Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Time to have a little fun at this guys expense:

Dr. Bill Akulunon. (A Google search on this guy found two identical letters. He's not fooling anyone.)

Reply to: delta01@ecplaza.net

Here's his ISP information:
query: 203.242.200.151

# ENGLISH

KRNIC is not ISP but National Internet Registry similar with APNIC.
Please see the following end-user contacts for IP address information.

IP Address : 203.242.200.0-203.242.200.255
Network Name : KTNET
Connect ISP Name : KTNET
Registration Date : 19990430

[ Organization Information ]
Orgnization ID : ORG77986
Org Name : KTNET
State : SEOUL
Address : 159-1 Trade Tower Room 409,Samsung-Dong, Kangnam-ku
Zip Code : 135-651

[ Admin Contact Information]
Name : Jinseok Kang
Org Name : KTNET
State : SEOUL
Address : 159-1 Trade Tower Room 409,Samsung-Dong, Kangnam-ku
Zip Code : 135-651
Phone : +82-2-6000-2167
Fax : +82-2-6000-2712
E-Mail : ip@ktnet.co.kr

[ Technical Contact Information ]
Name : Wooin Kang
Org Name : KTNET
State : SEOUL
Address : 159-1 Trade Tower Room 409,Samsung-Dong, Kangnam-ku
Zip Code : 135-651
Phone : +82-2-6000-2177
Fax : +82-2-6000-2712
E-Mail : ip@ktnet.co.kr

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If the above contacts are not rechable, please see the following ISP contacts
for relevant information or network abuse complaints.

[ ISP IP Admin Contact Information ]
Name : Kang Jinseok
Phone : +82-2-6000-2167
Fax : +82-2-6000-2712
E-Mail : ip@ktnet.co.kr

[ ISP IP Tech Contact Information ]
Name : Kang Wooin
Phone : +82-2-6000-2177
Fax : +82-2-6000-2712
E-Mail : ip@ktnet.co.kr

[ ISP Network Abuse Contact Information ]
Name : Oh Kwangjin
Phone : +82-2-6000-2170
Fax : +82-2-6000-2712
E-Mail : domain@ktnet.co.kr

Dear Sir, the personal touch comes through once again...

THE 8TH ALL AFRICAN GAMES.

I am Dr. Bill Akulunon, the Chief Accountant of the Federal Ministry of Youth, Sport, and culture Parent body of the Local Organizing Committee of the 8th All African Game tagged [COJA] 2003 taking place in my country in 2003. (Funny, that's not what it says on the website. I see a S. A. Morakinyo, Head Audit and a B. Dawaki, PM Accounts, however.) In the course of our preparation to host the 8th All African Games, Huge sum of money running into millions of United States Dollars was budgeted by the present civilian administration of our president Chief Olusegun Obasanjo for the successful organization of this competition. In the same vein, the supreme council for sport in Africa made millions of dollars available for the same competition.

However, in my bogus capacity as the Chief Accountant, to both local organizing committee (LOC), and the Federal Ministry of Youth, Sports and culture, I and some of my colleagues in sensitive positions were able to influence the award of a contract for the supply and installation of some of the facilities that will be used for the competition. The contractor who handled these projects agreed to give my colleagues and I 10% of the total contract sum, if we were able to influence the award of the contract to their favour. It's called graft, you moron. So many foreign firms bided for this same contract, but because we knew whom we wanted the contract to be awarded to, we made sure that the contractor we had this understanding with won the contract. They have been paid 90% of their total contract sum remaining the balance of 10% which we never wanted them to collect on our behalf because of the fear that they might not give us the balance of 10%. It is pertinent to note that, the remaining balance of a total sum of seven Million United States (US$7,000,000.00) is lying in the suspense account at First Chartered Bank Lagos, ready for transfer into any good bank account of your choice. Sure it is. Tell me more.

I have been unanimously mandated to seek for an honest and trustworthy foreign partner who will assist in ensuring the successful transfer of the above sum of money into his Personal/Company account since the Nigerian Code of Conduct Bureau does not permit us to operate a foreign account as public servants. On the successful remittance of the fund (US$7,000,000.00) into your nominated
account, for your kind assistance you will be adequately compensated. Who determines what is "adequate?" It sounds like I'm dealing with the Nigerian Mafia. Be rest assured that, the modalities To this day, I still haven't heard the word "modalities" used in a sentence - EXCEPT in a Nigerian scam letter - so I'm really not sure what the hell it means. and logistics towards the successful transfer of this fund has been worked out. All we require from you is your cooperation. This transaction is 100% risk free. So is that crap they sell on QVC, but I don't buy it. We Kindly request that you accord to it the highest level of secrecy it deserves.

