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Part One
“You’re never going to get him back,” the words swirled in her head mixing with the already clashing aftershocks of the previous evening’s wild events. Wild, she thought the word over in her mind. She didn’t even know where to begin with that one. How could she call it wild? She couldn’t even remember where she was, let alone what happened last night. She pulled the sheet around her body realizing that she wasn’t dressed, somehow she must’ve slipped out of her things as she slid into the hotel room after being at the bar all night, but then again, the sheets weren’t as she remembered. There was something...they were...her eyes snapped open as it dawned in on her.
“Silk,” she said to herself as her eyelids abruptly widened and her eyes fixed on her surroundings. With a slight gasp, she sat up barely catching the sheet with her fingers before the chill caught upon her naked body. She groaned slightly as the pounding in her head worsened and she raised her fingers to apply pressure to the ache in the hopes of ending it somehow.
“Oh what did you do last night Lucy?” she asked herself when she’d heard it. Despite everything else, she’d heard it loud and clear. The voice of someone singing in the shower, but what shower, she asked herself. She looked around the unfamiliar surroundings seeing that she wasn’t at the hotel nor the lighthouse, but then again why would she be at the lighthouse? Kevin had pretty much told her to go straight to hell for what she’d done and now....she looked around feeling a chill creep over her. What had she done? Had she put herself into that hell willingly?
Hearing the voice rise above the sounds of the shower, Lucy cradled the sheet to herself before leaning back in the bed thinking about the previous evening. What had happened? What did she do? She remembered Kevin lashing out at her at the hospital. After they’d made love only a few short weeks ago, he was telling her just how much she’d screwed up, how she’d destroyed his life and now, well, even now she could hear the rage and hatred behind his voice. In what she’d done, she’d caused Kevin to hate her far more than she’d ever imagined. She could still feel the tears burning behind her eyes as she thought about how much he’d expressed how she’d hurt him. She’d never meant to do that, but it just happened...like always. She’d been helping Kevin and as usual, she just couldn’t do it right, and now, in this strange place, maybe she’d finally done it. Maybe she’d finally sunk into that person Kevin accused her of being last night. Maybe she was that horrible person and this, this was some kind of repayment for her crimes.
Unable to hide the tears in her eyes, she wiped at her face determined to keep whatever dignity she had left with her as she pulled herself from the blankets and her eyes searched the room for her clothing. She felt herself overcome with a guilt, but soon it had passed as she gave in to the heartache she was feeling. What was there to feel guilty for? Kevin had expressed quite vividly that he’d wanted nothing to do with her, that them making love had meant nothing to him after her deceptions, so why should she feel shame in being in this strange man’s bed when it was nothing more than what she was to anyone? She’d never been much more, so why start feeling awful about what she was now?
She reached for her blouse when she’d heard a voice through the room, “going somewhere?” he asked as she remained frozen unable to say a word, “I mean if you are I’ll understand, but I thought maybe the least I could do was get you a coffee or something,” he finished as Lucy cautiously turned her head to find Chris Ramsey standing there before her in a green towel.
“Oh god,” she groaned as her eyes wandered over his body knowing much more than she’d ever been meant to know about him as the passion from their previous night came back to haunt her. How they’d had a time drowning their sorrows together....how they’d laughed, cried, complained, danced and oh how they’d....she looked down a bit unable to believe it herself as he too turned his eyes away.
“Look, um, I mean if you’re in a rush that’s fine, but I put a pot on before the shower there,” Chris said nervously unable to escape the feeling that came over him as he saw her bent over on his floor gathering her things. He wanted to kick himself as he watched her. What one earth had possessed him to bring Lucy Coe home last night? He hadn’t had any interest in her before...hell, he hadn’t even liked her there. In fact, he’d found her rather annoying, and yet last night though he’d been lost in a drunken haze, he’d also discovered that she was rather passionate. When they’d started talking, he’d wondered why he’d allowed himself to get drunk with her, but then after when they were dancing, when she was whispering in his ear all the things that he’d wanted to hear, all the things he’d wished someone would say time and time again, he’d found himself feeling wanted, needed in fact and that was something Chris hadn’t felt in quite some time and despite his condition, he’d needed that.
