Title: Conversations (0/?)

 

Author: Lisa Yaeger

 

E-mail: lisayaeger@hotmail.com

 

Rating: PG-13

 

Category: Angst, Romance

 

Pairings: Sam/Jack

 

Content Warnings: language, hints of sexuality

 

Summary: People talk, they hear things

 

Season/sequel: Set in season 6

 

Spoilers: Allegiance, D&C, general knowledge of the show

 

Archive: SJD & whoever wants to- I'd be flattered!

 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the

property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This

piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary

purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.

Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are

copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or

dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

 

Status: Incomplete- I'm working on it!

 

Author's notes: Here's to a 7th season; bopefully, with more ship!

 

Feedback: Please!!!

 

Date: 11-11-2002

 

 

Sitting across from Jack underneath the tent designated as the eating

area at the Alpha site, Jacob Carter turned his head to hear what had

made his daughter laugh out loud at a nearby table. Looking back at

the CO of SG-1, he shook his head with a smile working itself onto his

face, "It's amazing really, how no matter where she is, or more to the

point at the moment - who she's with - she manages to bring laughter

to the place."

 

Jack lifted his eyes from whatever it was he was trying to eat and

glanced at his 2IC making jokes with the Jaffa and Tok'ra, which they

clearly didn't get, but were happy to laugh at all the same just to

see her smile. At least that was his interpretation. It's what he

would be doing in their situation. It was what he did in most

situations. But at the moment he was grateful that she seemed able to

do what Jacob/Selmak and Bra'tac had struggled with since they had

arrived- bring them in close proximity without one of them threatening

the other with a very large weapon. A step in the right direction.

He wondered, if given a chance to be President, she wouldn't somehow

manage to convince all of 'the powers that be' to just join hands and

sing Kumbaya. Yep, "Amazing."

 

Jacob snapped his head up from the study of his own food upon hearing

Jack describe his daughter that way.

 

Realizing he had just said something out loud, he continued as if he

had intended to say more, "Amazing that we're sitting. Here.

Together. Here." Shit. He was rambling. Afraid to look at Jacob to

see if he was buying this.

 

"Uh huh." No way.

 

Jack cleared his throat and decided to change the topic entirely,

"So..." Yeah, that would divert his attention.

 

"What?" Jacob wasn't helping.

 

At that moment, Sam got up from her spot and walked toward them. He

swore she could read his mind most of the time. He just hoped not all

of the time. But he wasn't willing to take that bet. She sat down

next to her dad, "What have I been missing?"

 

Pushing away his food, Jacob grinned, "Looks like we were the ones

missing out on all of the fun. They seemed to be enjoying your

company."

 

She waived her hand as if to gesture that it wasn't anything special.

It wasn't really. Not for her.

 

Silence descended the three, and Sam wondered if she had interrupted

something, "You know, if you two were talking about something, I

could-"

 

"No!" Too loudly, too quickly, Jack protested, "I mean, you don't get

to see enough of Dad, so I think I'll go - do something." He took his

tray and stood up to leave.

 

"Jack." Jacob wasn't going to let him get away that easily. "We can

continue our conversation later."

 

"Great. Looking forward to it." He smiled his best fake smile and

walked off.

 

"What was that about?" Sam questioned her dad as she picked at the

rest of his food.

 

"Nothing." Maybe he would have better luck with her. "Jack's right.

It's been awhile since we've really had a chance to catch up. Just

talk. The two of us."

 

"What do you want to talk about?"

 

"You."

 

"What about me?"

 

"What's going on with you?"

 

She chuckled as she finished his last spoonful of -what was that stuff

anyway? - and replied, "You know what's going on with me, Dad. You've

seen half of our mission reports, and the other half you've been there

for!'

 

"No, Sam, I'm not talking about what you do all day, I'm talking about

after work. When you go home. What do you do? Who do you see?"

 

She looked at him with genuine puzzlement, "You know how much I work.

