by Victoria Smith aka Paulswomyn

with a backstage pass!" Vivian exclaimed jumping up and down in her

apartment with her best friend, David. Vivian was a huge KISS fan,

ever since she first heard the song, "Heaven's On Fire" as a child in

1984. From that moment on, she bought every album KISS recorded and

every album they released after Animalize. When she first turned

twenty, she had the pleasure and luck of seeing KISS in concert on their

Reunion tour and four years later on their Farewell tour. Though she

loved KISS as a group, she especially idolized Paul Stanley. He

encompassed every ideal she believed in: physical beauty, sensitivity,

romance, optimism, compassion, love, and numerous others. However, the

attribute that moved her most was the constant feeling of a strong

connection existing between the two of them that she couldn't describe

or explain to anyone, not even David. Vivian knew that she could never

tell anyone about this vibe for fear of ridicule, misunderstanding, and

even judgment of her. From the instant she felt this odd connection,

she decided to keep it to herself and brush it aside should she feel

when around others. Only when she was alone did she attempt to analyze

and pinpoint the feeling and why she felt it, but with no success. She

soon gave up trying to figure it out and chose just to let the thoughts

drift away as easily as they appeared.

After what seemed like her thousandth time to exclaim about the upcoming

concert that night, David said, "Vivian, you're going to have a great

time at that concert! You've wanted to meet KISS all your life and now

your dreams will come true. You will finally get to meet Paul, take

pictures with him, and talk with him"

With a smile and dreamy look in her eyes Vivian said, "Yes, I know. I'm

so excited. I can't believe I won this contest!" Vivian paused for a

minute then with a look of nervousness told David, "I'm so nervous,

though. What will I say to them when I meet them?? I mean, what will I

say to break the ice?"

"Hello?" David replied sarcastically. Vivian playfully hit him and

said, "Besides that, silly. I just hope I don't see Paul and forget my

name or worse lose my ability to speak."

David looked at her and said, "Vivian, you worry to much. You will be

fine. You'll know what to say when you him. Have faith in yourself and

don't sell yourself short.

Sighing, Vivian said, "Yes. You're right, David. What am I worrying

about? I'm only gonna meet a man I've idolized for 6 years!"

David scoldingly replied, "Vivian…."

"I know, I know. I'm being ridiculous. It will all go well."

"There ya go. Now, what are you gonna wear?" David asked.

"Well, what do you think? You're the fashion expert and my best

friend!"

"I don't know, Vivian. What kind of look do you want?"

"Hmmmm. Good question," Vivian uttered pensively, "Well, I don't wanna

wear anything too suggestive, but I still wanna look beautiful." Vivian

rummaged through her clothes and pulled out a green, sleeveless tank

dress and held it against her form. "How about this dress? It brings

out my eyes and hair shows off my figure nicely, if I do say so myself,

" Vivian said with a chuckle.

With feigned exasperation David replied, "Vivian, you know I'm gonna

have to see it on you before I can make an educated decision!"

Rolling her eyes with the same mock exasperation Vivian said, "Okay,

David. Give me a sec to try this on." Vivian walked behind a partition

exposing only her head and dividing

her and David as she changed out of her slim-fitting Levi's jeans and

white t-shirt and put on the dress.

"I swear, girl, what would you do without me," David said with a wink

and a chuckle.

David turned to look at Vivian opening his mouth to speak and closing it

just as quickly as he opened it, when Vivian emerged from behind the

partition. David's mouth gaped open again when he came into the light.

"Well, what do you think?" Vivian asked while she twirled around in her

dress, throwing her head to the side smiling radiantly at her audience.

"Wow. You look like a goddess descending from her throne to grace the

presence of her mortal subjects. Seriously though, Viv, you look

beautiful. Definitely go with that dress." David stammered.

"Why thank you, Dave." Vivian chuckled. "How about the hair? Wear it

up or down?"

"Definitely down! Seeing that beautiful red hair cascading down your

back of your shoulders accentuates the goddess ideal just like your

dress hugs those curves."

Blushing slightly, Vivian said, "Okay. It's settled then. The green

dress with the silver sandals and the hair down."

They both paused and looked at each other saying in unison, "What would

you/I do without you/me?" Laughing, they hugged and David departed so

Vivian could finish getting ready for the concert.

"All right woman, have a great time at that concert. Stay out of

trouble and don't do anything I wouldn't do!" David slyly remarked with

a wink.

Laughing, Vivian said, "I won't. Thanks David. You're the best!"

"I know!" David said as he sped away in his red Mustang.

Laughing and shaking her head, Vivian went back into her house to finish

getting things together for her concert. She applied her mascara and

lipstick, combed and applied hairspray to her long, lustrous hair and

smoothed down the emerald green dress that gave her the "goddess

quality" David claimed it brought out in her and the silver shoes to add

a finishing touch to the outfit. She looked at her reflection in her

full-length mirror and stood amazed at the woman gazing back at her.

