything in and spotted a movie theatre out of the side window, "Hey!"

 

Sam was started by his sudden outburst, "What?"

 

"Can we go see a movie?"

 

Sam looked at Jack who gave her a look that said, "Why not?"  He pulled off at the next exit and began thinking about all of the things he could do in a movie theatre with his Major.  Then he remembered the 7-year old boy who was the reason they were here to begin with.

 

They settled on the only G-rated movie in the theatre that Luke hadn't seen- Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie.  Sitting next to Sam for an hour and a half required great restraint and mind control on his part.  "Just think about the movie.  Don't think about how close your hand is to-'

 

She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Thanks for doing this."  A Carter smile rewarded him.

 

He leaned over to her, "I've secretly been dying to see a movie about a pair of boxer shorts and porcupines."  He was grinning from ear to ear.

 

"A boxers kind of guy, are you?"  She remembered at that moment that in fact he was, and the realization that she had that kind of intimate knowledge about him thrilled her.

 

He chuckled and was admonished by Luke, "Sssshhhhhhh!"

 

Sam giggled and stuffed more popcorn in her mouth.  Not such a bad day, considering why they were all here.

 

After the movie, Luke insisted on a Happy Meal from McDonald's and fell asleep on the ride back to Sam's.  He was breathing heavily as Jack pulled into the driveway.  Sam slid out the passenger side as Jack came around to pick up Luke and take him into the house.  He was out like a light.

 

Once inside, Sam motioned to Jack to lay Luke on her bed.  She saw her answering machine light blinking and went to play the message.

 

Jack laid Luke in the middle of Sam's bed and found a blanket to cover him up with.  He sat down on the side of the bed that he had slept in just hours before and stared at the little boy.  He didn't really look anything like Charlie, but Jack couldn't help but reach out and smooth his hair back.  He just wanted to stare and maybe even pretend a little, just for a minute.

 

Sam stood in the doorway for a few seconds watching Jack watch Luke before interrupting, "Hey."  She motioned for him to follow her and turned and walked out of the room so as not to wake Luke.

 

Jack followed, closing the door behind him.  He was more than a little shocked to find a huge Carter smile looking back at him, "What?"

 

"The message on the machine was from Mark.  There was a mix-up at the lab.  Carrie is fine.  They tested and re-tested her.  She's going to be absolutely fine."  Relief evident in her voice and in her face, it took all of her restraint to stop herself from throwing her body against his and hanging on.

 

He noticed an immediate change.  No longer facing tragedy, no longer terrified for her family, Sam was able to resist.  In the cold light of day, she could resume being just his 2IC again.  Only problem was, he couldn't just be her CO again.  He couldn't forget the way it felt to hold her, to touch her, to kiss her, to be so close.  "So what now?"  He meant that in more than one way.

 

She decided to answer the easy question first, "They are going to stay in Denver tonight and catch the first flight out tomorrow.  We can take Luke to meet them at the airport in the morning."

 

She said 'we.'  That was a good sign.  She still wanted him around tomorrow.  He wanted more.  Correction, his turn to need more, "And then?"

 

Her eyes moved from his to the counter, the floor, the wall, and finally back to him, "I don't know." 

 

It was honest, if disappointing.  The earlier conversation he had with Mark popped into his head again.  He had been about to tell Jack about Sam getting hurt, by Jonas he presumed, and decided to jump in with both feet, "You know your brother threatened me earlier."  His tone suggested a hint of playfulness.

 

Not sure where this was going, "He did?  I find that hard to believe.  Mark is definitely a pacifist."

 

"He mentioned something about you not having great luck in the man department, and that I should watch my step.  Of course, I don't think it helps that Dad approves of me and he and Mark don't get along, so..."

 

Her jaw literally dropped, "What the hell did you two talk about in the airport?"

 

Sam swearing?  He definitely had her attention now and moved closer to her.  She wasn't backing up- a very good sign, "Just about how I'm not good enough for you, even though Jacob seems to be OK with this 'thing' I have for you."

 

"Oh."  Oh.  Wait!  "Wait!  What 'thing' is that?"

 

Standing directly in front of her, he raised his arms and cradled her face in his hands, "This."  He leaned down, eyes never leaving hers, and stopped just before reaching her mouth.  He ran his thumb over her lips as her eyes struggled to stay open against the desire of wanting to get swept away.  Almost imperceptibly, he whispered, "Beautiful" just before his lips impacted hers.

 

Was it hours or minutes before they broke apart?  She regained her composure first, "I like that - thing - you've got going for me."  She breathed deeply, "Very nice."