“Actually, I wouldn’t mind a shower,” Lucy confessed meeting his eyes briefly as she had flashes of being in his arms the previous night. She felt her body still reacting to the thought of him, though she was fairly certain that she’d hated him. He’d helped to destroy her life and on any given night, well being sober anyways, she’d never allowed what happened last night to happen, but then again once Kevin had blasted her like that, well, it felt nice to have someone talk to her, even if it wasn’t something based on true emotion. At least for a night she wasn’t alone.
“Of course,” Chris nodded in response, “I didn’t use all the hot water there, so go ahead.”
“Chris,” she said finally bringing herself to meet his eyes again, “did we really...” she stopped herself realizing asking that was a bit after the fact there, “how did we end up...” she trailed off.
“Honestly,” he started rubbing his head as the after effects of his alcohol were getting to him harder than he’d imagined, “I have no clue.”
“But we...” she met his brown eyes and felt her face flush oddly at the thought of the passion they’d experienced together.
“Afraid so,” he nodded seeing her embarrassment as he too felt very out of place in his own apartment, “look, why don’t you just get cleaned up and then we’ll figure something out after?”
“Okay,” Lucy nodded looking down to her blouse as she pulled it into the air. She gave it a quick perusal before turning to Chris, “where are the buttons?”
“I think they’re over there,” he nodded towards the other end of his bedroom, “I also found a few in the kitchen.”
“The kitchen?” Lucy repeated wide eyes as she couldn’t help but give him a once over. Granted, he was no Kevin Collins, but there was something wild and intense about him, something she’d always wrote off as arrogance before last night, but now...she shook the thought, “A shower would be good,” she decided again pulling herself up from the floor holding the sheet to her body.
“Okay,” he nodded watching her walk closer to him, “then I’ll get you something to put on when you’re done. I‘m sure I have something of Eve‘s laying around still,” he paused at the mention of her name. Oh how Eve would strangle him if she found out what he’d done, but then again who was he kidding? Eve didn’t give a damn about his life anymore, so why would it matter what she did or didn’t think?
“Well, we’re not exactly the same size there, but,” she frowned at the mention of Eve as it was just a painful reminder of what she’d lost in Kevin, “I guess for now it’ll do.”
“Good, I‘ll just um, leave them
on the bed for you then,” Chris forced a smile before walking out of the
room and leaving her to her thoughts as she took in a heavy breath and
made her way to the shower.
Lucy emerged from the shower and found the clothes, as Chris had promised, waiting for her. Though she’d always blasted Eve for her lack of style, this particular pant suit wasn’t so bad. It was a soft black material and as Lucy slipped onto it, she realized Eve must’ve purposely bought it with the intentions of fasting to fit into it as it fit Lucy perfectly. She walked over to the mirror noting her blood shot eyes as she pulled her hair back into a neat little pony tail.
“What are you doing here?” she asked herself realizing that yet again her recklessness had gotten her into something far over her head. She glanced down at the dresser for a moment realizing that her shoes were beside it. Bending down, she reached for them, but found instead a picture frame. Reaching for it, she curled her fingers over it and found behind the broken glass a picture of Chris and Eve together drinking martinis and apparently having a good time with one another.
“I thought I heard you come out,” Chris noted entering the room to find her huddled over. Instantly he realized what she’d discovered and he ripped it from her hands, “give me that.”
“I was just going for my shoes,” she said watching him hold it protectively to his chest.
“Then get them and get out,” he growled at her half wondering himself why he’d snapped at her over something so simple.
Without a word, she reached for her shoes and complied to his request, stepping out of his bedroom and into his living room. She looked across the way finding a table set up with various fruits and other breakfast foods set up. She heard Chris close the door behind him as he left his bedroom and she looked back to him.
