Many people have experimented with bondage in love-play, and perhaps even domination. They perhaps get a kick out of the thrill of being helpless for that moment in time. I take that a bit further. The way my husband makes me feel is like that thrilled-helplessness all the time. Knowing that I now exist to serve him pleases me tremendously. It makes me happy to make him happy. This is not a kinky sex game. This is my Life. (Which is now his.)

There is also the side of me which desperately wants to have structure and discipline in my life. I have a hard time (in my personal life) getting things done, and being organized. He assigns tasks for me, and I must do them or be punished. I would prefer not to be punished; I am no masochist. With his guidance, and his demands of the best from me, I am becoming a better person overall.

In case there are those who are reading this thinking that I've been brainwashed into this lifestyle, you couldn't be further from the truth! We entered into this relationship together. We have been moving towards this sort of a commitment for years, and didn't even know it. Together, we decided to take this step.

As with any new relationship, there were (and are!) kinks to be worked out. There have been times where I outright defied his orders, in part, to see what would happen. Part of defiance is testing boundaries; that's what adolescence Is. Part of it may be insecurity. I may not have felt much like a slave, so I acted a bit bratty to get his attention. Perhaps I was stressed because I had a lousy day, and wanted to be in control by pushing Master into doing something. That is topping from the bottom, and not it's not a good thing. Manipulation is never a good thing in a relationship. However, it's a human reaction to stress to act out aggressively. What I must try to do is to learn to control my aggression. It's not easy. I fight with my self-reliance, too, rather than allowing him to take care of me. It's really hard for me to give myself up to him, when I have been so used to doing everything for myself. It takes trust and a little fearlessness to do that, but I am learning. He takes better care of me than I do, usually. ::grin::

I love to do things for him, knowing that when he comes home, he will be pleased for my efforts. Not because it means I'll have really great sex that night, not because I'll get to sit on the couch for being pleasing, but because I have been pleasing. I want to make him happy, and that means that I have to shove aside the things that make me independent, and rely on him.

I often feel like I am not a good slave. A good slave does things without grumbling, without sour looks, right? No; I am still a person, with emotions. However, my desire to be pleasing and to make him happy should now be more important to me than my dislike of what he told me to do. I want to be the solace he comes home to after a hard day. I want to ease his troubles with a soft touch and gentle words. I want to be the reason he comes home. It makes me very happy that that is in fact the case. I strive to be better everyday. I try to dress to please him, I want to cook meals that he will enjoy, and keep the house clean. I am much calmer, not so quick to argue... which makes us Both happier.

Submission is a process, not a flipped switch. I am learning it, and he will guide the way. So far, it's been a wonderful thing for both of us.

"Let Your Man Be the Boss" 
The rather novel idea has been put forth recently that if a husband is straying toward greener pastures, the reason may not be that he is by nature an unkind brute, but that perhaps the fault may lie within the "wronged" wife!

The best way for a wife to insure that her marriage will be a happy one, is for her to give up the aggressive, domineering role and let her man be the boss. The nagging, criticizing, scolding wife who makes all the decisions, is heading for disaster and the sooner she realizes it, the better. She wonders why her husband fails to confide in her or sits with his evening paper in front of his face. Little does she realize that he’s trying to escape from a wife who is the exact opposite of what he most desires in a woman.

The woman who criticizes her husband’s lack of success, tries to push him into making more money, nags at his appearance and harps on his flaws, is certainly not aiding and abetting her chances for happiness. One wonders why she married him in the first place, if he is so displeasing to her in so many ways! If he tries to be loving and affectionate, she pushes him away with "Stop, you’re mussing my hair!", if he forgets to bring something home, she reproaches him as though he had committed a major crime instead of laughing it off with a cheery, "Never mind, darling, tomorrow will do just as well," and if he fails to praise her for a well-kept house, she gets insulted... yet how few and far between are her praises of him!

The average man, who works hard all day, perhaps contending with a domineering and unreasonable boss, certainly does not relish coming home to a masculine, aggressive wife who constantly belittles him and making him feel unwanted and unimportant. The smart wife allows her husband to be the boss always and finds happiness in building him up. She doesn’t try to force the issue of "equal rights for women" because she knows that she will only find true happiness by being a woman -- feminine, desirable, and tender; not shrewish, tyrannizing and dictatorial. She does not make her husband feel "out of it" in raising the children, but includes him in everything. How many wives complain that "John shows absolutely no interest in the children" when this disinterest is the direct result of shutting John out when the children were infants! Nor does the smart wife threaten the children with the oft-repeated phrase: "You just wait till Daddy gets home. He’ll fix you!" She does not want her children to think of their father as a threat, as something to fear. And she doesn’t over-ride her husband’s decisions in front of the children, but builds up his ego by deferring to his judgement as much as possible.

The woman who see that she looks fresh and appetizing when her husband is around, who rushes to put on lipstick and run a comb through her hair, shows her husband that she still cares for his opinion. She doesn’t arrange dates for her husband and inform him airily "Oh, didn’t I tell you? We’re meeting the Shavers for dinner tonight," when he comes home exhausted, but pays him the compliment of asking him first whether he wants to go, before making an engagement. Nor does she greet him at the door about how Johnny refused to eat his carrots or how sloppy the maid is, but instead gives off an air of peace and comfort and quietude that every man wants and expects from a woman.

When the wife turns into a bossy harridan, she is defeating her own ends. She is losing her husband’s love and is making herself unhappy by trying to take over the man’s role when she could play the feminine role so much more successfully. Even if she wins out and becomes the boss, she’s miserable, for subconsciously every woman wants a masculine man on whom she can lean in times of stress. By building up her man’s ego and masculinity, she insures herself of a happy, secure, home life and a normal family situation.

