The question “Do you want to go see 'The Perfect Storm' with Aaron and Jessica tonight?” was asked in a similar manner to the age-old question “Do you love me?”, where the husband has to say “Of course I do, dear!” even if he doesn't feel loving at the moment.  Any other answer carefully offered in place of the correct answer results in a ruined evening.

So you can see my dilemma - say what I was thinking, namely “George Clooney is in it.  There's no way I'm going to watch that stupid movie”, and ruin the evening before it starts.  Or go sit through the movie and ruin the evening at a slower, more relaxed pace.  For a few moments I considered which I would enjoy more: a George Clooney movie, or a lengthy, exhaustive verbal argument with my wife.  I pulled the “hold on I have to use the restroom” card to gain a few extra moments of thinking time before I had to answer.  I finally decided to avoid an argument and go along with the plan.  At least one of us would be happy this way.

“The Perfect Storm”.  First off, the whole concept doesn't even work for a movie.  Right out of the gate you know everyone dies at the end.  So why waste emotion rooting for everyone during the storm?  The entire movie is basically made up of three parts: The first part is roughly the first half of the movie.  This is the “get to know the gool-ol' fishin' village folk” part of the movie.  This part is REAL slow.  The director tries to make you relate to the hard-working fisherman, their families and financial situations.  It's kind of like spending all afternoon polishing and detailing your car so that you can go drive it off a bridge.  FINALLY George Clooney and his crew go back out to sea.  There went half the movie, and nothing really happened. 

The second part is basically the rest of the movie minus the last five minutes of the movie.  From a visual standpoint it's sort of “The Blair Witch Project” on the open sea.  This section of the movie becomes increasingly difficult to watch, as there is no break in the storm.  A quick breakdown of this part: 

1. The storm starts. 
2. Every conceivable bad thing happens to the boat except the boat sinking and the crew dying
3. The boat sinks and the crew dies. 

Because the storm happens at night during intense rain and constant humongous waves, your mind gets exhausted trying to keep up with this big wave, that big wave, that guy almost falling off the boat, the anchor smashing through the window, that huge gust of wind, George trying to steer the boat, the anchor smashing the other window out, etc.  You get a headache similar to the one you had at the end of “The Blair Witch Project” when you spent a good amount of time watching (through a camcorder) the camcorder operator running through the woods at night. 

The third and final part of the movie is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio's over-acted monologue she delivers at the mass funeral held for George and his crew at a local church.  Other than a few lines of George Clooney's standard flirting, George and Mary had hardly any interaction throughout the movie - so you have no idea why Mary is so extremely emotionally upset at the death of George and his crew.  This crying act certainly didn't go along with the image Mary was given of a tough, sea-wise boat captain.  It was almost like a different character gave the predictable, cheesy speech at the end of the movie. 

Perhaps a more appropriate title for this movie would be “The Imperfect Boat”?  Or perhaps “The Perfect Combination Of Poor Fisherman And Poor Judgement”? 

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