Electronic Trandenscendence Productions presents...
[THE APTITUDE TEST]

People attach labels to you all the time, right?  You think of 
yourself as attractive, intelligent, skillful, and hardworking... and, 
if that's what "ugly", "stupid", "inept", and "lazy" mean in whatever 
language you speak, great!  For the rest of us, though, we need 
to find some way to prove these people wrong.  Thus... The 
Aptitude Test.  Just take the test, score it as you are instructed, 
and you'll be CERTAIN which adjectives belong to you!  (Or 
something like that.)

Test #2: PERVERT APTITUDE TEST
(Which I'll take as soon as I'm finished trying to picture the test 
administrator naked.)

1. You believe that sex should be...
     A. Sweet, intimate, and a pure way to express love.
     B. Private and enjoyable.
     C. Something out of "Penthouse".
     D. An activity that would make Madonna blush (and we 
DON'T mean the religious figure).

2. You live on a desert island without any contact with the 
opposite sex.  You would be crazed for any intimate contact 
within...
     A. Doesn't matter; you could wait.
     B. A month.
     C. A day.
     D. Twelve seconds.

3. You define "kinky" as...
     A. Anything outside of two people sharing themselves.
     B. More than three people, or involving appliances.
     C. Anything involving animals.
     D. A term used by stodgy conservatives.

4. You generally think about sex every...
     A. Month.
     B. Day.
     C. Hour.
     D. Too busy thinking about sex to actually make judgement 
on question.

5. When it comes to sex, people refer to you as...
     A. "Sweet."
     B. "Fun."
     C. "Demented."
     D. "Dangerous."

6. Who is the absolute LEAST attractive and likable person you 
would be willing to have sex with?
     A. Cindy Crawford.
     B. Monica Lewinsky.
     C. Rosanne Barr.
     D. Linda Tripp.

7. Finish the following sentence: Make love ________.
     A. Only when you're really serious.
     B. Not war.
     C. For fun.
     D. With whoever, wherever, whenever.

8. Before you share your bed with someone, you make sure...
     A. You both really care about one another.
     B. You both have protection.
     C. They don't hate your guts.
     D. They aren't going to sue afterwards.

9. You begin dating someone.  You would consider having sex 
with them after...
     A. Marriage.
     B. Several months of dating.
     C. A few dates.
     D. Meeting each other.

10. You consider pornography...
     A. Infantile.
     B. Occasionally enjoyable.
     C. Necessary.
     D. Sacred.

[Scoring:] Well, if you need to know THAT, you probably 
shouldn't be taking this - oh, you mean scoring the TEST.  Huh.  
Well, subtract a point for each A, add a point for each C, and add 
two points for each D.  Then, consult the following chart:

-10 - -1: Oh, DO loosen up a little.
0: Completely average, you unnoticable lump.
1 - 10: Average denzien of any Net porno site.
11 - 20: You actually stopped having sex to TAKE this?