Your swift response will be highly appreciated and kindly provide your phone and fax number for more informative discussions. Screw you. You demanded secrecy. I'm keeping my telephone number and fax number secret from you. Upon your acknowledgement of this proposal, I will forward to you the detailed procedure for this transaction.

Note that, this transaction is legal and free from all sorts of risk and trouble. It does not contravene the laws of my country nor any International laws;Doctor, have you heard of Section 419 of the Nigerian Criminal Code? hence the whole approval for the transfer will be official and legally processed. This transaction will be concluded within five (5) working days if we follow it up and give the serious attention it deserves. Awaiting your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Dr. Bill Akulunon.

this is the part I like
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The stupid smoker suit, part 2

How did this jury arrive at such a sum? Let's find out the logic, as it was presented to us in this morning's Orange County Register:

Bullock's lawyer asked the jury to give his client $20 billion in punitive damages. The jury forewoman, Jessica Gelson, said the panel increased the amount based on statistics presented at trial.

"Only one in 28,000 smokers get to come into the courtroom," said Gelson, a Los Angeles therapist. "Based on what we awarded in the first phase, we wanted to award $1 million for each person."

Which brings me to a second point, one which I'm sure that Philip Morris's attorneys are on top of. In today's Los Angeles Times, the following tidbit appeared:

After rendering their verdict, virtually all of the jurors went up to [plaintiff's counsel Michael] Piuze, his co-counsel Paula Lawlor and their paralegal Ray Goldstein in the courthouse hallway and congratulated them. Then Piuze took the jurors to lunch at a nearby restaurant.

Virus alert

Blacks won't discuss slavery with whites?

I say SCREW YOU. If you want reparations, you're going to have to discuss the subject with those who may be paying them. An "anti-racism conference" that excludes whites AFTER having invited them, amounts to a "Black Power" convention reminicent of the Black Panthers.

Further paranoia from the recording industry

Please contact your congressmen on this issue. The music industry is hiding behind the Digital Millenium Copyright Act right now, and H.R. 5211, the bill that gives the industry more leeway is in committee right now. I know my congressman is against it, as I have been in touch with him.

Gubernatorial candidate and former congressman Matt Salmon, who is an asshole, decided to become a lobbyist once he left Congress after two terms. However, he failed to register as required by law. The candidate now says that "I do not lobby, so I'm not required to register as a lobbyist. My role was that of a consultant." Funny, that wasn't what his contract says.

Dumb lawsuit, even dumber jury

A Los Angeles jury on Friday ordered tobacco giant Philip Morris Cos. to pay $28 billion in punitive damages to a 64-year-old woman suffering from lung cancer. (emphasis mine)

Is it me?

UPDATE: Authorities have confirmed that the remains found are those of Jennifer Short.

Yeah, and the lesbians caused 9/11

"I think Mohammed was a terrorist. I read enough…by both Muslims and non-Muslims, [to decide] that he was a violent man, a man of war," Falwell tells Simon. "In my opinion…Jesus set the example for love, as did Moses, and I think Mohammed set an opposite example."

And before you can do business with us, what did you do 200 years ago?

I saw this on The O'Reilly Factor earlier today, and an alderman from Chicago argued that the rationale behind it was a catharsis of sorts for the African-American community of Chicago. Horsefeathers. It's political grandstanding to show who's really boss in the city, and the fact that there weren't any NO votes just meant that each alderman wanted to be re-elected. Polls show that the majority of Americans are against reparations for slavery, and African-Americans are split down the center.

Serious stuff, eh?

UPDATE: Investigators have determined that the skull does indeed belong to a 9-year old girl. However, they have not yet determined whether it is the body of Jennifer Short.

Actors should really stick to acting

The star of “Tootsie” — receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award at the San Sebastian film festival in Madrid, Spain — declared that she “hates” the U.S. president and said his call for an attack on Iraq is “unconstitutional, immoral and illegal.”

“I hate Bush. I despise him and his entire administration — not only because of its international policy, but also the national,” Lange told the audience, according to various reports coming from Spain. It makes me feel ashamed to come from the United States — it is humiliating.”

“Bush stole the elections and since then we have all been suffering the consequences,” Lange told the enthusiastic crowd. Although Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg have recently spoken out in support of Bush’s proposed attack on Iraq, Lange joins a growing list of stars who have questioned or condemned it, including Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon and Alec Baldwin. Lange’s spokeswoman had no further comment.

Pervert priests strike again