Episode
11:
"Chapter 11"
Original Air Date:
1.22.01
Summarized By: Kris D.
Harry and Lauren are looking through an empty house. According to Lauren, she wants to buy it. It's 195, which is apparently very good for the neighborhood. Harry doesn't want to pry, but does anyway, asking her if she can swing the deal. She says she can, as long as she qualifies for the loan. She looks nervously at her watch and counts down to the minute how long until she finds out. Grabbing Harry by the hand, she escorts him to the kitchen, where everything is new. They banter about growing up - Lauren's gonna be an adult (owning a house and all) and she says she's going to drag Harry with her. He'll never own, he says, makes it too difficult to flee the jurisdiction. Lauren smiles widely. This is her dream house. Lauren looks gleefully at Harry and breathily says she's actually going to own a house! Harry rubs her arm, says he's going to go outside and warm up the car, and kisses her quickly. Lauren stops and looks around the house, then sits down next to the fireplace to check out her domain.
Act I
Lauren, wearing a sweater that must be about 4 sizes too big, walks the halls and asks Steven for some extra time off that morning. She's supposed to see her loan officer, who she reveals to be an old friend. She claims he's pushing her loan through. Steven approves her time and she grins again.
Kevin and Milton walk past. Kevin has been having dreams about some woman. He wants to ask her out, but it's not that simple, they're friends. About 35 seconds into the conversation we realize that he wants to ask out MARILYN! He's worried about "the race thing", and Milton The Brave tells him to just get it the hell over with and ask her, it's the only way he'll find out. At that moment, Marilyn joins the conversation. "Find out what?" Milton, who proves he really *does* think on his feet (:::snort::::), tells Marilyn that Kevin is thinking of asking out Marla. Marilyn shoots a shocked look at Kevin who claims Milton is lying. Milton smoothly segues to "Would you date a white guy?" Marilyn would, if she liked him. Marilyn scurries off to class and Milton, acting the cheap Pimp Daddy part he was made for, winks and Kevin and throws a fake little punch. Kevin rolls his eyes and punches back, harder than Milt expected. :::snort:::
The guy who hired Jamaal at the morgue drops in on Harry - a teen suicide came into the morgue the day before and it really upset Jamaal. It wouldn't have been very notable, except Jamaal made the comment that "That's how I'd look." Petey the Morgue Guy just wanted to let Harry know - Petey thinks Jamaal is a really good kid. (Useless information: it must be vocabulary day because Harry is busy erasing $5 words off the board. "Sporadic" and "dissident")
Louisa is escorting Guber to watch the cheerleading practice. They're getting ready for a big state competition on Friday and Louisa has been asked several times if Steven and Scott know what the girls are doing. Louisa thinks it's a good idea that they find out.
And boy do they. Winslow's Cheerleaders must not be going to state - more than likely it's a Junior Miss Strip Club Dancer or some other flagrantly pornographic dance competition. While the girls grab their breasts, crotches, and asses and do energetic pelvic thrusts on the floor, Louisa and Guber watch stunned. And with all the good taste this show can muster, the girls are doing their energetic pelvic movements to a refrain in the song "Hello daddy." That's pretty cruel continuity. I'm glad Marilyn's not there to watch.
At the bank, Lauren is meeting her loan officer. She was understating the "old friend" part. This guy is hot for her - she looks fabulous, is she seeing anybody? They get into a little discussion about who dumped whom - he claims he dumped her. She claims she dumped him. Oh, now he remembers. She dumped him because he wouldn't marry her. "I don't quite remember it that way but...if you do...what the hell." After all that, the slime ball says she can't have her house. He claims he really tried, but her income to debt ratio doesn't come close. Her mortgage would take almost half her income and she could only put down 15%. She wants to know if he has discretion - he doesn't. She claims she's not in debt, that she has excellent credit. He says maybe she should look into "half price" housing and she tells him good luck finding one. They do exist, he says. Yeah, so does the American Bald Eagle, dirtbag. You got one hanging in your back yard? Anyhow, he starts to insult her intelligence by telling her she knew before she asked that she couldn't have it. It's her fault for being a teacher. We're then hit with the shocker that Lauren has saved up $30,000. Wow. If she doesn't buy the house, she can certainly put a weighty chunk down on a sweet Mercedes convertible. :::sigh:::
Scott is trying to convince Steven that the cheer routine is bad news. Steven doesn't really believe him because we all know Scott is a fascist prude. He describes that they touch their breasts (which is actually the least of their problems) and concludes that Steven should be the one to talk to the coach since they, you guessed it, consider Scott a "conservative fascist prude." Steven is going to go to the practice at 3, because Scott claims it's borderline pornographic. Borderline? Sweetheart, they could charge a cover for what they're doing.