“I thought you might be hungry,” he explained noticing her weary look before he added, “Don’t worry. It’s not poisoned or anything there.”
“Why should I believe that?” she asked cautiously.
“After the night we shared Lucy,” he stated giving her a once over before giving her a wicked smile, “I’d think you’d at least trust me a little there.”
“Whatever happened Chris, it doesn’t mean that I trust you, or even like you for that matter,” Lucy huffed at him as she watched him cross the room smugly, “And for the record, it didn’t mean anything to me.”
“Great, then that makes two of us,” he said moving over to his sofa as he noticed the expression on her face, “were you hoping I’d say something else there?”
“It’s just....”
“Just shut up and eat,” He grumbled slightly moving over to the trash can to dump the broken glass he’d collected from the picture frame.
Lucy opened her mouth to voice protest, but then opted to remain silent as her stomach rumbled a bit. Deciding that she was in fact hungry she moved over towards the table inspecting it closely.
“It’s not going to bite you,” Chris piped up at her.
“I know that,” she huffed taking a muffin before turning her eyes towards him, “you do realize that I hate you Chris and whatever took place last night did not change that.”
“Lucy, why should I believe your opinion of me to be any different from any other person here in Port Charles?” Chris grumbled in response.
“You ruined my life and don’t think I’ve forgotten about that one,” Lucy warned him sharply as she looked around his apartment seeing things scattered all over the place, “what in the world happened here?”
“We happened here Lucy,” Chris reminded her, “or were you too drunk to remember?”
“I was obviously too drunk to be here with you to begin with,” she snapped at him feeling in her heart that was the only explanation for what she’d done.
“Yeah, well don’t start with the ’I took advantage of you’ line there because that’s not at all how it went,” Chris answered tightly rubbing his aching temples.
“If you're implying that I.....” she trailed off remembering it now. At the bar they’d somehow come across one another. She’d yelled at him about what he and Julie had done in stealing Christina, he’d defended himself, she’d slapped him, he stood there, she’d talked about Kevin, he’d bought her a drink. And so the downward spiral began, ending with the two of them in this moment. She turned her eyes to his once more as she tried to remain firm, to let him know that last night had not broken her, though in so many ways she’d felt it already, “in fact Chris, if you dare breathe one word about this...”
“Relax Lucy,” Chris sighed leaning his head back, “last night was not something I’d want to let the world in on.”
“Oh right,” Lucy frowned as her features tightened, “I know how men like you work. You take something or someone and you find a weakness and you use it to your advantage there,” she huffed in response.
“Lucy, what would I possibly have to gain in destroying you by telling the world we slept together?” Chris questioned disbelieving the words himself.
“You’d find something because you’re sneaky, manipulative, cruel, hurtful, deceptive....” she started.
“Correct me if I’m wrong Lucy, but didn’t Kevin say all of those things about you in front of the entire hospital last night?” Chris raised a brow seeing the obvious hurt in her features.
“You don’t know the first thing about my situation with Doc,” Lucy defended herself remembering Kevin’s words, “that is none of your business.”
“You’re right,” Chris nodded, “it’s none of my concern, but somehow you ended up here none the less.”
“I was drunk,” she snapped again.
“So was I,” Chris answered tilting his head to eye her, “but it didn’t stop either one of us from giving in to what we were feeling.”
“Whatever we felt it wasn’t towards each other,” Lucy said feeling a chill take her over.
“Of course it wasn’t,” Chris admitted remembering their night of passion, “you were feeling down, I was feeling down and somehow along the way, we chose to drown our sorrows in each other.”
“I wasn’t aware that a man like you had sorrows,” she answered tightly as she was reminded of what he’d told her the previous night. Suddenly her voice softened a bit as she stepped forward, “I’m sorry.”
“That ought to be a first,” Chris laughed dryly, “Lucy Coe apologizing for something.”