And if I'm not at work, then I'm usually hanging out with the people

I work with. You know them, too, so I guess you've got the whole

story."

 

"So that's it?" He was starting to get exasperated and half wished

Selmak would take over. She was better at these things.

 

"Yeah. Pretty much."

 

"No secret activities or boyfriends I don't know about?" He was only

half joking.

 

She laughed out loud again, "No, Dad. I'm not seeing anyone or doing

anything that you wouldn't approve of." She reverted to a tone that

she hadn't used since high school.

 

"That's really not what I meant." He hung his head. He wasn't

getting very far.

 

"Then just tell me what you did mean, and I'll tell you the truth. Or

I'll tell you it's none of your business." She meant that.

 

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. Here went nothing, "Okay. It was

seeing the Zay'tarc detector. It reminded me of the last time I had

heard about one." He left it at that.

 

Every hair on her body was standing on edge, "Is this what you were

talking to the Colonel about?"

 

"No." It was an honest response.

 

Not wanting to reveal anymore than he probably already knew, she

wanted to feel him out, "I guess Anise isn't the most discreet

Tok'ra?"

 

"Not exactly. I mean, she didn't come running back with details, but

suffice it to say, I got the general idea."

 

Great. Just great. It had managed to stay in one room on earth, but

the rest of the galaxy knew. "Then I guess there isn't anything else

to say."

 

"Do you love him?"

 

That caught her completely off guard. It was a question she had

struggled with for years, and she couldn't even manage to admit it to

herself on most days. And now her father was sitting next to her,

demanding an answer she didn't know how to give and still keep her

life together. Unable to respond, she just stared.

 

He searched her eyes, her face, her lips, for any indication that a

denial or at least an admission of being undecided would emerge, but

he was met with silence. Silence that gave consent. Silence that

confirmed what he had suspected for a long time. "Oh."

 

Minutes passed with only their breathing making noise. Then quietly,

"Nothing has ever happened."

 

He nodded. She wasn't the type to lie, and even when she did, she

didn't do it very well. At least not with him. Then the question

that any father would want to know, "Does he love you?"

 

Absurdly close to tears, she shook her head, "I don't think so."

 

Relief and rage came in equal force. Thank god Jack had the decency

not to fall in love with her, but why hadn't he? And why was Jacob

not really convinced that he hadn't? Oh, right, just awhile ago he

had called her 'amazing.' He tried to cover it up, but Jacob knew

what he heard. And if Anise's accounts were even close to accurate,

he certainly had strong feelings for her at one time. Had they just

died? "Have you talked to him about it?"

 

"We agreed not to talk about it." She continued to stare off into

space as if the answers were awaiting her out there, somewhere. "You

know what could happen."

 

Court martial; splitting up the team; risking their careers; letting

everyone down; getting hurt. And not necessarily in that order.

"Does George know?"

 

"I don't know. If he does, he hasn't said anything. I think the

'don't ask, don't tell' rule may apply here. Unofficially."

 

He had envied George a time or two during the past few years, but this

was not one of those moments. "I see." He didn't really, but he

didn't want her to think he wasn't there for her. Taking her hand in

his, "You know I love you, right?" He attempted a smile.

 

"I know. I love you, too." She kissed him on the cheek. "It's late,

and I'm tired." She made the motions of getting up to leave.

 

He didn't know what else to say, so he got up with her, and pulled her

into a hug that he hoped said everything he felt. They pulled apart

as night descended on the camp.

 

Sam retreated to her tent for the night. Grateful to have her own

space for a few hours before falling asleep, she heard her father's

voice echo in her mind, 'Do you love him?' Such a simple question

with a million different answers. She loved him in the way she loved

everyone that she worked closely with: Teal'c, Jonas, Janet, General

Hammond. It was a bond that went beyond teammate, beyond friend.