In the dungeon, Jamaal is worried that he did something wrong. Nope, not really, Harry just wants to talk to him about suicide, about why he thinks about it, how he thinks about it. Harry claims to need Jamaal's help, which Jamaal owes him for the morgue job.
On the Lisa/Milton front, Lisa wants to transfer. She wants to be able to go out in public with Milt. (???!!!) Her story will be that she's feeling harassed by the rumors and just wants to get out. Her big argument? "I miss you too much, I really do." Ew. Kevin comes down the stairs as she flees and after he shares significant eye contact with Milt, Milt flees.
Harvey clues Marla in on the fact that she is apparently starring in the newest Sheryl Holt original. According to Sheryl, Marla has a new admirer. Kevin Riley. The animation says that Kevin wants to ask Marla out, but is afraid that she'll find him too white.
Act II
Harry has come back with Lauren to the bank. Lauren and I both don't know what Harry's trying to accomplish, and Harry says that his cousin was a loan officer, that there could be a little wiggle room. Harry and Joey (Loan Man) size each other up and it's Naked Male Insecurity Hour! Joey makes a completely unfunny remark "Lawyer or thumb-breaker?" and Harry is fittingly snarky. They get down to business quickly and Harry retells the story about the loan-officer cousin. He thinks this guy has discretion over loan recommendations. Yadda yadda. Loan Man then goes on to talk about Lauren as if she's not there, or she's incredibly dim-witted. He basically says that they only recommend mortgages where the loan-ee is possibly going to make them lots and lots of money. Lauren is scrimping now and will be scrimping in 20 years, and he would hate to be foreclosing on an old girlfriend, can you believe it? "That she was your girlfriend? No." I'm sure Lauren's inner little girl is rejoicing at all this testosterone clouding the oxygen in her honor, but she is forced to reprimand Harry softly. They boil it down to the basics. They're not going to give loans to teachers. This makes Harry Not Happy. "You hear that everybody? This bank doesn't want to make loans to teachers because they're never going to be rich and what's the point of wasting money and service on them." Lauren tries to get Harry to leave, but he's on a roll. "You people want better schools? Anybody got a way to accomplish that without teachers? " At which point StuckUpBankMan wants to know what the problem is. Was he not listening? Harry stands up and climbs aboard the fast train straight to hell. "Yes, actually, there's a big problem. Teachers in this country can't afford homes. Banks like this dismiss them as bad credit risks. Yeah, I've got a problem with you and you. You know, she has never stiffed a debt. She may be your son's best chance of getting into college, leaving out your ability to bribe an admissions officer (I bet his son was the dog poop kid from last week), and you won't help her. Well you know what pal? It stinks. It stinks. He stinks, you stink, this bank stinks, and I'm gonna take my $1900 outta here." He starts to head for the door then moves close to StuckUpBankMan and stage whispers, "You know, um, you might think of promoting him to customer relations. He handled this quite well don't you?" At which point he slaps the man on the ass (!!) and shepherds Lauren out the door, with a mumbled "Come on, Sweetie" (props to Terry for pointing that out! <g>). Lauren giggles with embarrassment while I stare at the rent-a-cop in the background, with the really ugly baseball cap.
