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Episode 1: "Chapter 2"
Original Air Date: 10.30.00
Summarized By: Kris D.

Harvey is asking for Guber's advice on how to deal with a classroom full of bra-less wonders. The girls banded together in a show of solidarity for Dana Poole. Is Dana herself wearing a bra? Yeah, but it's one of those pushup kinds (!!!), it's a mockery. Steven tells him to handle it himself. Steven walks away and Guber tells Harvey to try to *appeal* to the girls, instead of yelling at them. Inspire them to wear a bra. "You're a teacher, Harvey. Cultivate the desire within them to be dignified."

Buttle passes by on his way to Sheryl Holt. She claims it's parody, but he believes she crossed the line. Freedom of speech doesn't cover vulgarity. They argue about the law and Sheryl says she doesn't believe he'll go out and hire a lawyer on his salary. Buttle rounds on her and starts "Listen to me, you pissy little witch..." until Steven swoops in and drags him away from her. Steven tells Milton that he can't be calling the students witches, not even the pissy ones. Buttle wants to show him the website - the animation shows Buttle bending over and crapping into his own mouth. The caption says "Buttle reloads for the next lecture."

Roll Credits

Act I

Sheryl is in Harper's office, trying to defend her website. Steven says simply that if she doesn't take the animation down, she's suspended. He claims it's vulgar to show a teacher defecating into his mouth - "and if you think you can cloak yourself in the first amendment to make this any more disgraceful, you are mistaken." He goes on to say that if she doesn't care about Milton's dignity, she should at least worry about her own. She claims she's a journalist, but his decision stands. She storms out.

Louisa enters and tells Steven that the superintendant wants to set up a metting. What for? It could be for any number of things - Louisa names off a laundry list of Very Bad Things that have happened at Winslow. (Harry's gun, Malcolm White and the lockers, etc)

Harvey is in his classroom, being inspiration. He tells the students that men look at women and want to have sex. So if women want equal rights, they have to wear bras - that way men won't want to have so much sex. And the only way the country can achieve its full potential is if women have equal rights. So women should wear bras for the good of their country. During his rambling dialogue, the students listen in shock.

In Marilyn's classroom, they're discussing Mark Twain. Some kid is talking about how he's not so "dope", that she would have given a bad grade for the use of short words. A smart girl goes on about how Twain didn't want to sound pretentious. "Why write policeman," she starts, until a smartass says "When you can shoot a cop!" This ticks Marilyn off and she tells the kid to stand up - does he think that's funny? Shooting a cop is a funny joke? He says no and she tells him to sit down. She tells them that they've all got a big taste problem if they think shooting a cop is funny. She throws the book down on her desk.

In the teacher's lounge, Marilyn is telling Harry that it's partly his fault that the joke is funny to the kids. He *did* bring a gun to school, you know. They're still at each others' throats when Lauren comes in wondering if they always have to fight. Finally Harry makes some comment about shooting JFK, this ticks Marilyn off more, and Marla gets involved saying it's just the technology boom. The closest kids get to technology is the gun, and it goes boom. Harry asks Marla - aren't you on leave for being a mental? She wants to know if she can't have a cup of coffee. He says no, but that he's slightly worried that the caffeine will interfere with her happy pills. Smiling and laughing, Lauren admonishes Harry. Steven walks in and sees Marla, wants to know what she's doing there. "Oh, Steve, I came to see you!" He wants to see her in his office. As Marla leaves, Steven turns to Lauren. It seems she's refusing to be fingerprinted. Oh, yeah, she meant to talk to him about that. "I refused to be fingerprinted." Why? She hasn't been arrested. He wants to see her in his office, too. Steven and Marla leave. Lauren wants to know if Marilyn and Harry are OK with the fingerprinting thing. No, but a lot of schools are doing it. At that moment, the door to the lounge swings open and Coach Kevin is standing there. "Lauren, sweetheart, you know last week when you had the chance to fire Lipschultz and you didn't?" Now what?

In the hallway, all the female students are pulling off their bras and hanging them on their lockers. R'uh-r'oh. The staff watches with amusement until Guber comes out and demands to know what happened. Harry says "Lipshultz told them to wear their brassiers for the good of their country. Turns out they're all a bunch of communist sluts." This amuses Mr. Senate? Senate laments "I can't do anything right!" Lauren explains to us all - Dana Poole organized this mess. Scott wants to talk to Lipschultz, but Lauren asks for that privelege. Scott gives in (ELG note - because he loooooves her <g>) and asks to see Dana Poole, instead.

