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Title:
Conversations (0/?)
Author:
Lisa Yaeger
E-mail:
lisayaeger@hotmail.com
Rating:
PG-13
Category:
Angst, Romance
Pairings:
Sam/Jack
Content
Warnings: language, hints of sexuality
Summary:
People talk, they hear things
Season/sequel:
Set in season 6
Spoilers:
Allegiance, D&C, general knowledge of the show
Archive:
SJD & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!
Disclaimer:
All publicly recognizable characters and places are the
property
of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This
piece
of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary
purposes
and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.
Previously
unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are
copyrighted
to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or
dead,
is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Status:
Incomplete- I'm working on it!
Author's
notes: Here's to a 7th season; bopefully, with more ship!
Feedback:
Please!!!
Date:
11-11-2002
Part 1
Sitting
across from Jack underneath the tent designated as the eating
area at
the Alpha site, Jacob Carter turned his head to hear what had
made
his daughter laugh out loud at a nearby table. Looking back at
the CO
of SG-1, he shook his head with a smile working itself onto his
face,
"It's amazing really, how no matter where she is, or more to the
point
at the moment - who she's with - she manages to bring laughter
to the
place."
Jack
lifted his eyes from whatever it was he was trying to eat and
glanced
at his 2IC making jokes with the Jaffa and Tok'ra, which they
clearly
didn't get, but were happy to laugh at all the same just to
see her
smile. At least that was his interpretation. It's what he
would
be doing in their situation. It was what he did in most
situations.
But at the moment he was grateful that she seemed able to
do what
Jacob/Selmak and Bra'tac had struggled with since they had
arrived-
bring them in close proximity without one of them threatening
the
other with a very large weapon. A step in the right direction.
He
wondered, if given a chance to be President, she wouldn't somehow
manage
to convince all of 'the powers that be' to just join hands and
sing
Kumbaya. Yep, "Amazing."
Jacob
snapped his head up from the study of his own food upon hearing
Jack
describe his daughter that way.
Realizing
he had just said something out loud, he continued as if he
had
intended to say more, "Amazing that we're sitting. Here.
Together.
Here." Shit. He was rambling. Afraid to look at Jacob to
see if
he was buying this.
"Uh
huh." No way.
Jack
cleared his throat and decided to change the topic entirely,
"So..."
Yeah, that would divert his attention.
"What?"
Jacob wasn't helping.
At that
moment, Sam got up from her spot and walked toward them. He
swore
she could read his mind most of the time. He just hoped not all
of the
time. But he wasn't willing to take that bet. She sat down
next to
her dad, "What have I been missing?"
Pushing
away his food, Jacob grinned, "Looks like we were the ones
missing
out on all of the fun. They seemed to be enjoying your
company."
She
waived her hand as if to gesture that it wasn't anything special.
It
wasn't really. Not for her.
Silence
descended the three, and Sam wondered if she had interrupted
something,
"You know, if you two were talking about something, I
could-"
"No!"
Too loudly, too quickly, Jack protested, "I mean, you don't get
to see
enough of Dad, so I think I'll go - do something." He took his
tray and
stood up to leave.
"Jack."
Jacob wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "We can
continue
our conversation later."
"Great.
Looking forward to it." He smiled his best fake smile and
walked
off.
"What
was that about?" Sam questioned her dad as she picked at the
rest of
his food.
"Nothing."
Maybe he would have better luck with her. "Jack's right.
It's
been awhile since we've really had a chance to catch up. Just
talk.
The two of us."
"What
do you want to talk about?"
"You."
"What
about me?"
"What's
going on with you?"
She
chuckled as she finished his last spoonful of -what was that stuff
anyway?
- and replied, "You know what's going on with me, Dad. You've
seen
half of our mission reports, and the other half you've been there
for!'
"No,
Sam, I'm not talking about what you do all day, I'm talking about
after
work. When you go home. What do you do? Who do you see?"
She
looked at him with genuine puzzlement, "You know how much I work.