Kevin searches out Milton and grabs him by the arm. Milton starts whining about how Kevin's hurting him, so Kevin lets go. Tells Milton that he's his friend, perhaps his best friend...yadda yadda. So is he seeing Lisa Greer still? YES! He's in love with her - totally - and it isn't just about sex. Milton then says he's willing to lose his job - what does that tell you? That you don't deserve to be teaching at Winslow with all those other wonderfully dedicated people. I fall behind and come back into the conversation when Milton is telling Kevin that he's not just some horny teacher taking advantage of a student. No, he's just some horny teacher gettin' it for free, but WTF ever, am I right? Kevin says he'll *look* like a horny teacher taking advantage of a student and Milton says "How things look are taking a backseat to how things feel." It *is* about sex, you little freak. Kevin wants to talk to her, because she's a student and whether he makes room for it or not, she may be taken advantage of. Milton tells Kevin to just stay out of it. Dude. :::Kris watches Milton's bridges burning:::
In the gym, the cheerleaders are still over-sexed (and lacking incredible amounts of talent for a group headed to state comps) This time they take their tops of and swing them around. Junior strippers. Awww. Guber asks Steven if he was overstating it. Steven wants to know what kind of competition it is. :::snort::: I hear the top award is "Best Table Dance", Steven. Are you proud? They finish with their VERY strenuous routing (/sarcasm) and the coach tells them to stretch. I'm not sure why, they didn't even do a single kick, but whatever. Steven wants her to come to his office. BUST-ED, babe.
In Harry's classroom, they're talking about creating a suicide club. There are no real rules; just that what is said in the group never leaves the classroom. Harry wants the kids to talk about why they want to die, etc etc. He gets Jamaal to admit to the group that he has contemplated suicide, because he feels responsible for his parent's divorce. Slowly, another student admits to thinking about it and the club is off to a rolling start. At this point, Harry is such the wonderful teacher, if Lauren doesn't want him she can box him up and send him to Arkansas.
In the teacher's lounge, Harvey is harping on Kevin dating Marla. As Marilyn walks in, Marla is telling Harvey not to listen to that Sheryl Holt website nonsense. Of COURSE Marilyn wants to know what they're talking about so Harvey clues her in. "Kevin Riley has sexual feelings for Marla." Marilyn, single-handedly turning this into a complete farce, says she actually thinks it's true. (This is like that episode on "Saved by the Bell" where a stupid love letter circulates faculty and students, making everyone think everyone else was in love with them. But those were the good old days, when Hayley Mills played Miss Bliss. Wait! I see a correlation! Miss Bliss and Miss Davis are *a lot* alike you know? Wow. Never thought of that before...) Marilyn reveals that she heard the conversation between Milt and Kevin and that they were wondering if she would even be open to dating a white man...would she? "Kevin Riley? He's gotta be 10 years younger than me." Harvey mouths off about guessing 20. Anyhow, Marilyn wants to know - would Marla go out with him? After a moment of uncomfortableness, she says "Why not?" Her calendar has got some openings. Just then Kevin comes in and the women stare at him and giggle. Marilyn takes this opportunity to muff the whole situation even more. She tells Kevin that she actually heard more of his conversation than he thought. Of course, she decides to turn on the flirt for this, so she's all batting eyelashes, coy head turns and demure glances. Oy. Kevin, on his part, looks like he's about to be steamrolled. Which...he is. Marilyn tops the conversation with "Well. The answer to your question is...yes." At which point she winks and slithers out of the lounge. Kevin looks at Harvey, who shrugs comically. Kevin's thinking "I am *so* the man." Which is actually pretty sad, since he's the one NOT getting laid on a regular basis. Poor Kev.
Act III
Jamaal's in the morgue, doing morgue stuff when Harry comes in. Jamaal wants to know what Harry's doing there. "I need to earn a little extra cash, I was wondering if you could lend me a hand. If not, I'll take the foot." While I laugh my ass off, Jamaal tells Harry he's not funny. I take offense. <g> Harry just came by to thank Jamaal for getting the club off to a good start. He also wants to be the first one to break the rules - he wants to talk to Jamaal's mother about Jamaal's feelings on the divorce. Jamaal says no, but Harry tells him that he should talk to his mother - asks him as a favor to talk to her about this.