In Steven's office, Marla is claiming to be on the drugs and stable. She's on the pills, she has balance, and she wants to go back teaching. She's high strung and fidgety - she claims she's agitated because she doesn't have a job. Louisa opens the door and starts to announce a meeting, but Marla interrupts her saying that she knows Louisa comes in and makes up a meeting, to rescue Steven from people. Louisa says that when she told Marla that, she didn't think she would be having to rescue Steven from her. D'oh! Louisa leaves and they resume their discussion. Marla wants to know what kind of message it sends to the students, him refusing to give her another chance. He says they only send messages on the good days - the rest of the time they're just trying to get through. She's on the drugs. She has balance. He says he'll give it some thought, maybe come up with a solution. She says thanks, she feels lost when she's not there. "Happiest day of my life!"

Guber walks in to Steven's office, to tell him about the bra thing. All the juniors and seniors are bra-less, and the sophomores are removing theirs as they speak. Ungh.

Act II

Harvey and Lauren are discussing his speech on bras. "Wear a bra for the good of the country?" Lauren is incredulous. He comments on the fact that the students have all their rights protected, but what about the teachers? Lauren bypasses that and says that if he is to survive at Winslow as a teacher, he's going to have to teach history and keep his opinions to himself, probably from himself if he can. He jumps up and says that he will set policy in his own classroom. Wrong. Lauren yells that *she* is the head of the social studies department, *she* will set policy and *she* is the only reason he's still there. Hurt, he leaves the room.

Steven and Scott are walking the halls together discussing the superitendant impending visit. Does he know what it's about? Probably has to do with Steven assaulting a student. You're not supposed to do that, you know. Does Steven want Scott to be there? Steven doesn't think it will help - the superintendant thinks Scott is a fascist. They pass Marilyn and Scott follows her - in light of the recent bra debate, he was wondering if he could prevail upon her to dress a bit more conservatively. I mean, finishing first in a poll of which teacher the male students want to sleep with hardly wins her a teacher's merit badge. Marilyn, obviously harboring an Evil Little Gnome of her own, strikes back with an awfully low blow. "I thought you didn't read Sheryl's website, isn't that what you told Lauren?" (GACK!) He sidesteps the issue and wants to know what he should tell the parents when they say "What about Miss Sudor?" She says to tell them that she's wearing a bra. She's late for class, Scott. As she walks away, a knot of boys check out her assets.

Scott enters his office and begins a meeting with Dana Poole. She claims she hasn't done anything wrong, but he says that he believes she's responsible for the show of undergarments in the halls. She claims that Lipschultz asked for it. He wanted to celebrate the spirit of America, they gave him civil disobedience. Guber steps close to her, staring at her. She back up, he advances. He finally calls for Louisa as he pulls a specimen cup out of his desk. He believes that Miss Poole has been smoking pot and he wants a urine sample. She refuses, she she's expelled. She flees the office and Scott tells Louisa to call Dana's parents.

Marilyn and Lauren are coming down the stairs, and Marilyn is still shocked that Scott is trying to tell her how to dress. He doesn't tell Lauren how to dress. (Which is ironic, since Marilyn and Lauren are *both* wearing form-fitting clothing) Lauren reminds her that she finished 7th in the poll. That really bothers Lauren, doesn't it? Yeah, a little. Right then, Steven walks up and wants Lauren's fingerprints. She still refuses. Does she have a record or something? No, she does not have a record but the whole thing is demeaning. He wants her to come to his office to discuss it. On another matter, he can't trust Marla Hendricks to teach a class on her own. And Lipschultz could use some monitoring. So he wants them to co-teach so they can keep an eye on each other. Tick, tick, tick, Marilyn warns.

Down in the dungeon, Dana Poole pleads with Harry to help make her auto-boot go away. Guber somehow knew she was blazing and because she refused the test she's automatically expelled. Apparently, this will ruin Dana's plans to get into Smith. (ELG says just because you know who Henry David Thoreau is doesn't make you Smith material, Dana. Pshaw.) He wants to know if she plans to do this forever, blackmail him. She doesn't want to get him in trouble but this could ruin her life. So, simply, if he doesn't help he she's going to Guber and telling him what they did. He wants to know if he can think about this - but she says he better not take long.

In Guber's office, Harvey and Marla do not like the idea of co-teaching with each other. Harvey is senile and Marla is insane. They argue until Guber yells at them to be quiet. "This is not a negotiation. This is the way it will be. You two need to make it work." Marla leaves and Harvey has another matter to discuss with Guber. Sheryl Holt's newest animation features Harvey dancing around in a bra and underwear, holding the American flag. Should Harvey confront her? Giving her a reaction only seems to embarrass her.

