"Hey"
"Hey"
"How you doing"
"Good"
"You're doing a great job"
"Thanks"

(audience moans)

Craig: OK tell me, there were no strippers
Lauren: No.
Craig: OK, that's good. 
Lauren: I don't think you were so drunk that...
Lauren: I was probably focused, I was hosting... I was a little drunk that night. I was hosting, I apologize. 
Lauren: No, its ok, because what I thought was going to happen... I had a love connection at the TV Guide Awards, and you would have been so redeemed, ummm and then I could have come on and said Hey you were sort of cool, but then I met this guy.. and let me just tell you, don't get involved with a famous guy, because they don't call....they don't write... I had the most ... I had the most crazy, magnetic ....
Craig: By the way, you're unloading a lot tonight. You are really unloading right now.
Lauren: I'm upset, I'm upset, ... and you stopped going to therapy with me, so I just feel like we should work it out, here.
Craig: You don't want to say who you met ? You met some guy.
Lauren: No. Why would I ?
Craig: I know who was there.
Lauren:  Who?
Craig: Dennis Franz was there that night, and he's married, I don't know who else was there ... Rod Stewart.... Rod Stewart was there that night, huh?
Lauren: It was not Rod Stewart. I don't think I should say who it was...
Craig: OK, OK whisper it in my ear.
Lauren: If I'm going to tell you, then I'm going to tell the nice people.
Craig: Ok tell the nice people.
Lauren: ummm...  I just feel a little vulnerable about it because..
Craig: Did you guys go out ?
Lauren: No ! He didn't call me! He was like " I...I....I... all I'm going to talk about is that I met you...and do do do..." 
Craig: So he got your number, and he didn't call you
Lauren: Yes! ....Yes!  ... so that's for nothing Martin Mull.
Craig: That's a joke. He's my buddy
Lauren: I know, I know.
Craig: He's happily married. It's a joke.
Lauren: aah..whatever I'm here to start rumors and scandal.
Craig: Why did you color you hair ? Is it for a part ? Is it for a role ?
Lauren: It's for a film project, Craig, umm, that I feel, I feel, good about.
Craig: all right, and good sentence, good sentence right there. (Craig claps and audience cheers)
Lauren: Thank you.
Craig: OK, so you have a new role ?
Lauren: Yes. I'm doing a movie with, umm,  Justin Timberlake, of N Sync.
Craig: Yo....(audience cheers) 
Craig: Is this something, something you want to admit publicly ?
Lauren: and it's a...... a spy caper.... and he plays a guy in a band..humm...and the thing is he is my.... he is the person....I am dating him so I...
Craig: In the movie or in real life ?
Lauren: In real life ! .....Really.
Craig: In the movie you are dating him, right ?
Lauren: And in real life, that's why I'm doing the movie.... (audience laughs)
Craig: OK how much of this is true ?
Lauren: Craig...... Craig....... I dyed my hair for no reason.
Craig: OK, you made that up. She made it up everybody.
Lauren: They're still shocked...... they're not sure...... they're like but what about the ........ oh but this is what the move is called, do you want to here what the move is called ?
Craig: The fake move, yeah, I want to know the fake movie.
Lauren: cause we're spies......nothing makes me laugh harder than this move, by the way, ...don't you think it's funny ?......
Craig: OK, go ahead...this is good....
Lauren: It's called ..... N .... Secret...... because we're spies.....you get it ?
Craig: Give her a courtesy laugh, people.......
Lauren: I got a courtesy laugh ........ Wouldn't it be great if I was doing that though......but it would be like a spy caper .....but I'm like trying to get in the band, but they wont let me in the band. So I'm like managing the band ....
Craig: You know what, Lauren...
Lauren: What.
Craig: I'm actually proud I didn't say hi to you at those places (Lauren laughs)
Craig: I'm kidding....Hey...We're out of time girlfriend....great to see you again
Lauren: good to see you too....
Craig: and I will say hi to you in public when I see you  next time 
Lauren: Yes you will .
Craig: Big hand for Lauren Graham everybody.