You've finally realized you're obsessed with Bowie. There is no cure, except listening to Never Let Me Down continuosly over a 24 hour period. I wouldn't reccomend that, since it can lead to extreme trauma and total loss of reason. Besides, its fun to be obsessed with Bowie! Sure, you might feel a little strange about it, and you may even want to keep it a secret. Well don't. Its not normal! Just read on, and soon you will be one happy, well-adjusted fanatic.

How Do I Get Comfortable With My Bowie Fixation?

We all feel a little self-concious sometimes, but don't let that stuff bother you! Just do these exercises and soon you'll be screaming "I love Bowie!!" from the rooftops.

-start incorporating song quotes into your conversations. For example, when asked what you like to eat, reply "humble pie or bitter fruit", or say everything in Japanese, followed by the English translation of what you just said.

-decorate your walls with as many Bowie pictures and posters as possible. Stare at those deep, mismatched eyes and look within your soul.

-make yourself a shirt that says "Fuck you, I love David Bowie"

-at least once a week, wear Ziggy make-up. This goes for the guys as well.

-abandon your local movie theater and make it your mission to see every Bowie movie you can find.

-read "Alias David Bowie" for your school book report.

-listen to nothing but Bowie for a week.

-try and memorize the lyrics to your favorite Bowie album. If that's too much, start with your favorite Bowie song.

-spend at least three hours on the Internet looking at nothing but Bowie sites

-imitate Bowie in some small way, be it the way he walks, talks, smokes, or some other mannerism.

If you've done your exercises, you should be able to move on to phase two:

-persuade a local theater group to stage the 1.Outside drama. Violently protest if they don't.

-take a cue from PETA and camp outside of an NSYNC concert. When all the pre-pubescent brats come out squeling about how cute JC is, douse them with paint while screaming "Music is for Bowie, not for corporate crap!"

-create an entirely seperate Bowie wardrobe in your closet.

- see how long you can go listening to only Bowie.

-assume a different persona of Bowie's every day. Don't get out of character.


It's Not Enough To Be Obsessed! I Want To BE Bowie!

Wow, you're real sick. But that's of no importance now, for I, the great artist_in_a_tunnel, have assembled a guide for transforming into Bowie's various personae. Why do this, you ask? I was inspired to do this when I came upon of number of books that showed you how to transform into various celebrities. None of the celebrities featured was Bowie, but Rod Stewart, among other hacks, was included. Rod Stewart!!! I ask you, can this mullet-wearing blonde be more appealing than Bowie? Of course not! Read on, and undergo your metamorphosis. But don't blame me if you wake up as a cockroach.

Coming Soon, when I'm not sick!!