Art’s emails are in dark red, and mine are in dark blue.
 

Julie [my wife] (finally) shared with me some of the holiday cookies your wife made.  They were awesome.  Thank you very much for bringing them.  Julie’s response to my first humble request for one of her cookies was “you’ll pry these cookies from my cold, dead hands!”.  How do you get a wife to cook like that?  I’ve tried holding the puppy hostage and have also tried verbally threatening to violently de-decorate the Christmas tree, but those two tactics don’t seem to work.  “Make good cookies or you’re grounded from the television for a week!” doesn’t work either.  I must know your secret! 
 

My secret?  Don’t cave – whatever you do.  Be very demanding of your wife.  They love (even though they would never admit it) for you to boss them around.  It’s just a natural male-dominance kind of thing.  Having worked with Julie, even though I don’t believe in that practice in a work environment, I can tell that Julie honestly appreciates your demanding behavior at home.  Son don’t give up on her.
 

[Letter to Julie, copy sent to Art]
I’ll expect my dinner to be ready no later than 6:30 tonight.  The bathtub needs a hearty scrubbing, too.  No rest for you until the tub is sparkling (except for the small break you must take around 7:30 to fetch my coffee – you can have a drink of water then, and only then, if you wish).

Your loving husband, and sovereign ruler of our home,  Chris.
 

Fantastic!  Being right next to Julie’s cube, I couldn’t help but overhear a few of her comments to herself as she was reading this email from you.  What man wouldn’t want to be in YOUR shoes tonight?  I wouldn’t be surprised if you got STEAK tonight!  But, to insure that she knows where you’re coming from, stop there.

I’ll tell you something that Teresa [Art’s wife] really likes.  When I come home from a hard day’s work, I think to myself “This is MY time to relax!”.  I shouldn’t have to worry about dinner, the kids, chores, etc.  Teresa thinks so, too.  So, she likes me to change into casual stuff and leave my clothes all over the floor.  You know, I bet Julie would appreciate that just like my wife does.  Maybe add that little special touch like hanging your underwear on the doorknob.

Hope this helps.  Let me know how the cookies turn out!
 

You truly are a man of great wisdom.  It sounds like your wife is one happy lady.  As you have so truthfully pointed out, it is the little things that make all the difference to wives.  Might I offer perhaps one other thing you can do for her upon returning home form a long, hard day at work?  I know Julie really admires my ability to faithfully do this “little something extra” I’m about to tell you.  When you go into the kitchen to grab a snack or a glass for your well-deserved beer, be sure to leave the cupboard doors wide open upon you exit of the kitchen.  This helps the wife see what is inside the cabinet at all times, and relieves her of wasting her time thinking “I wonder what’s in that cabinet over there?” while she’s doing really important work – like preparing your dinner.

Wives consider the kitchen “their territory”.  I like to honor my wife by respecting her wishes and showing her I have no intent of competing with her on her turf.  One way I do this is by just staying on the sofa in front of the television and yelling for her to supply me with another ice cold brew as soon as I empty the one in my hand.  She prefers to bring them to me rather than me “messing up her kitchen” by getting up to retrieve one myself.  That warm twinkle of love just lights her eyes up as I treat her like a true lady by honoring her wishes.  Whether she is in the bathtub or taking a cat nap on the lounge, she sure appreciates me staying out of her kitchen by yelling for her to bring me another can of beer.  We have a wonderful home.  But it sounds like you really know what your are doing!  Do you get steak much?
 

Steak?  All the time.  Don’t you?  Sounds like you’re doing all the right stuff.  I’d find it hard to understand why Julie isn’t responding, if that’s the case.  You probably just need to be more forceful.  Maybe deepen your voice a little more?

Couldn’t agree more on the “kitchen” stuff.  My wife is the same way, but she doesn’t stop there.  She’s the same way with the laundry and the yard work.  I’ll try the cabinet thing tonight.  I can feel the LOVE already!  I like what you do to “honor” your wife.  And it’s obvious to me that Julie just overflows with confidence and self-esteem as a result of your leadership.
 

You know, it’s entirely possible that Julie may feel confined or restricted to just the kitchen.  If I allowed her the privilege of picking up and laundering my clothing, I bet her self-esteem would certainly perk up.  Perhaps if Julie is given more of a fake sense of control through increased responsibility and work load, she will feel more responsible, important and honored as a wife?  And that translates into succulent steak dinners for me.  Our washer and dryer are very close to the kitchen, so there’s a chance that Julie has always secretly wished for total control over our laundry facilities.  I bet she would be thrilled and no doubt honored if I just got out of the way (say, on the sofa in front of the television with a beer in my hand), and let her do the laundry her way.

I think it was Dr. Sigmund Freud who said “Wives base their self-worth on how much work they perform for their husbands.”  Wow, those are heavy words!  Who are we to stand in the way of our amazing wives and slow them down?  Or argue with one of history’s most respected Psychologists?

Art, I’m going to let you in on another one of my little wife-pleasing tid-bits.  This is really sweet.  Unknown to you (until now), Julie likes to open doors for me.  Especially in public.  The multiple glass entrance doors to the mall, where there could easily be 100+ people watching at any given time, are her absolute favorite.  She also likes doing this when we go to formal restaurants.   I think it’s her own feminine way of saying (through her actions) “Hey everyone, here comes my wonderful husband!”.  Try this while you and your lovely bride are out shopping over the next week or so.  You’ll really warm up her holiday season.
 

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