The B*tch and the ass
AUTHOR: Emilie

RATING: PG-13 (language).

DISCLAIMER:Don't own them. Please don't sue me.

FEEDBACK: Now.

For Karen, she wanted Nan. LOL. This is also for WishList, get to writing people!


Oz stared at the library table in front of him, a new crossbow with bolts, a new hunting knife, and leather bag to hold it all in. He glanced up at his friends, Jesse with a smile plastered on his face, Larry grinning at Jesse with a oh so subtle look on his face and Giles wiping his glasses and trying to ignore the fact that he should be whittling stakes or killing vampires, poor guy thought the world was on his shoulders.

"Thanks, guys." Larry stopped staring at Jesse and grinned at Oz.

"Hey man, your birthday only comes around once a year and who knows if you'll make it to next year?" He frowned. "I guess that wasn't as upbeat as I planned it to be, huh."

Oz grinned his trademark half grin, running his fingers over the leather of the bag Giles had gotten him. It'd be good for holding supplies. He wondered where Nan was, maybe she hadn't wanted to come. . . she usually didn't like the whole party thing. He didn't want to bring it up, Larry already babbled about there being 'crushes' held between the two of them. Anything to set him off. . . and Oz might have to mention the little crush Larry was kindling.

Oz's mind also traveled to where Devon was, he wouldn't miss this moment to make fun of him. Maybe Nancy and Devon were out together. . . no, they hated each other. Devon would rather be strung up by his tonails then go anywhere with her, at least that's what he said. Oz wasn't so sure. Of course he wasn't jealous or anything, because it wasn't like he had claims on her. She was free to be with whoever she wanted to, he just couldn't see her with Devon. Personally.

Jesse jumped up and moved toward the office, "So hey, Oz, we didn't exactly make you a cake. . . cause y'know. We don't cook. Except for Larry who refused. . . so." He came out sporting mothers frosted animal crackers and a jug of what appeared to be bubbling water. "Its seltzer water. . . blessed of course. . . its holy soda!" Jesse dumped the bag of cookies in front of Oz and started pouring the water.

"This is great guys, really. Thankyou. Its the best birthday in a long time." They all turned to a crash in the hallway.

"Move your ass, Doyle! We're already late!"

"Maybe if you weren't such a lazy fucker, MacLeish, we wouldn't *be* late." They heard a grunt and Nancy making some more cursing sounds and the library doors burst open, a lanky brunette carrying a large package followed by a very annoyed looking blond carrying a box.

"We're here we're here, everyone can stop worrying now. Hey Giles, what's up? Don't give me that English "Your late" shit because we had a very good reason." Devon plopped down the large package in front of Oz. "Happy birthday, Ozman." He patted Oz on the head and sat down in a chair. Nancy glared at him.

"Our very good reason was that Devon couldn't get his ass off the couch to go get. . ." Devon glared at her to shut up and she did, only because she had almost spilled the beans about Oz's birthday present. "Happy birthday, Oz." She set the box down on the table and gave him a quick hug. Devon started making kissing sounds and Nancy growled and moved toward him. "I can't believe I ever agreed to work with you."

"You know you want me, bitch." She rolled her eyes and sat next to Jesse, who was watching both of them with interest.

"Erhm, yes. Well, Oz it looks like everyone is here. . . " Giles said finally replacing his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Content that they were clean after fifteen minutes of buffing.

"Yep, so time to sing happy birthday?" Larry asked, looking at Devon sideways. Oz sat down next to his friend, making no move toward the packages that had just arrived.

"Oh open them, you know you want to." Devon said, slapping him on the back.

Nancy sighed. "Devon,I know you were raised in a barn, or a pig pen, or whatever. But that doesn't mean you have to be such a bastard to everyone." Devon snorted but didn't reply.

Probably saving up his insults for later.

Oz shrugged, "You guys didn't have to. . ."

"The hell we didn't, open it before I take the damn thing back."

Nancy glared at Devon some more then realizing it didn't have any effect what so ever said in a low voice. "Seriously Oz, if you don't open it I think Larry's gonna die of curiosity."

Jesse laughed, Larry gave Nancy a dirty look.

Oz moved toward the box Nancy had brought in, Devon grunted a "I knew it" but didn't say anything else. The box wasn't large but it wasn't small either. He gently attacked the wrapping paper, revealing a white box underneath. Nicer then the average cardboard. He threw Nan a inquisitive look and went back to the box. He opened it and reveled a beaded bracelet with a matching stone cross. The bracelet was a dark shiny stone which Nancy jumped to explain.

"Its hematite, for clear thinking. And the cross is quartz for protection." Oz was staring at her like she had a third head. She shrugged, "So I study rocks in my spare time." Giles was nodding his head in approval.

"Thankyou, Nan." He said glancing up at her, looking into her eyes.

"Nerd." Was the only response from Devon as Oz put on the bracelet and the necklace. The necklace was manly on a black cord rather then a delicate chain or anything, he liked it. There was also something else in the box.

"That kinda goes with Devon's gift." She said, as he reached in the box and pulled out a box of guitar picks. Oz crinkled his forehead and set it on the table.

"Hurry the hell up before I open it." Devon growled. Nancy made a huffing sound but didn't say anything.

Oz ripped at the crappy wrapping of the paper, it was covered in yesterdays news papers. All filled with death and fights and new studies about PCP gangs. He ignored it and finally got down to the box and took in a quick breath. Devon helped him get into the box which was taped tighter then fort Knox. He pulled out the most beautiful guitar he'd ever seen.

It was a Stratocaster, black with a deep red pattern running up the neck and 'Oz' written at the bottom below the strings. "You have no idea how many stores I had to break into to find that damn thing." Giles made a disapproval sound.

"Okay, so I got it ordered and the bitch helped me pay for it."

"That's a really nice guitar Oz." Jesse said getting up and moving to inspect it.

"What'll you use it for? Scare away the vamps with bad playing?" Larry kidded, Nancy slapped his arm.

"Now we can start that Band Oz, no backing out." Devon threw his feet up onto the library table, ignoring Giles' growl. "So do we sing happy birthday or some shit now?"

"Or some shit." Nancy said with a smile. "Devon your going to be the big lead singer. You sing."

"Fine."

The room was filled with his friends singing happy birthday and Oz was sitting in awe of the guitar. This was definitely the best birthday he'd had in. . . ever. He felt the warmth of the bracelet against his arm and smiled at Nan. She smiled back.

~*~End~*~