Bush Revamps the FDA Agency
Appoints Faith Healer to Advisory Board

	President Bush Indicates How Much Faith He Has In Present FDA Administration

Washington, DC, November 18 -- Newly invigorated from the strong mandate received in this month's midterm election, the President started the revamping of his Administration under the government's new working motto "God is great".

At a hastily called press conference at the Rose Garden, the President and his nimble sidekick, Ari Fleischer, laid out the blueprint for a Government designed to be "For the People, By Good People, Under God".

Having already renamed the Environmental Protection Agency as the Environmental Impact Agency (see separate story), the administration has targeted the Food and Drug Administration for reformation, and with immediate effect, this agency will keep its cherished abbreviation, but will now be known as the "Faith Dispensing Agency".

"All of the problems with the present mandate of the FDA dictate that we reorganize the FDA with the informed view that the science dealing with illness and health have come a long way since this agency was first established", said the President. "We all know that if sick people would only place all of their faith in God's hands, we would have a much healthier, and spiritually invigorated population."

"And talking about population," Mr Fleischer added, "the FDA is getting its ungodly hands involved in birth control. That RU-486 thingie which the current FDA administration is so hepped up about, is nothing but a diabolical device promoted by baby-killing democrats. The "new" FDA's counterpart to the RU-486 is called "abstinence" - it has never killed anyone to date, and will save our nation untold grief and teenage hemorrhaging."

"Aside from its amoral message to our nation's unchristian teenagers," said Ari Fleischer,"the old FDA also failed miserably in its mission to serve the older segment of our population, giving rise to our senior citizens whining over the high cost of prescription drugs, and large pharmaceutical companies cutting back on their contributions under the perfectly legitimate excuse that the high cost of recalling drug after drug and settling a seemingly unending string of class-action suits premised on defective drugs or leaking breast implant devices simply made it impossible for them to live up to their pledges."

"By placing the FDA in the hands of doctors who believe in the supremacy of God's healing powers over conventional, mere chemical substances falsely known as "miracle drugs", we aim to bring to our nation the real institution of miracles, namely the Christian faith based miracles, as exemplified by Jesus Christ who by merely laying His hands on sick people immediately caused them to get well. Not only that, we will save billions of dollars in Medicare and Medicaid costs," added the President.

"This revamping of the FDA, and the attendant shift of the nation's clamor for physical and emotional wellness, leading to a preference of spiritual healing over substance abuse, may well be the economic stimulus which enables us to permanently remove the barriers to wealth propagation," added Ari Fleischer.

"The billions of dollars saved by seniors and sickly people, will add huge amounts of disposable income into their pockets, and will give them a sense, not only of religious cleansing and physical wellbeing, but also a real feeling of newfound wealth, and we believe they will find ways to financially support the very faith-based institutions which brought about their spiritual salvation."

"Finally," the President added, "with the 100 billion which we estimate the Federal Government will save by dispensing faith-based miracle cures instead of questionable prescription drugs which always come with an enormous amount of baggage in the form of undesirable side effects, we will be able to fully eliminate the Federal Estate Tax. This will truly be a WIN-WIN situation. All of the little folks will wallow along in religious euphoria, while our Republican supporters will feel a different, and more substantial increase in their wellbeing, as exemplified by their bulging bank accounts."

"That's why I have named a good friend of mine, a person highly recommended to me by Billy Graham, namely David Hager, who is standing next to me, one of God's chosen people, and also chosen by me, a person who also happens to be a Medical Doctor, so he is perfect for the choice, as the next member of the FDA Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee."