Collected from various sources by Gummi Bear, Jr.

Global Assessment of Risk of Nuclear Attack

The 120 page report, released to the UN on Friday, makes wide-ranging assessment of each member nation's access to nuclear material, its delivery capability, propensity to involve itself in the international arena, and juxtaposes the leadership qualities and democratic indicia of each nation with its physical arms and delivery capability.

The report amounts to far more than just one more learned opinion of threat assessment in today's rhetoric.

Essentially, the report attempts to create concise measures of each country's risk parameters so that its final conclusion can be read as more than a subjective assessment by political operatives - instead, the report presents a quantifiable and quantified assessment of the power, likelihood and risk of individual nations waging nuclear war in today's charged political climate.

While reasonable men may quibble about the validity of the relative scores assigned to each country, few can argue that the report properly points to the dangers inherent in the international behavior of a far greater range of countries than indicated by the current rhetoric which seems to point out Iraq as the principal threat nation.

Click here to view Summary Page of the report.

	President Bush Admiring Third grader's reading skills
	"Jeez, that gal sure know how to read that book" George W. Bush - Brownsville TX Elementary School, 9-25-2002

Bush Announces New Method of Conducting War
President Favors "First Strike" Over Deterrence

Brownsville TX — President Bush chose the locale of an elementary school in this downtrodden bordertown to announce the Administration's new war policy.

Bush first had hinted at the new doctrine in his State of the Union address in January, when he labeled Iraq, Iran and North Korea an "axis of evil" and warned that he would not allow them to threaten the United States with weapons of mass destruction. The president articulated the doctrine for the first time June 1 in a commencement address at West Point.

Yesterday was the first time the President indicated that his security advisers formally had adopted the "National Security Strategy" being drafted for public release by early this fall.

Asked why the President almost invariably chooses elementary schools as his speaking platform whenever new policy initiatives are announced, Ari Fleischer, White House Press Secretary, answered that "it makes the President very comfortable to speak from a podium in a Third grade classroom".

"The President likes a participative audience, and these classrooms full of third graders almost invariably seem much more receptive to the new Administration initiatives that if the President, for instance, were to announce them at a press briefing in the White House".

"Besides, the question-and-answer session which follows whenever the President is speaking in front of a friendly audience, gives the President an opportunity to shine and appear more statesmanlike than his questioners - something which never happens in Washington DC."

"As you know, the President suffers from acute dyslexia and has had problems since childhood with a severe microcephalic affliction. Henceforth, he prefers the easygoing atmosphere of elementary schools, particularly in his home state where the youngsters are far more likely to gloss over the President's occasional mispronunciation of a multisyllabic word, far more so than would be the case at the often contentious press conferences in the White House".

Bush, Finding Little International Support for Regime Change in Iraq and Ouster of Saddam Hussein
Changes Focus to Skating Scandal - French Skating Judge Now Public Enemy # 1

President Bush, deeply disappointed that the same international fraternity which rallied around his father's invasion of Iraq ("II1") now show such apparent reluctance to follow in GW Bush's footsteps for the planned Second Invasion of Iraq ("II2") prior to this year's elections, has dropped Saddam Hussein as Public Enemy # 1 and found a promising replacement candidate in Ottavio Cinquanta, the president of the International Skating Union ("ISU")

According to White House staffers who attended a policy meeting this morning, Mr. Bush expressed disdain and great annoyance at the NATO member nations for their coolness towards II2.

"You can drag a horse to water," the President is reported to have said, "but if the jackass ain't thirsty you cain't force him to drink. I've just about had it up to here with those Euraponatian countries".

"Heck, even Tony Blair is only lukewarm - and that Schroeder - that's just a disgrace".

"We gotta find us a cause which not only tugs at the heart strings of our citizenry, but also will make our NATO allies carry the torch and share in the load and rally behind us and show that I am the leader of the mightiest nation on earth".

"Now that poor gal being beaten up by what's-her-name Harding - there's a story which will not fall on deaf ears. And then the scandal of them French judges throwing the gold medal to the Russkis - another cause celebre for our foreign allies".

"Got that - cause celebre - that's a french word for favorite thing - I learnt that in vocabulary class yesterday. Did I pronounce it right, Dick?"

"We don't need the votes of the French or the Russians anyway, but the way I look at it, the rest of the world is pretty miffed over these things too - and we can easily wrap this thing up before November 5".

The decision having been made, Federal investigators initiated a massive probe of the Salt Lake Olympic figure-skating scandal and have begun intensively interviewing key international skating officials.

Three officials — Ron Pfenning, Jon Jackson and Sally Stapleford — confirmed that they had been interviewed for at least three hours each by FBI agents and members of the U.S. attorney's office in New York. Pfenning and Jackson said investigators also plan to interview other international witnesses when they arrive for events such as Skate America next month and the world championships in March.

"They're very interested in getting the dirt on (ISU President Ottavio) Cinquanta and very interested in Didier (Gailhaguet, the banned French federation president)," said Jackson, an ISU judge.

"They were very interested in what happened at the Olympics," said Pfenning. "They certainly want the top officeholder to hang dry."

An FBI spokesman declined comment.

A woman who answered the phone at Cinquanta's house said he was not available to comment. Gailhaguet has declined all interviews.

The controversy that started at the Salt Lake Olympics grew into a worldwide investigation leading to the arrest of a reputed Russian mobster in Italy in July. Based on wiretaps, U.S. officials allege that Alimzhan Tokhtakhounov conspired to fix skating competitions at the Olympics. Italian officials have received t for his extradition.

Jackson and Stapleford both were witnesses to the outburst of French judge Marie-Reine Le Gougne the night of the pairs long program in Salt Lake City, when Le Gougne said she was pressured to vote for the Russian pair over the Canadians. Jackson and Stapleford went public with their statements. Stapleford subsequently lost her re-election bid for technical committee chair, being replaced by Russian Alexander Lakernik.

Said Jackson: "These interviews with the FBI and the U.S. attorney's office give me hope that some of the bad players in figure skating will be investigated and removed from the sport."

	Proposed flag of the European Union

Democratic Flag for European Union

de Haag, Netherlands — Of the many known integration problems facing the 12 country union known as the EU, currency, official language, defense, agricultural policy and similar vexing issues have long dominated the news. After long and acrimonious debates to settle these policy issues, the Union is finally coming around to the design of its common flag. Here, at least, is a subject where every country can have its say and where no country needs to feel its preference was sacrificed in the interest of of a consensus. The new EU flag, designed by a Dutch artist, represents the flags of every member nation, reduced to narrow parrallel strips of color. Quick, can you name the member nations and determine the order in which their national flags have been color-barcoded?

Political Anomalies