And if
I'm not at work, then I'm usually hanging out with the people
I work
with. You know them, too, so I guess you've got the whole
story."
"So
that's it?" He was starting to get exasperated and half wished
Selmak
would take over. She was better at these things.
"Yeah.
Pretty much."
"No
secret activities or boyfriends I don't know about?" He was only
half
joking.
She
laughed out loud again, "No, Dad. I'm not seeing anyone or doing
anything
that you wouldn't approve of." She reverted to a tone that
she
hadn't used since high school.
"That's
really not what I meant." He hung his head. He wasn't
getting
very far.
"Then
just tell me what you did mean, and I'll tell you the truth. Or
I'll
tell you it's none of your business." She meant that.
He
lifted his eyes to meet hers. Here went nothing, "Okay. It was
seeing
the Zay'tarc detector. It reminded me of the last time I had
heard
about one." He left it at that.
Every
hair on her body was standing on edge, "Is this what you were
talking
to the Colonel about?"
"No."
It was an honest response.
Not
wanting to reveal anymore than he probably already knew, she
wanted
to feel him out, "I guess Anise isn't the most discreet
Tok'ra?"
"Not
exactly. I mean, she didn't come running back with details, but
suffice
it to say, I got the general idea."
Great.
Just great. It had managed to stay in one room on earth, but
the
rest of the galaxy knew. "Then I guess there isn't anything else
to
say."
"Do
you love him?"
That
caught her completely off guard. It was a question she had
struggled
with for years, and she couldn't even manage to admit it to
herself
on most days. And now her father was sitting next to her,
demanding
an answer she didn't know how to give and still keep her
life
together. Unable to respond, she just stared.
He
searched her eyes, her face, her lips, for any indication that a
denial
or at least an admission of being undecided would emerge, but
he was
met with silence. Silence that gave consent. Silence that
confirmed
what he had suspected for a long time. "Oh."
Minutes
passed with only their breathing making noise. Then quietly,
"Nothing
has ever happened."
He
nodded. She wasn't the type to lie, and even when she did, she
didn't
do it very well. At least not with him. Then the question
that
any father would want to know, "Does he love you?"
Absurdly
close to tears, she shook her head, "I don't think so."
Relief
and rage came in equal force. Thank god Jack had the decency
not to
fall in love with her, but why hadn't he? And why was Jacob
not
really convinced that he hadn't? Oh, right, just awhile ago he
had
called her 'amazing.' He tried to cover it up, but Jacob knew
what he
heard. And if Anise's accounts were even close to accurate,
he
certainly had strong feelings for her at one time. Had they just
died?
"Have you talked to him about it?"
"We
agreed not to talk about it." She continued to stare off into
space
as if the answers were awaiting her out there, somewhere. "You
know
what could happen."
Court
martial; splitting up the team; risking their careers; letting
everyone
down; getting hurt. And not necessarily in that order.
"Does
George know?"
"I
don't know. If he does, he hasn't said anything. I think the
'don't
ask, don't tell' rule may apply here. Unofficially."
He had
envied George a time or two during the past few years, but this
was not
one of those moments. "I see." He didn't really, but he
didn't
want her to think he wasn't there for her. Taking her hand in
his,
"You know I love you, right?" He attempted a smile.
"I
know. I love you, too." She kissed him on the cheek. "It's late,
and I'm
tired." She made the motions of getting up to leave.
He
didn't know what else to say, so he got up with her, and pulled her
into a
hug that he hoped said everything he felt. They pulled apart
as
night descended on the camp.
Sam
retreated to her tent for the night. Grateful to have her own
space
for a few hours before falling asleep, she heard her father's
voice
echo in her mind, 'Do you love him?' Such a simple question
with a
million different answers. She loved him in the way she loved
everyone
that she worked closely with: Teal'c, Jonas, Janet, General
Hammond.
It was a bond that went beyond teammate, beyond friend.
Although
she did love him as a friend, too. In many ways, her best
friend.
