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The Big Thaw - Donald Harstad writes sharp, taught crime books set in rural America. If you actually sat down and thought about his plots you would realise how improbable they are, but his characters are so loveable and the pacing so quick you just don't have the time.

A Darkness more than Night - Michael Connelly rocks. Michael Connelly books with Harry Bosch rock even more. A Darkness more than Night is a book by Michael Connelly and features Harry. Therefore it must………

O Brother, Where Art thou? - The new film from the Coen Brothers continues their tradition of turning a savage eye towards areas of America. This time around the South gets a mauling. The cast is excellent, the story delightful and the result is another great film. Go see it. We're counting to three.

Jelena Dokic - For doing Australian Tennis a favour and announcing that from now on she will play for Yugoslavia. Now she and her father are their embarrassments. Though I doubt the Australian media will ever leave the two of them alone.


THE BAD

Black & White - So what does it say about a film when the best part of it is the acting ability of Claudia Schiffer? Not much. James Tobek's film about a bunch of black gangsta-idolising middle class teenagers goes nowhere fast. Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr are misused and Brooke Shields, Bijou Phillips and Mike Tyson are not worth watching. The fact remains that Schiffer gives the best performance in a film best described as a waste of time.

Microsoft X-Box publicity launch - Featuring the tag team comedy duo of Bill Gates and The Rock. Yes it was that bad.

Playtime at British Schools - Especially now that they have banned the dangerous activities of soccer, skipping and, get this, conkers. Seems too many injuries were occurring and so the school boards were forced to take drastic action. Just wait, this time next year they'll be claiming school kids don't get enough exercise. You heard it here first.

XXXX Lager - It was the only beer left out of several different brands that were lent to some friends of GBU HQ. If these guys didn't drink it then it must be a very bad beer indeed.

Pyjamas without Bananas - As the ABC continues to face more budget cuts the word is out that two of their biggest stars, the Bananas in Pajamas, are considering taking industrial action. We know it will be serious when Sesame Street is proudly brought to us by the letters S-T-R-I-K and E.

Lleyton Hewitt - So the bright young star of Australian Tennis continues to rise with another Adidas International win. Yeah, whatever. Once a prat always a prat is what we say.


THE UGLY

The City of Sydney Council - They did a nice piece of work with that little athletics carnival late last year, and resurrected the urban legend of the 'Eternity' calligraphy as a result. However by going forward and trademarking the symbol they have removed everything it stood for. Mayor Frank Sator has said it was done to prevent 'commercial exploitation'. More likely it was done so that the city would receive royalties from the creation of a homeless man it ignored for decades. Tasteful, Frank, really tasteful.

Black & Blue - How did this get in here? Who's been putting Backstreet Boys CDs in the CD player. That's not funny, people. Someone call the UN.

Chains of Love - A man, or woman, is attached to four members of the opposite sex for 24 hours a day, seven days a week. One person at a time is let free leaving the supposed perfect match. Who said they were running out of ideas for reality TV?