Vivian felt she didn't recognize the woman in the mirror. This vision

of loveliness couldn't possibly be her. This woman was gorgeous, curvy,

and sensuous----attributes Vivian was just newly realizing she

possessed. She suffered from a low self-esteem and horrible tragedies

in her young life and was newly realizing her physical beauty and

external worth. She was not accustomed to perceiving herself as a

beautiful woman---inside and out---and so was shocked and pleasantly

surprised at the beauty and presence of the woman eyeing her

from the other side of the mirror. Smiling, she turned around doing a

last-minute check of her reflection. Vivian gathered her keys and

purse, checked her house to make sure she left nothing behind, and

taking a deep breath said to herself, "Here goes." She stepped into

her car and drove away to the adventure awaiting her….

When Vivian arrived at the arena, she felt her excitement growing inside

of her. The magnitude of where she was suddenly hit her causing a

sudden rush of heat and excitement. She became antsy and impatient for

the concert to begin, but knew it would start soon enough. As she

walked in to find her seat, she took in the scenery noticing different

appearances and behaviors in the fans. Some were dressed like the band

others in tight, skimpy outfits hoping their favorite would choose them

to spend their night with in Houston, and others were dressed similar to

Vivian---- wanting to look nice for the concert, but not wanting to give

the wrong impression about herself. Vivian found walked down the aisle

to her seat and noticed people ceasing all conversations and looking at

her. Some gave her looks of jealousy while others greeted her with

sincerity and kindness as she sat in her place. As she sat down and got

settled in her chair, she looked at the stage setup and noticed she was

not far from the ministage for Paul's "Love Gun" number. This

observation intensified her excitement and her impatience and

anticipation grew for the KISS concert to begin.

Once the lights dimmed and the voice announced KISS, Vivian jumped and

squealed with delight. Though she was fairly far away from the band,

she screamed out at all of them, but especially Paul. She screamed that

she loved and adored him though she knew he couldn't see or hear her.

As the concert progressed, Vivian felt happy and energetic, but when

Paul emerged on the ministage, her excitement and elation knew no

bounds. She was only a few feet away from this man she idolized and

wanted to make sure he noticed her and her devotion to him before

meeting him backstage. However, she had no clue what to do. Vivian was

too shy for flashing her breasts and too considerate of Paul to try and

climb over the barricade to reach him and thus blowing her chances of

meeting him backstage. She decided just to scream her heart out to him

and wait until the concert ended to meet him backstage and get him to

notice her.

of energy, excitement, and adrenaline through his body. He always felt

he was on top of the world when he performed on stage, but never so much

as when he placed himself in the audience and interacted with them

through his music, movements, and general stage presence. He could see

and feel the devotion of the fans most from the ministage and hoped they

realized the devotion and love was mutual.

During his performance, he did his usual gyrations, throwing of

pics at the audience, placing bras thrown by swooning fans on his

microphone stand, and changing positions to give each part of the

audience equal attention during the song. As he was moving to face the

left side of the audience, the performance changed for him.

Paul felt a strong, magnetic connection with the audience he could

not explain or fathom. It was a feeling new to him that puzzled him,

and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. He couldn't pinpoint if

the connection he felt was limited to one individual, or the audience as

a whole, or if it was simply an exceptionally good night on the tour

where everything fell into place. This feeling baffled him to the point

that he knew he couldn't shake it even if he tried and wanted to explore

it further, but needed to find the source of it first. As Paul switched

sides to give the audience equal attention, he noticed the feelings of a

strong connection significantly reducing only to increase when he faced

the left side of the audience. He knew then that the connection he was

feeling was limited to one person in the audience, but couldn't figure

out who it was and why he felt linked to them.

Once the song ended and he returned to the main stage, he noticed

the feelings of connection disappeared and in the midst of all of the

fanfare and spectacle of the show, temporarily forgot them.

Vivian felt her knees go weak and her heart pounding as Paul appeared in

front of her on the ministage. She was awestruck by his physical

beauty and stage presence and felt privileged and honored to have the

opportunity to stand so close to him and later meet him backstage.

Vivian felt her mouth drop open each time he faced her side of the

stage, but she realized her feelings went beyond adulation and mere

fanaticism. The same odd link she felt with Paul when she was merely

watching videos and listening to cd's emerged and grew while he stood

in front her. It enveloped her completely to the point where she

realized her feelings were real and she should no longer let them slide

or ignore them. However, she had no clue if the connection with Paul

was mutual or if it was a vibe only she recognized and acknowledged.

Vivian knew the only way she would possibly find out if this link was

real was the moment she finally met him backstage. Until then, she'd

have to enjoy the concert, which was not hard for her to do, and wait

until the moment she comes face to face with Paul.

