Celebrity and Professional Athlete Product Endorsements

I frequently burst out in laughter, literally, when I am assaulted with various advertisements.  Especially when the advertisements are for products which are endorsed by celebrities or professional athletes.  The whole concept of "celebrity endorsement" is one I find extremely amusing.  Consider the following:
  • Celebrities and professional athletes are hired on the premise that their presence will give credibility and more appeal to the product.  The marketing company which hired them hopes that the appearance of a popular, (financially) successful and charismatic personality will make people think that their product is popular and successful.  Given the amount of this type of advertisement the public is routinely subjected to, it obviously works, to my personal bewilderment - not to this concept, but to the fact that the targeted audience for these advertisements are so gullible.

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  • Celebrities and professional athletes who pitch products are first given the product, then a fat check as an incentive to pretend they love the product.  Indeed they are actors, for the film footage we see is obviously scripted and no doubt numerous take were required before the director of the commercial got it "just right."  The celebrity or professional athlete product endorsers are then given, for free, a continuous supply of the product for their public use or display for the duration of their contract.  The product manufacturer who pays the celebrity or professional athlete then keeps a watchful eye on them to make sure that their product is displayed and mentioned at their every public appearance - undoubtedly a term in the contract.  If the celebrity or professional athlete fails to show the logo of product and/or (depending on the terms of the contract) verbally talk about how great the product is, they can be sued for breech of contract and lose LOTS of money.  So, when all the smoke clears, the celebrity or professional athlete actually is advertising to the public how to do a successful business deal with a product manufacturer.  Or take advantage of the stupid wedge of the American public, depending on your point of view.
Accounts of some advertisements I found amusing follow:
  • Jeff Gordon, NASCAR racer.  Jeff gets paid big bucks to drive his car in circles at speeds that would make most humans vomit.  Most people don't realize just how much money high profile drivers like Gordon make each year.  The amount is staggering, in my opinion.  He also gets paid big bucks to pretend he loves eating Fritos and drinking Pepsi.  Go back and read that sentence again, this time more slowly, to let it really sink in.  You may have seen the television commercial in which Gordon, sporting his racing get-up complete with the Fritos logo, shows us how easy and fast it is to prepare a Fritos and chili microwave snack - complete with him, in his racing gear, "enjoying" this snack at a kitchen table.  The commercial exploits Gordon's being "fast."  We see Gordon racing around his yard on his turbo-charged riding lawn mower, getting the job done in a matter of seconds.  Later we see Gordon "read" War and Peace in a matter of seconds.  The commercial should have also showed us Frito Lay waving a fat check under Gordon's nose and him subsequently signing his name on the product endorsement contract so fast that the pen he used nearly vaporized - now THAT'S fast!

    • No human being is capable of loving Pepsi products as much as Gordon appears to.  I personally don't watch much racing.  But the last NASCAR race I watched I was nearly sickened with Gordon's shameless behavior pushing Pepsi products.  As he drove into "the winner's circle," the camera focused on his car's driver-side window.  The VERY FIRST thing the camera sees is Gordon hold up a one-liter Pepsi bottle, seemingly "ice cold," and not quite full (per terms of the contract, no doubt) perhaps to make us think Gordon recently enjoyed some of this very Pepsi, and perhaps this sugared-up, carbonated water with caramel coloring provided him with just "the edge" he needed to win the race.  Are we to believe Gordon loves Pepsi cola so much that he actually has a cooler packed with ice cold Pepsi in his super-charged race car?  Good grief.  The poor guy that had to interview Gordon moments later was asking him questions about the race and his driving.  But Gordon couldn't stop talking about how great Pepsi was and thanking them for their support.  I propose the Jeff Gordon racing team be renamed to "Jeff Gordon and The Pepsi Puppets."  Pepsi apparently has a white-knuckled clench on Gordon's nuts given the fact that Gordon, out of breath after literally just completing the race, was strangely excited to talk about how much he loves Pepsi.

    Upon my visit to www.jeffgordon.com - Gordon's "official web site" - on October 2, 2001, I saw this on the top of the page:

    Let me guess - every use of this card enters the card holder into a lottery where the prize is a free year's supply of Fritos and Pepsi?
     
     

  • Larry Bird, NBA legend.  "How to eat like a bird.  A six-foot, nine-inch bird!"  That's how the latest Boston Market frozen tv dinner commercials are beginning.  Someone at the Heinz company thought that putting a former NBA star in front of the camera eating their frozen tv dinners would make the American public buy more of their frozen tv dinners.  The commercial attempts to make an analogy between eating a frozen tv dinner and experiencing an exciting NBA game with the former Boston Celtic.  I can't be the only one who laughed at this concept.

    • The caption in the above picture, taken from http://www.heinz.com/bostonmarket/meals.html on October 5, 2001, should more truthfully read "If I didn't think the check I received from the Heinz company for doing these commercials was really great, you wouldn't see me sitting here faking a smile and eating everything Heinz puts in front of me - plateful after plateful!"

    Why Larry Bird?  Is there some link between being really good at basketball and being a connoisseur of "fine" frozen tv dinners?  Perhaps Bird has not been very wise with his finances since his days with the Celtics and actually has been preparing and enjoying only the finest frozen tv dinners for years and years, and needs the money to pay off some gambling debt?  Perhaps if a "normal" person such as myself could play with my tv dinner food in a style Bird showcases on the Boston Market television commercial where he "double dribbles" and goes for the "slam dunk," among other "exciting" moves paralleling those he used to do during intense NBA championships, then I could also appear very, VERY happy with my frozen tv dinner.

    Wouldn't a homeless person be a better candidate for this advertising campaign?  I mean, a homeless person seems to me to be the caliber of person that would indeed be excited to eat a frozen tv dinner.  I challenge anyone doubting me on this to do the following:

    1)  Record the Boston Market television commercial staring Larry Bird.
    2)  Go to the grocery store and buy a Boston Market frozen tv dinner, preferably one which was shown in the commercial and optimally the exact variety Bird ate himself in front of the camera.
    3)  Drive home and get the commercial ready to play.
    4)  Prepare the frozen Boston Market tv dinner, but do not yet eat it.
    5)  Watch the tv commercial.
    6)  Immediately when the commercial is over, turn the television off and eat the "really great Boston Market All-Star home style meal."

    If you have anything other than a sadly disappointing experience, please email me and spare no details.
     

    The following item was for sale on www.larrybird.com on October 5, 2001 under the "September Specials" section:
     

    •  "4x4 Mounted piece of actual Boston Garden Parquet floor.....$135 (reg.$149)"
    • (Same item) "Signed by Larry Bird.....$299"

    Talk about worshiping the ground someone walks on!  Who buys this garbage?!
     

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