The cheerleading coach is in Steven's office and she's actually *surprised* that her team's routine is being yanked. She says the parents are going to be upset that the girls aren't competing, because either they do the routine or they drop out altogether. Steven doesn't want sophomores bumping and grinding. *I* don't think it's fair to make the world witness that crap again. The coach tries to liken table dancing to football and her metaphor falls flat. Steven isn't going to let them perform burlesque, period. She claims it's interpretive dance - the women's soccer team took their shirts off when they won the world cup! I really don't get where she's going with this. But anyhoo, she also lambastes Britney Spears, who in my mind is an OK target, but she crucifies her own argument by basically saying "If Britney can do it, so can my girls." Now, I'll defend to my dying breath that Britney Spears can't dance. But she has *hot* background dancers who make the "suggestive" choreography *look* interpretive. They're sharp and good. All things Tina's team is not. So what ends up happening is the Winslow cheerleaders look like a bunch of amateurs at Regina's House of Dolls. And that's *not* a compliment. Steven says "I'm gonna say no." This STILL stuns Tina, which in turn stuns me. How stupid does she think Steven is? Well, then, Steven has to tell them that they're not competing. Which he will do.
Louisa chooses that moment to interrupt. A mother is on the phone, upset about Harry starting a suicide club. A what? Suicide club. Scott looks like his foot was run over by a two-ton truck and Steven asks that Louisa get Harry. Scott then takes the opportunity to look wildly pleased with himself - Harry's gonna get *canned*, he thinks.
In Lauren's classroom (which has a great display on "The World"), Lauren is picking up tests or something off desks. Just then, Joey the Ex-Boyfriend Loan Officer From Hell comes in. He looks slick as snot in his total banker clothes. Lauren looks slightly apologetic when he comes in. He claims he was the only reason her loan application got as far as it did - he didn't need to be hung out like that. She apologizes but he continues. James Dawson, the StuckUpBankMan that Harry tore into has agreed to personally review her loan. (I bet it had something to do with the slap on the ass...) Lauren can't understand why he would review it, and Joey takes the opportunity to get all weenie. "Maybe because everybody just wants to help you, Lauren, even if they end up humiliated for the effort." As he goes to leave, she stops and really apologizes this time. She claims she didn't know Harry was going to do that. ROFLOL! Whatever, Lauren. Then Joey takes it one step too far and asks if Harry's a teacher. A pretty good one, according to Lauren. The step too far comes when Joey calls Harry a madman and says he can't believe Harry is allowed to mold the minds of youth. This sets Lauren off, finally. "Joey, did you hear one thing that that madman said? What is wrong with maybe having a program at your bank that would allow a teacher to own a home? What are you afraid of? That more people might choose to become teachers, that the classroom could start getting less crowded? Our public schools might stand a chance?" Joey ends the conversation by saying that he now remembers why he left Lauren. He was always afraid she would fall off that soap box of hers and land on him. Lauren looks perturbed for about 10 seconds then grins to herself.
Kevin is confronting Lisa Greer in the hallway. She doesn't want to talk but he claims that he's not looking to get either of them into trouble. But if he can get a promise of complete confidentiality, he wants her to see Big Boy. She refuses, snarks a bit, then walks away. Marilyn sees her walking away and tells Kevin that, due to the rumors, he should watch how he's seen with Lisa. You know, people talk and all that. Kevin the Suave takes that EXACT MOMENT, in a busy hallway, to finally ask Marilyn out. "If you're really open to it, how about dinner tonight?" I look through my fingers and catch Kevin's boyish grin as Marilyn says "Open to what?" AAACK! "You know, you and me...dating." I can't watch this. Marilyn flounders around sucking back oxygen and finally comes back with "You and me?" He recaps what went on - she said she overheard, she said the answer was yes...she admits that she thought he was talking about him and Marla. Kevin is stunned by this revelation. I sink deeper in my seat and continue to watch between my fingers. At that point, Marla walks up. Kevin feigns joviality and smiles, then beats a hasty retreat. As he walks away, Marla watches him and practically licks her lips. "Real shy. Itty bitty little thing, too." Marilyn just squirms.