Although she is an unpleasant modern phenomenon, the wife who nags and bosses her husband, who makes no attempts to flatter his ego, and who belittles whatever he does, is not entirely to blame for her situation. Once upon a time, the housewife was the very center of society. Her husband worked at home, her children were educated at home. The wife and mother cooked, sewed, cleaned, made all the family clothes, and was altogether indispensable. It is not an exaggeration to say that society revolved around her. Today, her husband no longer works in his home but leaves for office or factory early in the morning. Her children are snatched from her for state education, almost from the time they can walk! Yes, today even children 2 1/2 years old are sent to nursery school! Until they graduate from college at 22, her children spend more time under the guidance of strangers than they do under the guidance of their mother! Mechanical machines make the burden of housework much easier, and today’s homemaker is a woman who spends the greater part of the day alone. Even her family is smaller and soon grown up, with no babies to take their place.

Frustrated by a society that has substituted outside institutions for the home, she feels that her role as wife and mother is an unimportant one, and envies her friends who are "career girls," little realizing that being a good wife and mother is a bigger job than ever today and one that requires skill, intelligence, and a sense of humor. In our rapidly changing world, only the housewife can keep the family stable and secure. Her role has been underestimated for too long, but more and more women who are tired of the feminist movement and hearing about "women’s rights" realize that women’s rights are right in the home. A happy husband and children are a far greater contribution to society than the most outstanding career. Those who shout the loudest about "women’s rights" are usually frustrated and neurotic women whose own lives have been terribly unhappy and who are trying to "get even" with men, usually their own fathers.

A charming, soft-spoken wife, who even after years of marriage, throws a veil of mystery around her beauty secrets and habits, is still alluring to her husband. And the average male doesn’t want a wife who does everything he does -- only better. He will be prouder and happier if she does not excel in something in which he does not fear her competition. A wife who is an excellent cook, an accomplished pianist or an excellent horsewoman, is a source of pride, not jealousy, to her husband. Another trick of making your man feel good, is to make him feel how important he is to you. Don’t just make a polite gesture of asking his opinion and then do as you please. Instead, consider carefully what he advises, and try to do as he suggests. If you feel that your ideas on handling some particular problem are sounder than his, just make your suggestion quietly without making him feel small. He’ll probably seize your ideas, make them his own, and then, in all innocence restate them triumphantly as his!

Make your home a gracious, charming place that he will hurry home to at the end of a busy day. Don’t save your best china and silver for company, don’t decorate your home in a style which he loathes, don’t put his personal belongings where he can never find them, and don’t be a "Craig’s Wife" about keeping the house so neat that he’s afraid to spill an ash on the rug for fear you’ll have hysterics! If he gets an impulse to bring home an armful of flowers, don’t berate him for his extravagance, but accept the gift as sweetly as it is offered to you.

The woman who makes a gracious, happy home for her husband and children is the most accomplishing and important job of our century, and the woman who overlooks her husband’s little faults, who makes a genuine effort to bring out his good qualities, and at all times makes him feel that he’s a pretty wonderful guy, is laying the foundation for a happy marriage, or strengthening the bonds of one that is already happy and secure.

Being a Housewife
There is no shame in being a housewife. There is no "lack" in a woman who desires to be a Homemaker. What a great word, "homemaker." To be a man's solace from the world, the keeper of his haven in the storm, what could be a more selfless thing than that?

I think it happened when women decided to burn their bras, and act like men. Suddenly, any woman who wanted to be a housewife was subversive, a traitor. Feminism was supposed to be about Choiceabout becoming men. Women, out of necessity, to compete in the Man's world, have had to be hard, ruthless... mannish. And it's backfired! The women who succeed are called "bitches" and the soft, sexy women are trophies.

I am trying to reclaim the pride women felt 50 years ago, when their men came home from work to a clean home, redolent with the scents of a home-cooked meal. I choose to be that woman: strong, organized, loving.

Then & Now
This has been passed around on the 'Net for ages. No one knows what home economics text it comes from, or who was the original author. I've even seen it suggested to be an urban legend. At any rate, here's the way a 1950s housewife should have her home ready for when her husband returns to work (and the rather sarcastic "modern" housewife's rebuttal ).

Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
Rebuttal 
Have dinner ready. Make reservations ahead of time. If your day becomes too hectic, just leave him a voice mail message regarding where you'd like to eat and at what time. This lets him know that your day has been crappy and gives him an opportunity to change your mood.

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Rebuttal 
Prepare yourself. A quick stop at the Fashion counter on your way home will do wonders for your outlook and will keep you from becoming irritated every time he opens his mouth. (Don't forget to use his credit card!)

Clear away clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
Rebuttal 
Clear away the clutter. Call the housekeeper and tell her that any miscellaneous items left on the floor by the children can be placed in the Goodwill box in the garage.

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Rebuttal 
Prepare the children. Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play Nintendo. After all, both of them are from his previous marriages.

Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
Rebuttal 
Minimize the noise: If you happen to be home when he arrives, be in the bathroom with the door locked.

Some Dont's :Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.
Rebuttal 
Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain if he's late for dinner, simply remind him that the leftovers are in the fridge and you left the dishes for him to do.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
Rebuttal 
Make him comfortable: Tell him where he can find a blanket if he's cold. This will really show you care.

Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
Rebuttal 
Listen to him: But don't ever let him get the last word.

Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax.
Rebuttal 
Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment; go with a friend or go shopping (use his credit card). Familiarize him with the phrase "Girls' Night Out."

The Goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
Rebuttal 
The Goal: Try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around him. Obviously he's wrong, it revolves around you.

Now really, even meant as a joke, the "modern" version is spiteful.

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Luv Jen



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