Best Bumper Stickers of 1999, which ran recently in the Washington Post:

God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends.
My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips.
Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount.
(Spotted on the jacket of a passing motorcyclist) If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off. (Was her name Ruth? If so, did he ride on ruthlessly?)
I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We're OK Now.
Veni, Vidi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did A Little Shopping.
What If The Hokey Pokey Is REALLY What It's All About?
Coffee, Chocolate, Men: Some Things Are Just Better Rich.
Liberal Arts Major... Will Think For Food.
Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen.
Gravity... It's Not Just A Good Idea. It's The Law.
If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen.
First National Bank Of Dad: Sorry, Closed.
In Dog Years, I'm Dead.
Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is A Real Eye Opener.
If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You.
Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade.
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship.
I'm Going To Graduate On Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.
Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.
A Day Without Sunshine Is Like Night.
First Things First, But Not Necessarily In That Order.
Old Age Comes At A Bad Time.
In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One Of The Risks You Take.
Some People Are Only Alive Because It Is Illegal To Shoot Them.
I Used To Have A Handle On Life, But It Broke.
So You're A Feminist... Isn't That Cute?
The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.
As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools.
God Must Love Stupid People... He Made SO Many Of Them.
It's Lonely At The Top, But You Eat Better.
Consciousness: That Annoying Time Between Naps.
Always Remember You're Unique... Just Like Everyone Else.
Taxation WITH Representation Isn't So Hot, Either!
Five Days A Week My Body Is A Temple. The Other Two, It's An Amusement Park.
EARTH FIRST! We'll Strip-Mine The Other Planets Later.
If You Drink, Don't Park. Accidents Cause People.
If You Can Read This, I Can Hit My Brakes And Sue You.
Save The Whales! Trade Them For Valuable Prizes.
My Wife Keeps Complaining I Never Listen To Her... Or Something Like That.
Alcohol And Calculus Don't Mix. Never Drink And Derive.
Stop Repeat Offenders. Don't Re-elect Them!
Jesus May Love You, But Everyone Else Thinks You're A Jerk.

Other Bumper Stickers

Help! The Paranoids Are After Me!
My Child Kicked The Hell Out Of Your Honor Student At Their School.