Part 7
By Ladyglen

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Y-, y-, yes? Oh, dear lord, yes, what? What the hell does he mean? He sounded... Could Sage have meant that the way it sounded? Yeah right! Get a grip, Rowen, and 'Jingle Bells' is Hell's new theme song too!

But-, but his voice is so steady. His eyes are so wide again, so serious, are holding me, are wanting... me?

Impossible! He can't want me! That would run contrary to everything I've ever believed of Sage, everything I've ever observed. All I'm doing is projecting my desire onto him. Dear lord, I didn't think this could become more of an ordeal. Should've learned by now that things can *always* get worse. Should've just stayed beneath the blankets!

But... What if? What if I'm wrong? He's been trying to get at something since he got here. Wish I knew just what was going on in that mind of his. I may regret this, but I need more to go on...

"Wha-" Oh, nice croak, Rowen, can anyone say frog? Let's try that again. "Sage, what did you just say?"

"I said... yes."

"Oh." All right, now it's been well established that he said yes. Care to elaborate, Sage?

I feel like I'm traipsing on thin ice, or like I'm a donkey and Sage is the carrot that's dangling in front of me. Am I stupid enough to reach for the carrot? Yes, I am. I may be a world class idiot, but I have to know. "Sage. Just what exactly do you mean by yes?"

Oh, now that's just wonderful. Does that expression mean he's confused, that he's uncomfortable, that he's having trouble expressing what he means, or that tonight's dinner has given him indigestion? Heh, maybe it's just that he's finally come down with Mika-itis. Whoa, mental slap time. The last thing I need to be thinking of right now is the viper.

That hair of his makes such an effective shield. Gold covers both eyes now that he's looked down. Still no answer. He's such a mass of contradictions. The way he's acting now is a complete reversal from the way he looked, the way he sounded, before. Damn it all, if *he* doesn't know what he means, then what the hell am *I* supposed to think?

I'm sorry, Sage, but I've got to keep pushing. I need to find some sort of balance. I can't let this go. "Sage, I need to know what you mean. Yes, we're finished and can go to sleep now, or yes, let's go to bed. Together." Be very careful, Sage. Please, be sure of what you want and why you want it. I feel so raw. I have no defenses left, and I'm not sure I can absorb a direct hit. Don't you know a flawed gem will shatter if struck the wrong way?

Well, I've got his attention again, though I can't say I care for his expression... or lack thereof. His eyes are frozen, the pale sheen of ice. His lips are parted, like he's about to speak, yet no sound is forthcoming.

Why did I push when I knew I'd regret it? He can't even hold my gaze. So, that's how it's going to be. I concede the victory to you, Sage. You needn't say a word. Perhaps it'll still be possible for us to be friends when we wake up in the morning. Good night, my...

"Yes, let's you and I go to bed. Together."

'Scuse me? Together... He mumbled that into his chest, but I know I heard him say 'together'. I-, I don't know what to believe anymore. Please, stop the rollercoaster, I want to get off!

"Rowen. I want to make love to you."

Trapped. Caught in that pale gaze. Frozen like a rabbit mesmerized by the lights of an oncoming car. Oblivious until the car strikes and kills it. *Why*? There's no rational explanation! Why is he doing this? *How* can he do this? "Sage... why? Just where the *hell* are you coming from?"

"Rowen, that kiss. I saw-,"

What the hell *is* this, pity? Damn him! And he has the gall to call himself my friend? Wasn't humiliating me enough? I do *not* need this from him!

Let the anger loose, Rowen. It's the safe route, and about all I've got left that's capable of holding me together. "Just what kiss are we talking about, Sage? The dare? The one that was just part of some idiotic game? The one that you didn't participate in? The one where you showed all the animation of a damned *blow-up* doll? That kiss? Is that the one?"

"Rowen, no! Yes! It wasn't like that. I-,"

"You were wooden, Sage. You were stiff as a board. You barely opened your mouth, and you *didn't* move your damned tongue! It may have only been a game, but I got the distinct impression that so-called kiss either completely weirded you out or seriously disgusted you! In any case, it in no way led me to believe that you have *any* interest in me *whatsoever*. Now, you turn around and say you wanna go fuck like bunnies? You must think very highly of yourself, Sage, or very little of me if you think I'm just going to roll over for you, just like that, no matter *how* I feel about you! No, I don't want this to ruin our friendship, but I do *not* need you to offer to sleep with me out of some misguided sense of pity!"

Dear lord, what the hell's wrong with him now? Why are his eyes bugging out like that? He wasn't expecting this. He's off-balance, treading unfamiliar ground, and downright flustered, yet I don't have it in me to show him mercy. Not just yet. He doesn't deserve it!

C'mon Sage, you can do it. Work that mouth. Let's see what you have to say now!

"Rowen... calm down, okay? We're in a hotel, remember? Please, sit down."

Sit... down? I'm... standing. On the bed. In nothing but my... Ohgodohgodohgod! Covers! Need the covers! Where's the Dynasty goons when you need 'em? Death has got to be better than this!

"Um... I like your choice in underwear, Rowen."

Smug bastard! So much for being off balance. I can *hear* the smirk in his voice!

"Rowen, come out of there again. Please?"

