Bob : OK, so Ste, Howl's football career has ended, what you up to now?

Ste : Well its been quite an adjustment added to my retirement from international football as well so I'm looking for punditry work at the moment.

Bob : I know what that's like, missing the boys?

Ste : Yeah, it is isn't the same anymore. The thing I miss most about the boys going is that I can't now go up to another man and sing 'we can't go on together with suspicious minds' without being accused of batting from the non-striker's end.

Bob : So where were you when Dave scored one of the most memorable goals in history?

Ste : I was checking to see if Campbell was going to get through the match alive and next thing I know he's sprinted 70 yards and is one of the first to jump on the skipper.

Bob : What number were you?

Ste : Oh way back behind the subs, fans, Graham Bird, everybody.

Bob : Christ! Bird beat you! You must've been tired.

Ste : Knackered mate but it was worth it.

Bob : So who got your player of the season?

Ste : Dave Maguire definitely, whatever you say about his unwillingness to tackle or run the boy's got class.

Bob : He'll be pleased with that. Obviously winning the league was the standout point in your Howl career, any other memorable on the field moments?

Ste : Personally it was being awarded the man-of-the-match award for the league final by my fellow Howlers, that was genuinely touching.

Bob : Well deserved. Indoor went well too, what was the difference between this year and last?

Ste : Two silly performances and one or two enforced absences cost us the clean sweep last year. This year the opposition was tougher but I think we had the best tactical plan of any team in the competition.

Bob : Indeed you did, what did you think of Dinamo Howl's performance in finishing fourth?

Ste : Outstanding and it should have been better. I'll never forget the night the words 'They're really missing Pricey tonight' passed my lips. Extraordinary.

Bob : Did you agree with Ian Thomas being voted indoor player of the season by his peers?

Ste : Yes I would, the accuracy of his finishing and his work-rate were astonishing.

Bob : Did you think Dave would deliberately substitute Ian to ensure he didn't surpass his goal tally?

Ste : No Comment. Yes.

Bob : Thought so. Is it true you lost a bet with Robert Breese which means you'll be playing for the Gents next season?

Ste : An utter fabrication. Almost. I lost two bets actually but I won't be playing for the Gents, that would be sacrilege.

Bob : Indeed it would, why don't you sell your grandmother while you're at it? You remember what he did to Howl in 01?

Ste : Oh so clearly. It was Campbell's fault.

Bob : Which Howl player would you definitely NOT want to room with on tour?

Ste : I wouldn't like to share with Kester for reasons other interviewees may relate to.

Bob : Absolutely.

Pip : OK, Howl are on peace keeping football tour of Asia and are kidnapped by Kashmiri militants, which player would demand the highest ransom?

Ste : Well Maguire would demand that he has the highest ransom placed on his head! But the militants would be more sensible and put the highest ransom on the Price's head. Oh and recruit Trubshaw as one of their own.

Bob : Please explain.

Ste : Because that would give them enough time to get him to start the Kashmiri Militant Society Website.

Bob : What's been your most memorable Howl night out?

Ste : I've seen singing, I've seen tears, I've seen drama, I've seen beers but the best pour moi was the Ian Thomas Walks on Water night after clinching the indoor league.

Bob : Read about it in the papers. There was an article saying that Howl could never win the outdoor league due to their heavy drinking, what do you think?

Ste : What the papers failed to spot in their analysis is that Col Vickers himself constitutes 73% of the total Howl drink input, so everyone else was actually quite fit.

Bob : I understand. Which Howl player will be married first with kids?

Ste : I shudder at the thought of little Huws and tiny Josies but that's where my money's going .

Bob : Ah, Howl's Posh and Becks. Who's the team's Gazza?

Ste : For a combination of wasted talent, incomprehensible speech and fondness of kebabs it has to be the Duster.

Bob : Do you believe it was a Duster in his bed?

Ste : Depends what he was dusting.

Bob : How would you like Howl to be remembered?

Ste : As an improbable coming together of the finest selection of young men this country has - and will - ever seen.

Bob : Nice epitaph, Howl will be next to Elvis.

Ste : Shoulder to shoulder.

Bob : Do you think anyone from Howl will grace fame in a non-football way?

Ste : I can definitely foresee a future for Tim Parker as a regular contestant on various daytime quiz shows.

Bob : Many of your peers constantly argued for your inclusion in the University's football team, what happened?

Ste : At my age, one has to pick and choose your games carefully. I wanted nothing to dilute my commitment to Howl.

Bob : Nice, finally Ste, Howl are all celebrities now, you must have some good gossip about your team mates that would interest the tabloids?

Ste : None whatsoever. A healthy addiction to pornography never harmed anyone.

Bob : Anyone in particular?

Ste : Someone isn't addicted?