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Listed since 2003

Here are some Simon soundbytes, complete with description. Just click the Simon icon to hear the .wav file.

Absolutely dreadful!"Oh God, I thought that was...absolutely dreadful!"

Although it was good"Although it was good, I don't see that as an American Idol winning performance."

American singers"America is not known for nice singers, it is known for great singers. And you are one of them."

The warm-up"It's kind of gonna be battle of the voices, second part. This is just the warm-up. Good, but I think there's better to come."

Running out of compliments"I'm running out of compliments here, actually."

Everyone keeps crying"This show is supposed to make everyone happy, everyone keeps crying on this show."

Welcome to the Dark Side"Oh, welcome to the Dark Side, Paula."

Proved yourself"You've absolutely proved to yourself and to the audience that you deserve to be in this competition, and congratulations."

You didn't shine tonight"I just feel that there are two or three singers better than you in this competition, and you didn't shine tonight."

I don't say this lightly"I don't say this lightly, what I'm about to say. That performance was on a par with Whitney Houston, Celine Dion, seriously."

This show is about finding a star"This show is all about finding a star, not feeling sorry for people who aren't very good."

Ghastly"I can only describe your voice as ghastly."

The girls are beating the boys"I think the girls are beating the boys tonight, I mean absolutely hands down."

I've got a crush"Okay, I admit it, I've got a crush."

Here we go"Oh here we go."

American Idol, no"I think you have a great voice. American Idol, no."

Michael Jackson impersonation"That was just a bad imperson of Michael Jackson. So what?" (Did he intend to say impression or impersonation? *shrug*)

You just killed my favorite song"I think you just killed my favorite song of all-time."

Same league as Celine and Mariah"I think you've just put yourself up in the same league as Celine and Mariah Carey."

Took it like a man"You took your criticism like a man, and I commend you for that."

Not one of you are safe"You have to understand, the three of you now, not one of you are safe in this competition."

I am not gonna lie"I am not gonna lie to these people just because it makes them feel good."

Good isn't necessarily good enough."Good isn't necessarily good enough. And I don't think that performance merits you being proclaimed American Idol. It's simple as that."

It was one of the best performances"It was one of the best performances on TV I have ever, ever seen in my life."

There's five of you left"There's five of you left. You're out of your depth."

You have been outperformed"You have been outperformed by three girls in this competition tonight. That was not your best."

I am so pleased"I am so pleased that you've entered this, this show, and you're gonna do so well. Because I truly, truly believe you are gonna become a huge star at the end of this show. Truly."

Respect the public's opinion"You have to respect the public's opinion, because it's a public vote. Do I think they've got it right? Absolutely no way!"

Good to sensational"We went from good to sensational."

Paula, you have a comedy writer"Paula...you have a comedy writer...sue him!"

I surrender"I surrender."

Thank GOD"Thank GOD you entered this competition!"

How did you remain undiscovered"How did you remain undiscovered for so long?"

This show is called American Idol"This show is called American Idol, it wasn't good enough."

If you've ever seen a film called 'The Wedding Singer'"If you've ever seen a film called 'The Wedding Singer,' it was a guy who performs at weddings. That's what he looked like."

America should be very proud"America should be very proud of you, because you are world class. Absolutely super."

America got it wrong"I think America got it wrong."

You had to pull out the performance of a lifetime"You had to pull out the performance of a lifetime to last another week. You didn't."

Yeah I'm lying (turn on the sarcasm meter)"Yeah I'm lying, you're brilliant. You're terrible!"