Steven looks pretty stressed in his office. He's not too keen on this whole suicide club deal. He wants to know why Harry is starting it. "Why? Gee. Maybe because 20% of all high school kids at some point contemplate suicide. In my classroom it figures to be much higher. They don't talk and I'm trying to change that." Guber points out that Harry isn't a psychiatrist. "They're not seeing psychiatrists, they're seeing me." Harry says they can't know why these kids are contemplating suicide unless they connect with them, which is what he's trying to do. Parents are complaining, the kids in the dungeon need to focus more on academics...Harry claims in the kids are depressed they just aren't going to perform. "You stuck me in that room to teach. Let me do it." (I love Harry. Have I said that lately?) Scott gets involved at that point, probably realizing that he's going to have a tough time ridding the world of Harry Senate because it actually seems like the man is going to HELP those kids, goes off about liability and stuff. Harry and Scott get into a mini shouting match that Steven puts a lid on. He tells Harry to be careful with this club thing. Scott looks disgusted.
In some apartment, Harry is in the bathtub saying "Outside they won't let us buy homes. Inside they won't let us teach." We find that he's in a bubble bath, across from Lauren. She wants to know if they should quit and he jokes that they should flip a coin. "You really want that house don't you?" Yeah. "It's too hard. It's tough enough to have to battle the students. But then to have to fight the administration to have a chance to battle...it's too hard. I keep looking for the hope every day, forgetting...the hope's supposed to be me." Lauren nods sympathetically then asks, in her little girl voice, "Why can't I have a house?" Harry is just too sweet when he responds with "Well, *I love you*, that's something." Lauren smiles and crawls across the tub to kiss him again and again. Harry pulls back and says he needs it hotter. So, of course, Lauren obliges. He laughs a little and tells her that he meant the water. They both laugh and the camera pans to the fogged up mirror, where we see a reflection of Harry and Lauren, holding each other amidst a cloud of bubbles. AWWWW!
Act IV
Marla walks up the stairs with a new upswept 'do. Look kinda strange, which Harvey attests to, and she claims it's a style. Harvey claims that they're like family - he's going to be honest when he says she looks horrible. Lots happens at once - Marilyn walks up and Kevin walks by. Marla lobs a flirty "Hiiii Kevin" at Kevin while Marilyn looks vaguely guilty. Kevin bounces away, Marla says Marilyn's right...he is shyyyyyy. Marilyn finally grows a spine and tells Marla that she wants to talk with her for a second. "Listen, how do I say this? Well, there's been a little mistake. It turns out, Kevin...he's not interested in asking you out. Evidently, he's interested in asking me out. Somehow I heard wrong and I guess Sheryl Holt did, too." Marla is hurt, but positive, saying that it makes sense, etc etc. Marilyn apologizes for making the mistake and getting her hopes up and Marla claims it would have just been a date. Marla claims she's late for class and leaves, and I think Marilyn feels about 2 inches tall.
Steven is telling the strippers, I mean cheerleaders, which they can't perform. Some girl whose voice sounds like it's changing, says they don't do anything they don't do on TV. (Shut UP, stupid girl! You're supposed to prove that teenagers don't have to imitate everything they see on TV! You're giving "Boston Public" detractors ammunition. God. I'm going to kick her ass if I ever see her...<g>) Steven claims that TV sells sex, but it's not right for a high school cheerleading team to do the same thing. The scholar of the group claims it's arbitrary and naive. She must be a dungeon kid. It was vocabulary day down there yesterday! He claims he would agree with her, but cheerleading has finally been recognized as a legitimate high school sport and he wants to continue to get funding for it, but that won't happen if they go out there and dance like sluts. (Well, he doesn't SAY that, but close enough). The voice-changing chick then goes on to prove every stereotype about ignorant cheerleaders when she says she'll just drop of the team, do drugs and get pregnant. "Not the best way to make a point, Laura." The girls file out dejected. Whatever.