 

"I'm glad we all approve then."  He watched with great satisfaction as she struggled to breathe evenly, not caring that he was far from 'normal.'

 

She sat down on the couch remembering the last time she had sat there, she had been crying and in despair.  Nothing like a complete turn around to send you kissing your CO.  Oh god.  She had just kissed her superior officer.  Well, actually it was the third time, but who was counting.  She was.  For sure she was.

 

He came around to sit next to her, "You okay?"  He couldn't turn back time, and he was sure even given the choice, he wouldn't.  Whatever this was, he needed more.

 

"Yeah."  She looked at him, searching his face for something, "I'm great."  A huge grin.

 

He threw one right back at her, "Good."  He leaned back against the cushions realizing for the first time that he was actually quite tired.

 

"You don't have to stay, you know.  I'll explain things to Luke when he wakes up, and-"

 

"I'm not going anywhere."  He laid down on her couch, pleasantly surprised that it wasn't too lumpy, and held out his arms for her to join him.  The last thing he remembered was hearing her breathing getting deeper.  He smiled as he drifted off to a dreamless sleep watching her body rise and fall for the second night in a row.

 

 

 

 

The reunion of the Carter family the next day was quiet.  The relief was apparent on Mark and Amy's faces.  Everyone looked tired, and Jack was secretly pleased that there wasn't much time to engage in conversation.  The one with Mark from the day before was enough to last him for awhile.  As he and Sam turned to walk down the concourse, he felt a small tug at his hand.  Looking down, he saw Luke smiling up at him.

 

"Uncle Jack?"

 

He couldn't help but grin at that, "Yeah?"

 

"Maybe next time we can play soccer?"  There were those eyes again- a little afraid, but trusting all the same.

 

Kneeling down and on the verge of getting choked up, "I'd like that."  He wasn't prepared for the arms that went around his neck right then.  And just as quickly as Luke had approached him, he ran back to his parents.  Jack watched him go and caught a faint smile on Mark's lips just before they turned the corner.  He could get used to this family.  Grabbing Sam's hand as he stood up, "So."

 

"So."  She had no idea what to do next.  They were way past pretending nothing had happened between them.  She only knew she had feelings that, now unleashed, wouldn't stop, and she was glad.  Maybe the mix-up at the lab had been a blessing in disguise.  Why did it always take something awful for them to make the next move?

 

"I can see the wheels turning in there."  He pointed to her head.

 

'I was just thinking that it's been an odd turn of events."

 

"Yesterday?  Today?  This week?  Last year?  The last SIX?!  You'll have to be more specific when you say 'odd'."

 

She laughed.  How true.  The past 36 hours weren't really much stranger than anything else they had encountered.  At least this time they had done it together, aware of each other's feelings a little more than before.  They reached the parking lot, approaching his truck, when something occurred to her, "You're wrong, you know."

 

He wasn't following, "About what?"  It could be any one of a million different things.

 

"What you said earlier about your conversation with Mark.  About not being 'good enough' for me."

 

"Oh. That."  Nope. Still sure.  Not good enough.

 

She walked a few steps ahead of him and turned to block him in his path, "I mean it."  She was serious.

 

He stopped walking. "I can see that you do."  His face showed that he felt otherwise.  He took her hand again, and they walked silently to the truck. He helped her get in, and walked around to his side, letting out a heavy sigh as he did.  They started the drive home in silence.  After about 20 minutes, he decided to get it out, "Look Sam, I'm not sure what you want me to say, but I'm not sure how you can not see that I'm not exactly a great catch."

 

Incredulous was the only word that described the look she gave him, "Do you seriously not know?!?!"

 

He didn't, "Know what?"

 

"About you.  About what people think about you.  On base.  Men and women."  Her thoughts were sputtering out.

 

"*Men* are attracted to me, too?"  Not that there was anything wrong with that, he was just a little startled at the revelation.

 

She was shaking her head, half-laughing, "No, no."  She thought a minute, "Well, maybe.  But that's not what I'm getting at."  Sensing that no response was forthcoming from him, she continued, "I just mean that everybody really respects you, and likes working with you.  Even the people that seem to be put off by your particular brand of humor think that you do an amazing job."

 

"I wasn't talking to your brother about my command abilities or working style. I was talking about personally.  In relationships."  God he hated this kind of conversation.

 

"You're wrong about that, too."  She was quieter now, but continued before he could object, "It may have taken all of a mission or two to get used to you, but it was pretty obvious right away that you were not the run of the mill black ops, lunatic fringe kind of guy.  Believe me, I know what that looks like." 

