People with a disability have the same needs, desires, hopes, dreams and goals to succeed in life as a person who has not had to overcome any obstacles. Overcoming whatever those obstacles might be, can make the journey longer and a lot more bumpy, but that journey frequently has side benefits. Perhaps that individual has explored areas or talents they would not have otherwise thought to explore if they had been able to glide through life the way most people do.

Haven't we all experienced taking an ability for granted until something takes that ability away? Yes, even those of us that have dealt with various physical limitations, have found ourselves suddenly faced with new ones either temporarily or permanently. The mind and body are one. It is a serious mistake to try to separate the two, even though the Western Medical world has conditioned themselves and most of the population to think along those lines, until relatively recently. It is an even more serious mistake to try to sit in judgment of oneself or of anyone else going through a bad period.

The individual going through a rough period, is in no position to make that kind of call, nor should they be expected to. This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on both the individual and those involved in their personal lives. Emotions of everyone involved can become so confusing that the situation is exacerbated, thus turning a bad situation into a disaster.

How can we prevent or contain a bad situation? The answer will sound simplistic but in fact it is not. The time to develop good, honest communication skills and habits between all parties is long overdue. Those that have lived with limitations, learned very early how to wear a mask that would enable them to deal with the world with as little friction as possible. If you, as a disabled individual have not acknowledged these feelings and thinking pattern, I urge you to look within yourself with a little more honesty and kindness for yourself. This is not easy. It is however, necessary if you want to enjoy the inner growth you will achieve and the opportunities it will afford both you and your loved ones to strengthen your relationships.

I will now risk opening Pandora's box by attempting to say and or explain the emotional roller coaster our loved ones may be riding at different times when they deal with their own lives, fears, problems, dreams, etc. and us at the same time. When you are fighting the monsters or demons that live in the dark crevices of your mind that influence your actions and reactions to your own situations, the child within us wants to know we have anchors.......loved ones that will take care of our needs and protect us from what most of us fear the most. The prospect of having to turn our survival into the hands of strangers...............

If there is too much pressure on an individual,... what is the normal emotional reaction they go through? The old fight to stand and fight it out or flee. What is the next emotion that is automatically triggered if the situation involves a loved one? Guilt. Guilt for even having the thoughts of fleeing in the first place. This is normal! I am saying these things because they need to be said and because there is a gaping hole in the way the person dealing with the disability is handled (or mishandled) by our medical system, and the lack of support that exists for the family members. These issues need to be addressed. Honest dialogue would benefit everyone involved.

Knowledge about the disability is not only a necessity for the person dealing with it, but for the ones that society expects to be an integral part of their care. Does everyone involved know who to call to get the services the patient may need and be entitled to in their areas and how to get them? Most of the time the answer is "No". Why not? The excuses for the lack of information are disgraceful. Until the internet, getting the information was, in many instances impossible.

The internet has made information available, but finding it can be very challenging for many. We hope, that by making this site, we can make your search that much faster and easier. Having the information is only a first step however. Digesting the information and applying it is not unlike peeling an onion one layer at a time. We suggest that you bookmark the pages that have information you find helpful. Print out a hard copy of information you wish to discuss with your family or doctor.

There are some support groups in the real world as well as in the syber world, and in some areas they have a family support group for the family unit. These groups can be an excellent tool to building dialogue between the family members, educating the medical community in the area, the political powers that be, and the merchants you help support so that with a lot of hard work and a little luck, our communities will evolve and eventually fall within the ADA Laws that were passed a little over ten years ago, but are non existent or have only partially complied thoughout these United States.

If you can not locate a support group in your area, why not ask your local paper to consider running a human interest story on you and the condition your dealing with and that you are interested in starting a support group? Surprised by this suggestion? I am sure some of you reading this are........maybe even shocked. Think about it. What would you have to lose? On the other hand you have a lot to gain. You may find yourself in the local clinic or Hospital's Administrator's Office presenting a proposal that they sponsor the group by letting you meet in an accessible conference room and maybe even cover the expense of posting flyers in the hospital waiting rooms, especially near the labs. Your local paper will probably be willing to do follow up stories and announce your meetings.

If you contact your local Churches and Temples, they may be willing to announce it from their pulpits and in their newsletters. Instead of trying to write a book on this subject here, if you need more suggestions, send me a post. I spent most of my life involved with various volunteer organizations. Yes, I am telling you to become an advocate! To paraphrase a famous quote........"if you are not for yourself...........who else should be?" Now if your unaccustomed to doing things for your own good.....something I can address from personal experience.....here is the trick I pull on myself. I see a problem, know it should be addressed and throw myself into my auto rescue mode and if I can't get through one door, I will try another. When all else fails I have been known to enter through a window. Yes, I have been called a female Don Quiote on several occasions. We make choices every minute of every day whether we realize it or not. The choices we make in those split seconds have consequences. Some good, some bad. If you have been dealing with a major disability for any length of time, then I am sure you have tasted the bitterness of being victimized on some level. Not a comfortable situation. I don't think anyone has told most of us that you do not have to allow anyone to victimize you. Yes, I did say allow. When you do not feel good about who you are and what you are, those that are victimizers seem to instinctively know where you are and then use that information for their own benefit. Instead of being a victim, be an advocate. The transition is not an easy one, but it is a rewarding one.

If your physician does not have an open mind and is willing to learn, consider consulting another physician. There is no quick fix to what you will be dealing with. If you can get yourself focused and calm, you will be better able to learn new ways to cope and maintain your independence. I will say this for you............Our biggest fear is losing our independence and ability to be self-sufficient.

We know how difficult it is to absorb all the information we are providing but once you do, you will learn that you are worthy, can still contribute to society, and have rights under both State and Federal laws. Take the time to learn them. Exercise those rights. Having said that though, remember that you catch more fly's with honey. If you need to exercise your rights, do it without victimizing another individual and remember to smile and say "Thank you" when someone makes an effort to make your rights a reality.