Chicken Impersonations & Politics

In 1998, performance artist Rob Thompson caged a man and a woman in Ottawa to protest the conditions of commercially bred chickens.

V8 Juice: The Secret to National Unity?

French-only V8 Juice ads are the first line of defense against U.S. military occupation of Canada.

Without meaning to disparage Gilbert & Sullivan's famous observation on the policeman's lot, it must be noted that the editor's is not always a significantly happier one.

In fact, after a day battling publishers, advertisers and special interest groups, many editors would view heavily armed criminals as a pleasant diversion.

And that doesn't even touch upon the problem of actually getting copy.

Whatever else editors do, their primary purpose is to fill those annoying little holes between advertisements. Traditionally, the literary landfill used for this purpose is "copy." It is the editor's task to find copy which not only fits the space, but also stands a chance of enticing readers back for more.

This means they need copy that meets three criteria.

(1) It must be available by deadline. Although this has never been the subject of a concerted cover-up, thousands of writers still appear to believe that perfect copy two days after publication is preferable to adequate copy on time. If necessary, most editors, like Rumpelstilzkin, can take the crudest straw and spin it into some form of gold -- but to do this, the straw must be on their desks before the issue goes to bed.

(2) The copy must concern itself with a particular subject. In the case of solicited articles, it is preferable that this subject be the one specified at the time of solicitation. At the very least, however, the subject should remain roughly the same throughout the entire article. There's nothing wrong with free association in a psychiatrist's office, but as a general rule only Dave Barry should write articles that progress from mushrooms to utility companies and end up with MX missiles.

(3) The copy should give the impression that the writer has some familiarity with the subject. A light-year is not a measurement of time, the Celtic festival of Samhain is not pronounced "Sam Hane" (although Lord knows why not), and catalytic converters are not part of a fundamentalist revival movement.

Copy that fulfills these basic requirements is copy that makes an editor's life just a little bit easier.

If the copy also happens to be good, it can even make them smile.

And that's what I do. Make editors smile.

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