Although she did love him as a friend, too. In many ways, her best

friend. They didn't talk in the same way that she and Janet did, and

that was just it. They didn't need to. They had seen so much

together; been through so much together. Not that a conversation

about a few things wouldn't be nice- Daniel, Edora (okay, maybe not),

the alternate universes. But, as it was, she was comfortable enough

to make it through the day working with a man that she had strong

feelings for. Lusted after? Definitely. Dreamt about? Absolutely.

Loved?

 

Yeah.

 

******

 

Part 2

 

Trying to decide if he had done more harm than good, Jacob wandered

around the perimeter of the camp guided only by the light of the

moons. Not for the first time, he cursed Anise and that damn machine.

He cursed Jack, too, although he was less sure for what reason. He

just wanted to see Sam happy, and while he wasn't sure if Jack was the

man for the job or not, he knew for damn sure that her *CO* would never

fit the bill, no matter who he was. Settling on a rock with a clear

view of the stars, he heard someone shifting on their feet a few

meters away. He looked over his shoulder to see the profile of the

man in question. Hoping beyond hope that Jack hadn't seen or heard

him, he decided to retreat back down the path he came on. He had made

it all of three steps-

 

"Nice night, huh?"

 

"I guess it depends on where you're standing."

 

"The view from here isn't bad."

 

Not responding, Jacob decided to sit back down and wait. Jack O'Neill

didn't strike up a conversation for no reason.

 

"Jacob, about earlier..."

 

He really didn't want to hear this, "Look, Jack. Let's just forget

it, okay?"

 

"I know what you think you heard me say, and I just wanted to clarify

that I agreed with you that sometimes the way Carter manages a

situation is amazing, not that-"

 

"Jack! Just stop." He lowered his face to his hands and rubbed the

top of his head. He knew if it weren't for Selmak, he would have one

heck of a migraine about now.

 

"Fine by me, I was just saying..." He came to sit on a smaller rock

next to the one Jacob was on.

 

"Sorry. I guess I've just had enough conversation for one night."

 

A smile appeared on Jack's face, although Jacob couldn't really see,

"Let me guess- Carter started in with her technobabble on some

doohickey, and all you wanted to know was how her day went?"

 

Jacob returned an unseen smile, "Something like that." Although

nothing could actually be further from the truth.

 

"Gotta love how she gets carried away with her work."

 

"Apparently she gets carried away with a lot of things."

 

Jack was sure there was a double meaning there, and he was also sure

he felt his stomach muscles tighten at what it could be. In his

typical fashion, he didn't respond.

 

Taking a breath and resolving himself to the task that was now at

hand, "Jack, I'm not going to beat around the bush here." He turned

so that his body was facing Jack's and continued, "This was not the

first time I had heard about Zay'tarc detectors giving false

positives." He waited for a response that did not seem to be

forthcoming.

 

Finally, in a quieter voice than Jacob had ever heard him use, "I

didn't think it was."

 

So, Jack had at least suspected that Jacob was aware that there was

something going on between them. He wasn't Jack's father, but he

wasn't sure what other stance to take. He wasn't his CO, either. He

was just a man who loved his daughter who happened to love her CO who

happened to be Jack. "Whatever is or isn't going on with you two,

it's none of my business. I know that Sam respects you and wouldn't

want to work for anyone else. I'm not questioning your behavior or

your ethics here, Jack."

 

"Then what?" Why would he bring it up if he wasn't going to a) kill

him, b) tell General Hammond, or c) both.

 

"I'm her father. I just don't want to see her get hurt." It was the

one thing he was sure of in all of this.

 

"Neither do I." It was honest.

 

"I remember the night she told me that she and Jonas were engaged. I

remember thinking that she didn't sound happy. Not happy like I

wanted her to sound. It was more of a resignation in her voice. Like

she was doing what she was supposed to do, and that was enough. I

wanted to see the joy in her face like when her mother and I told her

parents. It was never there."

 

Not sure what to say, Jack just nodded.

