Disclaimers: The song Inside of You is by Madonna, copyrights of Maverick Recording Co, Warner Group Co, and Sire Records Co. No infringement intended.

Warning: The stories are alternative fiction. If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live, either stop reading now or change the laws for love should never be illegal. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may wish to read something other than these stories.

Disclaimer: The story is all mine. Please do not use it nor lift off it.

Comments are welcomed at shag_chic@hotmail.com


Past Love

by damnation



Prologue

Her back was bent under that black hood that covered her completely. You could not even peek into the multilayered cloth that hid her form under the folds. A foul smell reeked from her, and most passerbys kept out of her way. They knew that she was not to be tampered with.

No one has seen her true face after she threw on that cloak. it was rumoured that this woman was once ravishing. Her beauty surpassed that of the gods. Her smile could make hearts melt and crying babies happy; and when she walked through the crowds, heads would turn and a sense of peace and wonder would settle over the people. Such, was her beauty. Her name was Rowanna. She had long straight hair the color of the darkest night, and sparkling sapphire eyes. Look into her eyes, they said, and you'll forever fall under her spell.

But that was in the past. The lady fell ill. Or that's what the people said. A sickness. An illness. Infectious, probably. Everyone kept out of her way. She was scorned at. People who once adored her spat on her. No one opened their doors for her. Mothers wheeled their children away from her, and taught them to throw stones at her. People, who once loved her, now detested her.

Her disease claimed her years ago. More correctly said, it came to be known. She fell in love. with a woman. That was wrong. Or so it says. From that moment on, she was condemned. No matter her dazzling smile. Who cared about her kindness and loveliness? She was plagued by the worst sickness of all. Homosexuality.



1

Cammy was a plain girl. She had short blonde hair that framed her face. Her features were not spectacular. Her brown eyes, though big and luscious, often had a glassy look to them. Her skin was deathly pale. The only thing that complimented her was her full sensous lips. Many people would not even notice Cammy at the first, second, or even the third glance. The others who did were probably attracted to her wealth. Cammy was the only daughter of the rich merchant Tobias. Everyone had, at one point or other, heard of him. Dressed in only the most expensive fineries, Tobias had a whole team of servants at his biddings. The town council respected him, and all the other merchants would practically fall at his feet if they were asked to. That was how rich Tobias was. And that was probably the only reason why Cammy had any suitors at her door at all.

Cammy had a lonely childhood. Her only friends were her servants and her long line of nannies who buttered her up no end. It sickened her, their false warmth and adoration. It was one rainy day when Cammy and her father were at the local tavern where she first set her eyes upon Rowanna. Rowanna was working as the barmaid there and was serving them. Cammy had taken in all her loveliness and demanded that Rowanna be her personal maid. Shocked at first, Rowanna was about to reject the offer when Tobias took out such a big bag of gold that no one could ever refuse. Wide eyed and thinking of her sick mother, Rowanna took the offer and ever since then, Cammy and her were inseparable.

When Rowanna was led to her room at Tobias' mansion, she was flabberghasted. Her room was bigger than the tavern's best suite and it was only the personal maid's chamber! Never had Rowanna seen so much finery than she did as she walked into the mansion. The garden, for one was so huge that if crops were grown there, the poorer section of the village would be well fed. There was a pond, no, lake in the garden with ducks sitting on the glassy surface. As the gates closed, she could almost swear that that was the gate that separates heaven and earth. Then her eyes fell upon the mansion. Gods, the building was huge. As the big oak doors swung open, she stepped into a hall of gold. Well, that was what it seemed. Everything was in the color gold. The floor was tiled with gold marble. The windows were draped with gold curtains. The stairway balestier was gold. The steps.. Gold.

What is it with this man?she thought. Too rich and nowhere to spend his money?

"Your room is upstairs... Rowanna, right?" Cammy's bored voice broke into her musings. She turned to look at Cammy and then wondered for the zillionth time why she was asked to be her personal maid.

As the days went by, Rowanna found herself more and more drawn towards Cammy. She had first found her a boring plain jane and had told herself that she just needed a younger companion to serve her. But boring was the last adjective that could describe Cammy. She was.. Adventurous, interesting, and vibrant. She was full of life and fire... Something that no one had ever bothered to get close enough to realise. Whenever they were alone, which was rather often, Cammy would tell her stories about the faraway lands. Cammy would capture her attention with one hand movement and kept her enraptured in the tales she spun. Soon, Rowanna felt that Cammy was the only girl that would ever make her life complete. No one knew what the two girls talked about, their heads bent close. No one knew how Cammy really was and no one cared. Tobias was just glad that Cammy stopped being so lifeless. No one knew... That Cammy and Rowanna fell in love. Or rather, Rowanna did.

Two summers passed. It was another day of loving when Tobias suddenly decided that he wanted to talk to Cammy. He opened her room door and caught his precious daughter naked with beautiful Rowanna astride her. Red in the face, Tobias had Rowanna thrown in the streets with just the dress on her back and a black cloak. Cammy had turned around and accused Rowanna of seducing her. Tears and begging had done nothing to take away the cold hard look in her lover's eyes. Tobias arranged for Cammy to be married to a prestigious male of the next town and Rowanna was ancient history as long as he was concerned. Till this very day, Rowanna could not forget the look of disgust on Cammy's face when she was turned out. The betrayal and hurt that was etched on her tearstreaked face could have broken thousands of hearts but Cammy had just spat on her and closed the door. From that day onwards, Rowanna closed her worn and battered heart.

2

The red and amber autumn foliage should have enlivened the scene before her eyes but everything was grim and bleak to her. Rowanna drew her cloak around her more tightly and sat down in the woods. She had taken a wandering life. Nothing had meant anything to her anymore. She clenched her jaws, stood up and trudged on. Her meagre meal of stale bread and cheese would not last very long. She felt tears rushing to come out but stilled herself. Never was she going to cry again.

As she approached the next town, Rowanna scanned the filthy streets for somewhere she could sleep in the night. She spotted an alley and turned in, pulling her hood more closely than ever. She huddled in the pile of rags and dirt, trying to derive some warmth from them. She shut her eyes, envisioning Cammy's heartless face. Hate grew within her, and it is from that hate that she finds the strength to live. Thud... Something landed on the dirty ground at her feet. She peered through the folds of the cloak and saw that someone had thrown his rubbish there. She undid the bag and rummaged through the contents, hoping for something to eat.

"Here." Came a voice. She looked up and saw a dark haired girl offer her some cake. She started to look away but something in those eyes stopped her.

"We'll share. I still have a bit." came the soft voice again.

Not wanting the charity but hunger overriding her will, Rowawnna snatched at the cake. The girl sat beside her. Rowanna flinched as the girl brushed against her accidentally. As she started to chew on the stale cake, she quietly observed the other girl who was munching hungrily too. The girl was average built, dark shoulder length wavey hair. She couldn't see anything else clearly as her hood obstructed her but she remembered that the girl's eyes were gray when she first offered her the cake. The girl looked up suddenly and Rowanna looked away hurriedly.

"My name is Ling." she said with a small smile. Seeing that Rowanna made no move to introduce herself, Ling continued and said, "My parents were too poor and they sold me to the slavers. I escaped and have been wandering round."

Rowanna had finished her cake by now and rose to leave.

"There's nowhere else to go in this town." Ling interrupted silently. "Please don't leave." she added, barely a whisper.

Rowanna almost didn't catch it. She flickered a glance at the now sombre looking girl, and saw the plea in her face. She didn't reply, but just sat down and tried to sleep in the cold night. Ling looked pleased and cuddled against the wall. Rowanna opened her eyes slightly and saw that Ling had only a crude peasant dress on.

"Come here" She said gruffly, offering some warmth from her cloak. Ling's eyes shot open, stunned momentarily by the sound of her voice and scuttled over. "I'm not being nice. This is payback for the piece of cake." Ling heard Rowanna mutter before she fell asleep.

Dawn broke. It was a gray morning. Everything, however little, that the sun illuminated looked deathly pale. Rowanna opened her eyes and started to get up when she felt a soft body beside hers. Memory rushed back to her and she settled back down. She couldn't wait to get moving. But something just stopped her from waking the girl up from her slumber. She wondered yet again what brought the girl to her.

