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Episode 5: "Chapter 5"
Original Air Date: 11.20.00
Summarized by: Kris D.

Lauren and Marilyn are discussing thanksgiving at Lauren's. "A few people" are invited, meaning Kevin, Milton, Louisa, Marla, Marilyn and Harry. Guber comes by and asks Marilyn for her attendance reports (she thinks it's because of the "joke" at the Charity Show), and a student asks to speak with Lauren privately. She wants advice on contraceptives; she's 14 and her boyfriend is a senior.

Roll Credits

Act I

Lauren preaches abstinence and the girl (Carol) claims that she came for advice, not a lecture. Lauren reminds the girl that what will occur is statutory rape. Senate breaks up a fight between Malcolm White (bully from earlier episodes) and Jason Harrelson (football player from pilot). Malcolm's arm is broken. Principle wants to keep this "internal". In the teacher's lounge, Milton gets nasty with Lipschultz about the one-liners. Marilyn and Lauren come in discussing Carol (though she is nameless) and they discuss the need for sex ed at the school. Lauren says she feels like a nun, preaching the "just say no" stance, but she's at a loss about what to do. Milton snarks at Lipschultz some more. Harper talks to Jason Harrelson about the fight - he was protecting Anthony Ward (locker boy).

Marilyn apologizes to Guber about charity show, but he still insists on attendance reports. Kevin and Harry talk about Milton's bitchiness. Find out that he has been satirized again on Cheryl Holt's website (See Holt 45 for animation). Kevin suggests that Harry check up on Dana Poole, to make sure she wasn't in love with him. Make sure she's OK, because they don't want a repeat of the LeBlonde incident.

Lauren tells Harper about a 'Posse', a group of senior boys who target freshman girls. Harper says they can't tell the students who they can and can't date. Harper says to go back to Carol and say "What would your mother think if she were alive today?"

Jason Harrelson's father doesn't want him suspended. Father says that his son broke Malcolm's arm using a technique Harper taught Anthony. He may be in legal trouble.

Act II

In the teacher's lounge, they discuss Guber demanding attendance records of Marilyn. They also start to talk about thanksgiving and talk about what to bring. Guber walks in and the room goes silent. Lauren stands between Guber and the teachers - the tension is very thick.

Lipshultz invites Harper to thanksgiving dinner - it's his first thanksgiving alone.

Senate talks to Dana Poole. He asks her about Sex Posse - guys get 3 points for sleeping with a senior, 5 for a junior, 10 for a sophomore, and 15 for a freshman. She also claims to be "over" Senate.

Guber is talking with Harper - Malcolm White's father might sue the school because Harper taught Anthony the move that broke Malcolm's arm.

Lauren talks to Carol again and tells her that she shouldn't be having sex. Carol claims to love her boyfriend and Lauren plays the Dead Mother card. Carol is offended and leaves.

Interview with Anthony (lockerboy) and Harper. Harper asks Anthony about the intention of teaching Jason the karate move. No malicious intent. Guber wants a complete signed statement from Anthony and says not to suspend Jason Harrelson in order to fight the suspension. Harper refuses, even if it means his a--. "Everything around here isn't my fault." "Even John LeBlond's suicide?" "I'm not talking about that." "I am."

Lauren comes into the office after Harper storms out and asks Guber if he has any plans for thanksgiving. She's inviting a few people over for dinner, and she's love for him to come. Hopeful, Guber asks "As your date?"

L: "That road isn't open, but you're welcome as a friend." Guber claims to have plans and thanks her for the invitation.

Act III

 Back in the teacher's lounge, they're still talking about the 14 year-old sex scandal. Harper comes in and says they are going to have sex-ed assemblies, that Lauren has to do it. She claims the students won't "listen" to her, because of the "Nun" thing. They draw straws - Lipschultz draws the short straw and seems pleased.

Lawyer and Guber interview Anthony about the move Harper taught him. Anthony is flippant, but it comes out that Harper's motives were sterling.

In the hallway, Guber and Harper talk. Guber wants his brother (lawyer) to come in and consult on the possible lawsuit. Guber breaks off from Harper to go talk to Lauren. He apologizes for being "oppressive" about the dating thing. She tells him that she has accepted his apology, but would appreciate it if he didn't bring it up again - it's becoming oppressive. Lauren chases down Dana Poole and asks her to talk to Carol. It's too late, she already did, and he dumped her.