 

"She kept telling me that she loved him. But I never felt like she

meant it. It never reached her eyes. They say everything about her,

and she doesn't even know it."

 

Jack chuckled at that. It was true- she had no idea what other people

could see in them.

 

"When she didn't say it today, I knew. It meant more than if she had

shouted it from the rooftop. "

 

Didn't say what? What just happened here? Jack shifted his position

so he could see Jacob more clearly.

 

"She told me that you don't feel the same way, and I guess I'm

grateful. It would be hell on you and the team if you did. But I

have to tell you that, as her father, it scares me to know that she's

in love with someone else that can't make her happy."

 

Were those moons spinning or were there suddenly four instead of two?

OH. MY. GOD. Did Carter's dad just say that she was in love with

him? No. That wasn't it. It was that weird stuff he was eating

before. He clutched the sides of the rock to keep from falling off.

He was sure he was either very pale or very green.

 

Jacob noticed the change in Jack's posture, "Jack?"

 

"Sorry. Must have been something I ate. Indigestion, that's all."

Ha! He tried to regain some semblance of composure and sit upright

while the world continued to spin around him, "Jacob, I'm not sure

what you and Carter were talking about before, but I can assure you,

she doesn't have those kind of ... feelings... for me. So whatever

you think you heard, or whatever she said, you're taking it the wrong

way." He hoped he sounded more lucid than he felt, but he knew he was

at least right about that. She didn't have feelings for him anymore,

if she ever did at all.

 

Stunned, Jacob thought back on his conversation with Sam. Maybe he

had taken it the wrong way when she hadn't responded to his question

of her feelings for Jack. No. He knew what he saw; what he didn't

hear. And as for the man trying desperately to hold himself upright a

few steps away, well, his feelings were betraying him, too. What the

hell was going on with these two? "Well, at least the two of you have

gotten your stories straight." He got up to leave, but got no further

than the first time.

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He would be damned if he

was going to be accused of *something* when he had never worked so hard

to make sure *nothing* happened!

 

"You're both so convinced that the other one doesn't love you, that

you can't even admit how you feel to yourselves." He walked away

without looking back.

 

Feeling a little less nauseous than he did before, Jack released

the clutch he had on the rock and continued to stare at the moons that

were now clearly in focus. Jacob was right about one thing, he had

been denying his feelings for Carter for years. The only times he let

them surface were when he had to, or when he wasn't really himself, or

it wasn't the real Carter. Well, and the loop. Damn!! There were

too many exceptions to this ridiculous situation. And what was he

supposed to do? Retire? That thought had occurred to him on more

than one occasion, especially lately, although it had less to do with

her than with his body creaking more than usual and the realization of

just how close he had been to breaking with Ba'al. He had barely held

out, and he knew that very situation could happen again. Or worse, it

could happen to her. And then what? He might as well not be around

for that anyway. He would be lost without her. That was the truth he

could admit to himself. Had to admit, thanks to Anise. But love? He

hadn't said the word in years. Care for? Without a doubt. Would die

for? Didn't even have to think about that one. Fantasize about?

Frequently. But love? Well, if he could love anyone, it was her.

 

Yeah, it was her.

 

Part 3

 

 

Only vaguely aware that the moons were less visible while the

increasing sunlight descended on the Alpha site, Jack was awakened

from the light sleep his body had insisted upon. His back propped up

by the rock he had sat on earlier, he heard the heavy footsteps of

someone running. Coming to his senses, he started to reach for his

weapon when he saw the owner of the feet was the woman he had been

dreaming about just moments before.

 

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him rise from the ground.

She had been running not just for the exercise, but to clear her

head. Or more precisely, to clear him from her head. She realized

she looked ridiculous standing there looking at him. He didn't know

what was in her head. Or her heart. "Sir." That word hurt a little

more each time.

 

"Carter." Ouch. His body was rebelling against his chosen 'bed' from

the previous night. Why couldn't he take his eyes off her? Why was

she so beautiful? Why couldn't he think of something to say? "You're

up early."