Ling. That's what the girl said her name was. She breathed out heavily and Ling stirred. Rowanna watched her as she rubbed her eyes and looked around. She saw that Ling was glad when her gaze dropped on Rowanna's form. Rowanna got up.

"Where are you going?" Ling asked.

"Off." Came the reply.

"C-can I come? I promise you I won't be a bother..." Came the meek request.

Rowanna didn't bother answering and walked off. "Please?" Ling was following her. "I'll do anything. I'll be your servant, I'll steal for you. I'll..."

Rowanna whipped her head around when she heard that and said coldly "I travel alone." Then she resumed her long strides.

"I can't stay here. I have to leave... Please take me... Please? They'll kill me if they find me... Please?"

Rowanna stopped. Ling saw that she was considering. "Till the next town, girl." She growled.

"As long as you let me leave with you." Came the happy reply. Rowanna noted that Ling did not agree to her demand but continued to walk.

They stopped at a lake. Rowanna stared at the calm water briefly and started taking off her clothes.

"I-isn't it a little cold...?" Rowanna ignored the question and stepped into the cold water. They had no choice. No money meant no bath. She'd be damned if she had to carry any more of that smell with her. Ling imitated her actions and lowered herself into the freezing water.

"Ooo-ooohhh..." She muttered. She scrubbed at herself and looked up to see the mystery woman doing the same thing.

She never told me her name, Ling thought. This was the first time Ling had the chance to see the mystery woman's face.

She's so beautiful... Why is she so hard and cold?

While Ling was doing her quiet speculation, she failed to see that Rowanna had looked up and saw her staring at her. The next thing she knew, she was staring at those ice blue eyes. Ling found that she couldn't pull away from that strong magnetic gaze. She sucked in her breath and waited. Rowanna was the one who looked away first.

"What?" Came the question. Ling wasn't sure she had uttered the question.

"Huh?"

"What are you looking at?"

Ling recollected herself. "Was just wondering what your name is."

Her mystery woman didn't speak. They got up from the lake and put on their filthy rags.

"Rowanna." Ling's head snapped up, unsure if she had spoken. "My name." Cold blue eyes looked straight at her again. Ling felt that her soul was probed twice in the last hour.

They collected firewood and settled down after a long day's walk. Ling felt for her bag. She took out a loaf of stale bread and handed it to Rowanna. "It's all that I have."

Rowanna raised her head. "You eat it. I'm not hungry." What a lie. Her stomach was rumbling so much that she could eat a cow! But somehow, she felt that she had to take care of Ling.

"Really? Cos I'm really not hungry either. I thought maybe you could help me finish this horrid piece of rock."

Rowanna narrowed her eyes at Ling. "We'll eat it together." This girl could read her like a book.

"So... Why're you travelling?" Ling asked after the meal. Sensing that she was stepping into unwanted territory when she saw Rowanna stiffen up comsiderably, Ling said "Well I couldn't care less. But I know you'd wanna know my story so here it goes." She swiftly changed the subject. It was all Rowanna could do not to smile. In the next hour or two, Ling told her entire life story, from her parents to her sisters and her dogs and chickens in her farmhouse back in her hometown. Rowanna acted as if she couldn't have cared less if Ling's dogs had laid eggs but in truth she was grateful for some human interaction.

3

I felt her hand touch me. So soft, like a butterfly's wings brushing against my skin. I yearn... She doesn't know how long I've yearned for her touch. That light caress, setting my cool skin on fire. Sending sparks of desire to the pits of my stomach. That one touch. So real. So true. Makes me whole again...

Rowanna awoke from her restless slumber to the callings of the birds. A dream. All a dream. Rowanna sighed. She didn't know who the person in her dream was. She never did. But then again, she never had those dreams so intensely before. These few nights, the same dreams kept recurring to her. She looked over and saw the huddled form of Ling. It had seem like eons when she had a human so close to her. She sighed inwardly. The next town was just one more day away. Somehow a part of her didn't want Ling to leave.

But she must. Rowanna thought to herself. By staying on, Ling would be labelled as she was.

Sick. She flinched inwardly.

Detestful. She shouted mentally.

Disgusting. She muttered under her breath.

No. She would not entitle another human to this kind of treatment. She would not allow herself to be touched by another person again. Never was she going to be vulnerable to emotions again. She was past that. All the hurt, the anguish.

Never. she swore silently.

"Hmm?" Ling had stirred. She looked around groggily and met Rowanna's stare. "I thought I heard someone talking." She said. Rowanna looked away.

"We have to get going." She said abruptly.

Ling sat up. "Oh. Sure." She had almost gotten Rowanna out of her shell the night before. She could swear she had saw a slight smile on Rowanna's beautiful face when they were huddling close at the fire. She exhaled loudly and then picked up her pace as she saw Rowanna hurrying away.

Both of them were deep in thoughts and did not hear the sounds of approaching company. "hello ladies... Going our way?" Came the leering voices. The two vagabonds snapped out of their worlds and saw a band of three men looking at them.

"Shit." Ling muttered under her breath. She saw Rowanna fumbling for something in the cloak she had on and then saw a blade in her hand. Ling crouched in a fighting stance, praying to gods that the little kung fu her father had taught her would keep her alive. The disgusting men with wine in their breaths started at them, confident that they would have some fun in a while. A fight ensued. Rowanna's use of the blade was fast and Ling managed to bring one man down. The other however flicked out a blade and lashed out viciously at Ling.

Slash. Metal sliced flesh and Ling felt pain searing as blood started gashing out from the wound on her side. She pressed on and kicked the blade out of the man's grasp and suddenly his eyes went blank. As he fell onto the ground like a chopped tree, Ling saw that Rowanna's blade was embedded in his back. The last thing she saw before she blacked out was Rowanna rushing towards her to break her fall...

Rowanna looked at Ling twisting and turning in her restless slumber. Her moans had filled the cave that Rowanna had found in the woods for the past two nights. She dampened the cloth and started cleaning Ling. She did it gently for fear of hurting her burning skin. The gash in her side was sewn up and cleaned. However the lack of medication slowed its recovery. The fever had raged through her for the past two days with no sign of letting down. Rowanna left the cave in search of some herbs that may help Ling.

Fire... Burning... Screams... Echoing... In her head... Flames... Leaping at her... Tears... Blurring her vision... "Come! We must leave!" Papa... Her small hand clutched in his bigger, callused ones. She will be safe. She knew that papa would not let her down. Suddenly she could breathe. She turned round and round... Papa? where are you? papa... She felt darkness consume her... She swirled in the darkness... Round and round... "Nooo!"

"Are you alright?" A worried voice jolted her into the present. She looked around groggily. A pair of blue eyes came into focus.

"W-water" She muttered through her cracked lips. She felt liquid running down her parched throat. She tried a feeble smile. "Yeah I'm okay." She said reassuringly.

"I'm glad you came round. I was so worried the herbs I brought couldn't help."

She looked at Rowanna. The woman had dark rings around her tired eyes.

"Do you know that that's the longest sentence I've ever heard you speak?" She joked weakly. Rowanna smiled.

Well i'll be damned! She smiled! Ling thought.

"Well I'd like to stay and chat but I think my eyes are protesting..." With that Ling fell unconscious again.

When she next awoke, she found Rowanna sleeping. She looked at her wound. Not bad, the redness was gone. She just felt stiff. She tried to stand up.

Not too bad for someone who was sleeping for... How long?

she didn't know how long she was unconscious. She found that she could walk with the help of the walls of the cave. She saw that the fire was burning low. She manuveured herself till she was sitting in front of the dying flames. She threw in more firewood and let her thoughts drift off in the direction of her past.

Her father was asian. He was a great healer who travelled the lands. When he met her mother and fell in love with her, he knew that he would be outcasted by his people. For the woman he loved had brown hair and gray eyes. She was not one of them. It didn't matter to him. Their love was great. They lived simply and happily alone in the mountains. Ling had a younger brother and two younger sisters. Their home was always filled with laughter and love. She was brought up in love. She was ten when the fire burnt down her prefect childhood. The villagers from the village where her father was brought up in had done it. They had waited till her grandparents had passed on and took it onto themselves to "right all wrongs". Her grandparents had loved them too. They were the reason why Ling and her family were not "dealt with" Till that very day.

