NOBILITY
CHAPTER XIII
by Elizabeth "Libby" Smith

*Zel-Lina Shrine: fan fics* e-mail author* credits*

Nah, it's got nothing to do with haloween, but it is rather dark. Enjoy! ^_^


Lina sat on her bed, staring emotionlessly at her bedstead.
He's changed.
Of course he had. It had been thirty years. A lot could happen in thirty years. Worlds could fall, kingdoms could rise...hearts could shatter...
NO! Lina Inverse, don't think about it!
He was...more animalistic. More catlike and predatory in the way he moved. He tended to give her the feeling she was in a room with a pacing tiger. He was more lithe, more angular, like a panther, and his eyes...
Those are not the eyes of a sane person. But then, neither were hers. She had gone right out through the barriers from insane to sanitiy then through the other side. She didn't know where she was.
I'm here. I don't need to know anything else other than that.
Lina let herself fall down onto her bed and stare apathetically up at the at the canopy. I don't know who I am anymore. Why do I try to judge him?
Something cold hit her throat and her hand flew to the locket. She opened it, and saw her own face staring back at her. The reflections eyes seemed to fill with tears before she snapped it shut and glared at the piece of shining golden metal. She threw it into the bedstead drawer and slammed it shut.
I refuse to dwell on this!
A soft chuckle escaped from the back of her mind.
You command an entire nation, over half a continent, and yet you do not command even yourself.
She turned to the mirror and glared at it. I do not have to listen.
But you do.
Shut up!
When will you really try to listen?
Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! I don't want to hear it!
It's you own thoughts. Thoughts you don't want to think.
I don't want to hear! Don't want to KNOW!
Lina flung herself from the bed and to the windowsill, staring out at the endless forest and villages. I don't want...to... hear.
But you listen.
No! I don't!
What do you see? Lina Inverse, what is it you own?
I own a country.
And?
I own half a continent.
And?
I own tens of thousands of people.
And?
I own myself.
Do you?
I do!
Are you sure it's not someone else?
I own MYSELF!!
Whomever you give your heart, they own you.
They do not!
They who hold your heart hold your soul, Lina Inverse.
I do! I do! I own me, I am my own!!
Xellos owned you. And you didn't fight it until someone else stole you.
He never owned me!
And now Zelgadis owns you.
NO HE DOESN'T!
He owns you, and you can never escape unless you listen to yourself!
I AM MY OWN! STOP IT!
He doesn't even realize how tight a grip he wields upon you.
STOP IT!
But you would give your very soul for him, wouldn't you?
I WOULDN'T!
You would! You would give anything for him, even if he tried to kill you!
I WOULDN'T! I WOULDN'T! STOP IT!
You are nothing Lina Inverse! Nothing but a shade, a shadow to the one who holds your heart in a jeweled box that your deluded little mind thinks it possesses!!
I OWN MY HEART!
You do NOT.
I do! I do! I gave it willingly! Therefore it belongs to me, even as I offer it for another!
You cannot take it back, therefore you do not own it!
I thought I said shut UP! Lina slammed her entire forearm against the wood divided petals, smashing the entire thing to the palace grounds far below. She stared sobbing uncontrollably, Shaking with huge, racking sobs, staggering backwards to her bed. She tripped and fell hard on the feathers, turning and ripping a pillow to downy shreds before collapsing, mentally and physically exhausted. Soft, pitiful sobs echoed through the halls as she fell into a fitful slumber.

