Lina jerked away from Zelgadis as she heard a rather embarrassed cough behind her. She and Zelgadis turned towards the sound and saw a rather red middle aged man looking studiously at his feet, with quite a few armed guards surrounding him. He cleared his throat and looked at them.
 “Ah…your highness?” He said nervously, “I have…orders to bring you back…”
 Zelgadis and Lina turned a mutual shade of red.
 The guards pointed their weapons in their direction. “May we…ah…escort you to the palace?”
 “FIREBALL!”
 If you happen to be brain damaged and don’t know what happened, I’ll explain. There was an explosion. A big explosion.
 “DRAGU SLAAAAAAAAAVE!!!!!”
*   *   *
 “Where ARE they!” The empress sneered at Xellos. “You said you would have them immediately. You said That they couldn’t be far. You SAID that almost a damn week ago!” She hissed angrily. “You SAY a lot, but you do nothing! I was a fool to trust you, Xellos. You are nothing but a coward, and a braggard!”
 Xellos didn’t get where he was by snapping at the slightest provocation. But it was damned hard. “I’m sorry, I am working as hard as I can. They just prove too damn hard to catch! Surely you understand.”
 “No I DON’T understand! I want my revenge NOW! I want my plans finished NOW!” She shrieked at him.
 “Lord Xellos?”
 The empress fell back to her cool demeanor. Bitch.
 “What is it?”
 “We…ah…” The middle aged man fidgeted. “We…found them…”
 “You found them?” The empress rose from her couch and nearly throttled the poor man. “Where? Where did you put them?”
 “Ah…sort of.”
 Xellos glared at him. “What do you mean, sort of?”
 “Well…they were...ah...we didn’t knock them unconscious at first. They were…umm…”
 “Were what?”
 “Ah…Kissing, Lord.”
 “THEY WERE WHAT???” Xellos nearly killed the man. But yanked on the chain of his emotions immediately. No, it wasn’t his fault. He could punish him later. “What did you do?”
 “Um…”
 “Never mind.” Xellos snarled, swirling his cloak around his shoulders and snatching up his staff. “You are all worse that useless.” He bowed deeply and ironically to the empress. “If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” He nodded. “I’ll be back within the hour. Have things ready for me when I return.”
 The empress turned to the guardsman. “Well? Summon the Court, immediately!!” She snarled to herself and spun on her heel. “I’m going to get that bastard married to my daughter. Then I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him and TAKE this godforsaken country. And then they’d better be thankful if I don’t burn it down.”
*   *   *
 Lina leapt over a fallen log and landed next to Zelgadis.
 “And what is your plan now, O Daughter of Wisdom?” He asked sarcastically. “I don’t suppose you could have made a bigger scene back there. I’m sure Xellos knows exactly where we are now, and--”
 Lina slammed him up against a tree. “Look, smartass, I don’t suppose you had any other ideas? Cuz there were about forty of them and two of us! And I panicked. So lay off, damnit! Xellos is going to be after us and we’d better put as much ground between us and the damn explosion as possible, so get the hell out of my face!” She spun and started running again. “So if you haven’t got any better ideas, I suggest we start looking as far into our short future as possible. Or we’re dead.”
 Zelgadis swallowed and raced after her.
*   *   *
 Xellos grinned as he looked over the trail. “Lina, Lina, Lina. You really don’t know me, do you? Running isn’t going to help.” He grinned. This was going to be fun.
 The mazoku phazed out.
*   *   *
 “Is this really going to do us any good?” Zelgadis panted, very much out of breath. It was dark, and he was starting to trip over things. “It’s not like he can’t just follow our trail.”
 “Wanna bet?”
 “Wha?”
 Lina chanted a few words and a thundercloud blew in. “So let’s GO, stone-boy! NOW!”
 “Water to wash away the trace of magic…”
 “What did I just say?”
 “Move it stone-boy now?”
 “Well.” She took off in the opposite direction.
 Zelgadis rolled his eyes and pelted through the downpour after her. “Women.”
*    *   *
 “Damn her!” He shouldn’t get angry. He shouldn’t. “Damn her damn her damn her! What the HELL does she think she’s doing?” Xellos phazed in and out through the downpour, keeping a shield between himself and the rain. “She would. She would, goddammit. She KNOWS water washes away magic traces. AAARGH!” But it would just prolong the catch. Which would make it all the worse when he caught her.
 “Hey, it’s your grave, honey.”
*   *   *
 Zelgadis finally yanked on Lina’s arm. “Lina! Stop it!”
 She pulled away. “What are you doing? Do you want to get caught?”
 “We’re going to get caught anyway, Lina, we might as well get ready for him.”
 “We’ll never be ready for him.”
 “We can get him a little for how much he gets us.”
 “We’re wasting time.”
 Zelgadis spun her around to look at him. “We aren’t going to get away. There is no way I’m about to believe Xellos is human. So the way I see, we should at least give him a little pain for all the pain he’s going to give us.”
 “You.”
 “What?”
 “He’s going to hurt you. He’s not going to hurt me.” She turned away.