Ling's eyes clouded with tears. Why did they have to pay for loving someone? was her mother not human just because of her coloured eyes and differing features? her father had managed to save her and her brother but he never came out when he went in a second time to get his beloved wife and her sister. She never saw Jie, her brother, after she regained consciousness. From then, she had travelled by herself, away from her painful past, from the realisation that she would never be accepted in her society. Or rather, her father's. Till this day, she didn't know if Jie and her younger sister were still alive. Deep within she prayed that they were.

"Hey." She looked up and saw Rowanna staring at her. She wiped her tears hastily.

"Hey yourself."

Rowanna sat up. She had awoken several minutes ago and had seen Ling crying.

"What's wrong?" She asked. "Does your wound hurt?"

Ling looked confused for a minute and then seem to recall that she was injured. "Oh, no. It's fine. I was just.. Thinking. That's all." She replied with a watery smile.

"Wanna talk about it?" Came the question that surprised both Ling and Rowanna.

Maybe she's opening up thought Ling. "Sure." She started telling Rowanna about her past. Unlike the last time, she told her the sad parts that she had left out previously. The night passed with Rowanna listening spellbound to Ling's tale. By the crack of dawn, Ling was too exhausted to say "good night" And Rowanna drooped off to sleep with the thought in her head that her pain was so minute compared to this girl's. Another part of her heart melted. Before her eyes closed, she said "Good night, friend."

Ling smiled in her sleep, almost as an answer to that simple phrase.

4

The days passed. Ling recovered steadily and their friendship grew. Rowanna smiled more and talked more, slowly creeping out of her shell. However, she had not shared her past with Ling yet. Her wound was more or less healed. What was stopping her was the fear that Ling may reject her as her friend once she knew. Ling waited patiently. One day, she believed, Rowanna would come out completely with her.

Talk of leaving Ling behind was not discussed again. By the time they knew it, winter passed and spring arrived with the calling of the birds. They were companions now. And Ling was glad. It was one sunny day when they were passing through a crowded marketplace when Ling felt Rowanna freeze beside her.

"What?" Ling inquired. She followed Rowanna's gaze and her eyes fell on a blond woman. She had a look of icy boredom on her face. The jewels that were pushed before her by the fumbling merchant did not interest her. Behind her followed about five servant girls. One of them was holding onto a baby with golden locks and another was holding a toddler boy who was about three summers old in her hand.

Cammy. It had been a long time. As if on cue, Cammy looked up and met Rowanna's stare. Cammy dismissed her maids with one hand and walked over to them. She looked distastefully at Ling and then back at Rowanna.

"Hello Rowanna. It's been a long while." Rowanna clenched her jaw.

"Don't you dare speak my name." She said quietly.

"My, my. What a temper. How do you put up with her?" She directed the question at Ling.

"That, like everything else concerning me, has nothing to do with you." Rowanna cut in.

"Poor Rowanna. Still pining after me?" Cammy taunted. "I don't think this wench here can satisfy you the way I did." She continued. She didn't see what was coming. Rowanna lifted her arm and gave her a slap right across her face.

"Y-you" She stuttered indignantly at Rowanna.

"That, was for what you did, five years ago. Oh. And I forgot to thank you."

"What for?" Cammy asked, angry at the slap but still curious.

"For setting me free from a bitch. I was young and immature, took what I felt for love. So thank you, love. You were a great fuck, but I could do better."

at this, Rowanna turned and walked away, leaving Cammy red faced and embarrassed beyond belief behind her. When they reached the turning, Rowanna and Ling could hear Cammy shouting obsceneties at them.

Ling looked worriedly at the quiet Rowanna beside her as they walked out of the town. "Rowanna?" She tried. Rowanna started laughing. "Wha-?" Ling was confused. She never expected Rowanna to laugh.

Rowanna caught her breathe. "Damn, that was rich. I should have done that years ago, instead of hating her." Ling looked at Rowanna and saw that she was in fact serious. She smiled.

"Yup. The look on her face when you said that she was a good..fuck... " She started grinning. Rowanna recovered herself. "You aren't bothered by... This... Are you?"

Ling looked at her. "No, why should I?" Rowanna let out a sigh of relief.

"So that's what's so dark about your past." Ling commented.

Rowanna nodded.

"Look. Whatever you prefer... However you look like, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you follow your heart. And if I see that you are doing just that, i'll support you, no matter what. That's what friends are for. They love you, no matter what."

Rowanna looked at Ling, speechless. It had been a long time she felt love and concern from another. "Thank you." Was all she could say.

"Come on," Ling chided, "Let's get going." Rowanna grinned and picked up her pace.

Rowanna and Ling decided to settle down in small village in the country where Ling was born. In that simple town, everyone was warm and friendly. They did not cast Rowanna out because of her colorings, neither did they reject Ling because of hers. The two women opened a craft shop and lived simply. Ling got married to a healer's son, Jun, the following summer and they gave birth to a lovely daughter. Rowanna lived with them and shared their happiness. She was alone yet not lonely. She accepted the fact that she may not find someone who would love her for who she really was. That was what she thought. Until the day she came into their shop.

5

Trying to ignore that weird uneasy feeling that had grown instead of diminishing as she thought it would, Janelle took in a deep breath. She glanced around her, taking in the same surroundings that had been where she lived for the past few months. The familiar sight did nothing to sooth her. It just added onto her already straining bundle of nerves because all that had become familiar to her did not reassure her anymore like it did in the past. She felt lost. The happenings of the past few days had caught her by storm. It had changed her life and it had made her... Feel.

The market was crowded as usual. Voices of haggling customers and exasperated merchants drifted in the humid air. Her job did not require her to arise early but that day, she just had the sudden urge to go out and take a walk amidst the people. That came as a surprise for Janelle never liked to be around people much if it was not requirred of her. As long as she could remember, Janelle had spent most of her life hurting and hating until one day she decided that she would be better off not feeling. That was when she shut out emotions. She could not remember smiling in the while 19 years of existence. The only memories of her childhood were those flashbacks in her dreams. Happiness, if ever experienced by her, was not remembered in reality. Janelle had walked through the crowd, taking in the sights and sounds around her. She looked disinterestedly at the trinklets dangling before her when an oddly familiar song reached her hearing. She looked around for the source as wave after wave of nostalgia washed over her and found herself looking into a pair of smiling gray eyes.

"Hello, can I help you?" He asked her. The young man was sitted in front of his shop, she assumed, sawing on a long piece of wood. She found herself staring at him and recovered when a look of uncertainity settled in his features. She shook her head and turned away.

"Wait." He called out to her. She did not bother and continued her walk. She was just surprised that she would meet another person who had gray eyes and asian heritage.

Night fell. The warm humid air evaporated, welcoming the cool evening breeze. The moon yonder always marked the beginning of her work. Day by day, she lived in a human shell. It blocked out all feelings of dread and disgust, but also successfully stopped any warmth or loving feelings to be exchanged. That was good, for she was hardly associated with the latter set of feelings anyway. Her job was simple. She had to sleep with her customers. Her cold facade drew many men to her, all wanting to break her, but none succeeding. Lying there on the bed, she would let her mind drift away while her customer grovelled all over her. She did not feel shame anymore. She had come to accept this as her fate. For two long years ever since that thing sold her to the slavers, her body had been abused. Well, before that already, she was raped by that thing. That thing who had found her in the forest and taken her in. That thing that claimed that he had saved her life and that she should do all she could to repay him. She was past the stage of feeling to tell him that she had rather been left to die in the woods. Her hatred for him had kept her going. After he sold her to the slavers, she had manipulated one of the slavers who was... Satisfied by her services to kill that thing. That had been the only time she felt anything. When the man let her stab that thing through his heart after a hearty beating. That, was the only time she really smiled. But it was a smile of twisted hate.

She saw him walk in. The familiar set of gray eyes scanning the crowd at the tavern for someone. She had a distinct feeling that he was looking for her. He caught sight of her and strolled purposefully towards her. She eyed him coldly.

"Can I ... Have a minute with you?" He asked nervously.

"I'm paid by the hour sir, you'd have to pay for an hour even if you only take a minute." She answered with a smirk.

