DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Wish-Universe, nor the characters.

FEEDBACK: I'd like to know that someone is reading. I doubt anyone does.

This is for me, writing is a good way to vent issues.

"God I hate my life. I spend hours on end sitting in cemeteries waiting for something to attack me, suck my blood, and leave my body to burn. My parents have been dead for three months and I’m in love with one of my co-workers. Could it get any better? Sure it could. I could be a vampire, now that would be fucking great.

Sometimes as I’m just laying in bed, waiting for the nightmares to come I think about what it would be like if I just died. No one would miss me, a dozen people die every night, a dozen we couldn’t save. They don’t blame us, they can’t. There are five of us now, five white hats standing against a entire town of demons. Sometimes I just wanna say fuck it and let them all die.

I wish I could move to Canada. Nothing ever happens there, in Canada you don’t have to walk into the library to find one of the teachers iced across the stacks, poor bitch was probably just trying to get hooked on phonics or something. I’d actually liked her, she’d been one of the good ones, Jenny Calendar. We held a service for her of course, they always hold mass services but this was one that the white hats attended, maybe it cut a little close to home for us.

Why couldn’t my life have been normal? I could have done so good. . . been on the honor roll maybe. . . maybe found love. Not this fucked up thing that I think is love, its a crush on a guy that I kill with. Grand aint it? I wish I could take one of the fancy daggers Giles gave me for my birthday and shove it into my chest sometimes, ah well. Suicide is for cowards and that is something I am certainly not, I don’t wanna die before Devon. Wanna make sure I can rub it in to him when I meet him in hell that he died first. He’s such a bastard.

Anyway, back to this love thing. Oz. He’s a great guy, cares about us. Its scary though, lately. . . since we lost Jesse he’s been closing off more and more. He still jokes around with Devon and Larry, still smiles that half smile he has, still tries to act normal but I can tell. His eyes seem to cloud over when he sees vampires attacking someone, like he wants to kill every single one of them. Its getting to him, I know. I’ve been there.

Maybe that’s why I’m standing outside of his house, its four in the morning and I’m in my night gown and a jean coat. The neighbors probably think I’m insane, I don’t really give a shit. I need to talk to him and I know he’ll be home at this hour. The sun should be up in about forty-five minutes so I’m not too worried about blood suckers, I wouldn’t wanna screw Oz up in the head anymore then he already is.

He opens the door in a T-shirt in boxers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I feel my breath catch in my throat and curse at myself for being such a god damned teenager with a crush.

“Can I come in?” I ask, and push past him before he has a chance to answer.

“Nan, its four in the morning.”

“Yeah and you should be up you lazy bitch.” I growl nervously, using the pet name Devon uses all the time. Oz moves toward his living room and I follow sitting down in one of the overstuffed recliners there.

“Do you need something? Are you okay?” He asks, sitting across from me. I sigh, that’s Oz for you. Doesn’t get mad, gets worried.

“No. I’m not. Because I can tell that your letting your head get fucked by everyone dying, I’m here to stop that.”

A eyebrow arches and I can see his mind churning in his head, almost hear the clicking of his thoughts. He swallows before starting. “I’m fine, Nan. You shouldn’t worry so much about me.”

“Yeah, well. I can’t help it, I’m Mother Theresa. Oz, you can’t let it get to you. We can’t loose you over some stupid shit like your problems with death, why do you think that we’re the ones still alive? Survival of the fittest. We’re all going to die in this fucking town, its just picking off the weaker ones first. . . “

“It?”

“It. The evil. The hellmouth, whatever the hell you wanna call it.” Oz shrugged. “Don’t let yourself get killed, don’t be weak, that’s all I’m saying. Listen to me.” He’s not looking at me anymore, he’s found something extremely interesting in his hands, bull shit. He can’t look at me. I get up and grab his chin, pulling his eyes to mine. “Don’t. Die.”

He blinks, very very slowly. “I won’t.”

“Good.” I brought my lips down and kissed him hard, leaving myself breathless. I backed away and headed for the door. Not wanting to look at him, I think I was blushing. I don’t blush.

“Nan?” I hear him call me from the living room, he’s getting up.

“Go back to bed, Oz.” I say before shutting the door and starting the ten minute long walk back to my empty house, the kiss still on my lips. Wondering what Oz would say to me later when we met in the library, if I decided to come.

~*~End~*~