"You'll see us in your dreams and we'll see you in ours!" Paul yelled at

the end of the concert to the screaming fans that were begging the band

not to leave and hoping the night would never end. Paul, Gene, Ace, and

Peter took their final bows and left the stage to greet the crowd of

fans awaiting their arrival. On his way to meet the fans, Paul was

reminded of the odd connection he felt while performing "Love Gun" on

the ministage. The connection still puzzled him rendering him curious

and determined to understand the source of this feeling he considered an

enigma. Though this feeling was not a negative experience for Paul,

he was plagued with questions as to how to what to do should the feeling

resurface. He was unsure whether he should talk about them with anyone

else and if he did harbor these feelings again and could pinpoint them

to one person, he was unsure if he should set aside any fears of

judgment, ridicule, or criticism and assert himself to the person.

Paul's confusion and uncertainty appeared on his facial expression and

caused Gene to ask, "Hey, Paul. What's with the long face? You look

like you just came out of a funeral."

Paul broke out of his thoughts, looked at Gene and responded, "Sorry,

Gene. I've got a lot on my mind. Something happened tonight that

completely confuses and baffles me."

Gene raised an eyebrow, and with an evil grin said, "What happened? Did

a girl turn you down for sex tonight?"

Glaring, Paul snapped back, "No, Gene. Is that all you think about?

I'm going through something---" Paul stopped midsentence, threw his

hands in the air, and said with a low voice to Gene, "Forget it. You

wouldn't understand. No one would." As Paul walked away from Gene to

greet the fans, Ace and Peter, who had witnessed all that had transpired

between Paul and Gene, came up to Gene.

"Boy, somebody's got his underwear in a bind." Peter remarked laughing

with Ace.

"Houston, we have a problem. The starbearer is spaced out." Ace added.

"Yeah, guys. I don't know what's wrong with him." Gene responded.

"Maybe he's in a mood." Peter suggested.

Gene shrugged and then said, "I think it's more than that, guys. I've

never seen him like this. It's more than just a case of waking up on

the wrong side of the bed. Something is definitely bothering him and I

think it's pretty damn serious…"

Vivian rushed backstage as the lights in the arena came back on and the

audience left their seats. She was excited, nervous, and ecstatic about

meeting KISS, especially Paul. In just moments, her dream of meeting

Paul would finally come true and she could hardly contain her excitement

just thinking about it. At this moment, the band appeared ready to sign

autographs, take pictures, and converse with the fans. Vivian waited

patiently in line to meet them and the closer she got to Paul, the more

her heart raced. She was still blown away by him and wanted to tell him

what an inspiration and influence he held and still holds in her life.

Along with these thoughts, Vivian felt the unfathomable link she had

always noticed with Paul intensified as she moved closer to him. She

first thought it was real and wondered if she should mention it, but

then dismissed the vibe as fast as it came believing it was merely her

excitement from the concert and the fact she was about to meet Paul. At

this moment, she noticed it was her turn to meet the band and she was

ready with her camera and posters for autographs. Smiling, she first

approached Peter for an autograph and a picture, then Ace, and Gene.

She took pictures with each of them in different poses. Peter as a cat

with Vivian touching his head as if to pet him, standing next to Ace

winking and giving thumbs up signals, and standing next to Gene both

facing the camera sticking out their tongues. After she thanked Peter,

Ace, and Gene for the pictures and autographs, she came to Paul. She

felt a jolt of electricity pulsate through her body as her gaze moved

upward starting with perfectly sculpted legs accentuated by the spandex

costume, to the washboard stomach, perfect abs and chest, to broad

shoulders onto which his onyx locks rested, and up into his deep brown

eyes that penetrated her own emerald pools. Vivian always thought Paul

was a gorgeous man, but was unprepared for the Adonis standing in front

of her gazing at her intently. Shocked, stupefied, and excited, she

almost found herself unable to speak. She managed to gather her courage

to speak to him and said, "Hello, Paul. I'm Vivian and I've been

waiting 16 years to meet you." ~ God, I hope I don't sound silly to

him. ~ she thought.

Smiling, Paul said, "Hello, Vivian" and brought her hand to his lips

kissing it with gentle strength his gaze never leaving hers, "It's a

pleasure meeting you." Vivian

felt her knees growing weak at the feel of his lips on her skin, but

also felt that connection she had always felt with him except more

intense the moment they touched. She felt a supernatural force

unfamiliar to her, but couldn't explain why for the life of her. It was

more than just admiration from afar and she felt she knew Paul her whole

life though they had just met and said few words to each other. Vivian

also realized that she could no longer dismiss and ignore her feelings

and must relate these feelings to Paul. However, it wasn't that easy

because she didn't want to scare Paul or receive a negative reaction

from him and she wanted to wait until she and Paul talked more

extensively before she brought it up to him. She only hoped she

wouldn't lose her nerve when the time came…..