"Uuhh.." The man's eyes bulged out. He was apparently shocked by the offer. "A-alright. An hour then." She turned and walked up the stairs. "A-wha?" He didn't know what was going on. Janelle didn't think there was still such innocent men left in the world.

"You don't want me to serve you here do you?" She shot at him. "Oh." He grinned and followed her up. When they entered the room, she started disrobing. "W-wait!" He half shouted, alarmed by her actions. She looked at him.

"I just... Want to talk."

"You're paying me to talk. Gotta warn you, I'm not a good talker." She said.

"Alright. What's your name?" He queried.

"What's it to you?" She replied.

He gave an audible sigh. "For Gods' sakes, I am paying you to talk, aren't I?"

"Janelle."

"How old are you?" He asked again.

she frowned. What was that man up to?

"20."

She heard him take in a sharp breath.

"Where did you come from?"

She was hardly a person to share so much about herself to a stranger. She paused for a long period of time, just sitting there, staring at him. Unnerved, he said "Look, I think you're my younger sister, alright?"

She remained silent, face showing no emotions whatsoever. After a long while, she replied, "Tzang village. That's where I'm from." The man stared at her and said "Oh my God I don't believe this. You're alive!" He got up and started to dance around the room, whooping for joy. She looked at him, amused. He stopped when he realised that she wasn't sharing his joy at all.

"What are you, a statue? I'm your older brother! I thought everyone else were dead. Ling, you, ma, pa..."

"Look, mister," Janelle began, "Just because you come in here and claim to be my family doesn't mean that I have to believe you, right? I have met bizarre customers but by far you are the weirdest."

"Ok. You don't believe me. Ok. Wait. This morning. You stopped when I was humming a song. Your subconscious remembers even if you don't! We used to play in the woods and..." He launched into a whole story of their supposed childhood. She sat there, motionless, not showing any trace of emotion. Then, suddenly, she stood up. He looked at her, eyes hopeful.

"Your hour is up sir. You want more, you'd have to pay more."

He sighed. "I..." He dugged into his pockets and pushed more money into her hands. "Not enough, sir. I have to make a living you know?" He dug deeper and came up with more coins. She looked, satisfied with the amount and sat down, back on the bed.

"Please, don't you remember anything?" He asked pleadingly. She merely looked at him. Most of what he described sounded closely like her dreamscapes. But she wasn't going to let on about that. She shook her head. Another hour passed and when she rose up again, he hung his head dejectedly and she walked out of the room.

Before she left, he said, "My name is Jie. Please at least remember that." He said it with so much raw emotions in his voice that Janelle walked back to him and said, "I'll remember you as the man who paid me to talk, sir."

Back in the present, Janelle frowned. Was he really her brother? She had dreamt about what he said.

So what if he is, she thought. She was a prostitute. Nothing could shange the fact that she's soiled and dirty. She shook her head and went to bed. There, she dreamt yet again of laughter and children playing in the wind. Carefree and happy.

6

"Believe me.." Janelle's eyes opened wide and she stared into the ceiling. As she shook the cobwebs from inside her head, she sat up. Blood rushed to her head and the pounding of her heart inviberated through her. Ever since that man claimed that he was her brother she had been having those dreams. She took in deep breathes and leaned against the wall of the dingy room. Did that mean that she should believe him? what rubbish. She never believed in all these psychological stuff anyway. With that she shut her eyes and forced herself to return to sleep.

Days passed and each day Janelle had to curb the compelling force that pulled her to that man who claimed to be her brother. What was his name again? Or did he tell her? She couldn't remember. Her heart wasn't in anything that she did. It never was anyway. Sometimes she wondered if she still had one. She had already taught herself to treat her body and her mind as separate entities. Defiling her body did not mean that she had to defile her mind either.

she looked up and saw him again. Quenching her frustration she walked up to him. "Pray, tell me, what would I have to do to have you leave me alone?"

he looked at her with eyes filled with sorrow and determination. "I... Come with me away from this place." Not expecting that, Janelle shot him a questioning glance.

"I have heard that our sister is alive too."

Great, now I have a whole happy family waiting for me. her lips curled into a smile that never did reach her eyes.

"You mean your sister still lives. Look, mister, even if I am who you said I am, I am no longer her, alright? Why don't you just leave and get on with your happy life while I carry on with mine."

His deep gray eyes penetrated hers. "Are you happy? I don't care who you have become, you're still my sister. My baby sister. And I won't allow you to stay here a day longer." A smirk was what he got for a reply.

"Alright."

Jie looked off-balanced. He didn't expect her to agree that readily.

"You'll have to buy me from them."

"B-buy?"

Janelle rolled her eyes. "Yes, brother, I am their slave and you'll have to buy me from them.

Janelle could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. "Alright. I'll get you out of here no matter what. Give me a few hours, i'll get the money." She was impressed. He really did believe that she was his sister, didn't he? no matter, she didn't mind being free.

"They told me she is residing in the next village. We'll get there in a few days on feet." He said to no one in particular. He glanced over and took in the slim figure that was his sister and sighed inwardly. He was convinced that this girl is his sister. He just didn't know how to break through past the wall she had constructed for herself the past.... Ten years? He couldn't even remember when the last time he saw her was. He shook his head. When his neighbour's son returned from his travels, he had told Jie that he had came across a small craftshop in the next village and that someone had called the owner "Ling". It had to be his sister. No one else had gray eyes. No one except their family. He was filled with happiness and trepidation upon anticipating the reunion. Would she recognise him? Would she accept him? And Janelle. Would there be problems? He frowned. He wasn't that old but time had taken its toll on him. He was forced to mature faster than he should. A man of twenty three looking as tired and haggard as one of fifty. He almost laughed out loud, but recovered himself. He glanced at Janelle again. She seemed deep in thought. He wondered what she went through and promised himself that he would never let another man touch her again that way. The trudging went on as the siblings both wrapped themselves in their own thoughts. Neither of them knew what the future held for them. Neither of them understood why they were able to let go of their past lives to ram heedlessly into new ones, but one thing they were sure about was that what they had were not worth having. As the journey wore on, so did their anticipation to their uncertain yet welcomed change in future.

7

As she lay there, staring into the sky, Janelle wondered at the beauty of her surroundings. She was never one that would stop to look at simple things. In fact, she never saw anything in her empty life. The stars were speckled out like diamonds in the dark velvety night. The realisation that she was free hit her like a rock. Torrents of emotions, ones that she never knew existed, came forth and before long she found herself crying. The act of shedding tears was almost foreign to her.

The only time she remembered doing it was the time she was raped. Even then she did not cry in front of it. She did not want to give him that satisfaction as well. She only recalled sneaking away into the barn after that and cried. She swore that no one, man nor woman would see her vulnerable side.

They reached their destination two days later. Both siblings were on the brink of exhaustion. Walking long distances had never been necessary for either of them.

"Come, let us look for her." Jie said to Janelle.

She looked at him and let some wonder creep into her eyes.

"How do you do that?" She blurted out. He looked at her in confusion.

"How do you manage to believe the best in everything? How do you manage to be so ... Trusting?"

Jie held her with his eyes. "I just do. Life is only what you make of it." She looked away from him and at the marketplace that was coming to life as dawn broke and took a deep breath.

"I guess you're right." She replied and glanced at him with a tiny smile. His heart melted. It was the first time he had seen her truly smile. He grinned back at her.

"Well then let us be reunited with Ling too. Even if it isn't her I'm sure everything will turn out fine. We'll never go back there again. We'll start a new life. You'll start a new life. Find a good man, settle down and have a happy family." A pained look crept into her face but it was replaced with a forced smile.

"Maybe." That word marked the end of the topic and they strolled in silent companionship the last few minutes before their goal.

Janelle watched in amusement as Jie paced nervously before the shop. It was still early and the shop was yet to be opened. He was biting his lip unconsciously as he raked a shaking hand through his wavy brown hair.

Funny she thought. How I have come to be comfortable around this man. She had stopped questioning if he was really her brother. She wanted to believe it. Wanted to have a taste of how a family really feels like. But she was still very foreign to this feeling of want and need. Her mind was not allowing her to be attached to anything. She still felt cold and indifferent to everything. Cynical to the possibility that she may be bestowed happiness. He had mentioned a man, and a happy family. She had flinched with those words. No man would want her for who she was. And she wanted no man either.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the creaking sound of the door opening. She looked up to see a dark haired woman.