* * *


Zelgadis stood outside Lina's door.
Suddenly the sound of shattering glass crashing to the ground and a dull thud as something hit the floor echoed through the halls.
Zelgadis raised a hand to knock on the door but paused.
Hard, racking sobs drifted through the wood, and he heard a slightly hysterical guttural sound as something was torn to shreds and something fell on the bed.
Zelgadis paused. Should I...
No. This is her business. I shouldn't interfere. He walked slowly to his room. He stood at the threshhold, wondering what the hell he had just done, walking away from that. And he couldn't really go back now.
Zelgadis tossed his new garments at the door, pacing the room restlessly. He stared out the window and gave a low growl at the reflection he saw in the glass. Why. Why have I become this...this animal? He spun and traced a finger down the carved bedpost, dragons dancing in a motionless caper through unliving fields, moving but never really changing position. On and on, seeming to go through life, but...never really changing, never accomplishing anything.
He spun slowly and fell backwards onto the soft featherbed, staring remotely at the prancing deer and flying birds carved into the wooden rafters. ~~Fires burning all around him, screams of children and adults alike, ripping through his consciousness and tearing out his soul. Zelgadis, himself, but someone else at the same time, staring emotionlessly at the countless bodies scattered around him, his entire sword arm drenched with blood, the air smelling of death. The furry, bloody stuffed bear lying at his feet--
Zelgadis sat bolt upright, shaking his head to clear the vision he saw dancing before his eyes. He looked out the window at the moon, which had moved across the sky since he last saw it.
I was asleep. It was a dream, only a dream...
But it wasn't a dream. It was a memory.
Zelgadis held his head in his hands, staring at the ground.
I'm a monster. I deserved to be caged up. He stood up and stared out the window. Why did she save me?
~~dancing flames all around her, her horrified gaze follows the path of death he chose to follow, stared at the countless, motionless bodies that covered the ground, then up at him. Eyes that filled with fear and dismay lock with his, betraying the terror locked inside her. He stared at her for a second.
Kill her!
No!
KILL HER!
He takes a slow step towards her, then another. She stands unmoving, breath caught in her throat. He raised his sword, and-
NO!
Zelgadis forces his arm down and schools his face into one of disgust. She opens her eyes as no blade descends and looks at him. Her mouth opens as if to say something, but no sound comes out. He closes his eyes and breathes the words that stick in his throat, that are such utter lies that he has trouble saying them.
"I don't love you anymore."
Her eyes widen and tears threaten to spill out. She says something--
Zelgadis pushed away from the window and shook his head violently. "I need to calm down, that's all," He murmured to himself, flopping down on the bed. "I just need to calm down." It sounded less like a statement and more like a plea. He ran his hand over his eyes and willed himself to relax. He looked at the ceiling. A lone doe leapt away from a hunting tiger. Obviously, the artist had not been to clear on the concept of geography. There were many such scenes, with elephants and ostriches in the same picture.
At least the man had imagination.
Zelgadis groaned and looked outside. False dawn was already approaching, he wouldn't get any more sleep tonight. He sighed and pulled on the pants Lina had given him to head to the bath.
As he turned a corner as the maid directed him to, he heard a soft noise. At first he disregarded it, but as he neared the royal halls it grew slightly louder. The only reason he heard it at all in his own hall was due to his keen hearing. He followed the sound until it became recognizable just beyond the queens rooms.


It was sobbing.
Lina...

