Humor

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=3 height=105 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="772" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 97 ><NOBR><div> <B><IMG SRC="226545c0.gif" border=0 width="84" height="92" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> Humor Poetry</div> <div> <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#66CCFF" FACE="Bimini" ><B>                            </B></FONT><B> </B><B> Poems that are sure to make you smile.</B></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="angst.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Angst "><U>Angst </U></A>   |   <A HREF="dark.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dark"><U>Dark</U></A>   |   <B>Humor </B>   |   <A HREF="inspirational.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Inspirational "><U>Inspirational </U></A>   |   <A HREF="life.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Life "><U>Life </U></A>   |   <A HREF="love.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Romantic"><U>Romantic</U></A>   |   <A HREF="nature.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Nature "><U>Nature </U></A>   |   <A HREF="people.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="People "><U>People </U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=104 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <A HREF="http://pub26.ezboard.com/bliquidpoetry" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub26.ezboard.com/bliquidpoetry"><U><B><IMG SRC="216581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://pub18.bravenet.com/forum/show.asp?usernum=1530070141&cpv=1" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub18.bravenet.com/forum/show.asp"><U><B><IMG SRC="20f581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <A 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VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="http://pub18.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=1530070141&cpv=1" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://pub18.bravenet.com/guestbook/show"><U><B><IMG SRC="214581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="mailto:res08dfs@verizon.net" TARGET="_top" TITLE="mailto:res08dfs@verizon.net"><U><B><IMG SRC="215581f0.gif" border=0 width="88" height="31" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=345 colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF" bgproperties="fixed" background="1f800803.jpg"> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="227" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 20 WIDTH="221"><div> <A HREF="#foot_salad" TITLE="Humor "><U><B>Foot Salad</B></U></A></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 20 WIDTH="221"><div> <A HREF="#_people_piss_me_off" TITLE="Humor "><U><B>People piss me off</B></U></A></div> </tD> </tR> <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 20 ><NOBR><div> <A HREF="#springtime_in_the_mountains" TITLE="Humor "><U><B>Springtime in the Mountains</B></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="foot_salad"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A>Foot Salad</div> <bR> <div> I love feet</div> <div> but I have this one fetish,</div> <div> sometimes when I'm bored</div> <div> I like to rub them with lettuce.</div> <bR> <div> Big feet, little feet,</div> <div> wide or thin,</div> <div> any size foot</div> <div> from a one to a ten.</div> <bR> <div> I sprinkle with bacon,</div> <div> I top with cheese,</div> <div> pour on some dressing,</div> <div> foot  salad if you please.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="humor_m.htm" TITLE="Humor "><U>Back to Top</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="_people_piss_me_off"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A>People piss me off</div> <bR> <div> When I'm at home and cleaning,</div> <div> the telephone keeps ringing.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> Piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> In the aisles while I'm shopping,</div> <div> they cut off my space for walking.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> When I'm sick and sneezing,</div> <div> they make sure that I'm freezing.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> When it's calm and I'm writing, </div> <div> outside they start fighting.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> At the movies when I'm quiet,</div> <div> the row behind me starts a riot.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> In bed while I slumber,</div> <div> outside the traffic thunders.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> While commuting in the rush,</div> <div> amid their rage I feel the crush.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> When I'm hungry and start eating,</div> <div> on my door they come beating.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> When I'm naked in the shower,</div> <div> they call ten times an hour.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <div> When I'm alone and getting bored,</div> <div> it's only then that I'm ignored.</div> <div> People, people, people</div> <div> piss me off.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="humor_m.htm" TITLE="Humor "><U>Back to Top</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="springtime_in_the_mountains"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A>Springtime in the Mountains</div> <bR> <div>                                  It's never hard to figure when Spring is near,</div> <div>                                 especially back home near possum creek's veer.</div> <div>                                  The flowers start budding, some even bloom.</div> <div>                                   Grass turns green and shoots to the moon.</div> <bR> <div>                                  Critters awake from their long Winter's nap,</div> <div>                                      insects scurry over warm tree sap.</div> <div>                                you'll find Ma in the kitchen weaving her broom,</div> <div>                                   and Pa on the front porch drunk as a loon.</div> <bR> <div>                                 Cousin Jeb takes to pasture, he soaks up the sun,</div> <div>                              uncle Ned controls the outhouse while cleaning his gun.</div> <div>                                     Old blue is our horny red bone hound,</div> <div>                                 he'll mount every fence post, or leg to be found.</div> <bR> <div>                                  In the mornings, Junior tends tend to the still,</div> <div>                                while sis will dries the wash atop skunk bottom hill.</div> <div>                                Ma cooks breakfast using old hog back grease,</div> <div>                                While Pa sits at the table, picking both of his teeth.</div> <bR> <div>                              But Spring's not official, until those time honored nights</div> <div>                               when we gather on the porch to watch the dogs fight.</div> <div>                                 That's Spring in the mountains as I remember,</div> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div>     you won't find this much fun in December.</div> <bR> <bR> <div> <A HREF="humor_m.htm" TITLE="Humor "><U>Back to Top</U></A></div> <bR> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=30 BGCOLOR="#000000" TEXT="#F7F7FF"> <div> <I> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="1" CELLSPACING="1" WIDTH="598" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 15 ><NOBR><div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Liquid Thoughts"><U><I>Liquid Thoughts</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="angelou.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Maya Angelou"><U><I>Maya Angelou</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="dickenson.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Emily Dickinson"><U><I>Emily Dickinson</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="frost.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Robert Frost"><U><I>Robert Frost</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="hardy.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="ThomasHardy"><U><I>ThomasHardy</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="hughes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Langston Hughes"><U><I>Langston Hughes</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <A HREF="poe.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Edgar Allen Poe"><U><I>Edgar Allen Poe</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> <tD VALIGN=TOP><NOBR><div> <I> </I><A HREF="thomas.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Dylan Thomas"><U><I>Dylan Thomas</I></U></A></div> </NOBR></tD> </tR> </TABLE></I></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>