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"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears."
~~ Indian Proverb
This page was created to have a place to display my poetry, that has been written in order to aid me in dealing with/and working through severe chronic pain.
I do not pretend to have all the answers, or really, any for that matter. But, having lived with (and sometimes suffered with - although for myself, I try not to use that word, but there certainly have been many moments when "suffer" was exactly the word needed), chronic pain for years - I do understand many of the emotions that patients deal with.
I have gone through (and continue to struggle with) the feelings and frustrations that come along with such pain. The sadness, the intense frustration, the longing for "freedom" from the hurt...all of those emotions.
But, through the pain I have also discovered much about myself that I never knew. I now realize how much strength I can muster when times call for it...I have learned to appreciate my courage, and my Will to live - even when my body burns all over, that Will remains.
Over all, for myself - it is important for me to realize that there is a positive side to everything, it just might be hard to spot sometimes.
Of course, it is easy for me to say these things, and I might come across as pompous - although that is not my intent ... but please, just know that the road to realization was not (and still, often IS not) an easy one.
I truly believe that those who have been faced with a diagnosis of chronic pain, are in many respects true heroes -- for the will to keep fighting is nothing short of truly HEROIC....
.. and it is to all of those who live (and struggle) with chronic pain for whom this page is dedicated !!
"Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the little voice
at the end of the day that says:
'I'll try again tomorrow'."
I will not not get into the specifics of my illness or the reason for my pain, at this time - for in the end.. Pain is Pain -- regardless of its cause or etiology, regardless of its location in the body, regardless of its duration, and so on. One person's pain is no more real than another's...For when you get right down to it....
.. Pain is Pain !!
You may note that the first two poems on this page are not, as you might say, "cheerful writings". And I would agree with that assessment.
For although I do try to maintain as positive of an outlook as I can, even I am not immune to moments of sadness and frustration. I created this page as a catharsis for myself to deal with those tough emotions, so the words may not always be happy.
But if through their creation, I am able to come to terms with my body, and the pain therein, then the words below are "positive".. for they are a step in the direction I wish to journey...
If even one person who reads these words is helped by them (whether you yourself are enduring chronic pain, or a loved one is), then my sharing my heart, (and also my fears), was well worth the effort.
I wish you all well.
A Pain-ful Lesson
My mind searches intensly, there must be a reason,
How is it that my life was created to know such misery ?
I pray for an end, but it remains with the change of each season.
My spirit is trapped inside my own "hell here on Earth".
Each new day, my heart fills with hope, that someday soon,
This nightmare will be but a distant memory.
But each night, it remains, through each phase of the moon.
And with it, my hope dwindles, as my fight tires out.
They tell me to "hang in there", "you're stronger than this",
"this beast within you is no match for your spirit."
I smile kindly, as I dream of such a moment of bliss,
Their hearts mean well, this I know, but my mind knows better.
I do my best to conceal my worries, to hide the falling tears,
that "brave" face I display, is nothing more than a mask.
But when alone, and the mask is removed, before me lay my fears.
Those feelings I keep to myself, the sadness which dwindles my spirit.
Life is a precious gift, this I do understand.
Yet I find that I question this "gift" of a life,
When even the touch of a lover's hand,
Singes my shoulder, and burns my cheek.
When pain is not present, we fail to be thankful,
That this "beast" has not touched our lives.
But this I plead of you - to be so very grateful,
For each moment of time filled with pleasure- without pain to be felt.
~ Louve August, 2000
(copyright of Louve)
The Madness of Pain
Like an iron hot brander,
laid upon one's skin.
Your body is tortured,
as if simply breathing was a sin.
Each moment of life, the pain remains,
the burning sensation which never ends.
Your body never knowing pain like this,
As you cry on the shoulders' of dear friends.
"Why me?", you cry out into the darkness of night,
"What could I have done?", you scream up to the distant moon.
"My life is no longer my own", you fear.
It is as if your very soul this pain shall consume.
Sometimes I wish for just one moment in time,
one fleeting second, in which no pain was here.
Freedom from a life filled with hurting- this endless burning.
But instantly, I realize an even GREATER fear -
How awful it would be, if even for just one second,
to not know pain, for my spirit to be truly free.
For what if I love that moment, yet always the pain returns,
That is what must be known as "ultimate irony" -
For not only is it a life filled with pain that I fear,
but also I fear the heartbreak, and the sadness,
of a moment of "freedom", quickly followed by the madness...
.... the madness called "Pain".
To make it easier for you to find out further information about this painful (and very often, devastating) disease, a dear friend of mine has created a wonderfully informative page, filled with *many* great links.
I was very humbled when I read that he had dedicated this page to my daily battle with RSD (and truly to *ALL* that must carry on with this very difficult condition).
Please visit his page if you are interested in learning more-- this disease needs all the exposure and awareness possible, in the hopes of funding further research.
I pray that one day a cure for this debilitationg disease can be found.
I wanted to include a note of special appreciation to my dear friend, Cloudchaser, for the creation of the below RSD page. I am humbled by your concern and support. It means the world to me, dear red wolfie. On behalf of RSD'ers everywhere, I thank you!
*HUGS*
Please click on the Brick Ribbon icon to visit:
"Louve's RSD Awareness Page - In Honor of Louve"
I have found that it is important to know that you are NOT alone, if faced with a diagnosis of chronic pain. It can be so comforting to know that the feelings and fears you may have are perfectly normal - and that there are many others out there who can relate to what you may be experiencing.
For that reason, I decided to include some useful links to websites which may be helpful to other chronic pain patients... I know that they have helped me.
Of course, I could only include a few.. and there are MANY more out there. I just wanted to provide a beginning step on your journey to further knowledge and understanding.
I hope that these links prove helpful and meaningful.
*smiles*A useful site for both patients and those who treat chronic pain.
An organization for pain patients, families, and treating physicians.
A wonderful support network on ICQ for those with chronic pain. As well as a great way to find and chat with others with chronic pain.
In fact, I am a member of this ICQ group. If you are a fellow pain patient and want my ICQ # to chat, send me an e-mail to the address below.
An excellent search engine for links to many links to organizations and pain management sites.
If the pictures or graphics used on this page are under the copyright of yourself or someone you know, PLEASE send an e-mail to the address below, and the proper credit will be given. Thank You !!
The "Louve" Snowglobe and "Louve" banner are courtesy of Dakota, and were made exclusively for Louve- please do not take those graphics. To see other examples of Dakota's beautiful work, go to:
www.angelfire.com/ga2/dakota'sden/art.html. Thanks Dakota !! Nuzzlez !!
The 'Louve' Winking Wolf animation is a gift, made exclusively for Louve, by Keith- a friend from alt.binaries.pictures.animatedgifs. Please do not take this graphic- thank you. And a VERY appreciative THANK YOU to keith, for such a beautiful animation. ;)