"Hello." Jie said to the woman. She looked up at him and Janelle saw that her eyes were a brilliant blue that contrasted with her jet black hair.

"Yes?" She asked, her glance slipping over to rest on Janelle's guarded look.

"I-I'm looking for a person called Ling." Jie stuttered out.

The woman channelled her attentions back to Jie and said "Right. Uuhhh... She'll be out soon, Mary is giving her some problems."

"M-Mary?"

"Yeah, her daughter."

Janelle observed a sparkle of pride in the woman's eyes as she spoke of the kid.

"Daughter.... " Jie smiled at looked over at Janelle. "Did you hear that? We have a niece!"

The woman looked over at Jie, startled. She raised a dark eyebrow and Jie hurriedly answered. "I... I think Ling is our sister."

When Rowanna heard that her face broke into a smile, hiding wheels that were turning in her head. Ling did mention about a brother and younger sister before... What did they have to gain anyway? Warmth flowed into her smile as she decided that they were sincere. She took in their gray eyes and brown hair and concluded that no one outside Ling's family line would have that. She led them into the shop and said "Well, why don't you wait here, she'll be out in a minute."

the man looked very friendly. Tired, but friendly all the same. She couldn't say the same about the girl though. She looked... Sculpted. Like an ice sculpture that a master sculptor had carved. A masterpiece, but cold. Even if she was Ling's sister, whom she may not be, she did not have Ling's soft lines. This girl had a sharp and determine jawline that was clenching right about now. She shifted her observation as she felt cold gray eyes bore into her blue ones.

"Where are you from... Uuhh.." Rowanna directed her question at the man.

"Oh, how impolite. I'm sorry, my name is Jie and this is Janelle."

Rowanna smiled. "I'm Rowanna."

"Row..." She turned around and saw Ling and Mary. Ling had an exasperated expression on her face and Mary had a fistful of her mother's hair, giggling at Rowanna. Rowanna burst out laughing and went over to carry the handful toddler from her mother.

"And who are these?" Ling asked after Mary was safely in Rowanna's arms. Jie stood up.

"Hello, Ling. I- I'm Jie and this is Janelle. I believe that you are our sister." Rowanna saw the look of disbelief on Ling's face turning into one of recognition and then happiness.

"This is just too much!" She said, when tears start falling down her face. She was smiling and crying at the same time. Rowanna left silently, with baby Mary in her arms. "Come on, darling, we'll give your mommy and your uncle and auntie some privacy, shall we?"

8

Ling blinked her flooding eyes. She never thought that she would see her brother and sister alive again.

"Come. Come in and we shall talk." She profused. As they were sitted before the fireplace, Ling started to speak. "How, how did you find me? What made you so sure that it was me? Why didn't you come earlier? How have you been? Whe-"

She was interrupted by Rowanna who entered with some drinks and a crisp sentence "How do you think they're going to answer you when you're shooting them off already?"

She couldn't help but smile fondly at her friend. Ling turned around and smiled at her. "Yes yes Rowanna. Come, join us. Mary is sleeping?"

"Yes she is, but I don't th-" Rowanna started to object but changed her mind when she caught the pleading in Ling's eyes.

She is nervous Rowanna realised.

"Oh, alright." She smiled and sat down.

"So, where were we?" Ling looked at Jie and then at Janelle. Jie burst out laughing, choking on his tea. He was amused by Ling's enthusiasm. Rowanna took a liking to him almost immediately. His eyes twinkled and he had an honest look that Rowanna was sure it couldn't be faked. He looked relaxed after he realised that Ling accepted him. Janelle, on the other hand had not much expression on her face.

"Well," Jie begun, "I'm working as a blacksmith in the next village, have been for the last I don't know how long. It was always my hope that I would reunite with my family. I never stopped asking traders in my village to keep a look out for people who had my... Features."

Ling nodded. It was not common that asian had certain features like gray eyes and brown hair.

"So one day, my neighbour's son returned and he told me that he saw someone who might be who I'm looking for. You. "

At this, Jie looked up happily at Ling.

"A few days later I found Janelle, a stroke of luck I might add, packed up some stuff and here we are." He finished his brief story.

Rowanna looked at him. "You mentioned that you found Janelle. Where was she? How did you find her?" Ling nodded and looked at Jie for an explanation. Rowanna, on the other hand was looking at Janelle. She found the girl unsettling. She was too calm and too detached from her surroundings.

Janelle looked over at Jie as he silently struggled to compose a story that would not reveal too much of her to Ling and Rowanna and decided that she would help him out. She didn't care what they thought of her.

"I am a prostitute." She started. Three pairs of eyes fell on her.

"Was." Jie insisted.

"Well, whatever. I was out in the marketplace, I heard him humming this tune that I found familiar and I stopped to look at him. He came to look for me that night and tried to persuade me that he is my long lost brother. It took some time but he made me an offer I couldn't resist. He offered to free me. So I followed him."

As abruptly as she began her tale, she ended it. Different thoughts were coursing through each one of the three listener's mind as they fought to take in the information that was thrown to them.

An offer she couldn't refuse? Does that mean that she still doesn't believe me? Jie pondered.

My sister, a prostitute? How could this happen to her? Where was I? Why didn't I save her? Why wasn't I there? Ling's self accusation screamed out in her head.

I didn't see that coming. She didn't even feel anything when she told her tale. Cold. She is so cold. No wonder she is so indifferent to everything. Rowanna realised.

"What?" The one word broke all train of thoughts. They all looked at the girl who said it. "You asked." Janelle finished.

Ling went over to Janelle and said "I know that it had been difficult. Nothing can change what happened. But I would want to be a part of your future. A loving one." The words, though simple, hit home. Rowanna looked at her friend and wondered how she always knew the right thing to say. Then she looked over at Janelle to see her reaction.

"Thank you." Her eyes held some sort of wonder in them. As if she couldn't believe that someone would say that to her. But that look was quickly gone behind a mask and she looked as if she wasn't affected by the words at all. Ling did not know how to react. How could her sister be so cold? And the damn bastards who did this to her... She started to turn away resignedly until she felt a light hesitant squeeze on her arm. Startled, she looked at Janelle.

"I mean it." That was the furthest she could go to make Ling understand that she was sincere. Never had anyone said that kind of words to her and she appreciated it. Rowanna grinned, relieved that it was all over.

"Well now, let's all get some breakfast shall we?" She was met with approving looks from Jie and Ling. Janelle, well, she just looked on.

Ling's husband was introduced to the new additions of the family. He was a quiet man who did not say much, but Rowanna could see that he was happy that Ling was so happy. She wondered when she will be loved that much, if ever. She finished her chores and went to the backyard. She would sit alone in the backyard, watching the stars before she went to bed. That day she wasn't alone. She saw a huddled figure on her usual spot and sauntered over. She realised that it was Janelle.

"Hey." She said softly, not wanting to spoil the beautiful silence of the night. Janelle looked up in answer and then stared into the night with a faraway look on her face. Rowanna sat down beside her and both of them spent a long time in silence, taking in the vast beauty that nature bestowed mankind. Much later, Janelle got up and walked in, leaving Rowanna alone, wondering how anyone would ever be able to penetrate that mask.

The days that followed the reunion were happy ones. Everyone was getting to know everyone, well, almost everyone. Mary was becoming decidedly over pampered by her newfound uncle and remained the centre of everyone's attentions. Rowanna, however was more concerned with Janelle. She had seen a little warmth and affection on Janelle's face when she was playing with Mary, thinking that no one was looking. That look was quickly replaced with a mask of indifference whenever someone came near. It was almost as if she was afraid of being happy. Afraid that someone would take that happiness away. Every night, Janelle and Rowanna would sit in silence together watching the stars. It had become an unbreakable routine and Rowanna enjoyed her presence even though she sometimes wished that Janelle would talk to her. Now she knew how frustrating she was to Ling when they first met. She was determined though, to make Janelle come out of her past. Ling had helped her, and now she would help this girl.

"Why do you sit out here every night?" Came the quiet question, so soft that Rowanna almost didn't catch it. She looked hurriedly at Janelle as she formulated an answer in her head. "It's peaceful here. The sky, the stars, makes me yearn for what there is out there."