“Don’t take it to your head there,” she warned watching him before sinking into the chair beside him, “so did you really mean what you’d said before?”
“About what?”
“About not telling anyone about last night?” she asked thinking about the repercussions of her night with Chris.
“I don’t see the point in it since pretty much everyone in town hates the both of us right now. I mean we don’t have anything to lose seeing as no one would really give what I had to say any real consideration and then again, the only person who might have a fit would be Kevin considering how the two of you are,” he paused for a moment, “Then again, all you were really concerned about was Kevin and he gave you the boot there anyways, so what would it matter to you anyways if it got out?”
“I’d rather it didn’t,” she stated firmly.
“Lucy, in all honesty, you said it yourself. You hate me and most everyone else does too, so who would believe me?” Chris questioned with a sigh opting to focus on his headache rather than the potential headache he could be working on with Lucy, “what’s done is done.”
“That’s never how things are,” Lucy said thinking all too well about the many times she’d said that to herself, especially when the matter of Kevin was concerned, but now, well, now she knew better.
“Trust me,” Chris said looking to her for a moment, “I know everything that happened last night is done and over with. We were safe that much I’m sure of and once you’re finished with your breakfast, well, you can leave and we’ll just put this behind us.”
“You’re right,” she nodded in agreement, “you’re absolutely right. I’ll go back to my hotel and no one will ever have to know about this.”
“Exactly.”
“So then why don’t I trust you?” Lucy asked him wearily, “Why do I think you’re just waiting for the right moment to use this against me?”
“Lucy, what would I have to gain in doing that?” he asked with a slight groan remembering all too well their conversation from the night before.
“You’d be a fool to attempt it Chris,” she warned sternly, “I mean if you even begin thinking that....”
“Lucy look,” he cut her off with a scowl, “I’m not going to go around telling the world that I slept with Lucy Coe. It’s not exactly on my list of priorities there.”
“That’s right. You’re more into making the world miserable,” Lucy snapped at him sharply, “that’s more your style.”
“Apparently you’re very much into that as well,” he noted with a sour distaste for her, “otherwise you’d still have Kevin eating out of the palm of your hand.”
“Shut up Chris!”
“Truth hurt?” he asked raising a brow, “face it Lucy. You’re no different than me, it’s just you hide your deceptions under the mask of good intentions.”
“I was trying to protect Kevin,” Lucy cut back feeling her anger rise, “he deserves better than that two timing hussy.”
“Who the hell are you to judge?” Chris grumbled, “you don’t even know Eve.”
“And why are you always so quick to defend her?” Lucy raised a brow, “she cut out your heart and chewed it for breakfast before spitting it back out at you,” she snapped remembering what he’d revealed to her in his drunken state.
“I guess that means she and Kevin are meant for one another then,” Chris tried to recover hoping to mask the pain he’d felt at the thought of not having Eve in his life.
“Tell me something Chris, what makes what I did any worse than what you did? You tried to let Eve see that Kevin was deceiving her and tried to put a wedge between them. I tried to protect Doc from the truth, to keep him from being hurt because of what Eve had done....”
“And he still ended up screwing you over, didn’t he Lucy?” Chris snapped in response not wanting to dive into his motives with Eve, “you gave Kevin your heart. You were upfront with him and he spit you out just as soon as he got what he wanted. He got you in bed to keep him warm until Eve returned and then you got the boot. At least I was smart enough to know when to back down.”
“You’re just too chicken to follow your heart,” Lucy huffed at him, “you had the chance to love Eve and you blew it because you were too afraid to accept a good thing in your life. You were too afraid to fight for it.”
“Come on Lucy, what did you get for just going for it?” Chris raised a brow as a wicked smile crossed over his features, “I mean really, how long was it again that Kevin kept you around once Eve returned?” She said nothing, “I mean my god Lucy, the man dumped on you time after time after time and you, and you just keep taking it and taking it. At least I knew when to throw in the towel.”
