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Happy Birthday to Me - Huge thanks to all of you, all my friends, who turned out last night to help celebrate my twenty-fourth, and made sure I didn't do anything silly like go home sober. Luvs yez all.

The Return of J-Girl - The international jetsetter and bon vivant who graces this board as J-Girl (or her codename 'Suzy') has reappeared in the Great Flat Land, ready to show us that the locals have nothing on the Land of the Rising Sun when it comes to popcultural bizarreness. Welcome back, Suzers.

Hangover cures - If only I'd known about this site earlier, I would've taken up heavy drinking ages ago. Many cures for the curse of consumption feature at this site - though we'll confess we're not utterly sold on the greasy fry-up idea.

Blackadder Back and Forth - Originally exclusive to the Milennium Dome in England, this special revival of the Blackadder series has finally been released on video. And a hilarious coda to the saga it is too, stuffed full of time travel, dinosaurs and Stephen Fry. The people who run the Millennium Dome are probably terribly annoyed at the release, too, given that this film seemed to be only reason anyone wanted to go there.

http://www.stupidsex.com - Heh heh heh. For when you need to hear about rumpy-pumpy and laugh at the misfortune of others all at the same time.

Toilet plans - Someone certainly thinks so. In Paris' Museum of European Art this week, plumber Alphonse Garant left his layout plans for the gents' toilet at work, being partway through refitting them. Only someone then framed them and placed them up for display in the museum. Not only were they favourably compared to Salvador Dali's work, but the lovely sketch was then priced at $45000. And just when you think the museum's only involved in some extrapolated farting around, a punter comes in and happily pays the forty-five grand to take the plans away. Guess Al really had some great waste disposal ideas.

Writing a column while tiddly - Hey, I saw a gauntlet, I picked it up.

THE BAD

That Old Black Magic - Well, really, as a song it's pretty good. However, it's stalking me. It seems I can barely buy a CD or hear music or watch television shows without this song rearing its head. You'd think a The Bill episode about a Russian barbershop quintet would be safe. But no. It's everywhere. Even fictional cyborgs in simulations of the Second World War in deep space seem to be in on the act. (I'd call in Mulder and Scully on this, only then they'd probably sing it too.)

The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals - For ruling against Napster and bringing them that one step closer to oblivion. After all, the previously-reached compromise with the subscription solution might, Glenda forbid, have benefitted (almost) all sides. Couldn't have that, now.

The Skulls - The actor universally known as 'The Bloke From Dawson's Creek Who's Not Dawson, You Know, The Haircut Guy' stars in a tale of a secret elite society in American Ivy League universities. You'll laugh (at something funny you heard earlier that day), you'll cry (when you realise the movie hasn't finished yet).

The US Justice Department - Trying to stop Torrance, California, screening potential police in a way they thought was discriminatory and unnecessary. After all, they reasoned, the ability to read and write had no legitimate job purpose.

THE UGLY

Pauline Hanson's clothes - Oh, I'm sure she did something terribly political and stupid, too, but all the rest of the country's media seem to be opening articles about her with what she's wearing at the time. Ah, let's face it, everyone's secretly glad Western Australia popped her back to prominence - with her gone and the Olympics long over, satirists were starting to struggle.

http://www.teleport.com/~btucker/puke.htm - Oh. Charming.

Worshipping Your Playstation - Sounds like a lame euphemism, doesn't it? But no, a man in Manchester has officially changed his name to Reverend PlayStation 2 and erected a temple to his electronic god. The girlfriend had left 'Play' shortly because he wouldn't drag himself away from the games console. Guess he showed her, huh?

Sony UK not being surprised at the above - So says their official spokesperon, which is as worrying as the Rev's antics if not more so.

Personalised footwear - According to Nike, you're only allowed to suggest so many things to put on your custom-stencilled trainers. Apparently rude words and trademarks are out - and as one chap discovered, so is 'sweatshop'. He tried to have these nine letters decorating his shoes, but Nike thwarted his attempt to protest the injustice of the expensive luxury trainers he'd bought himself. Now, imagine the soul-tearing ethical trauma he must have faced buying those.

Well, four weeks just flies by, dunnit? Next week, GBU Outpost R slips back to being a mere outpost once more, as this column returns to the masterful touch of the one and only Jared. (Well, actually he's not the only Jared in the whole world...and come to that, there was that other Jared Wilkins bloke he showed us at that American site. But you know the guy I mean, anyway.) And remember, he's promised us a nice and shocking new direction, so you'll all want to be here for that. And elsetime, I'll see you all again from the UUT.