Milton and Lisa are sucking face in Milton's apartment. He's going to call Guber, though, because if he's late again without calling he'll be in biiiig trouble. Lisa wants him to hurry. He calls Scott and gives him the line about the car not starting and while Scott isn't happy, this is what he asked for. Lisa pulls off her sweater and she and Milton fall back on the bed. As they roll, one of them hits the phone and redial, I guess, because next thing we know, Scott is listening to some pretty graphic noises. He's about to hang up when genius Lisa says "Milton!" R'uh r'oh.
BACK at the bank, the StuckUpBankMan is pleased to see that Lauren left Harry behind. He starts the conversation by saying that he loves teachers, his sister is a teacher, and he has nothing but the greatest admiration. She knows this doesn't sound good. He says she just doesn't qualify. She can't make the down payment, can't offer any collateral. He also says her budget would be tight - there would be no padding. What if she were to go out to dinner, go on vacation? Lauren breaks everyone's heart when she says she doesn't do those things. (I mean she saved $30,000!!! Doesn't this guy wonder how?) He says not to get him wrong...he loves teachers. Lauren looks like she's lost her best friend and I want Harry to come back and slap some more ass.
Marilyn has searched out Kevin and he says that she doesn't have to say anything - it was his mistake. She claims she's very flattered but Kevin stops her and tells her that she doesn't have to worry about him. She says OK, but then stops him again. She says right now wouldn't be a good time - Marla is so sensitive. But maybe after things die down, maybe they can go out. They agree and as Kevin walks away, Marilyn kind of rolls her eyes. What does that mean? At that moment, Gladys Crenshaw walks up and wants to know where Harry is. Marilyn points him out. Gladys wants to know if Harry talked to Jamaal about the divorce. Yes. And how he feels responsible? Yes. And he shared his thought about taking his life? "Can you tell me you get him to open up like that and tell you these things." She seriously wants to know and Harry gets a bright idea.
"You want to teach the parents?" Steven asks of Harry. Not really, he just wants them to come to the school, to get to know them, and they can share insight about how to connect with their kids. Steven agrees to it and as Harry walks away, he tells Scott that now he's worried. It seems harmless enough but "I've seen him when he gets like this. He starts to become a little manic and he tries to do more and more. Then he just crashes. It's a marathon, Scott, and the ones who run it like a sprint don't survive." (If that wasn't heavy-handed foreshadowing, I don't know what is.
At that moment, Milton swing in the front door and the bulldog, I mean Scott, walks over to have a little chat. Scott gets very close to Milton and says, "You've been having sex, Mr. Buttle. The ice you're on here is too thin to threaten your gas line. I don't think you'll be teaching here much longer, Mr. Buttle. That's just my guess. Go to your class while you still have one." Milton scurries away and Steven asks Scott if he's sure. He's positive - he even smelled her on him. Oh, ew.
Harry and Lauren are sitting together on their favorite steps. Harry can't believe Lauren isn't devastated about the whole house thing. She says it's just brick and wood - besides she had everything she wanted in that tub last night. Harry "awwwws" at her, puts his arm around her, and kisses her forehead. She drops her hand to his knee and draws little swirls as she says she loves her job and feels good about it, despite the societal mandate that she be miserable and ashamed. Besides, houses take upkeep and you have to pay real estate taxes. Harry asks her how the tub was and she says it has a fantastic tub. "Oh well." Yeah. They kiss and she burrows close to him, putting her head on his shoulder.
In her classroom, Harvey is asking Marla about the Kevin thing. "Was it the hair?" No, Harvey, it turns out he is interested in Marilyn. Harvey says that makes sense, which only hurts Marla even more. She says she's busy and Harvey starts to leave. He stops and turns back and invites her to dinner. "I don't mean sexual, I mean as two colleagues, as friends." She agrees grudgingly and Harvey kisses her on the forehead. She stops to look at him shifty like and he says "Sue me." and walks out.
Across town, we pan through an empty house, the same way the show opened. There's brick, and stone, and wood. It's a beautiful house, which is no doubt what Lauren is thinking as she sits alone next to the fireplace.
Fade to black.