“Do you Chris?” Lucy questioned with a sneer, “the way I see it, you were doing your best to just wiggle your way into Eve’s life without it seeming like you were the one behind the misery taking place.”
“I had nothing to do with Kevin’s secrets Lucy,” Chris pointed out simply, “he did that on his own and if Eve finally has opened her eyes to see what a loser Collins is, then good for her. It’s about damn time.”
“The only thing she’d opened her eyes to is the fact that he was meant to be with me,” Lucy snapped at him finding her rage over losing Kevin come to the surface once more, “Doc is my soul mate. Not hers!”
“Ah yes, and that’s why you were in my bed this morning instead of his,” Chris countered as he saw the anger centered inside of her. Without warning she lashed out at him slapping him square across the face and as she started to withdraw her hand, he seized it clamping her wrist tightly, “Truth hurts, doesn’t it?”
“You wouldn’t know the truth Chris if it bit you in the ass,” she answered sharply as he released her. She stood from the sofa before giving him a glare, “you want to know what separates us Chris? I have a heart. I’m a kind, compassionate person who goes to extremes for those she loves, but you, well, you’re a mean, cold hearted person who doesn’t have the first clue about love or what it’s like to truly care about something. You’re incapable of love.” she spat at him finding herself met by a long silence as an expression washed over his face unlike anything she’d seen before.
“Maybe I am Lucy,” Chris answered lightly, “maybe you’ve hit the nail on the head, but before you sit there and pass judgment on me, maybe you should take the time to reflect upon your own life and see how you ended up in this position. What exactly it was that made you end up here in my home, in my bed. Maybe that’s what you should think about.”
“That,” she said sharply, “was a mistake.”
“No Lucy, I don’t think so,” he shook his head as he rose from the sofa, “you knew exactly why you ended up here with me. You did it for one reason alone.”
“And what might that be?”
“You came to me because you knew that I’d understand, because you knew in your heart that I know what it’s like to lose, to have it all ripped from you and you sought out the comfort that you needed from me because you know all too well what it’s like to hit rock bottom,” Chris continued taking a step forward.
“No I didn’t hit rock bottom until last night when I’d slept with you,” she frowned, “and now that I had, I’ll have to find a way to live with myself because you were the worst mistake of my life.”
“I was the worst mistake?” he laughed lightly, “oh come on Lucy. Do you really think so? I mean if you really take a long hard look at it, I’ve done more for you than Collins has.”
“How dare you!” she huffed turning to face him again.
“Think about it. I brought Christina into this world, into your arms and I gave you a chance to be everything you always wanted,” Chris answered sharply as he continued forward, “I gave you that shot of motherhood you were always missing.”
“Only to take it away when your psychotic wife came into Port Charles again to hurt everyone.”
“I can’t be held responsible for what Julie did,” Chris answered quickly, “she took Christina on her own.”
“And you held her hand through it all Chris,” she glared at him suddenly feeling very bitter and angry, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that.”
“Oh I wouldn’t expect you to and quite honestly I could really care less about what you want,” Chris shrugged, “I just thought that maybe before you start your holier than thou speech you should take a moment to reflect on your life and those who wronged you.”
“Oh believe me Chris,” she said gathering her things, “you’re at the top of that list.”
“Am I? Well, color me impressed if that‘s the case,” he remarked sarcastically rolling his eyes.
“Of course and I learned a lot of lessons from life,” Lucy continued finding her anger give her the strength to lash out at Chris Ramsey, a man whom she’d hated for so very long, a man who’d made her miserable, a man she just slept with no doubt, but still a man who’d deserved a good lashing at and since she couldn’t scream at those she’d really wanted to get at, Chris was the next best thing, “I’ve learned far more in my time than anything you could’ve taught me.”
“That’s right,” Chris smiled wickedly stepping up to her meeting her eyes as he found himself oddly inspired by her surge of rage. It had been far too long since he’d been able to talk to anyone, much less feel like he could have any power with them, but with Lucy, it was far easier than he thought as he threw in the final biting words, “you learned with Kevin that when all else fails with the old, the best thing you can do is find yourself a younger, more trainable model there.”