 

"Just out for a morning run." Taking in his appearance, she realized

he must have slept here, "I guess you didn't quite make it in last night."

 

"Not exactly." Thanks to your father. "I guess I'd better get back

and try to catch a few hours of sleep in a real bed." He winced as he

tried to straighten up.

 

"I have aspirin in my bag if you need some." It was absurd that all

she wanted to do was go over and rub her hands all over his back and

take the pain away.

 

"Thanks. I think I'll take you up on that." He started walking back

towards camp.

 

She turned around to follow him and was just a step behind when he

turned around to tell her that he could find her bag, that she should

continue jogging And then there they were. Face to face. Inches

separating their bodies. Each breathing absurdly fast and shallow for

the situation at hand. Had it been any other 2IC and CO bumping into

each other, a simple "sorry" or "excuse me" would have sufficed. For

the two of them, bumping into each other meant hours of regrets,

dreams, longings and desires dredged up again. Each misstep in their

lives- literally and figuratively- took them longer and longer to

forget. Which was really quite impossible, so they did the next best

thing. Repress. Suppress. Stifle. Anything but feel.

 

Blame it on the combined gravitational forces of the moons, or

something else entirely, but something in her broke. It was like a

branch, worn down from holding too much weight that, at first, just

bowed a little under the pressure. But then finally snapped when the

wind blew it the wrong way. Well, if she was a branch, then Jacob was

a breeze, and Jack was definitely there to break the fall. She didn't

have to raise her voice at all, neither had moved from the small space

that separated them, “Dad knows about the Zay'tarc thing." She locked

her eyes with his, waiting to see the reaction.

 

"I know. He told me last night."

 

That would explain his curious choice of sleeping places. "Oh."

 

Backing up from the close proximity that was beginning to arouse other

parts of him, he decided the easiest course of action was the most

prudent given the circumstances, "Sometimes I think the Tok'ra read

too much into situations, you know?"

 

She eyes him suspiciously, although he wasn't returning her gaze, "Do

they?"

 

If he heard the antagonism in her voice, he ignored it, "Yeah. I'm

afraid Selmak may have brought that out in Dad over these past few

years." He expected her to agree. To sweep this under the rug with

everything else. It's what they did to keep going.

 

"Really?" She didn't look convinced. In fact, her stance belied her

words.

 

He gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah, I think he could use some more time on

Earth to reacquaint himself with what it's like to be human." He was

about to start walking again-

 

"No."

 

"What?" He looked at her and saw a fierce kind of determination that

was usually reserved for battle in her face.

 

"I said no." With each word strength filled her body. More

importantly, it began to fill her soul. "Dad remembers perfectly well

what it's like to be human, and while Selmak's influence may be

apparent, I'm not sure that's a bad thing."

 

He was scared, and fear in Jack O'Neill emerged as anger, "There you

go again. Siding with *them*. Jesus, Carter, maybe you need to spend

more time on earth." He started to stomp away, glad to have created

an exit for himself that would leave an emotional distance, if not a

physical one, between them.

 

She followed step for step, not backing down, "What would be the

point, Sir?" She took a breath and summoned the courage, "It would

just mean more time together. And god knows that hasn't made *this*

any easier." She stopped walking.

 

So did he, "Care to explain what *that* means, Major?" He was afraid

he already knew.

 

A step closer to him, her voice even, her eyes focused on his, "*This*

is what we don't talk about. *This* is a whole bunch of things, mixed

together to make an impossible situation even worse." Then very

quietly, "This is the end of *that*."

 

He couldn't respond. The word 'end' had his mind swimming. "The end

of what?"

 

"Of denying and pretending and hurting. The end. I'm not doing it

anymore."

 

Okay, time to take a different tactic, "What are you talking about?"

 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." She searched his eyes for

some recognition that he did.

