Name: Bruce Oakley
Location: Saint Louis, Missouri
Crayons or markers: Crayons
Favorite cheese: Sharp white cheddar (especially on popcorn)
Favorite words: Translucent, bombastic, strawberry
Is the bitch of: StormCloud (AKA Kori)
Favorite band: The Smashing Pumpkins
Favorite colors: Red and green (I don't think it's because of Christmas)
Favorite shows: Invader Zim, MST3K, FLCL, Twin Peaks, Trigun, The Simpsons
Nicknames: BM, BPWM, Brain"PussyWhipped"Meats, Brain, Meats, Tranny Clampett, and Mr. Q
Dream car: A hovercraft

 

BrainMeats
[Major]

Name: Chad
DOB: 8/2/85
DOD: 3/21/23
Home on the range: Albertville, AL
Paper or Plastic: Paper
Any intersting stories: yes
Care to tell one: no
If you could be any deep-fried flightless bird: Chicken
So. . . : that's what she said
Who's the boss?: it's clearly Tony Danza
Favorite Quote: "Watch out!" -Frog from Bambi
Best Friend: Matthew Perry
How many more questions you gonna ask yourself: 7
Favorite TV show: 24
Song the best describes you: "Back that ass up" -Juvenile
Rock/Paper/Scissors: Scissors because
Turtleneck Sweaters: no
Least favorite thing: creamed corn
Most favorite thing: music. . . good music. not rap.
Isn't this the last one: yes

 

 

Alias- Callie
Location- If I told you, I'd have to kill you....Lizella, Georgia
D.O.B- February 12, 1988 @ 8:57 PM in Peru, Illinois. I have the same b-day as Abe Lincoln, Charles Darwin and Bert Reynolds!
Sign- "Yield".... Oh wait, Aquarius!
Marital Status- Kung Fu (Please, oh please let somebody get the pun!)
Blood Type- Liquid
Favorite Colors- Blue, Green, Red, and Purple.
Likes- Cats, turtles, unicorns, animals in general, shameless compliments, neato occult stuff like Ouija boards, interesting people, blondes, funny stuff, people playing with my hair, cool non-ceramic decorative items.
Dislikes-Funny looking bugs, mold, dark chocolate, people who don't know what their Zodiac sign is, shoes, the fact that nearly all toothpaste is minty flavored.
Favorite Foods- Mom's lasagna, babies (also small children when they're in season) pizza, toast, cheese, baked potatoes, Campbell's broccoli and cheese soup, cream soda, root beer.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor-Mint Chocolate Chip! (the green kind)
Cool Words- bastard, FWOOSH, sneer, bodacious, NI!!!
Family- Ma, Pa, about 50 cousins, a buncha old people, 3 cats, 2 dogs, 2 cockatiels, some fish, a chicken, and tadpoles. I had a twin, but I ate her while we were in the womb.
Car-ONE DAY I'll have an electric blue Camaro with a suction cup Garfield on the window, and a cherry-shaped air freshener! Until then, I have this single roller skate....
Hobbies- Astrology, music, gossip, eating, reading, taking pictures, camping, swimming, vanity, forgeting to put important things in lists.
Favorite Movies- Gone With the Wind, Willow, Hot XXX Frat Party Actio....*cough* I mean The Shining. I like horror movies!
And Now: Girls on trampolines!!

 

 

Imagine, if you will, a wee bairn. So wee in fact that he is not yet born. This unborn fetal child, machete in hand, sliced through the thick vines keeping him inside the jungle of his mother’s womb. With a crack that split the night he was born, spanked, and seven days later he was circumcised. Normally the Bris is done at eight days but little Sam Hunter was born too close to Passover.
Cut forward to Sam’s 6th birthday. Instead of receiving a present Sam hunter invented the alphabet and gave it to the world. When Sam was 930 he walked to the moon to wrestle with a bear. The bear turned tail and ran to the stars where he lives today by the name “Ursa Major.”
Now Sam is a teenager. He has yet to experience teen angst or anything else seen on any TV show about high school. He went to Thailand in 2003 and saw The Beetles, a Thai Beatles cover band. Sam does a lot of improvisational comedy and once hit his teacher in the middle of a show.
Sam is currently in the D.C. Metro area with Jesus and his organic food. He plays banjo and is learning to ride a unicycle. Soon enough he will be able to ride and may be able to as you read this. Who knows?

NOTE: Sam wrestled another bear but at the South Pole. Sam gave this bear the country of Germany from 200089 until it was destroyed by the robots of the United Provinces of Antarctica. The bear ruled as Kaiser Struttenberg and erected many statues in Russia of his figure. Unfortunately he made these statues unlawfully and they were destroyed within the week.

 

 

 

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