People everywhere can thank Japscat for them losing weight! Look at all of the success of Japscat, and read the testimonials from these poor bastards:

"We were both fat as hell, and addicted to greasy pizza. Then Japscat came up to us, and told us he would beat us with a large stick about the head and shoulders if we ate anymore. From then on, we ate with Japscat. He also gave us cd's to listen to, which were inundated with subliminal messages of anorexia and bulemia. They also helped us immensely. Now, we're trying to figure out how to start eating again without Japscat beating us with his stick!"

"Madsen was instrumental in my wieght-loss results. with his recommendations of 'heroin with every meal!', i was able to eat whatever i wanted! And i still lost over 100 pounds!"

"After falling madly in love with the notorious Japscat, i knew that he wouldn't give me the time of day, as fat as i was, so i bought his cd and did aerobics to it. It only took me a few weeks!"

"Japscat came up to me one day and told me i was "...a fat !@#$ who needs to be learned!", and proceeded to kick the shit out of me. After this powerful meeting with the prodigous man, i bought his cd and submitted to his asskicking regimen once a week. Not only do i now get tons of chicks from associating with Japscat, but I lost over 100 pounds when Japscat performed liposuction on me and sold the fat to some weightlifters, whom he then injected it into. Bow down to Japscat!"

"I used to be the CEO of a large software company, until i bought the Japscat cd. It changed my life. I became one of Japscat's pilgrims, and followed the prodigious artist, subsisting on his diet of raw wheat and rat meat. I soon attained my svelte new look "livin' the lifestyle", as Japscat so often refers to it as."

"Japscat kicked down the door, kissed my wife, and blew away my beloved computer with a homemade 10-gauge shotgun. Then he offered me his hand. Seeing I could no longer use my computer, I turned my religious senses to a new figurehead: Japscat. My wife said she was going to try to get with Japscat unless i lost some weight. I laughed, and gave her to Japscat anyway. And then I lost weight to get a new hussy."

"We were fat pieces of excrement until Japscat saved us from our American existences, and showed us the Left-Handed Path of Japscat. We decided to become ordained ministers of Japscat's new religion. We are now operatives in the vast conspiracy to undermine the democracy of this country in order to instate Japscat as Holy Leader of The United States of Japscat. We are also licensed distributors of Japscat's new album, 'Feces of the Desirable'."