 

"Just because Jacob knows about the Zay'tarc incident doesn't mean

anything has to change. It's not like he's going to talk to anyone

about it-"

 

"Get a grip, Jack. Everyone knows!" She threw up her hands in

exasperation. Was he really that dense? "Everyone on base knows.

Those security tapes have been watched more times than your Simpsons

reruns. I'm pretty sure all of the Tok'ra know by now. Our friends

know. Dad knows. General Hammond has to know."

 

She was right about that, he suspected. Hammond did know, and he was

probably hoping against odds that nothing would ever force it to the

surface before the war was over.

 

"The only people who don't seem to know are standing right here. And

even we can't be that stupid."

 

He smiled at her. More of a sarcastic grin, really, but there it was,

"You could never be stupid."

 

She smiled back in the same cynical way, "You don't know how stupid I

can be about this kind of thing."

 

"Actually, Dad told me a thing or two about that last night."

 

Her eyes grew at least twice as big as they had been a moment ago,

"What did he tell you?"

 

"Nothing, nothing. Just a father being concerned about his daughter."

Not that he could blame him. In fact, he rather liked that about him.

It reminded Jack just how human Jacob still was.

 

Becoming serious again, "I meant what I said before. I'm not doing

this anymore. I can't. I'm tired. I feel like I'm fighting two wars

all of the time. And the one with the Goa'uld and the Replicators

isn't the harder of the two. At least I know what that enemy looks like."

 

"I'm not the enemy, Sam."

 

"Well, you don't exactly feel like a friend right now either."

 

That hurt. More than she had probably intended. If he had told

himself once, he had said it a million times- if he couldn't have

anything more, he wanted to be her friend. He could at least have her

friendship. He took a step closer to her, "I will always be your

friend. No matter what." He meant that more than he had meant

anything he had said to her for a long time.

 

"And what if I want more? What if that isn't enough?"

 

Was she really saying it? This from the woman who wanted to leave it

in the room? This from the woman who reminded him beyond a shadow of

a doubt that he was still "Sir" at the end of every day? This from

the woman who kissed him back in the loop. This from the woman who

had attacked him- albeit while under the influence- just months after

they had known each other. This from the woman who, against all odds,

brought him back from Edora nine months ahead of schedule. This from

her. To him. He just stared at her, looking for a way to make it

easier on both of them. But there wasn't a way, or they would have

figured it out long before now. If she was willing to take the risks,

then so was he, "Do you? Want more?"

 

She looked at him like he was an idiot. Had he not just heard her?

 

"Okay. I guess you do." He smiled. For real this time. He looked

her straight in the eyes, "So do I."

 

If they hadn't been so still and it hadn't been so early in the

morning, before the Jaffa and Tok'ra started their training drills,

they might have missed the unmistakable sound of the Stargate

activating. As it was, they both took off for the gate, their

conversation understandably delayed for another time. Reaching their

destination, they saw Teal'c taking a note from a member of SG-8 who

then disappeared back through the gate. Slightly out of breath, Jack

motioned to the piece of paper that Teal'c was holding effectively

asking what was in it. Teal'c bowed his head and handed it to Jack.

 

Jack read the note without emotion and then looked back up at Teal'c,

keeping his eyes away from her, "SG-1 pack up."

 

"Sir?" She would have questioned the sudden changes of plans in any

situation, but this was a little odd to say the least.

 

"That's an order, Major." He was as calm as could be.

 

That was as frightening as any army of Jaffa. Retreating to gather

their things, Sam and Teal'c looked at each other with obvious

concern. Jacob didn't miss a beat, and followed Sam. At her side, he

asked quietly, "What do you think that was about?"

 

"I honestly don't have any idea."

 

 

Too familiar. That's the only thought that makes its way through his

head. If he thinks about anything else, he'll cry. He knows it.