* * *


Lina woke up and stered out the window. It was still night.
~~ "I don't love you anymore." ~~
Lina shook the remains of the painful dream from her head and sat up, legs caught in a hopeless tangle of blankets. She managed to stand up and walk over to her newly replaced mirror, where she began slowly running a brush through her unruly locks.
What do you see?
Lina smashed the mirror with her fist, sending more of a jolt of pain through it than she had expected. She gazed down at her bloody hand and saw scabbed over wounds broken open, new ones slashed through an already ripped, shredded and cut arm.
I smashed the entire window this time, not just a pane or two. Lina thought dully, looking at the blood seeping into her already bloodstained shift. She glanced apathetically over at her bed, stained and red with blood she had already lost from the sliced arm.
If I had smashed the window with the underside of my arm, I'd be dead right now.
Strangely, that didn't make Lina feel anything. She just stared.
What do you SEE.
Lina spun to the smashed mirror and saw her reflection on the finished wood backing.
Lina Inverse, what do you see!
Leave me alone!
WHAT do you SEE?!
Stop it!
What do you see! WHAT DO YOU SEE!
I see a terrified child! I see a wounded soul, with no refuge no shelter! I see eyes...
Eyes?
I see the eyes of one DEAD!
Lina didn't even realize how hard she was sobbing until her hand hit the corner of the mirror from her shaking body. She stared at the bloody, broken arm that she cradled to her blood soaked body and breathed in shakily.
My god, what am I? What have I become?
"Your highness!" Lina didn't even turn to the horrified Shelfiel's voice.
"Get out."
"But-Your highness! You--"
"I said get OUT! I can take care of it!"
"All this blood--"
"You heard the queen."
Lina spun to see Zelgadis leaning against the doorframe. Shelfiel glared at him.
"You! You've done this to the queen!" She hissed.
Zelgadis appeared to think on this for a bit.
"I suppose I have."
Shelfiel stepped back terrified. "You...you..."She raced down the halls, screaming for the guards.
"What do you want."
Zelgadis merely looked at her hand. "What have you done to your arm?"
Lina glared at him. "None of your business."
Zelgadis' eyes traveled from the shattered mirror to the smashed and mangled remains of the window. "Seems to me you're having a few problems."
"I can take care of them."
"Lina, what have you been doing to yourself." He asked softly. "What has happened to you?"
Lina stood up, expressionless. She walked towards him, then suddenly raised her hand as if to strike him. He caught it, making her hiss in pain.
Zelgadis raised an eyebrow at her. "I don't think you'd hurt me much with this hand, highness, if you don'' mind my saying so." He cast healing on it, not looking away from her eyes. She retained a emotionless expression as he healed the arm, not even glancing at the healing flesh.
"I do not need you," She said, her voice wooden.
"You need someone." He said softly. "But it isn't me. I can't help you." He looked at her and turned to go.
"What are you."
"I am a monster."
"What were you."
"Less of a monster."
"What are you becoming?"
He paused at the threshold, thinking. "A soulless demon." He said softly, leaving.
"Get back here, I'm not done talking to you yet." Lina snapped. He looked over his shoulder and permitted a smile.
"I don't take orders from you, Lina."
"Then take orders from the queen. I told you to get back in here and you're going to do it."
Zelgadis turned slowly. His eyes, tinged with ruby, were laughing. "And if I don't?"
"You will wish you had stayed in the circus tent."
Zelgadis managed a dry chuckle. "Oh? Will I?"
Lina held back the anger that threatened to engulf her. "Zelgadis Greywyrds, you fucking little demon Satan spawn, get your goddamned ass back in here before I tell the guards outside that I really am in trouble and maul you to death by being dragged seven fathoms in a spiked barrel dragged by wild horses!" She all but yelled at him. He smiled.
"As you command, oh highness." He stepped inside and closed the door.
Lina slapped him. His head jerked to the side and his eyes turned steely.
"I would not do such things if I were you." He said so softly she barely heard it as he turned his head slowly back to glare at her.
Lina snorted. "You can tell me that after all you put me through?" She was shaking with anger, pain and unshed tears, but she would not let herself break.
I...will...not...cry in front of him.
Zelgadis didn't smile. "what about what I've been through, Lina Inverse?"
"I am not Lina Inverse."
"Yes you are. You're still the same frightened child I knew. Still the terrified little girl who wants so desperately to have control over her own life. And even as queen, you cannot even control yourself!"
He moved so fast that she hardly even saw him, coming up behind her and pulling her arm up painfully behind her.