They didn't talk in the same way that she and Janet did, and
that
was just it. They didn't need to. They had seen so much
together;
been through so much together. Not that a conversation
about a
few things wouldn't be nice- Daniel, Edora (okay, maybe not),
the
alternate universes. But, as it was, she was comfortable enough
to make
it through the day working with a man that she had strong
feelings
for. Lusted after? Definitely. Dreamt about? Absolutely.
Loved?
Yeah.
******
Part 2
Trying
to decide if he had done more harm than good, Jacob wandered
around
the perimeter of the camp guided only by the light of the
moons.
Not for the first time, he cursed Anise and that damn machine.
He
cursed Jack, too, although he was less sure for what reason. He
just
wanted to see Sam happy, and while he wasn't sure if Jack was the
man for
the job or not, he knew for damn sure that her *CO* would never
fit the
bill, no matter who he was. Settling on a rock with a clear
view of
the stars, he heard someone shifting on their feet a few
meters
away. He looked over his shoulder to see the profile of the
man in
question. Hoping beyond hope that Jack hadn't seen or heard
him, he
decided to retreat back down the path he came on. He had made
it all
of three steps-
"Nice
night, huh?"
"I
guess it depends on where you're standing."
"The
view from here isn't bad."
Not
responding, Jacob decided to sit back down and wait. Jack O'Neill
didn't
strike up a conversation for no reason.
"Jacob,
about earlier..."
He
really didn't want to hear this, "Look, Jack. Let's just forget
it,
okay?"
"I
know what you think you heard me say, and I just wanted to clarify
that I
agreed with you that sometimes the way Carter manages a
situation
is amazing, not that-"
"Jack!
Just stop." He lowered his face to his hands and rubbed the
top of
his head. He knew if it weren't for Selmak, he would have one
heck of
a migraine about now.
"Fine
by me, I was just saying..." He came to sit on a smaller rock
next to
the one Jacob was on.
"Sorry.
I guess I've just had enough conversation for one night."
A smile
appeared on Jack's face, although Jacob couldn't really see,
"Let
me guess- Carter started in with her technobabble on some
doohickey,
and all you wanted to know was how her day went?"
Jacob
returned an unseen smile, "Something like that." Although
nothing
could actually be further from the truth.
"Gotta
love how she gets carried away with her work."
"Apparently
she gets carried away with a lot of things."
Jack
was sure there was a double meaning there, and he was also sure
he felt
his stomach muscles tighten at what it could be. In his
typical
fashion, he didn't respond.
Taking
a breath and resolving himself to the task that was now at
hand,
"Jack, I'm not going to beat around the bush here." He turned
so that
his body was facing Jack's and continued, "This was not the
first
time I had heard about Zay'tarc detectors giving false
positives."
He waited for a response that did not seem to be
forthcoming.
Finally,
in a quieter voice than Jacob had ever heard him use, "I
didn't
think it was."
So,
Jack had at least suspected that Jacob was aware that there was
something
going on between them. He wasn't Jack's father, but he
wasn't
sure what other stance to take. He wasn't his CO, either. He
was
just a man who loved his daughter who happened to love her CO who
happened
to be Jack. "Whatever is or isn't going on with you two,
it's
none of my business. I know that Sam respects you and wouldn't
want to
work for anyone else. I'm not questioning your behavior or
your
ethics here, Jack."
"Then
what?" Why would he bring it up if he wasn't going to a) kill
him, b)
tell General Hammond, or c) both.
"I'm
her father. I just don't want to see her get hurt." It was the
one
thing he was sure of in all of this.
"Neither
do I." It was honest.
"I
remember the night she told me that she and Jonas were engaged. I
remember
thinking that she didn't sound happy. Not happy like I
wanted
her to sound. It was more of a resignation in her voice. Like
she was
doing what she was supposed to do, and that was enough. I
wanted
to see the joy in her face like when her mother and I told her
parents.
It was never there."
Not
sure what to say, Jack just nodded.
"She
kept telling me that she loved him. But I never felt like she
meant
it. It never reached her eyes. They say everything about her,
and she
doesn't even know it."