Carol and Lauren are talking - Carol feels stupid but admits that she would have slept with him anyway, if he had told her the truth. Lauren doesn't understand and Carol tells her that it's not cool to be a virgin in the school. Lauren tells her that she may not believe it, but that if she sleeps around, she's going to be in a heap-a trouble - no one will like her and she won't like herself. Lauren asks for the name of the boy, and promises that it won't go beyond herself and the boy.

Harper goes to see Malcolm White in the hospital. They discuss Malcolm's problems with school and relates a story about drunk-driving while he was in HS. Tells Malcolm that he's not destined for trouble, that he's a good kid.

In the stairwell, Lauren and Harry are talking. Lauren admits to subconciously blaming Harper and Lick for John LeBlonde's suicide and feels she screwed up in the Carol situation. She realized that Carol came to her seeking boundaries and she missed the opportunity to make a difference.

Harper comes back from the hospital and Jason Harrelson's father is waiting for the "suspension" verdict. Harper IS going to suspend him. Mr. Harrelson calls him "just another suit and tie" and Harper goes ballistic, calling him a racist and saying that he's not going to change his mind just because he's black. Right after Harrelson leaves, Mr. White comes in and tells Harper not to speak to Malcolm again - it would be bad for the lawsuit they have against the school. Harper says he's going to have to get a court order, because he's not going to stop talking to his students, period. Harper storms out.

Act IV

Lawyer, Guber, Harper in Harper's office. Lawyer says what Harper did (teaching the karate move) is hardly negligence, but advises that Harper not speak to Malcolm. Harper refuses. Guber tells Harper he was out of control - tells him that Harper seemed to be expecting special treatment as well as Mr. Harrelson. Louisa announces that Malcolm is here to visit - he apologizes for what his father said about not talking to him.

In the auditorium, Lipschultz is starting his sex lecture. Tells a story about a young boy who goes to a prostitute. The prostitute and the boy fall in love and marry. The students laugh at this story.

Harper comes in to check on Guber, he says Guber has been "hysterical", lately, too. Guber says nothing is wrong, but as Harper is leaving he blurts out that he is in love with Lauren Davis. He knows it's not appropriate, but he can't help it. She's so elegant, soft, perfect...tells Harper that she can't reciprocate. Harper warns him not to pursue it, because he doesn't want her bringing harrassment charges against Guber. Guber knows, and he doesn't want to be oppressive. Admits that he was invited to her thanksgiving thing, but tells he turned it down. Harper invites Guber to his house, and Guber accepts.

Lauren corners the boy Carol slept with. She harangues him for his illegal, immoral, dishonest actions. "It's all worth it because you got laid, right? What an admirable young man you are. I'll be so proud of you at commencement."

In the auditorium, Lipschultz is still stumbling through his speech. Meanders into a story about his wife Hellen, and how he came home from work early to surprise her, and found her in bed with another man. The bell rings, but no one moves. They are transfixed.

In his classroom, Lauren checks on Lipschultz. He claims to be alright, but is still in a daze. Didn't see his own speech coming. She invites him to thanksgiving, but he's going to stay at the school. To be celebratory will only remind him of his dead wife.

In *his* respective classroom, Senate sees Dana Poole. She admits to being a "little" in love with him, and he says he can't do anything that will lead to them kissing but that he will be friends with her. She asks if it isn't against something in his teacher's manual, to be friends with a student? Lauren Davis walks up to the door but doesn't interrupt. She stands listening while Senate asks Dana about thanksgiving and they wish each other a good thanksgiving. After Dana leaves, Lauren comes into the classroom. They are leaving for thanksgiving.

Harper goes to the Harrelson aparment. He wants to talk to Mr. Harrellson and apologize for what happened and they agree to go for a walk to discuss it.

At Lauren's apartment, typical insanity is prevailing. One-liners are flying between Harry and Marla.

"Are you saying grace, harry?" "Yup. I'm going to be thanking God I'm not you."

"Are you two gonna fight?" "I don't see you inviting him into your bubble bath."

Meanwhile, just outside the dining room, Milton and Louisa are about to kiss. Before it can go anywhere, Marla comes and bonks them each on the head with a newspaper, telling them some things should be done in private. Milton asks Marla to please go and..."take something!" They sit down to eat and Lauren agrees to say grace. Harry makes an offhanded comment about her being "the nun" and she flicks mashed potatoes on his face. Lauren starts the thanksgiving prayer and the scene shifts to Harper's kitchen, where he and Guber are sharing thanksgiving dinner.

Fade to Lipschultz sitting alone in his office. He might be crying.

Fade to black.