“Go to hell,” Lucy said throwing her fist out at him and smacking him clear across the face as he fell backward into the coffee table. He landed on his behind before she grabbed her purse and swung it over her shoulder, “you know what separates us Chris Ramsey. You are a cold, bitter man and you don’t know the first thing about what it means to care or to have compassion. You are unworthy of love or any kind of human interactions and as far as last night went, well, consider it the last best thing in your life,” she paused searching for the words as she saw him rubbing his jaw, “you want to know why you didn’t get Eve? You want to know why you lost her? Well, I’ll tell you Chris. It’s because you don’t have the balls to be a man and go after what you believe in with all your heart. You can go through the emotions, but if you withhold your heart, then there’s no point in trying. If you couldn’t be honest with her about how much you loved her, then what was the point in her wanting to be with you?”
“Why weren’t you honest with Kevin?” he countered stammering a bit as he pulled himself up off of the floor, “if you really believe that you and Kevin were meant to be then why didn’t you just tell him the truth about Eve and take your chances? Why not let him know that she was alive and then leave him to decide what he wanted? Well?”
“Because I was trying to do what was best for Kevin,” Lucy said firmly, “and I’d do it again in a heartbeat if it meant that I’d be able to spare him any of the pain he’s going to experience because of that woman.”
“Even if it meant losing him all over again?” Chris questioned raising his brow.
“You bet I would,” Lucy said firmly as she stepped towards him, “and you want to know why? Well, I’ll tell you why Chris. It’s because that’s what real love is about. It’s about sacrifice and doing what you feel is best for someone other than yourself even if it means costing you everything.”
“The question is Lucy, how much is it going to cost you in the end?” Chris questioned stepping in closer to her as he remembered the same tears that had drawn her into his arms the previous night, “Eve’s returned Lucy and Kevin’s had no problem in showing you just how little you meant to him. If I had that kind of chance to be with my soul mate as you put it, I’d be fighting with all I had to keep her with me.”
“I sincerely doubt that,” Lucy folded her arms in front of her chest.
“Well, that just proves that you don’t know me very well.”
“No, it just proves that you’re a horrible, rotten liar and a coward,” Lucy shook her head, “you’ve made no obvious attempt for Eve and if you had loved her half as much as you claimed to last night, then you wouldn’t have brought me home.”
“Maybe I felt sorry for you,” Chris shrugged trying to mask his real feelings about having her with him. It wasn’t pity for her, but more so wanting to reach out to someone after months of being alone.
“I don’t want your pity or your friendship for that matter,” Lucy explained giving him a look, “in fact from this moment on I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“Really?” Chris raised an eyebrow as he watched her turn towards the door, “it’s a shame you feel that way Lucy because I’m fairly certain that you’d have a lot to learn should you stick around for a while.”
“I’m not interested,” Lucy insisted tightly reaching out to open the door.
“Fine, then leave, but if you do, you’ll never know how you could’ve gotten Kevin back. I mean seeing as he’s what you want and all, I just thought that perhaps you and I could strike up some kind of deal, but you’re probably right, I’m too much of a coward to go for what I want, so why would you want to team up with me here?” Chris shrugged, “Maybe Eve and Kevin are truly the soul mates there.”
“They most certainly are not,” Lucy snapped at him as she spun around to face him.
“No? Well, from the looks of things, it looks like they’re going to have a long happy life together,” he cracked a smile, “unless of course you’d like to stick around and find a way to work around that.”
“I don’t want anything to do with you Chris,” Lucy snapped at him as she thought about her Doc in Eve’s arms. He’d been so angry with her, but then he’d always gotten worked up over what she did, but she truly believed that he’d loved her, that he’d be with her someday. Swallowing her pride and following her heart, she threw her purse down on the coffee table and glared at Chris, “for the record I hate this, but well....I’m listening?”
