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NICKNAMES
If
Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura,
Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If
Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other
as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
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EATING
OUT
When
the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in
$20,even
though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
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MONEY
A
man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A
woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
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BATHROOMS
A
man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a
bar
of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man
would
not be able to identify most of these items.
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ARGUMENTS
A
woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything
a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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CATS
Women
love cats.
Men
say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
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FUTURE
A
woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A
man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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SUCCESS
A
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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MARRIAGE
A
woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
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DRESSING
UP
A
woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer
the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A
man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
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NATURAL
Men
wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.
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OFFSPRING
Ah,
children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments
and romances, best friends, favorite
foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A
man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY
Any
married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering
the same thing.
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