Jack
chuckled at that. It was true- she had no idea what other people
could
see in them.
"When
she didn't say it today, I knew. It meant more than if she had
shouted
it from the rooftop. "
Didn't
say what? What just happened here? Jack shifted his position
so he
could see Jacob more clearly.
"She
told me that you don't feel the same way, and I guess I'm
grateful.
It would be hell on you and the team if you did. But I
have to
tell you that, as her father, it scares me to know that she's
in love
with someone else that can't make her happy."
Were
those moons spinning or were there suddenly four instead of two?
OH. MY.
GOD. Did Carter's dad just say that she was in love with
him?
No. That wasn't it. It was that weird stuff he was eating
before.
He clutched the sides of the rock to keep from falling off.
He was
sure he was either very pale or very green.
Jacob
noticed the change in Jack's posture, "Jack?"
"Sorry.
Must have been something I ate. Indigestion, that's all."
Ha! He
tried to regain some semblance of composure and sit upright
while
the world continued to spin around him, "Jacob, I'm not sure
what
you and Carter were talking about before, but I can assure you,
she
doesn't have those kind of ... feelings... for me. So whatever
you
think you heard, or whatever she said, you're taking it the wrong
way."
He hoped he sounded more lucid than he felt, but he knew he was
at
least right about that. She didn't have feelings for him anymore,
if she
ever did at all.
Stunned,
Jacob thought back on his conversation with Sam. Maybe he
had
taken it the wrong way when she hadn't responded to his question
of her
feelings for Jack. No. He knew what he saw; what he didn't
hear.
And as for the man trying desperately to hold himself upright a
few
steps away, well, his feelings were betraying him, too. What the
hell
was going on with these two? "Well, at least the two of you have
gotten
your stories straight." He got up to leave, but got no further
than
the first time.
"What
the hell is that supposed to mean?" He would be damned if he
was
going to be accused of *something* when he had never worked so hard
to make
sure *nothing* happened!
"You're
both so convinced that the other one doesn't love you, that
you
can't even admit how you feel to yourselves." He walked away
without
looking back.
Feeling
a little less nauseous than he did before, Jack released
the
clutch he had on the rock and continued to stare at the moons that
were
now clearly in focus. Jacob was right about one thing, he had
been
denying his feelings for Carter for years. The only times he let
them
surface were when he had to, or when he wasn't really himself, or
it
wasn't the real Carter. Well, and the loop. Damn!! There were
too
many exceptions to this ridiculous situation. And what was he
supposed
to do? Retire? That thought had occurred to him on more
than
one occasion, especially lately, although it had less to do with
her
than with his body creaking more than usual and the realization of
just
how close he had been to breaking with Ba'al. He had barely held
out,
and he knew that very situation could happen again. Or worse, it
could
happen to her. And then what? He might as well not be around
for
that anyway. He would be lost without her. That was the truth he
could
admit to himself. Had to admit, thanks to Anise. But love? He
hadn't
said the word in years. Care for? Without a doubt. Would die
for?
Didn't even have to think about that one. Fantasize about?
Frequently.
But love? Well, if he could love anyone, it was her.
Yeah,
it was her.
Part 3
Only
vaguely aware that the moons were less visible while the
increasing
sunlight descended on the Alpha site, Jack was awakened
from
the light sleep his body had insisted upon. His back propped up
by the
rock he had sat on earlier, he heard the heavy footsteps of
someone
running. Coming to his senses, he started to reach for his
weapon
when he saw the owner of the feet was the woman he had been
dreaming
about just moments before.
She stopped
dead in her tracks when she saw him rise from the ground.
She had
been running not just for the exercise, but to clear her
head.
Or more precisely, to clear him from her head. She realized
she
looked ridiculous standing there looking at him. He didn't know
what
was in her head. Or her heart. "Sir." That word hurt a little
more
each time.
"Carter."
Ouch. His body was rebelling against his chosen 'bed' from
the
previous night. Why couldn't he take his eyes off her? Why was
she so
beautiful? Why couldn't he think of something to say? "You're
up
early."
