Iraq Calls Bush's Bluff
President Irate That Strategy Paid Off
By Gummi Bear, Jr.
UNITED NATIONS, Sept. 16 -- Iraq's foreign minister pledged
today to allow United Nations weapons inspectors to return to his country "without
conditions" for the first time since U.N. arms experts left in 1998.
U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan hailed the pledge as "the indispensable first step towards
an assurance that Iraq no longer possesses weapons of mass destruction."
But the White House denounced the overture as a ruse and "a tactic that will fail."
"We are really annoyed" the White House said in a statement. "It seems like
such an unsportsmanlike thing to do. Our entire strategy
was based on looking good in the
eyes of our allies, being real charitable about going through the United Nations,
which seemingly the whole rest of the world wants us to do, even though it is a waste of time,
but hoping and fully expecting that Saddam Hussein would budge at the terms."
"This anticipated refusal by Iraq would have opened the door to a hurried invasion of Iraq by the
United States well in time before the fall elections. Now, by blithely cooperating like the big woos he is, Saddam Hussein has
somehow managed to intervene in our democratic election process in ways which could easily thwart
the White House plans to return control of Congress to the Republicans.
It is damn frustrating, and the President is equally annoyed at the
Secretary of State and, of course, Saddam Hussein."
"As late as last week, we had no intention of going through the UN, but Colin Powell convinced
the President that world opinion mattered. Grudgingly, and much to his regret,
the President acquiesced. Now see the mess he got us in!"
"Colin Powell, in simple terms, played his hand too well, by applying all of
the diplomatic mumbo-jumbo which he is so well schooled in,
and the rest of the world, including Iraq, fell for it."
"We should have just gone in on our own, and changed one of the baddest
regimes in no time flat. Now we have to go through the diplomatic process - who knows
how long it will be until we get to test some of the latest bombs the Pentagon
has spent to many taxpayer dollars developing. Schucks, by the time we get to
drop them, they may be technologically obsolete."
"It may be years before the arms inspectors announce their findings - and meanwhile
we have to sit still, accepting the fact that Saddam is quietly thumbing his nose
at the United States. It is
intolerable that the mightiest nation on earth has to kowtow to such a little twit."
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