More things the Beast Warriors don't want others to know ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -> Inferno grins all the time because he had too many face lifts. -> The other Predacons would kill for opposable thumbs. -> The stasis pods were actually photon torpedoes... which shows you how much the Maximals care about the team... -> Optimus Primal could just call the Cybertronian Stranded Spacecraft Towing Service, but the long distance phone bills are just too much... -> Every once and a while, Primal drinks a little too much, and beats up on Cheetor. Cheetor stays with him, though, because he knows Primal is trying to quit... -> One night, Waspinator got really hyped up on energon overcharge, dressed in drag, sang karoke, and wound up in bed with Terrorsaur. Why else would the two of them hang out together? -> Scorponok could go home if he wanted, but then Zarak would gloat about Scorpy being nothing without him. -> Blackarachnia actually came up with the Breastforce idea... although it was slightly different in her version... -> It may be Airazor now, but back in college, it was Springer... -> Blackarachnia is actually trying to lose her virginity. -> Primal only said that "Beast Wars" line because during a scripting session, Bob Forward had stood in front of him and said "Bet you WON'T!!!" -> Tarantulas guests on weekends in the Psychic Friends Network. -> Airazor was clutching to Primal's leg because she was drunk and mistook him for George Clooney. (A common mistake, one that drunk Maximal females make all the time.) -> The aliens do have bodies, they just forgot where they were. -> Cheetor is actually both Hot Rod and Blurr, after a freak teleporter accident. Sample from series done with the REAL TOYS used as models... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WASPINATOR: Now Wazzzzpinator blast you! RHINOX: Not likely. I'll just pull out my - what? Where's my gun - a rotor? What the hell is this? CHEETOR: I'll help you with my - water gun? MEGATRON: Excellent, yessss. Now, to pick up - what? Where are my hands? And what the hell are these things on the side of my head? "Mutant head"? BLACKARACHNIA & AIRAZOR: WHERE IS MY CHEST?!?!? RATTRAP: I'm coming! Gah! No balance! What the hell are these wing-things? I can't stand up! TERRORSAUR : I'm caught in my own wings! Help! TARANTULAS: My claws - they're backwards! And my legs are aimed wrong! Help! Help! WASPINATOR : Wazzzzzpinator can't find gun! DINOBOT: What are these things? Legs? And my arms keep falling over! OPTIMUS PRIMAL: Hey! I'm done right! SCORPONOK: What... balance... losing... Where is my CyberBee? I can't fire it without losing my claw! INFERNO: These new weapons I have - the Royalty has not approved me having them! I must destroy myself for insubordination! OPTIMUS PRIMAL: But I AM done right... You know you're too into Beast Wars when... ----------------------------------------------------------------- -> On your tax return, you claim "Maximal Elder" as your occupation. -> You are hospitalized after you leap off a cliff and try to transform to hawk mode. -> You didn't like the HasKen Inferno toy, so you built your own - *full* *size*. -> You keep having to remind yourself that energon rub symbols cannot consumed for sustenance. -> Last week, you looked into having a pure caffine shipment come in every week to duplicate Cheetor's energy. -> People keep having to remind you to bathe yourself. -> Whenever it gets a little quiet, you yell out in a Dinobot voice, "It's a Predacon trap!!!" -> When you see one of those guys proclaiming "The end is nigh", you walk up to them and say, "I know! Let us find a stasis pod and escape!" -> You keep forgetting to pay the electric bill. Outakes from Beast Wars (the pilot) ---------------------------------------------------- CHEETOR: Guidance systems failing! OPTIMUS: And me without my compass! CHEETOR: The stasis pods! RHINOX: But my suitcase is okay, right? MEGATRON: This planet has energon! COMPUTER: But no towing service. You'll have to walk home. DINOBOT: Megatron, you FAILED! MEGATRON: It's a trait you and I share. MEGATRON: Isn't that right - Scorponok? SCORPONOK: Umm, gee, I don't really know... RATTRAP: You sure you're cut out for this commander gig? OPTIMUS: Thanks to the power of HasKen, yes! CHEETOR: It's just a big bug. I'll run back to the Axalon and get some Raid. WASPINATOR: Wazzpinator under attack! Wazzzpinator engage enemy! Wazzpinator take English lessons! Wazzpinator correct sentence structure! Wazzzpinator always saves more then 1-800-COLLECT! OPTIMUS: Why start this up again? MEGATRON: It's good for the ratings. WASPINATOR: Wazzpinator cannot move! TARANTULAS: Great. He's constipated again. RATTRAP: So I get vaped because you're too chicken to go yourself? OPTIMUS: No, you get vaped because I'm five times your size. RATTRAP: Eh. Hadn't thought of that. DINOBOT: And the loser - will be destroyed! OPTIMUS: Can't they just be given a slap on the wrist? DINOBOT: And no-one crosses this bridge until you face me. RATTRAP: Why can't you just ask three riddles like a normal bridgekeeper? CHEETOR: Hey, Scalebelly, how's about you try a piece of the Bad Kitty, huh? DINOBOT: All right, I will... hmm, tastes sort of like chicken. OPTIMUS: Don't hog all of it! DINOBOT: I will have you recycled with full honors. OPTIMUS: I go in the "Aluminum" section, okay? DINOBOT: Silence! CHEETOR: Optimussssss! MEGATRON: Yesssssss! RATTRAP: What'ssssss with thissssss? RHINOX: I think it'ssssss contagiousssssss! MEGATRON: You let them escape! TERRORSAUR: Get used to it. OPTIMUS: And let it be called - BEAST WARS! ALL: Top 10 suprises in the next season of Beast Wars ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. Megatron hisses because of an air leak in his cannon. 9. Primal is really dead. 8. Airazor discovers her evil twin sister, who steals Tigatron. (Guest voiced by Tori Spelling.) 7. They find out that all this time, they could go home... all they had to do was click their heels together and say "There's no place like home"... 6. Wormhole really the one over DS9. 5. The aliens are slime molds. 4. Scorponok wrote fifteen books on abnormal psychology. 3. The new Maximal leader: Suckotron! 2. Blackarachnia joins a convent. 1. Energon crystals really an old science project. Everything I needed to know about life I learned from Beast Wars -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Accordian music and an angry Megatron should be mutually exclusive. - Words speak louder than thoughts. Actions speak louder than words. But Rhinox's chaingun speaks loudest. - When Dinobot says "Be quiet", he MEANS it! - Blackarachnia is NOT amused by chest jokes. - Airazor will not leap into bed with you after downing twenty bottles of Jack Daniels. She's a ROBOT, for fuck's sake! ROBOTS CAN'T GET DRUNK!!! (All you MUSHers out there: This means you!) - For Predacons: Trust no one, including yourself. You're likely to betray yourself. - For Maximals: Whenever something goes wrong, blame Cheetor. Everyone'll believe you. - Silverbolt doesn't find anything funny about the way he talks. - Calling Inferno a butt-kisser isn't a joke, it's an invitation for an ass-whupping. - You cannot get a flight by jumping on Optimus's back and saying "Hey, surfer monkey, haul ass!!!" - Making gay jokes or marraige jokes about Dinobot and Rattrap are good ways to get yourself reduced to trace elements.