Steven is dealing with Lauren in his own office. She finds it incredibly unfair that she, as a teacher, is being singled out for fingerprinting. He tells her it's because they're are entrusted with t he care of children. She tells him that's silly. Can he finish what he was saying? No, she's going to keep him from completing a bad thought. "We should fingerprinted because we work on a high school faculty? How does that do anything but insult my decision to be a teacher." She then goes on to tell him that Marilyn won't do it, and neither will Milton. Because she convinced them? "Lauren, Lauren, look. We have politicians who are worried about child molesters." But Lauren says molesters can be found everywhere, not just in schools. If politicians want to fingerprint everybody, let them when you apply for a license. "When they single out teachers, they're casting a selective shadow over what I do, who I am." She's not one to go around picking fights, but she won't be treated like a criminal just because she teaches high school. She leaves.

Sheryl Holt bursts into the teacher's lounge. She heads for Milton while Steven, who is sitting with an ice pack on his head, reminds her that this *is* a lounge. Someone gave her website a virus and she knows it's Milton. She knows he's a "silicon valley wonk." Buttle claims he didn't start any virus and Steven throws her out. Milton claims he didn't start any virus! and Kevin tells him he should let Sheryl and the rest of the student body believe it. Harry is sitting in the lounge, looking pensive. He asks to talk to Steven in his office re: Dana Poole.

Walking down the hall, Lauren is approached by Guber. It's a beautiful day - whay say the go out for a cup? Scott's treat. Lauren looks lost and she seems about to turn him down but she agrees.

In Marla and Harvey's classroom, they're talking about Madison and how he was a "midget", because he identified with the common man. Marla claims it's *so* not that way - Madison was a Have Got and cared nothing about the Have Nots. This sparks a long and involved debate about the Federalist Papers, Madison, etc. Eventually Marla brings up slavery and Harvey tells her he knew she would play the slave card. It took her 20 minutes. Well, he can play that card too. According to the Discovery channel, his ancestors were black. Dark black, too. "In fact, blacker than you!"

At Starbucks (Or someplace that looks a lot like it. - I miss Starbucks :::sniff:::) Guber is admitting to having seen Sheryl Holt's website, and the animation that had to do with Lauren not wanting to go on their date. He claims that what hurt was that she wasn't honest with him. There's a multitude of reasons why she wouldn't feel comfortable going to the symphony with him: he's older, he's one of her superiors at work...he gets stuck there. To rescue him, Lauren says "Let's pick the last one." (ELG note - what she means to say is "You haven't guessed that I'm hot for Harry Senate's body, but I won't let you hang yourself with that one.") They laugh nervously and Guber (ELG - always going for the overkill), well, Guber says "So I guess the return of the Philharmonic would be moot?" We all agree when Scott says "That was unfair." He should be getting back but on a separate note... Steven has incurred the disdain of the superitendant. She's coming to see him today and her pet issue is this fingerprinting thing. It's not going to help Steven if his teachers refuse to be on board. He wants her to comply for now and take up the battle later, in a more appropriate forum. This really pisses Lauren off - "That's what this coffee invite was all about. Not the date, not the return of the New York Philharmoic. You want my thumbprints." (:::Kris clamps her hand over the ELG's mouth.:::) Scott claims he was being completely sincere on that, but he's also sincere when he tells her that her protest will be used to fire Steven. Just then, his walkie-talking squalks. He needs to come back to the office. What's the problem? Lipschultz.

Steven is chatting with Harvey about the black ancestor thing. He doesn't have a lot to say, but it ends with "Up until now, I've left it up to Lauren to deal with you." But basically, he's being put on unofficial probation. And if these outbursts don't stop, he's fired. "I've been teaching the same way for 50 years, Steven. All of a sudden I'm not good? Explain that to me." You've been teaching the same way for 50 years. Harry comes in and wants to give his $.02 on Dana Poole. He heard she was being suspended over the bra thing and he thinks that would be a PR nightmare. Steven lets him know that she's being suspended for refusing a urine example. Really? Well, never mind then. "Actually, if you'd like another $.02." He's not a lawyer but he's told that the random urinalysis thing is illegal. It wasn't random, Guber detected she was on something THEN asked for the sample. Harry, so silly, says "Right. Well, resemblences aside, you're not one of those drug-sniffing dogs." And given the whole bra thing - calling her into the office and telling her to pee in a cup...he goes on and on. Guber didn't know he was so up on the law and Harry claims j ust to be tossing in his $.02. Anyway, he has to go to the dungeon and leaves. Scott and Steven know he's right and so they agree not to expell her. D'oh!