Nopenopenopenope! Don't care if he thinks I'm hiding. Think I've been humiliated enough for one night. Staying right where I am. Maybe it's possible to will one's self dead.

"Rowen, it's all right. They're nice underwear."

Nice? On the other hand, maybe it's possible to will *him* dead! Can looks really kill? Don't know, but if it means coming out from under the covers, guess I'll never find out. "Drop it, Sage. It's just underwear. That's not-,"

"But you're wearing a thong."

"Yeah? We were-,"

"It's a shiny, satin thong."

"So? Sage, we-,"

"It's a shiny, *green*, satin thong."

"Sage! Will you forget-,"

"The thong matches your emerald earring rather nicely."

Oooookay! I have *had* it! Guess I *will* find out if looks can really kill! "So what, Sage? I *like* green. Is that suddenly a crime? What the *hell* is wrong with green?"

"Absolutely nothing."

Da da da da, Da da da da. You've entered another dimension. A dimension of sight, a dimension of sound... "I'm sensing Twilight Zone overtones here, Sage. Will you just forget about my choice of underwear!? I'm not torturing myself for the sake of my underwear! We were discussing why you out of the blue want to go to bed with me after proving beyond doubt that you were definitely *not* interested!"

"It was a mistake, Rowen. The way I acted, or didn't act. It was all a mistake."

Calm. Need to calm. Deep breath. I'll never find out what is going on in his head if I keep screaming at him. Cross legs, make sure the damned underwear is covered by the blanket, fold hands in lap and sit back. I'm relaxed... I'm relaxed...

Sage isn't. He's incredibly tense. He looks like a little kid, sitting cross-legged on the bed, twisting his fingers together like that. He's lost any semblance of self-assurance. If he were looking at me, for the first time I think his eyes would allow me to see into his soul. "You're confusing the hell out of me, Sage."

"This is very hard, Rowen, but, please, just hear me out."

Hear him out. I can do that, but I can't trust my voice to answer him. He glanced up again long enough to catch my nod, but that glimpse of his face isn't enough to clue me in.

"Rowen, have you ever wanted to bare your soul to another person? Have you ever been tempted to lower every defense that you have and let that person in?"

Still can't trust my voice, but he's definitely not looking up. A whisper will have to do. "Yes."

"So have I. For a very long time now."

"So, why-,"

"I never expected our friendship to turn into desire. I don't really know when it happened, why it happened, or even how it happened. All I know is that it did. I found I wanted you, Rowen. I wanted you body and soul, and what's more, I found I wanted you to want *me* body and soul as well."

"Sage, I-,"

"Do you know how that realization made me feel? It wasn't the fact that the person I desired was male that bothered me, it was that I could feel that way in the first place. I never expected it to happen with anyone, let alone you."

"Sage-," He's not going to let me get a word in edgewise, is he? He still won't look at me, but his voice, it's so intense, and his hands, those slender fingers are clenched into fists now. It's almost as if he's compelled to speak.

"I've never allowed myself to be touched, Rowen. Not this deeply. I could not reconcile the emotions you evoked in me, so I did not act."

"Didn't act for so long?"

"No. To my shame, I didn't know how."

"Ah, Sage. To my shame, I knew how, but I held back for fear of losing your friendship."

"I feared the death of friendships as well, Rowen. We've all been through so much together, too much to risk callously. It was so easy to ignore the conflict within myself, so easy to just continue and never take that risk, so when Sai dared you to kiss me, it was ridiculously easy-"

"To control your response." I understand. Finally. God, his eyes! The ice has thawed. Never thought pale blue could contain such flames.

"Exactly, but the look on your face just before you left made me realize how wrong that was, and how stupid and cowardly I've been."

"So where does this leave us, Sage?" My mouth is so dry I can barely force the whisper. I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge of a precipice.

"It leaves me desperately hoping that I'm not mistaken in believing that you can want me as I want you. It leaves me praying that you can forget that stupid game, and allow us to start over, allow me to kiss you the way I want and the way you deserve."

Oh, dear lord. This is Sage? Might feel as if I'm still in the Twilight Zone, but I think I can forget about the precipice. I think he'd be there to catch me even if I did fall over the edge. This really *is* happening. He is offering all that I could ever desire. All I have to do is reach out for it. "Sage-,"

"Rowen, truth or dare?"

"Huh?" Oh, real intelligent. Just when I think I'm no longer confused, he goes off on a tangent.

"Work with me here. Truth or dare?"

Truth or... "Dare?" I'm *not* following you, Sage.

"I dare you to kiss me, with tongue, for at least five minutes."

He's daring me? Again? Does he really think that I need to be dared? "No..." Hell, did I say that aloud? I did. I can see the shutters falling. "Sage, no, not on a dare." I can touch him! Just place my fingers beneath his chin to keep him from looking down. I never thought so simple a thing could make me so happy! "I don't need a dare."

Such a soft smile. So wonderful a gift to be graced with, but not nearly so wonderful as the gift of his... touch. Ah, god, I *can* feel each callous against my cheek. As exquisitely rough as his lips are soft. Even more than before, his taste is intoxicating. Spicy... Sweet... It's indescribable. He tastes... He tastes of forever.

on to Part 8
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