Janelle looked as if she didn't hear Rowanna at all. Moments passed before she said "I yearn too."

Rowanna didn't know what to say. She had come to enjoy the quiet company of the girl next to her. She had yet to figure a way to break through her silence but Janelle had been steadily coming out of her world. Rowanna had been there to help her if she needed, a look, a touch. It may not have seemed much but it had meant a lot to the girl who hadn't known gentleness for the most part of her existence. Now as she let her gaze drop on Janelle, she realised that she wanted more than to help her. She wanted to love her. To have her love in return. To make her stop hurting. To share her pain if she had to. She realised that this girl had captured her heart, something that she thought no one could do anymore.

She inhaled sharply as Janelle turned over to look into her eyes. They sat like this for a long while, both thinking that it would never end. Neither one moved, afraid that it would spoil the moment. Then Janelle reached out and touched Rowanna's face. She smiled, not a cold one that didn't reach her eyes, but one filled with admiration and warmth. Then she leaned over and kissed Rowanna softly on her lips. Before Rowanna knew what was happening, Janelle had gotten up and left.

Rowanna touched her lips where Janelle's were just a moment before and wondered if she had dreamt it all. Then she looked up into the sky, her thoughts never leaving the enigma of the girl who had just taken leave.

Even though Janelle and Rowanna spent the nights together, no one knew about this routine. Jie had quickly become infatuated with Rowanna. He watched her every move, the smile that lit up her face and his world.

Gods she is so beautiful... his mind rambled on each time he thought of her. Which was rather frequently. Rowanna on the other hand had her mind on Janelle. She just couldn't shake off the memoryof the kiss that they had shared and wondered what was going through Janelle's mind. Janelle had resumed her cold mask after that night and everything that happened was not mentioned again. In the daytime however, Janelle had become more vibrant as the days passed. The love that was shared between Ling, Mary, and Jie were helping her a lot. She seemed less unfeeling. And she smiled more often, though never once like the smile she had bestowed upon Rowanna that night. As Rowanna let out a sigh, she stood up from her chore and almost stumbled into the fumbling Jie.

"Gods I'm sorry!" She exclaimed, all thoughts of Janelle tucked into the back of her head.

"N-no, no I'm alright." Jie returned with a sheepish smile. He raked his hair and took in a deep breath, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish gulping air. Rowanna looked at him, eyes crinkled in amusement.

"Is there anything you need?" She inquired.

Damn, I have to gather enough nerve to ask her out! Jie chided himself mentally.

"Yes well I-" Jie managed to say before Ling came running in with a loud shout.

"Row! Mary is gone! We've got to find her!"

All smiles left the faces of Jie and Rowanna as they responded to the anguish in Ling's voice.

"Wait. Slow down, tell me what happened?" Rowanna grabbed a very distressed looking Ling.

"S-she .. I ... I was in the yard and she was just playing as usual. Suddenly I looked up and she was gone. I- I thought she was playing hide and seek again so I got up and looked for her. I searched everywhere, and I shouted her name. She doesn't normally stay hidden for that long, Row, you know that. She's only three, for heaven's sake, she can't go far. Then I rounded the bend and I saw Maggie. I- Mary would never leave Maggie... And I..." She couldn't continue. Rowanna looked down and saw Maggie, Mary's favourite doll in Ling's hand.

There was blood on the ragdoll's dress.

Rowanna, Ling and Jie ran out of the shop to where Ling had found Maggie. Rowanna bent down and looked intently on the ground.

"What are you doing? Let's go get her!" Jie had shouted almost frantically.

Ling stopped him. "Wait. We'll see what Rowanna can find."

Rowanna moved off to the side and found a gnawed bone and a pail of water that was turned over. She frowned. She stood up.

"I think Mary was taken by an animal. A coyote perhaps. The blood on Maggie may not be hers. It may have came from the bone that the animal was previously chewing on. It must have decided that Mary was a better... Meal..." Ling cringed when she heard that but Rowanna continued "We'll go in that direction. The blood is still fresh so I don't think they have been gone long. Grab some weapon, a pitchfork or something. It may help. Ling and Jie nodded and all three ran in the direction of the woods. Something was tugging at Rowanna about the pail of water but she dismissed it, focusing on the search for Mary.

9

As she was running through the forest foliage, Rowanna had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She prayed that Mary was alright. She followed the blood stains that were along the way and hoped that it was not Mary's. There was too much blood. She turned to see how Ling was doing and met with gray eyes filled with unshed tears. She had seen the blood too. Rowanna took in a deep breath and ran faster. The sight that met her was totally unexpected. There was a coyote lying on the ground. It was bleeding. It's head was hit by something hard, maybe a rock. Mary was there, soaked in blood, and crying. Rowanna ran up and checked her. She was alright, safe for some bite marks on her arms and some abrasions on her tiny legs. She was dragged by the coyote into the woods, Rowanna summed up. The blood wasn't hers. It was Janelle's. Janelle's prone body was over mary's protectively. She was unconscious. Apparently Janelle saw the coyote attacking Mary when she was back from taking water from the well and had tried to save her. That had explained for the upturned pail of water. She was defeated in a brief struggle that had tore her side but had recovered to chase the coyote that had taken Mary, regardless of her wound. When she had caught up with the animal, she was engaged in another struggle in the woods. The second struggle was longer but Janelle had succeeded in taking the animal down with a rock. But her victory was with great sacrifice. She had multiple bite marks and wounds. Rowanna passed Mary over to Ling and took Janelle in her arms.

"Oh my god, Janelle!" Ling and Jie were so stunned that Rowanna had to shout at them.

"Come and help me, Jie!" That shook Jie out of his shock and he ran over to carry Janelle. Ling was looking Mary over and soothing her.

"Let's go." The small company turned to leave the bloody scene before them.

Jun, Ling's healer husband, took over almost immediately. He bathed his sister-in-law's wounds and sewed them up. Then he applied some salve on them and bandaged them. His precious daughter was asleep, all wounds cleaned and sewn up too with the help of Rowanna and Ling.

"How is she?" Everyone asked Jun worriedly.

"She is fine. Her wounds should not get infected, I applied the required herbs. And I've sewn her up. She is alright just that she lost too much blood. All we can do is to hope for the best." Ling looked at Janelle. She smoothed her sister's hair and started to weep.

Rowanna came beside her. "Hey... Come on... I don't think she'd want you to cry..." Ling looked up and cleaned her tears.

"Why does this have to happen? We have just reunited. Why must God try to take her away from us again?"

"It's not anyone's fault, Ling. She had tried to save Mary and she did. We must be strong and take care of her alright? She's a determined and strong girl, I'm sure she'll pull through alright?" Rowanna countered soothingly. Ling nodded.

Jie looked at Rowanna in wonder. How could a woman be so strong and unfazed at a time like this? Then he looked down at Janelle and his heart ached. Why wasn't he there? He had promised himself that he would not let her get hurt again. What kind of brother, protector had he been?

"Stop blaming yourself, Jie." Jie glanced at Rowanna. She raised her eyebrow."You're an easy man to figure out. One look at your face and anyone would know what you're thinking. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's. So let's just take care of the wounded, okay?" He nodded mutely.

"Now you go and get some sleep, I'll watch over her."

Jie started to object until Rowanna added, "She'll need someone at all times. We'll take turns." He exhaled heavily.

"I guess. I'll come down in a couple of hours." Rowanna nodded and he left. Alone in the room with Janelle, Rowanna pulled herself closer to the patient. In the candlelight, Janelle looked so fragile. She stroke her face with gentle fingers. "I just found you, please don't leave me." She whispered. Almost as if she heard her, Janelle's eyes fluttered open.

"You're awake!" Rowanna exclaimed. Janelle looked at her and smiled painfully.

"What happened?" Came the soft inquiry before she winced.

"Ssh, don't move." Rowanna said when Janelle tried to get up.

"You were wounded."

Memory of the coyote washed over Janelle. "How's Mary?"

"Fine. You saved her. Quite the heroine." Rowanna grinned, moved that Mary was the first thing on her mind.

"Good. Because I think I need to sleep now. No more energy to fight." Rowanna's eyes widened in surprise.

"Did you just make a joke?" Her only answer was a slight smile tugging on Janelle's lips as she floated off to sleep. Rowanna smiled and leaned down to give Janelle a kiss on her forehead.