"Just
out for a morning run." Taking in his appearance, she realized
he must
have slept here, "I guess you didn't quite make it in last night."
"Not
exactly." Thanks to your father. "I guess I'd better get back
and try
to catch a few hours of sleep in a real bed." He winced as he
tried
to straighten up.
"I
have aspirin in my bag if you need some." It was absurd that all
she
wanted to do was go over and rub her hands all over his back and
take
the pain away.
"Thanks.
I think I'll take you up on that." He started walking back
towards
camp.
She
turned around to follow him and was just a step behind when he
turned
around to tell her that he could find her bag, that she should
continue
jogging And then there they were. Face to face. Inches
separating
their bodies. Each breathing absurdly fast and shallow for
the
situation at hand. Had it been any other 2IC and CO bumping into
each
other, a simple "sorry" or "excuse me" would have sufficed.
For
the two
of them, bumping into each other meant hours of regrets,
dreams,
longings and desires dredged up again. Each misstep in their
lives-
literally and figuratively- took them longer and longer to
forget.
Which was really quite impossible, so they did the next best
thing.
Repress. Suppress. Stifle. Anything but feel.
Blame
it on the combined gravitational forces of the moons, or
something
else entirely, but something in her broke. It was like a
branch,
worn down from holding too much weight that, at first, just
bowed a
little under the pressure. But then finally snapped when the
wind
blew it the wrong way. Well, if she was a branch, then Jacob was
a
breeze, and Jack was definitely there to break the fall. She didn't
have to
raise her voice at all, neither had moved from the small space
that
separated them, “Dad knows about the Zay'tarc thing." She locked
her
eyes with his, waiting to see the reaction.
"I
know. He told me last night."
That
would explain his curious choice of sleeping places. "Oh."
Backing
up from the close proximity that was beginning to arouse other
parts
of him, he decided the easiest course of action was the most
prudent
given the circumstances, "Sometimes I think the Tok'ra read
too
much into situations, you know?"
She
eyes him suspiciously, although he wasn't returning her gaze, "Do
they?"
If he
heard the antagonism in her voice, he ignored it, "Yeah. I'm
afraid
Selmak may have brought that out in Dad over these past few
years."
He expected her to agree. To sweep this under the rug with
everything
else. It's what they did to keep going.
"Really?"
She didn't look convinced. In fact, her stance belied her
words.
He gave
a nervous laugh, "Yeah, I think he could use some more time on
Earth
to reacquaint himself with what it's like to be human." He was
about
to start walking again-
"No."
"What?"
He looked at her and saw a fierce kind of determination that
was
usually reserved for battle in her face.
"I
said no." With each word strength filled her body. More
importantly,
it began to fill her soul. "Dad remembers perfectly well
what
it's like to be human, and while Selmak's influence may be
apparent,
I'm not sure that's a bad thing."
He was
scared, and fear in Jack O'Neill emerged as anger, "There you
go
again. Siding with *them*. Jesus, Carter, maybe you need to spend
more
time on earth." He started to stomp away, glad to have created
an exit
for himself that would leave an emotional distance, if not a
physical
one, between them.
She
followed step for step, not backing down, "What would be the
point,
Sir?" She took a breath and summoned the courage, "It would
just
mean more time together. And god knows that hasn't made *this*
any
easier." She stopped walking.
So did
he, "Care to explain what *that* means, Major?" He was afraid
he
already knew.
A step
closer to him, her voice even, her eyes focused on his, "*This*
is what
we don't talk about. *This* is a whole bunch of things, mixed
together
to make an impossible situation even worse." Then very
quietly,
"This is the end of *that*."
He
couldn't respond. The word 'end' had his mind swimming. "The end
of
what?"
"Of
denying and pretending and hurting. The end. I'm not doing it
anymore."
Okay,
time to take a different tactic, "What are you talking about?"
"You
know exactly what I'm talking about." She searched his eyes for
some
recognition that he did.
