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GENERAL
1. We must believe in Free Will.
We have no choice.
2. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
3. Everything takes longer than
you think.
4. Whatever can go wrong, will
go wrong.
5. If there is a possibility
of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage
will go wrong.
6. If anything just cannot go
wrong, it will anyway.
7. If you perceive and circumvent
the four possible ways which a procedure can go wrong, a fifth will promptly
develop.
8. Left to themselves, things
tend to go from bad to worse.
9. If everything seems to be
going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10. Nature always sides with
the hidden flaw.
11. Mother Nature is a bitch.
12. It is impossible to make
anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
13. Whenever you set out to do
something, something else must be done first.
14. Every solution breeds new
problems.
15. If mathematically you end
up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
16. Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure.
MILITARY
1. Never share a foxhole with
anyone braver than you are.
2. No battle plan ever survives
contact with the enemy.
3. Friendly fire ain't.
4. The most dangerous thing in
the combat zone is an officer with a map.
5. The problem with taking the
easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
6. The buddy system is essential
to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
7. The further you are in advance
of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
8. Incoming fire has the right
of way.
9. If your advance is going well,
you are walking into an ambush.
10. The quartermaster has only
two sizes, too large and too small.
11. If you really need an officer
in a hurry, take a nap.
12. The only time suppressive
fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
13. The only thing more accurate
than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
14. There is nothing more satisfying
that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
15. Don't be conspicuous. In
the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
16. If your sergeant can see
you, so can the enemy.
LOVE
1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken,
there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the
farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability
= Constant.
5. The amount of love someone
feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but
it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world
are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind
reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be
true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function
of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone
else.
SEX
1. The more beautiful the woman
is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2. Nothing improves with age.
3. No matter how many times you've
had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same
again.
4. Sex has no calories.
5. Sex takes up the least amount
of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6. There is no remedy for sex
but more sex.
7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've
got and 50% what people think you've got.
8. No sex with anyone in the
same office.
9. Sex is like snow; you never
know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
man in the house is worth
two in the street.
10. If you get them by the balls,
their hearts and minds will follow.
11. Virginity can be cured.
12. When a man's wife learns
to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
13. Never sleep with anyone crazier
than yourself.
14. The qualities that most attract
a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
15. Sex is dirty only if it's
done right.
16. It is always the wrong time
of month.
17. The best way to hold a man
is in your arms.
18. When the lights are out,
all women are beautiful.
19. Sex is hereditary. If your
parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
20. Sow your wild oats on Saturday
night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
21. The younger the better.
22. The game of love is never
called off on account of darkness.
23. It was not the apple on the
tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
24. Sex discriminates against
the shy and the ugly.
25. Before you find your handsome
prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
26. There may be some things
better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly
like it.
27. Love your neighbour, but
don't get caught.
28. Love is a hole in the heart.
29. If the effort that went in
research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would
now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
30. Love is a matter of chemistry,
sex is a matter of physics.
31. Do it only with the best.
32. Sex is a three-letter word
which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
33. One good turn gets most of
the blankets.
34. You cannot produce a baby
in one month by impregnating nine women.
35. Love is the triumph of imagination
over intelligence.
36. It is better to have loved
and lost than never to have loved at all.
37. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless
in the mood.
38. Never lie down with a woman
who's got more troubles than you.
39. Abstain from wine, women,
and song; mostly song.
40. Never argue with a women
when she's tired -- or rested.
41. Woman never forgets the men
she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
42. What matters is not the length
of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
43. It is better to be looked
over than overlooked.
44. Never say no.
45. Man can be happy with any
woman as long as he doesn't love her.
46. Folks playing leapfrog must
complete all jumps.
47. Beauty is skin deep; ugly
goes right to the bone.
48. Never stand between a fire
hydrant and a dog.
49. Man is only a man, but a
good bicycle is a ride.
50. Love comes in spurts.
51. The world does not revolve
on an axis.
52. Sex is one of the nine reasons
for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
53. Smile, it makes people wonder
what you are thinking.
54. Don't do it if you can't
keep it up.
55. There is no difference between
a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
56. Never go to bed mad, stay
up and fight.
57. Love is the delusion that
one woman differs from another.
58. "This won't hurt, I promise."