"I don't know what you're playing at, Inverse." He growled in her ear, "I don't know why you bought me free from that circus, I don't know why you refused to send troops after me when I killed all those men, women, and children, and I don't know what you know that keeps you from leaving me chained and starving in the dungeons after what I've done to you, but I do know one thing.
"No one owns me, Lina Inverse. I can do whatever I want. Sometimes it may take time, but anyone who tried anything against me is going to die sooner or later. I could kill you in a heartbeat, don't push me. NO ONE stands in my way. Do you hear?" He slammed his wrist hard into her stomach, making her breath come out in a strangled sob. " I said, did you hear?" He asked in a whispered, feral voice. She shook her head, trying to get her breath back.
"You didn't kill Xellos." She managed.
Zelgadis' eyes went completely red. He threw her to the ground and kicked her in the ribs. She gasped and clutched her chest, sobbing and attempting to fill them back up with air.
Zelgadis glared down at her. "You'd best shut up, Inverse. You don't seem to know what's good for you." He kicked her again and dragged her up by her hair. She hung from his grip, tears streaking down her face. She shook her head and willed herself to stop crying.
His eyes slit. "Cry, girl. You should. You just got me mad, and it was a very stupid thing for you to have done."
She slowly opened her eyes and glared at him.
"Monster."
Zelgadis smiled. "That's right. I told you I was, but you wouldn't listen. See what happens when you don't listen?"
She shook her head as well as she could with his grip on her hair. "You...aren't...Zelgadis."
He laughed. "Of course I am, Lina. I'm Zelgadis. I'm the real Zelgadis, the one I tried to keep locked down inside."
"No you aren't. You're a demon. You have no soul. You are not Zelgadis." She glared up at him. "You're disgusting."
His eyes glared at her coldly, and his smile disappeared. "Really? I disgust you." He flung her to the blood stained bed and shook her. "You seem to think you're still in control here. You aren't. Your guards that you're waiting for and stalling for are all asleep. Shelfiel slipped on the stairs and knocked herself unconcious. I'm talented at accidents, you see. No one knows I'm here. No one can hear you scream." He moved close to her. She pressed herself against the bed, wincing at his nearness. "No one will find you until it's too late. How does that make you feel?"
She opened her eyes and looked at him pityingly. Pity? What the...
"You are a very sad creature, Zelgadis." She said softly. "To find this so pleasing, to enjoy causing pain so, you are a sad, sick individual, and I pity you."
He struck her. She didn't bother to turn her head back to face him.
"Who do you think you are?" He snarled, pressing down on her shoulders until she whimpered in pain. "Just who exactly do you think you are? I own you, I have complete control over you, I can do to you whatever I want and you can't do a thing about it." He ripped her shift apart and grinned at her. "Am I right, your highness?"
Something in Lina snapped. She looked at him with a steely glare and said, in a voice dripping with hate and ripping to his very core,
"You are Xellos."
Zelgadis' eyes sparked from the dark red they were back to the familiar sapphire blue. His cruel grin turned to one of horror and he saw Lina's face, full of hatred and disgust. And he looked at what he had done to her, how he had come so close to-
I..I think I'm going to be sick-
Zelgadis pulled away from her so hard he slammed into the wall. His mouth opened as if to speak, but not a sound came out. He shook his head and tried to regain control of the situation. He failed. He looked at Lina with all the pain and self loathing of the world in his eyes and said in a shaking, terrified voice,
"No. I'm not Xellos." He bowed his head and sunk to the floor. "I'm worse than Xellos."
Lina dragged her bruised, bloody and broken body upwards and looked down at him.
"I hate you. Get out of my sight."
Zelgadis could barely see past the tears. He dashed past her and flung himself out the window.
Lina didn't even blink as a dull thump was heard from the courtyard ten stories below. She rang a bellpull and sat down in her reading chair.
Amelia appeared immediately. "Yes, ma'am?"
Lina didn't even look at her, but a place only she could see, far off and distant. "Go dispose of the body outside. Then take care of Shelfiel. She should be at the bottom of the stairs."
Amelia curtsied and hastily left to follow the queen's orders.
Lina turned and looked at the smashed mirror. But the backing was varnished and shiny as ever.
And she saw not her own reflection, but a girl with a dull, lifeless face and white hair. She was covered with thousands of fatal wounds, and a dagger running straight through her heart.
But the eyes...the eyes...they were not of anyone sane.

*next chapter*

CREDITS

  • "The Slayers" is the product of Software Sculptors, Tokyo TV, Enoki Films Co., Ltd., Monthly Dragon Magazine, Weekly Comic Dragon, Fujimi Books, Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, and Kadokawa Publishing Co., Ltd.