So sweet and loving though she tries so hard to fight this side of her she thought. careful, you're falling for her, Row. she raised a mocking eyebrow to herself and concluded that maybe she had already fallen for this mysterious girl.

Janelle got better everyday and was pretty much embarrassed by the admiration of everyone in the family. "You're our hero, Jan. Right Mary?" Ling would say teasingly and Mary would give her that smile that would brighten up her day. Everyone had started calling her that nowadays. She looked up and saw her brother looking fondly at her.

"You're our hero. And we love you. Sis."

She was so touched. She felt so... Loved.

"Okay, okay, don't say anymore." She grinned at them. Rowanna's heart almost lurched at the grin that lit up Janelle's face. Then it did when Janelle looked straight at her and gave her that special smile that spoke volumes.

Rowanna and Janelle had spent lots of time together on her road to recovery. Rowanna did not let herself hope that Janelle might actually love her like she loved Janelle but she found it more and more difficult as each day passed. Her warm and loving side was Rowanna's undoing. They had shared laughs and light touches. Rowanna never wanted to lose that closeness that they had developed in the last week or so.

Jie, oblivious to everything that was happening around him, save for the fact that his sister was getting better, mustered his courage and went up to Rowanna to finish the sentence that he had started on the day of the incident. "Are you free this evening, Rowanna?" Rowanna was dusting the shelf in the shop as she turned to face him.

"Yes, why? You need help with your shop?"

Jie was in the midst of opening a blacksmith shop near his sister's craftshop. "Uuh... No. I was wondering if you would go out to dinner with me?" He managed to stutter out.

"Why, what's the occassion?" Rowanna asked, still ignorant of the young man's feelings towards her.

"I... You... Well... No special reason." He answered, trying to calm his plundering heart.

"well.... Sure." Rowanna agreed, though she had wanted to spend the time with Janelle. She was sure that Jie wanted her to help him with something.

Maybe he wants me to be his matchmaker she mused, wondering who the girl was.

"Great! Ahh... Great!" Jie almost shouted. He gave her a silly grin and sauntered off. She smiled to herself and returned her attention to the shelf.

"What's that about?" Ling asked as she entered the shop.

"Hmm? What?" Was the distracted answer from the dusty shelves.

"Jie. Why is he looking as though he just won the top prize in lottery?"

Rowanna glanced over distractedly. "I don't know. He sure is in a good mood. He wants to take me out for dinner."

"Is that so?" Ling gave Rowanna a conspiratorial grin. "Maybe that's why."

"Huh?" Rowanna was totally confused. She put the duster down and sneezed.

"Yes, Row. I think Jie likes you."

"What?" Came the incredulous exclamation.

"But that's impossible! I don't like him ... That way."

"Why not? I mean, you should settle down, row, you deserve it."

"No.. I mean, he's too young for me. And moreover... He..." Ling rose an eyebrow in mock imitation of her best friend's.

"Yes?"

"Well... He's a he."

Ling rolled her eyes. "Right. Okay. Whatever. Just let him down softly okay?" Rowanna let out a sigh of relief.

"Yeah I will."

"Was the dinner to your expectations?" The eager young man cantered.

"Yes..." Rowanna said while she was wondering how she should broach on the topic.

Damn. This is too hard.

"Would you like to have a drink before we go back, Row?"

She looked at the pleasant man and sighed inwardly.

"Sure." She forced a smile. "I think we need to talk."

"Yes, we do. Rowanna, I know that it hasn't been long that we've met but I really, really like you and I was wondering if.. You know... You would be my wife?"

There, I said it.

"What?" She never expected that. Boy, was he in deep.

"Uuhh.." He looked uncertainly at her. "I know that I don't have a job yet but the shop will come around fine and I will care for you the best I can and..."

Rowanna shook her head and interrupted his speech. "Don't take me wrong, but I don't feel for you that way. You're a great guy but I just... I can't."

He gazed at her dejectedly.

"I'm sorry." She added.

"No" He shook his head. "I should have expected this. I... How could you fall for me, I'm so silly. No, I'm sorry."

Geez! What is wrong with him?

"Jie listen. You're a good man! A great husband to a lucky woman. It's just that the woman isn't going to be me."

He nodded his head resignedly. "Let's go back." He smiled sadly. "Everything's fine. I'll get over it."

"Good." She said with a relieved smile. "I don't want our friendship to be affected by this." He grinned at her and she knew that they'd be okay. After a while, that is.

Rowanna changed into her nightclothes and slipped into Janelle's room to check on her before going to bed.

"Hey." She smiled as she heard Janelle's voice.

"Hey. I missed our evening together."

"Yeah."

She sat down beside Janelle. Janelle got up and Rowanna steadied her. As they settled into the comfortable silence, Rowanna suddenly spoke up.

"You know, you're so different from when you first came here." Janelle's eyes clouded.

"Hey, don't close up on me... Please?" Rowanna's pleading look broke Janelle's resolve to put the mask on. She sighed.

"Well?" She asked.

"Well what?" Came Rowanna's question.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Everything. If you'd let me. You could tell me everything. I want to know every single thing about the woman I love." Janelle looked at her in shock. Both women were surprised at the last part of Rowanna's sentence.

"Uuhhh..." Rowanna bit her lower lip.

Damn.

"I... Think I better go..." She started to get up.

"No... Don't you dare take it back, Rowanna."

This was the first time Rowanna heard her name uttered by Janelle. She relished in the sensations that shot up her spine.

"You ... Love me?" Janelle asked tentatively as Rowanna sat back in her seat again.

"Yes... I... You don't have to reciprocate... I... " Janelle cut her off with two fingers on her lips. Both women looked at each other, each wondering at the other's eyes.

"That's the best news I've heard since forever." Janelle said, not taking her fingers away. "For I love you too, blue eyes." She leaned in and replaced her fingers with her lips.

All of Rowanna's uncertainty was washed away in that kiss. "You said you want to know about me." Rowanna looked at her love. She nodded. The rest of the night was spent in each other's arms, telling each other about themselves in words and more.

10

"Row? These are for you." A bunch of wildflowers was pushed in her face and Rowanna looked up in surprise at Jie.

"Uuh... Thanks..." She muttered and took the flowers awkwardly. She walked into the shop and took out a vase.

"Hey."

She smiled before her eyes looked up to find Janelle descending from the stairs. "Hey yourself." Janelle walked over and looked around to make sure that there was no one around before she planted a kiss on Rowanna's brow.

"How are you today?" She asked gently. Rowanna felt like the luckiest woman on earth as she answered

"Great. With you here, everything's great." Janelle blushed. Rowanna was getting to see more and more aspects of her young love. And she wasn't complaining.

"Who're these from? They're beautiful." Janelle touched the lavender flowers that Rowanna had placed in the vase.

"Jie."

"Oh." An eyebrow rose unsuccessfully, taking the other one up as well. Then came the playful "I guess you captured all our hearts, Row... But I'm the luckiest."

Rowanna chuckled. "No love, I'm the lucky one."

The new lovers looked at each other and smiled as Jie walked in. "Jan! you feeling alright? Don't you need to rest longer?" He asked, concerned.

"I'm alright, brother, thanks. I've... done much... exercise." She threw a look at Rowanna who blushed slightly.

"Oh. I'm glad you're up." Jie said, totally clueless about what was happening.

"Hey, let's go out for a celebration dinner tonight then. For the opening of my shop and the recovery of you."

"Sure!" Jie smiled at Janelle's reply, happy that she had gotten out of her shell and that she had recovered from the injuries.

"This is Ming and that, is Wong." Jie introduced to his family his two new found friends. They looked at Janelle and Rowanna appreciatively.

She has that mask on again Rowanna noted. Then she smiled to herself. Only she has seen the warm and passionate side of her. The little that she shows to the family was nothing compared to what Rowanna has experienced.

The evening passed by uneventfully. The advances made on Janelle were unnoticed. She had the air of indifference about her. At the end of dinner, Jie caught up with Janelle.

"So what do you think of them, sis?" She looked at her brother and couldn't help but smile at his warmth.

"I don't think it's what I want. And I don't think they'll be able to accept me for who I was." Pain crept into her voice. Rowanna walked up and took her hand. She was hurt when Janelle pulled away.