"Just
because Jacob knows about the Zay'tarc incident doesn't mean
anything
has to change. It's not like he's going to talk to anyone
about
it-"
"Get
a grip, Jack. Everyone knows!" She threw up her hands in
exasperation.
Was he really that dense? "Everyone on base knows.
Those
security tapes have been watched more times than your Simpsons
reruns.
I'm pretty sure all of the Tok'ra know by now. Our friends
know.
Dad knows. General Hammond has to know."
She was
right about that, he suspected. Hammond did know, and he was
probably
hoping against odds that nothing would ever force it to the
surface
before the war was over.
"The
only people who don't seem to know are standing right here. And
even we
can't be that stupid."
He
smiled at her. More of a sarcastic grin, really, but there it was,
"You
could never be stupid."
She
smiled back in the same cynical way, "You don't know how stupid I
can be
about this kind of thing."
"Actually,
Dad told me a thing or two about that last night."
Her
eyes grew at least twice as big as they had been a moment ago,
"What
did he tell you?"
"Nothing,
nothing. Just a father being concerned about his daughter."
Not
that he could blame him. In fact, he rather liked that about him.
It
reminded Jack just how human Jacob still was.
Becoming
serious again, "I meant what I said before. I'm not doing
this
anymore. I can't. I'm tired. I feel like I'm fighting two wars
all of
the time. And the one with the Goa'uld and the Replicators
isn't
the harder of the two. At least I know what that enemy looks like."
"I'm
not the enemy, Sam."
"Well,
you don't exactly feel like a friend right now either."
That
hurt. More than she had probably intended. If he had told
himself
once, he had said it a million times- if he couldn't have
anything
more, he wanted to be her friend. He could at least have her
friendship.
He took a step closer to her, "I will always be your
friend.
No matter what." He meant that more than he had meant
anything
he had said to her for a long time.
"And
what if I want more? What if that isn't enough?"
Was she
really saying it? This from the woman who wanted to leave it
in the
room? This from the woman who reminded him beyond a shadow of
a doubt
that he was still "Sir" at the end of every day? This from
the
woman who kissed him back in the loop. This from the woman who
had
attacked him- albeit while under the influence- just months after
they
had known each other. This from the woman who, against all odds,
brought
him back from Edora nine months ahead of schedule. This from
her. To
him. He just stared at her, looking for a way to make it
easier
on both of them. But there wasn't a way, or they would have
figured
it out long before now. If she was willing to take the risks,
then so
was he, "Do you? Want more?"
She
looked at him like he was an idiot. Had he not just heard her?
"Okay.
I guess you do." He smiled. For real this time. He looked
her
straight in the eyes, "So do I."
If they
hadn't been so still and it hadn't been so early in the
morning,
before the Jaffa and Tok'ra started their training drills,
they
might have missed the unmistakable sound of the Stargate
activating.
As it was, they both took off for the gate, their
conversation
understandably delayed for another time. Reaching their
destination,
they saw Teal'c taking a note from a member of SG-8 who
then
disappeared back through the gate. Slightly out of breath, Jack
motioned
to the piece of paper that Teal'c was holding effectively
asking
what was in it. Teal'c bowed his head and handed it to Jack.
Jack
read the note without emotion and then looked back up at Teal'c,
keeping
his eyes away from her, "SG-1 pack up."
"Sir?"
She would have questioned the sudden changes of plans in any
situation,
but this was a little odd to say the least.
"That's
an order, Major." He was as calm as could be.
That
was as frightening as any army of Jaffa. Retreating to gather
their
things, Sam and Teal'c looked at each other with obvious
concern.
Jacob didn't miss a beat, and followed Sam. At her side, he
asked
quietly, "What do you think that was about?"
"I
honestly don't have any idea."
Part 4
Too
familiar. That's the only thought that makes its way through his
head.
If he thinks about anything else, he'll cry. He knows it.
Janet
knows it. And if she were awake, she'd know it. Therein lies
the
problem. She's not awake. And is she were, then he wouldn't need
to cry.
