1.  For the women: Thou shalt have no other lords before me.  But you can have as many ladies as you want!
     For the men:  Build many anatomically correct idols to worship me by...but please be "generous" if you get my drift.
2.  Thou shalt not steal.  But this does not include panty raids, 'cause panty raids are just cool.
3.  Harems and polygamous marriages are a sin.  Because if you have that many wives you are just begging for death.
4.  For the women:  Being a lesbian is not at sin.  Letting me watch you be a lesbian gets you into heaven, guaranteed.
     For the men:  Being gay is not a sin.  Just don't flirt with me and we will be cool.
5.  Honor thy mother and father.  But if your mother is a hottie, send me many pictures of her.
6.  Do not covet thy neighbor's wife.  That's for me to do.  I am God after all.
7.  Thou shalt not take my name in vain.  But ladies feel free to moan it out at those "special" times.
8.  Thou shalt not kill.  Except for tasty animals that go great with rice pilaf or mashed potatos.  Also it is okay to kill the Muffin Man...  Have you seen him?  I've seen him.  I've seen the Muffin Man.  He is AFTER ME!!!!  Yeeargh!!!
9.  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  Except with me and as many times as possible with the picture pop-up version of the Kama Sutra handy.
10. Prostitution is not a sin.  Not having sex with me is a sin.

---

If I were God...

I would make lesbianism no longer a lifestyle, but an art form that must be studied by me in great depth.

I would find out what the McHell McNuggets are McMade from!

I would make ALL the Star Trek women wear tight outfits and show off my gifts to them!

I would end racial discrimination against women of all races and creeds for all time!  They would only be judged by the size of their bazoombas!

The world would know the French are cheese eating surrender monkies!

Spandex would be a privilege not a right!

All women would be taught how to slow-motion run like the ladies of Baywatch!

Oral sex would finally be known as true sex.  Otherwise that would mean I havn't had sex in many years and that is just wrong!

Gratuitous nude scenes in movies would last longer and involve whipped cream and a minimum of two super-models!

Words would be forever changed to add my name in!  For example:
    Beautiful would be forever known as Willtiful.
    Sexy would be forever known as Wexy.
    Booty would be forever known as Wooty.
    Hooty and the Blowfish would still be crap, so no change is needed!

Liberal democrates would be given a large paradise island to live out their upotian ideals on...and then made to fight to the death on a reality TV series called, "Cannibal Island"!

As a former president once promised a chicken in every pot, I will promise to put a brothel on every street corner!  

Women could no longer use the line, "You should just know so I am not going to tell you."!  Because I will make it Official.  Men are dumb!

To compensate for men being dumb, I will give them control of most of the major Fortune 500 companies...oh wait...that is already done.

Free lyposuctions for all!!!!!!

Women would only be allowed to shop at either Fredericks of Hollywood or Victoria's Secrets!

Men would only be allowed to shop if they have help from their wife/girlfriend or a gay friend.  Face it guys, we don't have any fashion sense at all and me being God isn't gonna help.

Marriage would be a sacred and lifelong monogamous bond between two soulmates.  

Marriage for myself would be a hot and torried time between me and several sets of twins.

Thongs would finally be known as "Butt Floss" and widely distrubuted as a healthly alternative to "Butt Mints, The Mints that keep your Booty Minty Fresh"!

---