"I'm soiled." She stated and walked stiffly away.

"Oh no..." Jie said. He never meant to hurt his little sister.

Row found Janelle at the stream near the woods.

"Hey."

Janelle didn't move a muscle. Row flopped down beside her. Long moments passed before Janelle said "Look at the fish, swimming freely in the water. No cares, no worries." Rowanna didn't know how to answer her.

"I never did feel anything you know? When.. When he raped me, I just... I knew it would happen one day so I just let it happen. Then that slaver... I needed his help to kill the asshole. And he did. The other men... They all wanted to see if they could break me... I... But they couldn't. No one ever did. No one, except you, that is."

The words were spoken with such clarity that Rowanna shivered. She reached out to touch Janelle, who let her hold her now. "No one can break you, nelle..." Only she called Janelle that. "I didn't break you, I just made you a part of me. I love you."

Janelle touched her lover's face. "Thank you."

Rowanna held her tight and stroke her hair. "Everything will be okay. We'll figure something out." She relaxed when she felt Janelle nod against her chest.

Jie took in the sight in anger. This cannot be happening! his sister, with the woman he loves? He ran into the woods, blinded by rage and jealousy.

Janelle and Rowanna walked back to the shophouse swinging their hands that were weaved together. "I like it when you have that mask on." Rowanna commented. She could hear the silent question in Janelle's gaze.

Man, this girl talked less than I do. But when she speaks, she just takes my breath away. No, she doesn't even have to speak to take my breath away.

"Just now, when you were at dinner. You put on this cold and indifferent mask, very much like the one you had on the first time we met." She explained. She felt Janelle smile.

"I thought that you were like an ice sculpture." She added. This time she heard soft laughter. She grinned. She loved making Janelle laugh. It was such a sweet sound to her ears.

"But please, don't put it on intending it for me. My heart would surely break."

At this, Janelle stopped. She leaned close to Rowanna and whispered "Never, my love. I shall only look at you with love."

"Never say never." Rowanna jibed, feeling warm all over at her lover's words.

"Well then, never, never. If you mean it enough to say it twice, it counts." To this, Rowanna could not find an answer to. She lowered her head and kissed Janelle, taking in the scent that belongs to her and only her.

The next morning found the whole family sitting on the dining table solemnly. Rowanna fidgeted. She felt that something was not right. She looked at Ling. Ling could not meet her eyes. She furrowed her brows and let her gaze fall on Jie. He looked angry. And his eyes looked swollen, like he had cried the whole night. Jun had his gentle expression on, playing quietly with Mary. Janelle just looked calm like she always does, although Rowanna could feel the clashing of emotions within her.

"Jan, Ming has asked for your hand and I want you to agree to it." Ling spoke up, breaking the silence that was becoming deafening. Rowanna's head jerked up and she started to speak.

"No. You're not a part of this, row. Please, don't speak." Came Ling's curt voice. Hurt, Rowanna looked away. All eyes were focused on Janelle now. She had her frosty look on.

"You want me to agree. Is that it?" She shot the question at Ling.

"Yes." Even though Ling cringed at her tone, she answered firmly.

"What right do you have?" Came the next question.

"Why, I'm your older sister and I want the best for you!" Ling almost shouted.

"No." Came the answer. Ling was frustrated at her younger sister's display of coldness and defiance.

"Why not? He's a nice boy. He'll give you kids and a happy family. That's what a woman should have!" She accused, her voice a higher pitch than normal.

"Really?" Came the sarcastic question. "Don't I have a say in my happiness? I've taken care of myself the last 19 years before I met you and I'll continue taking care of myself. If having a family and their love means giving up my right to my life, I'm sorry i'll choose the latter."

Shocked, Ling started trembling. This time, Jie started shouting. "So you'll do what? Be abnormal? And be with a woman? A woman that I love?"

Startled, Rowanna looked at Jie. His eyes looked almost wild. Janelle cut through his rantings with a simple "Love knows no boundaries. If you're not open minded enough to realise that, there's nothing I can say." Rowanna could not remain silent any longer.

"We really love each other. I thought you'd be able to accept that, Ling." Ling looked at Rowanna. "I could... Accept you... But you and my sister... I... Can't."

Betrayal shot through Rowanna. She coudn't believe what she was hearing. She felt a hand on hers and looked down. It was Janelle. Gods, this girl was her strength. She couldn't lose her. She held on.

"Enough! let her go!" Jie shouted, looking almost insane with jealousy and anger. Suddenly hands were upon Janelle and Rowanna, pulling them apart. "I'm sorry it has to come to this." Ling said to the two women she loved. Jie's friends have come and they tore the two women apart. Janelle was dragged upstairs roughly even though she struggled and called out for Rowanna. Rowanna was pulled into her room at the back. "noo!" She shouted as she heard her lover's anguish cries.

"The wedding would take place the day after tomorrow." Ling said to Rowanna. "Please. Stop this. It's tearing me up inside for me to have to do this but I... Jie really loves you and.. It's for the best." Rowanna just looked at the wall in front of her, her face expressionless. Ling knew that it was useless. She had lost her best friend to her prejudice. She left the room and Rowanna started to weep when the lock was turned. She can't lose Janelle. The wedding between Janelle and Ming was to be taken place the day after next. And after that Ming would take Janelle away to a place where no one would know and Jie would do the same with her. No! she rebelled within. What right had they to tear them apart? She would not allow it!

"Alright." Ling was astonished that Janelle answered so readily. Maybe she didn't love Rowanna that much after all. But she was still suspicious.

"Can I go to the marketplace tomorrow to get some stuff?"

There. Ling thought. That's the catch.

"Sure. But Jie would follow you." Janelle didn't answer and turned her back towards Ling. Ling sighed resignedly and left the room. Tears fell down Janelle's face as she thought of her love crying downstairs. Her heart broke. She knew she had to do it. She could never live without Rowanna. Her jaw clenched tightly, she prepared herself for her plan.

The marketplace was bustling with activity. Jie was following closely behind his sister. He knew that he was selfish but he couldn't help it. He couldn't even look at her anymore. They bought the necessary items and Jie was about to steer her back home when she walked into the chemist's. "Why are you going there for?" he asked.

"What do you think?"

"No. Let us go." She swirled around and spat in his face.

"I need medicine alright? I have certain allergies that you don't know of, brother." This shut him up. There were still many things he didn't know of her. She walked into the shop and bought the medicine. Then they went back.

Clutching the poison to her heart, Janelle slept.

"Oh my god!" Ling's cries drew everyone to Janelle's room. She had Janelle in her lap. All dressed up, Janelle was a vision of beauty in her wedding gown. But she was also dying from the poison that she had taken. Janelle struggled to sit up.

"No, no stay down." Was all Ling could say.

"I.."

Ling leaned in to hear Janelle speak.

"Bring Rowanna up here!" She shouted. Jie was reluctant to do that but Ling's eyes bore into his as she shouted again. "Or do you want your sister's last wish to go unanswered?" He fled downstairs.

"Love.. Oh God... Why?" Rowanna was up in a flash. She cradled Janelle in her arms as tears rolled off her lovely face.

"Leave us!" She screamed to everyone. Left alone in the room with her dying love, Rowanna stared into those beautiful gray eyes that she had come to love so much. "I can't live... Without ... You..." Came the soft whisper.

Rowanna kissed the woman she loved so much. "Neither can I, love... And I never, never wanna do that."

"I... Swear... That i'll find you... No matter what it takes... " Janelle coughed out the blood that was in her throat and continued "My next life... And the next... For eternity... I love you..." She started taking in short laboured breaths as the effects of the poison deepened.

"And I swear too, my love... I will find you and love you for the rest of eternity... I love you..." Rowanna choked out. Knowing that her love was going to die, she walked towards the open windows.

"I will not allow you to die alone, love. I shall follow you... Wherever you may go..." With this parting words, Rowanna leaned in to kiss her lover the last time on her lips and jumped out of the window...

When Ling and the others heard the loud thud, it was too late. They ran to the backyard and found the lovers' bodies entwined together. They couldn't be together in life... therefore they found a way to be together in death. "No....." Ling and Jie cried out. They would never be cleared of the murders of two people who did nothing wrong but to love each other.

 
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