The lights are dim- what time is it anyway? What does it
matter?
It's too familiar-this waiting and watching.
She's
still lying there, and the last thing he can actually remember
with
any kind of clarity is the last conversation they had. Before
they
left the Alpha site. Before she was abducted by Ba'al on the
mission
they had been summoned for. Before he had to go and get her.
Alone.
Talk about being against regulations. But then, he was never
a
by-the-book kind of guy anyway. That was her thing. He would
rather
have ripped the pages from the binding and use them for
kindling.
But then, at the end, she had been ready to burn the book,
too. Or
at least that's what he'd like to think she meant. They
never
really got a chance to talk about it. That's a little too
familiar,
too.
And
then he sees it. Almost imperceptible at first. Almost. But he
would
recognize her movements anywhere. However small, however
seemingly
insignificant. There is never a part of her actions that
isn't
tuned for efficiency; isn't meant for something. Even if most
people
don't understand, he does. Well, he doesn't always, but he's
trying.
And getting better at it after almost 6 years. She does it
again-
the fingers on her right hand start to flex. As if trying to
make
sure they still work, making sure she can feel them. The staff
blast
hit her hard. Several bruised ribs, and Janet mentioned more
than
once that she was lucky she didn't have any internal bleeding.
Very
lucky. He already knew that.
Hours
later, she is moving her fingers, hands, arms (although not too
much).
Toes and feet and legs all seem to be in working order. Her
mind is
getting sharper, her breathing more regular and easy. Teal'c
and
Jonas have come and gone. Nurses have been in and out. And now
she's
starting to drift off again. Her eyes wander to where he sits
before
she falls asleep, and she sighs, and smiles. He's still there.
Waiting
and watching.
Is it
morning again? It must be; the lights have been turned up some
as if
to mimic the sunrise they can never see this far down. To keep
their
internal clocks on some kind of schedule. He's looking forward
to that
the most- seeing sunrises and sunsets on earth. Okay, well
it's
not what he's looking forward to the most, but he's hoping he'll
be able
to share it with her sometimes. When she's not off world,
without
him. More waiting and watching await him, he knows. But it
will be
different. So different.
Her
eyes open, not as drowsily as the day before. She looks for him
first.
And he's there. Not one to disappoint, he's smiling at her.
She
returns the smile- much brighter than yesterday, "Hey."
"Hey."
She
looks at him. There's something different. Lighter, somehow.
Easier.
More relaxed. Then it hits her. He's in jeans. And a
flannel
shirt. "Did General Hammond revise the dress code while I was
gone?
It wasn't that long." Why does she feel nervous all of a
sudden?
He's
still smiling. Shaking his head that the first comment out of
her
mouth is a joke. Did she pick that up from him? Probably. And
he
likes it. No, he *loves* it. "I thought you might appreciate a
change
of scenery. I was getting kind of tired of all the green
around
here, weren't you?"
She
chuckles a little, and is reminded of why she's in there. Oh,
right,
ribs. Bruised. Ow. But she doesn't lose her train of
thought,
"I kind of liked it, actually." She's looking right at him
as the
smile fades from her face.
He knew
she'd know, and he guesses the sooner the better, really.
"Well,
there's still plenty of khaki to go around. I just won't be
wearing
it." He looks back at her. Waiting and watching again. For
a
reaction.
Her
eyes don't leave his, "Why?"
He
breaks eye contact and summons the strength he has left- he's
exhausted
from the past few days, "Let's just say that coming to get
you
wasn't exactly a mission that Hammond authorized."
She
knew. She knew the minute he showed up without Teal'c and Jonas
looking
like he hadn't showered or eaten or slept for days. She knew
somewhere
inside that he wasn't really supposed to be there. She knew
the
rules- you don't send people out on a suicide mission. And
getting
into Ba'al's hideout was just that. The only person who stood
a
chance was the one person who had some idea of what he was dealing
with.