Janet knows it. And if she were awake, she'd know it. Therein lies

the problem. She's not awake. And is she were, then he wouldn't need

to cry. The lights are dim- what time is it anyway? What does it

matter? It's too familiar-this waiting and watching.

 

She's still lying there, and the last thing he can actually remember

with any kind of clarity is the last conversation they had. Before

they left the Alpha site. Before she was abducted by Ba'al on the

mission they had been summoned for. Before he had to go and get her.

Alone. Talk about being against regulations. But then, he was never

a by-the-book kind of guy anyway. That was her thing. He would

rather have ripped the pages from the binding and use them for

kindling. But then, at the end, she had been ready to burn the book,

too. Or at least that's what he'd like to think she meant. They

never really got a chance to talk about it. That's a little too

familiar, too.

 

And then he sees it. Almost imperceptible at first. Almost. But he

would recognize her movements anywhere. However small, however

seemingly insignificant. There is never a part of her actions that

isn't tuned for efficiency; isn't meant for something. Even if most

people don't understand, he does. Well, he doesn't always, but he's

trying. And getting better at it after almost 6 years. She does it

again- the fingers on her right hand start to flex. As if trying to

make sure they still work, making sure she can feel them. The staff

blast hit her hard. Several bruised ribs, and Janet mentioned more

than once that she was lucky she didn't have any internal bleeding.

Very lucky. He already knew that.

 

Hours later, she is moving her fingers, hands, arms (although not too

much). Toes and feet and legs all seem to be in working order. Her

mind is getting sharper, her breathing more regular and easy. Teal'c

and Jonas have come and gone. Nurses have been in and out. And now

she's starting to drift off again. Her eyes wander to where he sits

before she falls asleep, and she sighs, and smiles. He's still there.

Waiting and watching.

 

Is it morning again? It must be; the lights have been turned up some

as if to mimic the sunrise they can never see this far down. To keep

their internal clocks on some kind of schedule. He's looking forward

to that the most- seeing sunrises and sunsets on earth. Okay, well

it's not what he's looking forward to the most, but he's hoping he'll

be able to share it with her sometimes. When she's not off world,

without him. More waiting and watching await him, he knows. But it

will be different. So different.

 

Her eyes open, not as drowsily as the day before. She looks for him

first. And he's there. Not one to disappoint, he's smiling at her.

She returns the smile- much brighter than yesterday, "Hey."

 

"Hey."

 

She looks at him. There's something different. Lighter, somehow.

Easier. More relaxed. Then it hits her. He's in jeans. And a

flannel shirt. "Did General Hammond revise the dress code while I was

gone? It wasn't that long." Why does she feel nervous all of a

sudden?

 

He's still smiling. Shaking his head that the first comment out of

her mouth is a joke. Did she pick that up from him? Probably. And

he likes it. No, he *loves* it. "I thought you might appreciate a

change of scenery. I was getting kind of tired of all the green

around here, weren't you?"

 

She chuckles a little, and is reminded of why she's in there. Oh,

right, ribs. Bruised. Ow. But she doesn't lose her train of

thought, "I kind of liked it, actually." She's looking right at him

as the smile fades from her face.

 

He knew she'd know, and he guesses the sooner the better, really.

"Well, there's still plenty of khaki to go around. I just won't be

wearing it." He looks back at her. Waiting and watching again. For

a reaction.

 

Her eyes don't leave his, "Why?"

 

He breaks eye contact and summons the strength he has left- he's

exhausted from the past few days, "Let's just say that coming to get

you wasn't exactly a mission that Hammond authorized."

 

She knew. She knew the minute he showed up without Teal'c and Jonas

looking like he hadn't showered or eaten or slept for days. She knew

somewhere inside that he wasn't really supposed to be there. She knew

the rules- you don't send people out on a suicide mission. And

getting into Ba'al's hideout was just that. The only person who stood

a chance was the one person who had some idea of what he was dealing

with. Of how Ba'al operated. Of what he wanted. But Hammond

wouldn't be willing to sacrifice any one team member for another. So,

Jack made the choice for him. He stopped being military and asked to

be allowed to retire off world. Hammond knew he didn't have any

intention of actually retiring, but just like he had done a few dozen

times before, he looked the other way. If Jack came back with Carter,

then the world hadn't lost one of its best soldiers and scientists.