 

"So what am I then?"  This should be good.

 

"You're caring and loyal.  And funny, even when it is inappropriate.  You're smarter than you want anyone to believe.  And I think you have a very sensitive spot, too."

 

"Like for puppies and old people, you mean?"

 

"Yes, but I meant more along the lines of taking everything to heart and really paying attention to the people around you.  The people you care about."

 

"That's all very nice and Hallmark-y, but that could still all apply to work. I don't think you get who I am at home."

 

Frustrated, she flung her arms up in despair, "So tell me who you are, Jack O'Neill!"

 

"I'm a smartass military guy who has seen way too much death and destruction- personally and professionally- to really be of much use to anyone.  I'm aging less than gracefully, and trust me, I'm not as smart as you think I am."   There.  That should do it.  She should get it now- he was no catch.

 

"So why?"

 

"Why what?"

 

"Why did you come over when I called?  Why did you spend the night after we found out Carrie was okay?  Why did you come to the airport with me and promise Luke you would play soccer with him?  I didn't see any of the smartass, useless, stupid, old man that you keep talking about."

 

Damn- he couldn't think of a comeback quickly enough.

 

"It's too bad that you don't see in yourself all of the things that everyone else does."

 

"Daniel."  It was a murmur on his lips.

 

"What?"

 

"Daniel said something like that when Ba'al had me."

 

"Daniel visited you then?  You never said anything!"

 

"He couldn't help me there, but he was trying to convince me that I could ascend, like him.  He kept trying to tell me that I was good enough."

 

"Let me guess.  You didn't believe him."  Secretly she was glad he didn't or they wouldn't be having this conversation.

 

"Something like that."  There was more, "He also visited me when I was in the infirmary.  When I first woke up.  In fact, you just missed him when you came in."

 

"I wish..."

 

He reached over and touched her for the first time since they had started driving, "I know.  He had to go."

 

She nodded.

 

"All I'm trying to say is that you've certainly had your pick of men over the years we've known each other, and I can't see how I'm better than any of them."  That was the truth.  He laid his fears on the line for her to ease or confirm.

 

'I don't know how to respond to that."  She really didn't.

 

"You're young and beautiful and brilliant as hell.  I just can't imagine why you haven't married a GQ looking, thirty-something brain surgeon who runs a camp for disadvantaged children in his spare time.  Did I mention he's a millionaire brain surgeon?"

 

She laughed at the image he had in his mind of her would-be husband.  "God you're so frustrating."

 

"You do see my point?"  She had to at least see the kind of guys she could be with, right?

 

"I guess, but..."

 

"But what?"  How many more ways could he spell it out?  N-o-t g-o-o-d e-n-o-u-g-h.

 

"They aren't you."

 

He couldn't argue with that.  That was what he was trying to say, "Exactly."

 

"Let me guess- this is why Daniel couldn't get you to ascend.  You couldn't stop arguing with him about how you weren't worthy?"

 

"Basically."

 

"Let me ask you another question."

 

"Okay."

 

"If it had been me that Ba'al was keeping, and Daniel had asked me to ascend because he couldn't help me escape, do you think I would have?"

 

"No."  He was sure.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because you aren't ready to leave this life.  You could have had your chance with Orlin if that's what you wanted, right?"

 

"I guess.  Do you think that was - would have been - the right decision for me?"

 

"How in the hell am I supposed to know that, Carter? Only you know what's right for you."

 

"Exactly."

 

Oh.

 

Yep.

 

Was she saying-

 

Yep.

 

Oh.

 

"So just shut up about how you're not what you think I should want, and let me have what I know I need."

 

Why was his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth?  "What's that?"

 

"Well..."  She pretended to think for a minute, "Right now I'm in the market for a hot, forty-something, sarcastic, stubborn, Air Force colonel who has a self-admitted soft spot for puppies and senior citizens."  She grinned at him- "Know anyone like that?"

 

Was this what it felt like to be wanted and needed again?  SO good.  And by her?  He must have dome something right, "I know this one guy.."

 

"Really?"  She couldn't stop the smirk from forming on her lips.

 

"Yeah, except he has this thing for a blond haired, blue-eyed major."

 

"She sounds great."

 

"Yeah, well, she's way too smart for her own good, and she never stops thinking, and she sleeps in way too many clothes."

 

Whack!  Her arm right into his chest. But she was still smiling.

 

So was he.  He had everything he needed.