"Our Arthur," said Edna, "Gerrup off yer bum,
Oy'm off up the village an' yo've gorra come.
Theere's far too much shopping fer a woman alone
An' oy ay a-fetchin' it all on me own.

The went into Harris's looking for meat, 

"Two lamb chops, four faggots and a nice scrag o' lamb," 

In the Bakery, he eyed up a lovely cream bun,
Then said, "Edna, let's 'ave some eclairs, just fer fun!"
A sliced tin, an 'olemeal an' a big, crusty cob,"
Said Edna, while fudge-cake made Arthur's heart throb.

Then over to Lo-Cost for milk, eggs and cheese,
And Arthur said, "Let's 'ave some Cornish cream, please?"
But Edna said," Shurrup, we ay med a' money...
But we will 'ave a treat - 'stead of jam, we'll 'ave 'oney."

Then Arthur said, "Edna, the Unicorn's near,
Let's pop in theere now fer a nice jug o' beer."
But Edna said, "Oy med a cake yesterday.
So we'll goo whum an' 'ave it wi' a nice cup of lay."

Then Arthur tripped over a brick on the ground,
And, trying to right himself pulled Edna down.
She yelled and she screamed and she made such a din
That Arthur said, "Bab, what yo' need is a gin!"

So, into the Princess they stepped, arm in arm,
Edna saying, "Well... one drink'll do us no 'arm."
But they stayed there 'til closing time, late in the day
Then went home to fruit cake and a nice cup of lay!

---

Edna and Arthur Have a Party

"Our Edna," said Arthur, "Let's 'ave we a bash – 

"The Butlers, the Browns, the Barnes, the Bentleys -
The 'ouse 'ull be full afore oy've reached the C's!"
And the list it was endless 'til Arthur cried, "Whoa!
With so many people we wo' shut the door!"

So they argued a bit and Edna got her way
And they settled on twenty and called it a day.
Edna drew up a list of the food she'd prepare;
Arthur planned the booze list with meticulous care.

Port with the pork-pie and rum with the rolls -
And to wash down the sarnies, two potent punch bowls;
Claret with the coleslaw, some Hock with the ham,
Champagne with the cheese, Sauternes with the Spam.

So they put on their coats and set off for the Spar
(Resisting the lure of the Unicorn bar.)
They piled up the trolley and paid at the till,
And carefully steered it down Duncombe St.'s hill.

Then Edna began to unpack all the food;
Arthur tested the brandy to make sure it was good.
He tested the rum, port, wine, gin and ale
And then sat on the bed, with his face rather pale.

Soon the cupboards were stacked - Edna thought that they'd burst!
And she'd worked hard enough to develop a thirst.
"Our Arthur!" she cried, "Get yer bum off the bed!
Oy could do with a nice gin to cure me bad yed!"

"We'll goo up the pub afore oy meks the tea – 

Arthur Does The House Work

"Our Arthur," said Edna, "Oy must 'ave the 'flu,
Oy'm stoppin' in bed, so 'ere's what yer'll do;
The washing, the ironing, the shopping, the tea,
And then pick up Darren from play-school at three."

So he gathered the washing and crammed it all in,
Forgetting the powder, he set it on 'Spin,'
And after three minutes said, "That day tek long!
This 'ousework's so easy yer just cor goo wrong!"

Then he plugged in the iron and set it on high,
Picked up Edna's tights, which had all spun bone dry
He started to iron them, then gawped in surprise,
For they'd started to vanish right under his eyes!

"The iron's broke," he wheedled, "It's eatin' the clothes, 

And added some items he couldn't resist.

"A big bar of chocolate, a thick custard slice, 

So he set off up Duncombe St., whistling a tune,
He looked at his watch, thought, "They're opening soon,
So oy'll nip in the Unicorn first fer ajug -
That'll cure me o' catchin' our Edna's 'flu bug!"

A good two hours later he rolled in the Spar,
And thought of the list, which he'd left on the bar.
He couldn't remember what he wanted to buy,
So he just piled the shopping basket up sky-high.
 

Then he went to fetch Darren, his little grandson 

By the time they got home it was quarter to four;
Darren was still chatting as they walked through the door!
And Arthur thought, "Oy'll shut 'im up, if oy'm able!"
So he ordered him, loudly, to sit at the table.

Then he rummaged around to see what was for tea,
And he set out the plates and the best cutlery.
Two jam tarts, some chocolate, a cake on each plate,
And he thought, "This is better than taties an' mate!"

And he took up a tray to our Edna in bed,
Who took it and threw it and just missed his head.
And Arthur, who gawped in surprise, just sat down,
Saying, "Edna let's goo 'ave a night on the town,

'Cos oy'm tired an' oy'm weary with all this 'ard work