Harry heads down to his classroom a nd sees Lauren in the corner nursing a cup of tea. What's wrong, she wants to know. His nose just grew and inch, what's wrong with her. Is she being unreasonable with t he fingerprinting thing? She doens't want to cost Steven his job. He backs you, Senate says, and she's giving him what he needs to stand up to the Dragon Lady. Trust him. Not that he's truthful. Lauren sets down her cup and out of left field asks if Harry is seeing anybody. Harry is stunned and stumbles around asking "Why?" She's just asking. "We work so hard and our personal lives..." She trails off and looks at the floor. Is she seeing anybody? Noooo. Maybe they should start seeing people. Yeah. Lauren talks about how it's kind of hard to meet people when you work all the time and Harry agrees. It's probably a terrible idea to date anyone from work, doncha think? Yes, he agrees. They agree to set each other up. Then there's flirtycakes (tm) and Harry leaves.

Act IV

Dana Poole comes to Harry to thank him his help dodging the expulsion. Harry gets *really* mad and throws his brief case. "You listen to me. Whether or not I did, here's how it's going to be. You come to me ever again, ever, trying to extort me for anything. I don't care if it's even a hallpass, I'm going to Harper and Guber myself and I'm going to tell them everything." Why would he do that? Because he made a mistake with her and he's not going to make another one. "And let me tell you this. It would be wrong for me to kiss any student. But YOU? I certainly misjudged your character. I never figured you for blackmail." Why did he kiss her? He didn't! She kissed him! He was there, he let it happen, but SHE kissed HIM. Why did she do that? Dana walks up to stand close to him. "Because I like you." She goes on an on about how nothing can happen while she's a student, blah blah blah, and when he's 40 she'll be 30 and then he'll think she's too old. Blah blah blah. He tells her that *nothing* is ever going to happen between them, ever. Can't they just be close friends? No.

Steven is in his office with his ice pack. The Dragon Lady is there to see him. What's the occassion? Did she come to fire him? Is t hat what he wants? She then goes through the laundry list of bad things that happened at Winslow - she wants to know the reasoning. They go over the fingerprinting issue and he claims to be supporting them. He tells her that it's a lousy political move and she knows it. He tells her that she's been giving him enough room to hang himself. She claims to have come to get his side of the story, to defend him, but now that he's been so snarky she's going to let him take care of himself. R'uh r'oh.

Harry, Milton and Kevin are in the dungeon. Harry is very sad-like and pensive. The boys want to know what's wrong with him and he tells them that he's in a jam - he kissed Dana Poole and she extorted him twice. Oooh, no. Milton can't believe that he kissed her. On the lips. Harry goes over the story and tells them how he got her out of expulsion. That's bad.

In the lounge, Marla and Harvey agree to try and work together. As they walk down the hall, Harvey sees Sheryl Holt. He tells her she reminds him of his niece - who is also a computer whiz. So whiz-like, she can make viruses that can crash websites. He gets very close to Sheryl and asks "Look at me, Miss Holt, study this face. You don't see Milton Buttle here, do you?" Sheryl backs away and Marla says "Alright, Harvey!"

Lauren enters Steven's office. He's still with his ice pack. "Does they day ever end around here?" Not this one. Can she buy him a beer. He'll take a rain check. He promises he'll be leaving soon - he has a daughter at home. She apologizes for biting his head off about the fingerprinting thing. It is personal. 3 siblings. Two doctors and an investment banker. And to her parents, she's the one who didn't make anything of herself. Her father told her "What a waste, Lauren. You are so smart, you could actually be something." They battle disrespect every day...does she know what her problem is? She doesn't know how powerful she is. Things she says in that classroom can affect kids lives forever. Steven wants to know - does she like teaching? She loves it. Then what is she complaining about?

At Doyle's, Kevin tells Harry to go forward before Dana Poole does. Harry thinks he's going to be fired and they are still discussing when Marilyn, Lauren, Harvey and Marla walk up and sit down. There's some discussing going on , and laughing. They ask Lauren about coffee with Guber and she claims it was business - they discussed Marilyn's wardrobe. Haha.

Back at school, Steven tells Guber to leeeeave. It's dark out, late. 9:30, to be exact. Guber is leaving if Steven has to drag him out of there. Guber is worried about a teacher shortage and Steven tells him there's only so much they can do in a day. On their way out, they run into Dana Poole's mother, who wants to know about the circumstances surrounding Dana's suspension over the dress code. She asks to have them explain them to her, so they head back to Steven's office.

Fade to black.