 “Dammit, Lina, he sees you as property! I’ve seen enough to notice that!”
 “You’re the one in trouble. Do you want him to be more angry at you than he is?”
 “There’s no way I could be more angry, at this point in time.” Xellos stepped into the light, such as it was, and grinned. It wasn’t a nice grin. “Get you damn hands off of her, You flea bitten cur. Before I hurt you.”
 Zelgadis grinned. “I would watch what you say to the prince.” He grinned even wider. “And how’s this for hurt?” He pulled Lina into a deep kiss. (NOT Noonsa style!) Lina, for one, was a bit too startled to do anything.
 Xellos tightened his grip on his staff, hardly noticing when it snapped in two. “Stop it, you mangy little rodent.” He growled dangerously.
 “Zel, don’t, he’s going to ki--”
 Xellos smashed into Zelgadis with pure energy. The prince flew across the clearing and slammed into a tree, sliding down it with a groan.
 “Zelgadis!” Lina yelled over the torrent, stumbling through the grass quickly turning slick and slippery with mud.
 “Oh, no, Lina.” Xellos grabbed her arm and twisted her around to him. “He’s mine. Mine. As are you.”
 Lina looked with horror filled eyes into his. Into eyes brimming with hate, anger, and inhumanity. She shrunk back.
 “Good. Now, about your lover…” Xellos slammed him again with a blast of power. Zel flew backwards. “What do you have to say, your highness?” Xellos mocked. “I have the damsel, and the hero. Anything you care to add to the story?”
 Zelgadis looked up with one eye painfully closed, and grinned a rather feral smile. “I see a stuck up barking dog who can’t seem to bring it upon himself to prove he’s better than a mere mortal by anything but the power that even a human might command.” He chuckled. “How about you try to come at me with a sword? Or nothing? I’ll best you at any of them.” Zelgadis tipped back his head to toss the water from his eyes. “Care to take my challenge? Or are you not up to it?”
 Xellos grinned and tossed line aside. “Amusing.” He pulled off his cloak and tossed it over at Lina. “But foolish. You’ll lose either way.”
 Zelgadis smiled. “Then I have nothing to loose.”
 Xellos chuckled and threw himself at Zelgadis, who met the onslaught head on.
 (Author’s note: Oh my god, if anyone ever does an MST of this, PLEASE, that one was TOO easy.)
 Xellos tackled Zel and knocked the air out of him immediately, and swung at his chin. Zelgadis may have been visibly losing, but Xellos was getting hurt, too. Both were soaked and filthy, tearing at each other like animals.
 Lina watched as Zelgadis got the beating of his life. “Xellos! Xellos stop! You won! Stop!” She ran over and tried to tug them apart. “STOP IT! XELLOS!”
 “Get OFF me, you little bitch!” Giving Zelgadis a brutal kick, he spun to Lina. “And you!” He advanced on her. “You lying, conniving, thoughtless little slut! I turn my back on you for a second and WHAT DO YOU DO?” Catching her off guard, he punched her in the stomach, sending her staggering back and coughing hard. “You run off with the first prince in shining armor you meet!” He slapped her before she even recovered from the punch to the gut. “But don’t worry, Lina.” He pulled her close, enjoying how she tensed up. “I’ll get you back. I’ll help you. You’ll see.”
 Lina could only stare at Zelgadis’ beaten and bloody figure.
 “X…Xellos…”
 “Yes?”
 “You….ASSHOLE!” She gave him a swift uppercut to the jaw and wrenched away from him. “You are worse than my father! I hate you! I hate you I hate you I hate you! More than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life! I HATE YOU!” She backed up in Zelgadis’ direction.
Xellos Frowned slightly. Suddenly he was right up next to Lina, Holding her arms behind her back. He glared. “I would not say such things if I were you.” He said softly. “If you wish your darling love to stay alive, I would do as I say.”
Lina stared at him.
*   *   *
 “Believe me. You have to make your daughter marry him.” Xellos said, sipping his wine and glaring at the empress. “It’s part of the plan.”
 “I don’t need the plan! The king has already asked me to continue with the marriage and I have only to issue full insult at the matter and I will have sufficient reason to attack!”
 “You want Zelgadis dead, don’t you?” Xellos murmured, standing. “All you have to d is go through with the wedding. I’ll make it so the people of your country will not only take up sword and shield to battle, but will do it without your political speeches.”
 “Are you positive?”
 “Unmistakably.” He grinned. “Just leave it to me. I have everything entirely planned out.”
*   *   *
 Zelgadis looked out the window. “No.”
 His father glared at him and sputtered with rage. “You will marry her!”
 “I said I wouldn’t.” Not that he was in any shape to be arguing. He’d heard the rumors of court. He wasn’t very high on the popularity list. Not to mention the physical shape he was in. One eye was swollen shut, hes left arm was probably broken, he was cuts and bruises and tears all over. But he would not marry that ditz of a princess.
 “You don’t have a choice.”
 “Yes I do. What are you going to do, tie me hand and foot and have ten men work my mouth and lip-sync the words ‘I do’? I don’t think so. You’ll only get me--”
 “I’ll kill Linda.”