And that was the only option. There wasn't any "If Jack came back

*without* Carter" because he wouldn't come back without her. He would

either save her or die trying. And Hammond sure as hell didn't want

to know about that.

 

And despite herself, she's glad. Really, really happy actually. The

kind of joy that reaches her soul. He quit. For her. To save her.

What she doesn't know is that he did it to save himself, too. If

there was any inkling of hero-worship going on inside her before, she

knows there's a lot now. As much as her feminist side might object,

what woman doesn't love the idea of being swept away on a white horse

by her prince? Okay, so there wasn't a horse, and she's not sure if

anyone would characterize Jack O'Neill as a prince, but the sentiment

is still there. He left everything behind to come and get her. And

he didn't care about the consequences.

 

Holy. Hannah. That's the difference. Not his clothes, not just that

he's not part of SG-1 anymore. But that there aren't any more

consequences. If she could jump out of bed, jump him, she would. And

it would be okay. It would be more than okay. It would be fun.

Well, it always would have been fun, but now it could be *really* fun.

She smiles knowingly at him. "Well, to tell you the truth, you look

much better in flannel."

 

He relaxes. She doesn't hate him. He really thought she could. For

leaving his command. For risking his life for hers. For breaking

down the wall that separated them for so long. "And you look great in

that hospital gown." She really does. He should go now. It's only

because he brought back one of the smartest people on earth that

Hammond even allowed him to stay on base this long. Although he did

ask to see Jack before he left, "Hammond wants to see me."

 

She nods. She can't even begin to guess how hard this must be for

him. To not be a part of all of this anymore. She knows she couldn't

take it. But then, they're very different people, "Will you be back

later?" She really wants him to, she realizes.

 

"I don't know, but I will ask Teal'c to keep an eye on you." He walks

up to the side of her bed. He absent-mindedly starts playing with the

edge of the blanket.

 

She stills his hand with hers, "Thank you."

 

"It was nothin'." To him, it really wasn't. It was the only option

to save them both.

 

Part 5

 

As he walked toward Hammond's office, he tried to recall with a little

more clarity how exactly that he came to be in this situation. Not

three days ago, he was spending the early hours of the morning sitting

on a rock at the Alpha site trying to decode what Jacob had said to

him about Sam. Then hours later, the note came through the Stargate-

Ba'al had been spotted. After fleeing his fortress during Yu's attack

months before, the Tok'ra had their spies looking out for him. One of

their operatives had sent word back that Ba'al's forces were

re-establishing headquarters, but that before all of the defenses and

weapons were in place, he was vulnerable. Vulnerable for a System

Lord, anyway. SG-1 was called from the Alpha site for the mission:

destroy Ba'al's new hideout, and preferably, Ba'al as well. Jack's

'experience' with Ba'al was invaluable in this kind of situation. And

it was only after putting away his own fears that Jack realized they

may never have this chance again.

 

So, they gated to the planet after the MALP showed no one was guarding

the gate. That made sense- if there weren't enough Jaffa to serve

Ba'al inside the fortress, guarding the gate would be a low priority.

Jack remembered laughing to himself that the arrogance of the Goa'uld

would be their downfall. He guessed that Ba'al really didn't think

anyone could know where he had relocated. Certainly not anyone of

consequence anyway.

 

He didn't have long to laugh as they emerged on the other side of the

wormhole to a dozen Jaffa running toward them, weapons charged. They

managed to take cover and wipe out more than half, but just as Sam had

dialed out, she was hit with a staff blast. The remaining Jaffa were

already surrounding her as Teal'c and Jonas dragged Jack across the