Paul hoped his astonishment and surprise did not appear on his face to

Vivian because he didn't want her to get the impression that he didn't

like her. On the contrary, he found her beautiful and loved her

enthusiasm and assertiveness in introducing herself to him and the rest

of the band appealing and unique. He was used to women asserting

themselves to him sexually, but not asserting themselves merely to talk

to him, but there was something more to his thoughts and emotions than

that. Paul felt an odd connection with her the second he kissed her

hand----- the same one he felt while performing on the ministage. He

couldn't quite put his finger on it, but knew they had previously met

and shared a past life.

To him, that was the only explanation for feeling such a psychic bond to

a woman whom he'd only uttered less than ten words. Aside from the

feeling, he thought he could see

scenes from a past consciously unfamiliar to him, but yet familiar in

his subconscious. Paul saw Vivian and himself in pieces of scenes, but

nothing complete. His memories were excerpts of the two of them walking

hand in hand window-shopping him wearing tight blue jeans with his long

hair hanging halfway down his back along with a brown vest adorned with

fringe over his bare chest. Vivian's red hair cascaded to her waist

while she wore a long sundress with brown sandals. His thoughts quickly

went to a second scene in which they were dressed more formally him in a

tuxedo with his hair pulled back in a ponytail and Vivian wearing a

long, sequined, strapless, royal blue gown, with a slit up to the knee.

They were drinking wine and toasting a special occasion, though Paul

could only see the memories and could not hear them. Last, he saw them

making love with arms entwined looking deeply into each other's eyes

never looking away from each other. After these vivid flashbacks, Paul

realized he was not imagining any of it and he must tell Vivian about

them and see if she had these visions, too. At this moment, his

thoughts returned to the present and he reluctantly let go of Vivian's

hand.

"Paul, will you sign this poster and take a picture with me?" Vivian

asked smiling up at him.

"I'd be glad to." Paul responded smiling back at her. At this moment,

they moved closer to each other and embraced both facing the camera.

Vivian beamed like a diehard fan would but started seeing visions of a

life with Paul as well. She saw similar visions to those Paul

remembered, but also saw him carrying her over the threshold of a large,

though not ostentatious house on a beach. When he set her down on the

floor, they embraced and slowly and passionately kissed running their

fingers through each other's hair with their hands roaming over one

another's bodies. Once the kiss broke, they walked hand in hand into a

bedroom where they began kissing again, tentatively at first then

deepened the kiss making them moan against each other's mouths. Vivian

unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off of his shoulders revealing his

muscular chest and washboard stomach never breaking their kiss, while he

slowly slid her white dress off her shoulders and body. After they

finished disrobing, Paul lifted Vivian and gently placed her on the bed

his mahogany depths locked into her emerald orbs. Paul took her in his

arms his eyes never leaving hers as he entered her and made slow,

passionate love to her.

After they finished their lovemaking, they laid beside one another

wrapped in each other's arms basking in the warmth of their bodies.

They told each other "I love you" before falling into a deep, yet

peaceful sleep.

Spellbound, Vivian and Paul put distance between them, though still

embracing. Vivian opened her mouth to tell Paul of her belief in a

supernatural, psychic connection between the two of them but when she

looked up at him, she realized he already knew.

"Yes, Vivian. I know. We do know each other now and in the past.

We're connected more than a fan admiring a celebrity. We were soulmates

in another life and we can be soulmates now. That is, if you want that

for us." Paul proposed.

Vivian opened her mouth and said, "So does this mean you saw the same

vision I did just now?"

Paul smiled and replied, "Yes, my beauty, I did. We shared the same

vision and a life together. Everything falls into place now. My

romantic inclinations, ballads, and everything else were inspired by

you. I didn't realize it then, but I do now. I know this may sound odd

to you since this is the first time we've met in this life, but I want

to be near you, talk to you, get to know you. What do you say, Vivian?

Are you willing to try it again in this life?"

Vivian couldn't believe her ears. Her theories of a connection with

Paul Stanley were not stupid, silly daydreams of a fan, but an actual

connection existed between them. They knew each other on a plane few

ever realize or acknowledge. The whole time she was fretting over

whether or not she should mention her feelings, he felt them too, and

not only that but shared the same vision at the same moment. Vivian had

shared a life with Paul and he was asking her to share this life with

him. It was more than she ever dreamed.

"Yes, Paul. I want to know you again like we knew each other in the

past. I'm with you in my heart, body, and soul no matter in all lives

not just this one." Vivian said with tears of happiness traveling down

her face.

"All right then, sweetheart. Let's see what awaits us in this life."

Paul said extending his hand to her. Vivian took his hand and

they exited the arena standing side by side looking forward to embarking

on a life in which neither of them knew where it would lead them.