Of how Ba'al operated. Of what he wanted. But Hammond
wouldn't
be willing to sacrifice any one team member for another. So,
Jack
made the choice for him. He stopped being military and asked to
be
allowed to retire off world. Hammond knew he didn't have any
intention
of actually retiring, but just like he had done a few dozen
times
before, he looked the other way. If Jack came back with Carter,
then
the world hadn't lost one of its best soldiers and scientists.
And
that was the only option. There wasn't any "If Jack came back
*without*
Carter" because he wouldn't come back without her. He would
either
save her or die trying. And Hammond sure as hell didn't want
to know
about that.
And
despite herself, she's glad. Really, really happy actually. The
kind of
joy that reaches her soul. He quit. For her. To save her.
What
she doesn't know is that he did it to save himself, too. If
there
was any inkling of hero-worship going on inside her before, she
knows
there's a lot now. As much as her feminist side might object,
what
woman doesn't love the idea of being swept away on a white horse
by her
prince? Okay, so there wasn't a horse, and she's not sure if
anyone
would characterize Jack O'Neill as a prince, but the sentiment
is
still there. He left everything behind to come and get her. And
he
didn't care about the consequences.
Holy.
Hannah. That's the difference. Not his clothes, not just that
he's
not part of SG-1 anymore. But that there aren't any more
consequences.
If she could jump out of bed, jump him, she would. And
it
would be okay. It would be more than okay. It would be fun.
Well,
it always would have been fun, but now it could be *really* fun.
She
smiles knowingly at him. "Well, to tell you the truth, you look
much
better in flannel."
He
relaxes. She doesn't hate him. He really thought she could. For
leaving
his command. For risking his life for hers. For breaking
down
the wall that separated them for so long. "And you look great in
that
hospital gown." She really does. He should go now. It's only
because
he brought back one of the smartest people on earth that
Hammond
even allowed him to stay on base this long. Although he did
ask to
see Jack before he left, "Hammond wants to see me."
She
nods. She can't even begin to guess how hard this must be for
him. To
not be a part of all of this anymore. She knows she couldn't
take
it. But then, they're very different people, "Will you be back
later?"
She really wants him to, she realizes.
"I
don't know, but I will ask Teal'c to keep an eye on you." He walks
up to
the side of her bed. He absent-mindedly starts playing with the
edge of
the blanket.
She
stills his hand with hers, "Thank you."
"It
was nothin'." To him, it really wasn't. It was the only option
to save
them both.
Part 5
As he
walked toward Hammond's office, he tried to recall with a little
more
clarity how exactly that he came to be in this situation. Not
three
days ago, he was spending the early hours of the morning sitting
on a
rock at the Alpha site trying to decode what Jacob had said to
him
about Sam. Then hours later, the note came through the Stargate-
Ba'al
had been spotted. After fleeing his fortress during Yu's attack
months
before, the Tok'ra had their spies looking out for him. One of
their
operatives had sent word back that Ba'al's forces were
re-establishing
headquarters, but that before all of the defenses and
weapons
were in place, he was vulnerable. Vulnerable for a System
Lord,
anyway. SG-1 was called from the Alpha site for the mission:
destroy
Ba'al's new hideout, and preferably, Ba'al as well. Jack's
'experience'
with Ba'al was invaluable in this kind of situation. And
it was
only after putting away his own fears that Jack realized they
may
never have this chance again.
So,
they gated to the planet after the MALP showed no one was guarding
the
gate. That made sense- if there weren't enough Jaffa to serve
Ba'al
inside the fortress, guarding the gate would be a low priority.
Jack
remembered laughing to himself that the arrogance of the Goa'uld
would
be their downfall. He guessed that Ba'al really didn't think
anyone
could know where he had relocated. Certainly not anyone of
consequence
anyway.
He
didn't have long to laugh as they emerged on the other side of the
wormhole
to a dozen Jaffa running toward them, weapons charged. They
managed
to take cover and wipe out more than half, but just as Sam had
dialed
out, she was hit with a staff blast. The remaining Jaffa were
already
surrounding her as Teal'c and Jonas dragged Jack across the