 “When’s the date?”
*   *   *
 Lina lay in bed nursing a colossal headache and a sprained neck. Not surprising, se thought. Not after all those slaps.
 She felt a weight on the side and fingers running through her hair. “Not now, Xellos. I can’t take your stupid little games right now. Go away.” She didn’t even look at him.
 “I have some news that you might enjoy hearing, my pet,” He breathed in her ear. “Something pertaining to your lovely gentleman caller.”
 Lina sat up ramrod straight, immediately regretting it as her head pounded. “What did you do to him?” She spun to face him, sending another sharp jab of pain through her skull. “What is it!”
 He chuckled. “I’m afraid he’s going to be married.” He grinned at her awestruck stare. “So you’ll be all mine. Aren’t you glad?”
 “No…he wouldn’t…”
 “He would. Especially when threatened with your life, my dear.” He snarled. “I’m afraid you’re not going to be able to see him for quite some time now.”
 “No…”
 Xellos grinned and dissapeared.
*   *   *
 “But mother, I don’t want to marry him!” The princess whined. “He’ll just cheat on me, you know it!” She pounded her feet on the floor for emphasis.
 The empress sighed. “If we let him live that long, dearest. I know you’ve had an eye on him, he’ll only be alive long enough for you to enjoy him. Then we’ll kill him.”
 “Only that long?”
 “Yes.”
 The princess thought a bit. Which was hard for her. Her pouty little face scrunched up, blonde hair falling in front of her eyes. “Okay.”
 “Thank you, darling, I knew you’d see things my way.” The empress knocked on the adjacent room. “Xellos? Xellos darling, she’s consented.”
 Xellos cheerfully opened and walked through the door. “Really? Well, let me be the first to congratulate the little bride to be.” He took the princess’ hand and kissed it.
 She giggled. “Thank you, lord Xellos.” She replied coyly. “But it’s only temporary. Until we can kill him.”
 Xellos smiled. “Yes, I’m aware of that. Good luck to you, princess.”
 “Of course.”
 “Enjoy it. After all, you never know when you’re going to die.”
*   *   *
 Lina stared out the window sadly. It was Zelgadis’ birthday. He had finally turned nineteen.
 Lucky him.
 She sighed and stared down at her dress. It was a lovely shade of emerald green, and it did make her look radiant.
 She didn’t want to look radiant.
 It was the color of spring and joy.
 She didn’t want to be joyous.
 It was perfect for a wedding.
 She didn’t want it to be.
 “Damn it…” She whispered against the windowpane. “Damn. Damn damn damn damn.”
 “Lina? Ah! There you are, pet. Come, it’s almost time for the Prince’s wedding. And we get a seat.” Xellos walked in wearing court garb of velvet and silk. In varying shades of purple. He looked very striking.
 He looks hideous.
 Xellos’ eye twitched. She wasn’t his anymore. His prize bird had escaped, run away. But not for long. I will have all that I want in a very short time. Xellos smiled. “Come. Shall we leave?”
 Lina took his arm and followed him. But her face wasn’t that of someone hurt, or sad.
 It was that of one dead.
*   *   *
 I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do this! Zelgadis didn’t like the white silk and velvet of his finery, he hated the gold chain around his neck. It’s for decoration, but it feels like a gods damned collar! He thought, fingering it. I hate the very concept of this…
 He paused. And I know I’m going to die.
 That didn’t bother him as much as it would have a month ago, however.
 It’s who I’m going to end up marrying…
 “Your highness!” The lord said from the doorway. “It is time!”
 Zelgadis suppressed a sigh and followed the man.
*   *   *
 “Do you, Christina Samantha Charlotte Anastasia Jeanette Shina Sara Heidi Danielle Alicia Sapphire Traci Rose Gwen, take Zelgadis Robert Alexander Jordan Andrew Sean Zachary Jason Jeffrey Adam Stefen  Eric Greywyrds as your lawfully wedded husband?”
 “I do.”
 “And do you, Zelgadis Robert--”
 “You could just skip all the middle names, you know.” Zelgadis didn’t want to hear his full name again in his life. Which would likely be very short. But he was still sick of it.
 “I apologize, your highness, but it must be done according to tradition.” Then the minister began rattling off the names again.
 Zelgadis sighed and looked towards Lina. She looked as though she was made of wood, an expressionless doll. Get over me, Lina, please.
 Lina stared at Zelgadis staring at her. She wouldn’t let it hurt her. She wouldn’t. She wouldn’t…
 At least, she wouldn’t let anyone know.
 I’m Lina Inverse. NO ONE can break Lina inverse. No one at…all…
 Zelgadis’ voice rang clearly over the crowded theatre.
 “I Do.”
 The empress’ daughter screamed and fell to the ground, and arrow peircing her directly through the heart.
 Zelgadis spun in the direction it came from, and saw a stricken Xellos turn to an appalled Lina.
 “Lina!” Xellos exclaimed, voice filled with horror but reverberating off every wall and reaching all ears. “Lina, what have you done?”